- Of all the things we count on science for, I think all of us can agree that paramount among them is........creating green piglets. What? You disagree? How can you say that? Scientists at Northern Agricultural University in China have created a cloned pig whose organs are genetically engineered to make the animal glow green and that pig has passed that trait to its offspring. Yes, we can now create pigs that glow green, which will really help in providing night-vision pigs to carry with you on camping trips and late-night trips into the jungle. Or maybe you can use them for road crews working late at night on the highway, just give them a few glowing green pigs to light the way and mark their location for motorists. Props to professor Liu Zhonghua and his team of researchers for having this important scientific breakthrough, I'm sure your glowing pigs will be of great value. At least you avoided my biggest beef with scientific studies, that too many of them research blatantly obvious conclusions that everyone with an IQ above 40 already knows. I don't think anyone really knew or cared that it was possible to breed pigs whose genetically engineered organs cause them to glow green......
- You've mastered the art of getting your agent to buy you a vehicle when doing so violated NCAA rules (allegedly) and of getting into late-night fights at bars that end with you being cuffed and led off by the cops, so you must be ready for the NFL, eh Darren McFadden?
McFadden, the University of Arkansas star runner who finished as the Heisman Trophy runner-up in each of the past two seasons, will forego his final season of college eligibility and enter the 2008 NFL draft. Multiple sources said McFadden's father, Graylon McFadden, submitted the necessary paperwork to the NFL office earlier this week. League and team officials, by policy, are precluded from commenting on underclass players who have petitioned for early draft entry until after the deadline for doing so has passed. The deadline is Jan. 15, and the NFL will release a full list of underclass prospects after that. It was widely assumed that McFadden would turn pro, especially after his coach, Houston Nutt, was forced out and noted liar, scumbag and deceiver Bobby Petrino was named head coach.At this point, it's hard to say where individual players rank in the draft because not everyone has declared yet, but many league scouts feel that McFadden could be the most talented prospect in the player pool. Even though he's leaving Arkansas a year early, McFadden still holds the school record for single-season and career rushing yards. He's a three-time All-American and also won the Doak Walker Award as the country's top running back for both 2006 and 2007. Some scouts did note that teams interested in choosing McFadden will investigate an early Thursday incident in which he was briefly handcuffed and then released following a disturbance outside of a Little Rock piano bar that was described by a police spokesperson as "a pretty rowdy scene." Well, it was a piano bar, so maybe he's not exactly NFL-ready yet. You need to be getting into brawls at strip clubs, D., not outside piano bars, that's not big time. But you can work on that, so no worries. No charges have been filed against McFadden. His mother, Mini Muhammad, said that her son was protecting his younger brother, Daryl, in the fracas, which is always a great excuse. The cops will definitely let you off the hook for fighting if you were just defending someone else. As for the whole illegal car dilemma, a local television station in Fayetteville reported that sports agent Mike Conley, a former track and field star, had arranged for McFadden to purchase a Cadillac Escalade. The station subsequently backed off the report, and McFadden termed the story "uncalled for." Sure, bro, whatever you say. I'm sure you found a way to tiptoe around the rules on that one. Conley is not actually certified to represent NFL Players, the NFL Players Association confirmed for ESPN.com on Friday. The players union is the body which accredits agents and Conley, who applied for certification last year, apparently did not meet the requirements. Conley cannot become certified before the draft. Guess you'll have to find someone else to break the rules, er, negotiate your contract for you, Darren.
- If you're at all squeamish, you're going to want to skip over this next story. It's equal parts insanity, revulsion, lunacy and nastiness. It comes to us from Hayden, Idaho, where a very disturbed, unidentified man had a definite break with reality. The man, in his mid-20s, believed he saw "the mark of the beast" on his hand and in a next step that's going to make me throw up here, he used a circular saw to lop off the hand. Seemingly that would be enough, given the fact that he had to be in intense and excruciating pain at this point and that there was undoubtedly blood everywhere. But no, this guy was so crazy that he took the severed hand and proceeded to cook it in the microwave.....excuse me for minute while I go vomit..................ok, I'm back. After cooking the hand in his microwave, the man called 911. He was taken into protective custody in the mental health unit at Kootenai Medical Center. "It (the hand) had been cooked by the time the sheriff's deputy arrived," explained Capt. Ben Wolfinger (ironic name under the circumstances). "He got a tourniquet on his arm before, so he didn't bleed to death. That kind of mental illness is just sad." Yeah, I have to agree with that. I really can't add much there, because it's heartbreaking that someone is so mentally ill that they would do that to themselves. It's scary to know that there are people like that out there in the world, walking amongst us, as well. A hospital spokesman would not say whether any attempt was made to reattach the hand, but here's hoping it was, and also that this troubled young man will get all the help he needs.
-Props to Rachel Bilson if she sticks to her word when it comes to doing nude scenes in movies. In the February issue of Playboy, where she appears in a Q&A segment - no, not T&A, I said Q&A, the actress talks about a variety of topics, one of which is whether she would ever agreed to appear nude in a movie. "I'm pretty strong willed and believe it can be avoided," she stated. "I don't really want it." She also discussed things she's afraid of, which used to include pigeons. Umm, ok....bizarre. What did pigeons ever do to you, Rachel? But thankfully, you PETA freaks can back off, because Bilson says she's over her fear of pigeons and now has moved on to a new phobia, something that is truly disgusting and revolting, something I'm right there with her in despising: mushrooms. Yes, those slimy, nasty, disgusting little buggers people like to throw in salads, pasta sauce, etc. Good call on that one, Rach. Mushrooms are just flat-out evil, period. And no, Summer Roberts fans, Bilson isn't in any sort of revealing pictorial in the magazine, so if you want to catch her in the February edition, it really will have to be for the article.
- Welcome aboard, John Kerry. The 2004 Democratic presidential candidate has thrown his support behind Barack Obama, and as someone who is vigilantly opposed to the potential terror that would be a presidential reign for Sen. Hank Clinton, I could not be more thrilled. Kerry could have endorsed his running mate from 2004, Former Sen. John Edwards of North Carolina,but clearly Edwards is an also-ran in this contest and Obama is the only Democrat with a legitimate chance to save us from Hank's reign of terror. "Martin Luther King said the time is always right to do what is right," said Kerry. ""Now is the time to declare that Barack Obama can be, will be and should be the next president of the United States." I'll settle for winning the Democratic nomination over Hank, but you're thinking being and I like that, J. Kerry. Anyone who wants to put their weight behind Obama and against Hank Clinton will be welcomed with open arms by me. Even Edwards released a statement saying he respects Kerry's decision, which is good because we all need to pitch in for this battle against Hank. That dude scares the crap out of me and I don't want to imagine what Hank would do if elected.Oprah is on board with Barack, John Kerry is an unless you want to see a serious run at W. for the worst presidency in the history of the world, I suggest all of you get behind Obama as well.
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