- I love it when my ideas benefit others because those in power are smart enough to adopt them. A while back, when it became apparent that the many self-congratulatory, pompous, long-winded awards shows for TV and movies were in danger due to the writers' strike, I suggested that instead of holding altered versions of these industry schmooze-fests, we just cancel them altogether. Then last week, when some of the late-night talk shows came back on the air, I lamented that my two favorites, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert of Comedy Central weren't back. Well to put it succinctly, done and done. On the first count, the Golden Globe Awards, previously scheduled to air this Sunday, has been canceled and the Hollywood Foreign Press Association will instead announce the winners at a news conference/luncheon format. The show had been on the rocks because with the strike still ongoing, clips from shows and films written by the striking writers could not have been used. Instead of holding a neutered show, the organizers decided to try and save some dignity by staying out of the prime-time spotlight. Whatever works for you, HFPA. You all hold your luncheon and save us the hours spent listening to arrogant actors being patted on the back by their peers and thanking everyone they've ever met in their life. We won't miss your show and honestly, let's consider adopting this format for handing out your awards on a permanent basis. On the second count....Stewart and Colbert, hosts of the two best fake news shows around, returned to the air Monday night with new shows for the first time since the strike. Stewart returned with Ronald Seeber, a Cornell University professor and expert in the field of conflict resolution, as its guest. For his first show back, Colbert had the Atlantic magazine's Andrew Sullivan. It was great to have both shows back and bit by bit, TV is starting to work its way past the strike, although scripted prime-time shows like Prison Break, Heroes, etc. are still crippled by the stoppage. I'll continue to hope for a minor miracle to save the season, you do the same.....
- Now here's a winning combination. Take a temperamental, spoiled, past-her-prime supermodel and have her interview the world's craziest, most unstable despotic dictator for the British version of GQ magazine. Somehow, Naomi Campbell talked her way into a spot as a contributing editor to the next issue of the magazine and in that issue is an interview she did with noted psychopath and Venezuelan dictator, er, presidente Hugo Chavez. No word on whether Campbell berated Chavez or threw a cell phone at him as she once did at a passenger on a flight, but she did talk to him about his feelings on other foreign leaders, including our own Tool in Chief, W., and Prince Charles. Regarding W., Chavez said he is "completely crazy. But he's on his way out." Umm....wow. If Hugo Chavez, the king of crazy, says you're crazy, that's really bad. However, I have to disagree with the characterization. W. is many things - stupid, simple, partially illiterate, a warmonger, a liar, a dunce, a tool, an ass hat, the worst president ever - but he's really not crazy. Further cementing Chavez's own reputation as a certifiable loon was his observation that the world's most stylish leader is Fidel Castro. Yeah, because nothing screams stylish quite like a drab military uniform, a dirty, nasty beard that could contains chunks of food from some time last month and the splendor of a Communist dictator. Good call, H. He also added that he likes Prince Charles, which puts him in the minority. All in all, stellar interview, Naomi, really. Maybe you should try to squeeze a few last years of modeling out and earn some extra cash, because I don't think your editorial career is going to be too successful.
- In my long-awaited European adventure, Italy has always been one of the top stops on the agenda. That still holds true, but I might have to steer clear of Naples if the current crisis there isn't resolved. The city is literally in the dumps - our more specifically, out of room in its dumps. The Italian army had to bulldoze ginormous piles of uncollected trash away from schools in Naples earlier this week as the city moved into the second week of its latest garbage crisis. Garbage collectors in the area stopped picking up trash a couple weeks ago because there is no room left in local dumps to house the garbage collected from Naples and the surrounding Campania region. Of course, that this situation led to a direct and violent clash between citizens and police does put a smile on my face, but I still find my stomach turning at the thought of such unsanitary conditions. As for the clash with police, it came when residents in the suburb of Pianura tangled with police at roadblocks set up at the local landfill that has been closed for quite a while because it's too full to take more trash. Authorities are trying to reopen it, but citizens feel this would pose a significant health hazard and thus, they rioted. Good job, Pianura citizens, but just don't plan on me visiting your town when I come to Europe because riots or no riots, ginormous piles of uncollected trash aren't my bag,
- Damn. I expected better from you, New Hampshire. The good folks of Iowa had the smarts to hand a victory in their state's caucuses to Barack Obama and not to Sen. Hank Clinton, but then you maple-syrup-swilling, ski-lodge-running liberals had to go and hand your state's votes at the Democratic convention to Sen. Hank. Do you all not realize that Hank's reign of terror in the Senate is just a small harbinger of the absolute horr-a Hank will bring to our nation if elected as president. That dude is scary looking, scary sounding and that angry lesbian haircut she's sporting doesn't help matters. As much as America loved Bill Clinton, that love shouldn't be there for Hank, who appears to hate everyone and everything in his path. The 37 percent of New Hampshire residents who voted for Hank need to realize what they've done, repent and hope that no other states follow their lead. I continue to take the position that among all of the candidates running for president this year, I don't care who is elected - as long as it isn't Hank Clinton. Coming off the worst presidency in world history with W., this nation can't survive four years with Hank in charge. As bad as things are right now, that might be the only way they'll get worse. Hank may have been the one crying on TV as she thanked her supporters in New Hampshire, but I and many other Americans will be the ones truly sobbing if Hank is chosen as our next leader.
- Put this one in the con column when it comes to watching the Godfather movies over and over and over again. People who do so start to do idiotic things like emulating actions that characters in those movies took and uttering the same catch phrases despite the fact that they are not now, nor have they ever been, fictitious Italian mobsters in decades past. Jason Michael Fife provides a perfect illustration of what I'm talking about, as the a-hole from Pottsgrove, Pa. decided that the best way to deal with the man his wife was having an affair with was to mail the man a bloody, severed cow's head. He may not have stuck in in the man's bed in true Godfather fashion, but Fife still shipped the heifer's head to his wife's lover along with threatening messages and pictures. Good one, J., I'm sure after all of your lovely care packages to this guy he had no clue who the cow's head came from. Besides, I'm sure like the rest of us, he has dozens of friends sending him severed cow heads, so it's easy to get confused as to which one came from which friend. Be thankful you got off with probation and community service, bro, because you are clearly one sick puppy. File for divorce, separate from your wife, whatever you need to do, just stop sending severed animal heads to people in the mail.
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