- Thanks for nothing, NFL. I'm seriously considering skipping the rest of the NFL playoffs because after the games of this past weekend, everything that could have happened to make the New England Patriots' run to a 19-0 season and immortality as easy as possible fell into place, and it makes me absolutely sick. For starters, the Pats won their game, beating Jacksonville at home Saturday night by a 31-20 score. The Jags put up a good fight and looked like they might have a shot to win, but ultimately their offense sputtered and New England's chugged right along to another victory. Fine, I thought, Indianapolis is at home Sunday against San Diego, the Colts are the defending Super Bowl champs and have Peyton Manning at quarterback, so they'll pull out a win at home and then go to New England and win next week. After all, they nearly beat the Pats in the regular season and they clearly have the talent and experience to win in New England. So what does Indy do? They get their hearts ripped out by a Chargers team playing without its hall-of-fame running back, LaDanian Tomlinson (left the game with a bruised knee), their starting quarterback Phillip Rivers (also left the game with a leg injury) and with their All-Pro tight end, Antonio Gates, hobbled by a bum ankle and able to contribute next to nothing. Needing a defensive stop to secure a win late in the game with with San Diego relying on its backup quarterback, running back and tight end, the Colts failed miserably. Billy Volek led the Chargers down the field and punched in a 1-yard touchdown run. San Diego 28, Indianapolis 24, thanks for nothing, Colts. San Diego played in New England earlier this season and got hammered by three touchdowns, and don't look for that to change now that their three best offensive players are banged up and at less than 100 percent. But clearly that wasn't enough to clear a path for New England to waltz to the title; they still need to play the NFC champion in the Super Bowl. So who was the best team in the NFC? That would be Dallas, the top seed with a 13-3 record. The Cowboys were at home against a New York Giants squad they had beaten handily twice in the regular season. However, Dallas couldn't sustain a strong start in which running back/battering ram Marion Barber ran over and through defenders in a bone-crushing effort, mostly because their defense wilted like week-old roses and their offensive line decided to start their off-season after halftime instead of showing up to play in the second half. The Giants scratched and clawed to a 21-17 lead behind strong play from quarterback Eli Manning, but when Dallas got two great shots late in the game with good field position thanks more to the Giants going uber-conservative than to anything the Dallas defense did, the Cowboys choked. Tony Romo sealed the deal with a boneheaded, terrible interception in the end zone with about a minute left. So other than New England, we have the Giants, Chargers and an overrated Green Bay Packers team left in the playoffs. New England could win these final two games with their backups and not break a sweat doing it. That would be the perfectly horrific capper on a nightmare of an NFL season, with the only horror to surpass the sight of Bill Beli-cheat hoisting the Lombardi Trophy being the Miami Dolphins ripping my heart out by winning that game in Week 15 against Baltimore to throw away their chance at my dream of an 0-16 season. I freaking hate the NFL right now.....
- Memo to that effeminate, waifish, loser karaoke-er Clay Aiken: You'd better check yourself, bro, and be glad that someone like Newsweek even wants to talk to your sorry ass. Your music is worthless, you took part in the biggest abomination of a TV show we've ever seen and the average second-grade girl could beat the crap out of you in between playing with her My Little Pony and braiding her hair. As far as I can tell, you've contributed nothing of worth to the world in general, so your act in a recent Newsweek interview is way, way out of line. The Effeminate One was perfectly happy to talk about American Karaoke, about Monty Python and his problems picking out matching socks in the morning, but when the interviewer dared to ask about his tussle with a fellow airline passenger a few months ago, Flake-en tersely replied, "I'm not going to discuss it." He gave the same reply when asked about his spat with Kelly Ripa, which probably started when Aiken realized she was much tougher and manlier than he is. Finally, the exasperated interviewer asked when Flake-en wanted to talk about, and he shot back, "I think we're done." Seriously? You're trying to big-time someone? You're a glorified karaoke singer with bad hair, the muscular development of a stick figure and the musical legitimacy of Bozo the Clown. Any time you AK fans try to argue that your show is legit, I'm just going to continue pointing to Clay Flake-en and I'll win the argument every day of every week. Your show is a joke and so is anyone who has ever appeared on it.
- Isaiah Thomas refuses to go away. He may be a sexual harasser, he may be a terrible owner (see his decimation of the CBA), he may be a crappy GM and coach (see his current team, the Knicks), but one thing he won't do it quit...even when it's the right and smart thing to do for himself and his team. He bought the CBA (minor league basketball) and ran it into the ground. He moved on to coach the Indiana Pacers and took them nowhere fast before wearing out his welcome, getting fired and seeing the team take off and be extremely successful once he left. He went to the New York Knicks, took over as general manager and assembled a roster that stumbled to the worst record in the NBA. That led to the firing of legendary coach Larry Brown and the installation of Thomas as coach so he could try to clean up the mess he'd made as GM. Since taking on that dual role, Zeke has show remarkable consistency....in continuing to perform so poorly that fans at Madison Square Garden are normally starting their "Fire Isaiah!" chants midway through the first quarter of Knicks' home games. In spite of all that, even though his team is an abysmal 10-26 and again in the running for the league's worst record, Thomas reiterated this week that he's not prepared to give up either his coaching job or his general manager job. When asked about reports that he was considering giving up one of his jobs, he said, "I've never given it that thought. I only think about how to fix it, to make it right." Umm, Zeke, leaving both jobs and never coming near MSG again would be the best fix, just saying.....but as for those reports, Thomas tried his best to shoot them down. "That was just a lie. That was just a flat-out lie. I would never, ever quit. Ever." True, Zeke, true. In all your time in New York, you've never quit....making bad trades, signing players who didn't fit with your team and coaching that team right into the ground. You've never quit doing any of those things, but in order for the Knicks to ever be successful again, they're going to need you to quit as both coach and GM. Otheriwse, they'll stay in the cellar of the Atlantic Division, right where they are now. Do the right thing, Zeke, just quit.
- I'm the first to admit when I've missed out on good music. For a long time, I wasn't a big fan of Philadelphia-founded, Brooklyn-based rockers Marah, but their newest album, Angels of Destruction! is flat-out awesome. The album combines bluesy rock with great guitar play and a hint of folk music, just the right blend to make for a really good album. The band hails from the early '90s, "grunge" (a major misnomer for the era) era, but mixes in an Elvis Costello sound throughout much of their work. Songs like Angels on a Passing Train incorporate folk and rock in a great way, while tunes such as Old Time Tickin' Away just pound out a good rhythm and flat-out rock. As always, the music has thought and depth to it, with much of the album musing about catastrophe and the prospect of redemption. The throaty, coarse vocals of singers Dave and Serge Bielanko punctuate every song on the album and all told, this is one you'll want in your collection. I won't receive tons of notoriety and it won't appear on the Billboard charts, but let's be honest, most of the songs that do score high in those areas suck, so pick up Angels of Destruction! and enjoy a good rock album.
- Maybe if Republican anti-immigrant whackos like Fred Thompson actually took some time to listen to those their idiotic ideas, ideas like a ginormous border fence to keep Mexicans out of the U.S., would affect, they might reconsider those ideas. Then again, seeing how militaristic, maniacal jerks like Thompson view those who try to crash the border, probably not. If he did ask for the input of those who would be affected by the big border fence, here's a sampling of what he would hear. Many landowners are worried about the intermittent 370-mile long fence cutting off portions of their property and creating other real estate nightmares. Some local residents in the Rio Grande Valley refused to give up parts of their land for survey work for the wall and were given 30 days to relent or face a federal lawsuit. The Texas Border Coalition has even banded together people like Mayor Richard Cortez of McAllen, Tex., with people he is politically opposed to, all in an effort to stop this fence from becoming a reality. The government seems set on doing it, dropping this monstrosity right in the back yards of people, ruining their property and inconveniencing them in the process. Suggestions from Cortez and his compatriots are deepening the Rio Grande River to make crossing there tougher, clearing the surrounding land for better surveillance and creating a legal Mexican worker program. All sensible solutions, Mr. Mayor, which means the feds are unlikely to adopt any of them. But I support you and I oppose the wall, so let's hope it somehow gets stopped before it becomes a real-life nightmare.
No comments:
Post a Comment