- There are going to be a lot of unhappy pedophiles out there when I talk about this next topic. One intrepid soul has suggested an idea so radical, so innovative that it might single-handedly reduce child molestation more than any one step other than shutting down Michael Jackson’s Neverland Child Molestation Center, er, Ranch, January 30 is International Delete Your MySpace Account Day, based on an idea was started by Bloggasm’s Simon Owens. Why no one thought of this long ago, I don’t know. Other than 12-year-old girls and the sexual predators looking to lure those same girls into statutory rape, no one really has much use for MySpace. That and bands looking to launch their careers on the cheap, of course. I support this idea 100 percent, and it’s not just because I’m looking to stamp out child molestation. MySpace has always been the loser friend of the online networking sites, the place losers go when they can’t hack in on places like Facebook. So I encourage any of you reading this who still have a MySpace account to delete in on Jan. 30, do yourself and the world a favor…..
- The best-looking Grand Slam final in women’s tennis in years took place last night/early this morning (depending on which time zone around the world you reside in). The winner, other than dudes worldwide who tuned in, was my girl Maria Sharapova, who trounced Ana Ivanovic in straight sets, 7-5, 6-3, to complete a waltz to the Australian Open title in which she didn’t lose a single set. Her play was even good enough that guys tuning in just to watch the leggy Russian beauty bounce all over the court had to take notice. She came into the tournament as the fifth seed and knocked top seed Justine Henin out in the quarterfinals before taking down the third-seeded Serbian in the final. It was a welcome break from the muscle-bound, mannish presence of Serena Williams in a tournament final, that’s for sure. Also, it was great to see Sharapova break her drought in Grand Slam events. She had two previous major titles, but none since 2004. Welcome back to the top, Maria, hope you stay there for a long time.
- Speaking of all things good-looking, it turns out that hot women can make $25-$50 per hour just for being their hot selves. That’s damn good money when your duties include drinking, looking hot and enjoying parties at the Super Bowl. That’s a task Jenny Stathos, an Arizona State student who’ll be working the Super Bowl party circuit, seems more than capable of completing. She’ll be attending the P. Diddy concert and a party featuring Nick Lachey, among other things, in Glendale in the days leading up to the game. What qualifies Stathos, you ask? She’s 20, very hot and wears a size 2. In other words, the girl who would never talk to you or I and wouldn’t spit on us if we were on fire. So what does she plan to do at these events? “I’ll just try to be myself; I won’t want to be cheesy,” she said about possibly meeting Justin Timberlake at the P.Diddy concert Thursday. Well, seeing as Stathos probably has a deeper, more masculine voice than the weasel-on-helium-sounding Timberlake, no problem there. However, if you want proof that even hot girls have their flaws, look no further than Stathos’ fandom for Timberlake. “I know everything about him. I’m kind of obsessed,” she laughed. There are a few rules the rent-a-hot-chicks must obey:
Don’t get drunk, don’t eat, don’t carry a cell phone, don’t do anything unethical, don’t leave the party until the time agreed upon. In other words, show up in something revealing, serve as eye candy, allow guys to buy you drinks, dance and don’t leave early. Man, hot chicks already have so many advantages, now they get high-paying gigs to do next to nothing…..
- Al Davis is a moron in a white jumpsuit. I’ve heard a lot of guys around the football world cite Davis’ knowledge of the game, but his personnel decision of recent years show he’s a senile bastard with no clue as to how to run a successful franchise in the modern NFL. Bungling the drafting and signing of draft picks like last year’s overall top selection, quarterback JaMarcus Russell, who sat out all of training camp and didn’t sign until the season was underway was merely on example of Davis’ bungling ways. Now he’s pushing for coach Lane Kiffin to resign and is considering Dennis Green as a potential replacement, sources close to Kiffin and the team have said. Davis has gone so far as to draft a letter of resignation for Kiffin to sign, but smartly, Kiffin has refused to do so and has made the balls play of daring Davis to fire him instead. Yes, it’s come to this for Al Davis. He’s signing coaches one year, giving them the most talent-depraved roster in the league and then attempting to force them to resign a year later. Kiffin was 4-12 in his first season as coach and has two years remaining on his contract at an estimated $2 million per year. He did a decent job coaching a piss-poor team, but the real problems have come since the season ended. According to a source close to Kiffin, Davis had promised Kiffin when he hired him that he would have more control over staff and personnel matters than recent Raiders coaches. Kiffin was allowed five offensive assistants and to name his own staff when he took the job after the 2006 season. However, Kiffin and Davis clashed near the conclusion of their postseason evaluation meetings when Kiffin wanted to fire defensive coordinator Rob Ryan. Ryan wanted out to join the New York Jets in a similar capacity, but the Raiders released a statement asking for speculation to cease about the defensive coordinator's future. That tension and Davis’ general refusal to release his iron grip on the franchise despite the fact that he’s senile and out of touch have made for a huge mess. Now Kiffin is busy in Mobile, Ala., where he and the Raiders staff are coaching the North team in the Under Armour Senior Bowl college all-star game. He’s scouting players who he probably won’t get the chance to coach for a team he isn’t like to be with next season. In the letter sent to Kiffin's legal representatives, Davis stated that only he would have control over his staff and full personnel decisions, sources said. That doesn’t bode well for Kiffin, and it’s not because he’s wrong to ask for what he’s asking for. Davis is pathetic and he’s delusional, and any coach he might get to replace Kiffin needs to know that he’s walking into the worst coaching job in the NFL.
- The U.S. Army is getting dumber. Yes, the guys we give the guns and grenades to and trust to protect our country are going the wrong way on the educational curve. And like most negative developments in this country the past few years, that decline can be blamed directly on the abortion that is W.’s on personal Vietnam, the war in Iraq. Because of the pressure to add new recruits to fuel the misguided, moronic invasion of a country that posed no direct threat to us, the army has needed more recruits in a hurry and thus has had to lower its standards, meaning a declining number of new recruits with a high school diploma. A research group studying federal data found that 29 percent of Army recruits for the 2007 budget year didn’t have their diploma or GED. While I still support our men and women in uniform and always, always hope for their safe return from wherever they are, a justified war or not, it doesn’t exactly inspire confidence when you think that we’re taking more and more high school dropouts, right? I mean, think about the guys who dropped out of your high school. Are those losers really the ones you want protecting your country? Again, this wouldn’t be a problem if not for W. and his warmongering ways. If he hadn’t started and sustained a war that never should have happened to begin with, we would not have nearly the troop shortage we now have and wouldn’t have to be accepting this many high school dropouts. Thanks, W., your legacy will haunt this country for years to come…..
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