- One of the primary things you had better not screw with in life is old people and their early bird specials. That's becoming an increasingly difficult problem for seafood restauants in the state of Florida, haven of senior citizens and also a place where a lot of seafood suppliers are in the practice of ripping off restaurants by selling them catfish, tilapia or other cheap alternatives in place of grouper, which many establishments offer as the house speciality. Many Floridian eateries have been caught trying to pass off Asian catfish as grouper, either intentionally or unintentionally. One restaurant has taken extreme measures to prevent that from happening. The Columbia restaurant in Tampa has taken grouper off the menu because its owner Richard Gonzmart, can't be sure he's serving his customers the real thing and he won't take a chance that he's ripping them off with fraudulent fish. "I'm not going to take that chance because my reputation is more important than keeping grouper on the menu," Gonzmart stated recently. The Florida Department of Business & Professional Regulation, which oversees restaurants, has found 139 cases of fake grouper in the past 18 months. Last year, the owner of two Panhandle seafood companies was sentenced to prison after federal authorities caught him selling more than a million pounds of Asian catfish labeled as grouper. So now cheap, knock-off drugs aren't the only problem coming out of Florida, we have fraudulent fish as well. Now you can't be sure that your drugs are pure and you can't be sure that you're getting the fish dinner you're paying good money for? What a rip-off....but still not the state's biggest rip-off, which remains the exorbitant admission price they charge you to get into Walt Disney World......
- Going to India? Make sure to exchange your currency before you get there, because despite being poorer, dirtier and less developed than the United States, India has officially declared that it will no longer accept the U.S. dollar at its major heritage tourist sites. The move underscores the free-fall in value for our dollar, which is quickly becoming an international joke, the Miami Dolphins of the monetary world if you will. Indian Tourism Minister Ambika Soni made the official announcement that the U.S. dollar is now currency non-grata in India. He said that accepting payments for admission tickets to landmarks would be economical because "the dollar is weaker than the rupee." Ouch. How does that taste, America? Our dollar was just bitch-slapped by the currency of a Third World, dirty, backwards nation that couldn't stage a successful invasion of Rhode Island on a Wednesday afternoon. A big salute to our leader, W., for his fine economic policies and overall inept leadership that have guided our economy to the point that leaders in other countries are talking smack about the U.S. dollar and we really can't say much about it because what they're saying has merit. Still, if we had a real leader he would at least step up and challenge the foreign leader in question to step inside the octagon and go MMA on his Indian a**. Just do us all a favor and resign now, W. spare us the indignity of going through one more year with your idiotic self in charge.
- Few stories brighten my day like ordinary citizens getting belligerent and clashing with police. There's just something about normal people getting pissed off and standing up to authority figures that warms my heart. The anti-authority language is a universal one, and clearly some native Mapuche Indians in Chile speak that language. Dozens of Mapuches clashed with police yesterday as the Indians tried to reclaim land they say belonged to their ancestors. The police felt the need to oppose them and in the resulting violence, at least one protester was killed. Generally I would criticize a group of people for doing something like trying to take back land that may have belonged to their ancestors hundreds of years ago, largely because if that happened here in the United States, we'd have non-stop battles on our hands with Native Americans trying to take back the land we stole from them. I don't want any of our tribes here putting down their casino chips, shutting down their slot machines and coming to reclaim their land, but for the Mapuche Indians of Chile, I'll make an exception. Not only were they willing to step up to take back their land, they were ready to engage in combat with the police who tried to stop them. Whether I agree with their cause or not, I can always, ALWAYS get with a group of people who step up to go toe-to-toe with the law. Best wishes in your attempts to reclaim your land, Mapuche Indians, don't give up the dream!
- Why? In what might be the single dumbest idea since electing W. as our president both times, University of Hawaii head football coach June Jones is actually considering an offer to leave UH for the open head coaching job at Southern Methodist University in Dallas. SMU is said to be offering Jones a deal worth $2 million annually, but still he would be LEAVING HAWAII TO GO LIVE IN DALLAS. It's a terrible idea, period. The reason Jones is even considering leaving is because Hawaii has allowed his contract to expire without extending him, but the UH administration has said it wants him back. Jones also wants the school to commit to upgrading its facilities, which seems like a fair request for a coach who just led the school to its first-ever BCS bowl game in this year's Sugar Bowl. That game brought about $8.5 million to the UH athletic department, so upgrading the facilities should be a given. Word is that Jones' own office has been in a state of perpetual renovation since he got there and has had an unfinished, sloppy look for that time, so I can understand why he might have a problem. But still, it's a lateral move at best to go to SMU, even if the money is better. SMU is a mid-major program just like Hawaii, playing in Conference USA, a second-tier conference just like the Western Athletic Conference where Hawaii plays. It's not like the offer is coming from the University of Texas, which would definitely be a step up. Jones would be leaving Hawaii, with its tropical climate and beautiful landscape, to come to Dallas and to a program that is one of the worst in Division I. He needs to think this through and realize that he's got a great thing going at Hawaii, where he has built a great program and gets to LIVE IN HAWAII. Come to your senses, reject SMU's offer and head back to the islands, June, you won't regret it, I promise.
- Oh boy, oh boy, it's time for the sensation that's sweeping the nation (as well as your local municipal area), Albums To Avoid! Previously I've had some slam-dunk choices, including albums from two former American Karaoke contestant hacks whose names I can't remember because, well, quite frankly they suck. This week's choice is also a no-doubter, but she, to the best of my vast knowledge, has never been an AK contestant. Mary J. Blige has, however, put out enough uber-crappy music to fuel every single season of that hack reality show that has ever happened. Her heavily synthesized, techno-pop, bubble-gum, mainstream "hip-hop" has polluted the airwaves for years, but because she's so mainstream and plays to all of the typical stereotypes that get music played for the dumb, musically-stupid masses, her crap-tacluar tunes have been hard to get away from. That's why I'm making this a Code Orange alert, because you need to be on your guard here, folks. The album is titled Growing Pains and that's ironic because listening to any Mary J. Blige album is painful through and through. This one is no exception, Her lyrics and messages are all over the place, switching from one end of the spectrum to another in a biplaor, schizophrenic rant backed by crappy, synthesized beats from drum machines and melodies that make you reach for the nearest ear plugs. She can mix in all the guest spots from Ludacris and Usher (who I can't stand) that she wants, but Mary J. Blige has proven once again that she's one of the most overrated, unlistenable artists around and if you truly like good music from artists who know how to actually play musical instruments and do more than dance like spastic robots in front of CGI-created backgrounds in horrible music videos, you want to listen to someone other than Mary J. Blige.
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