Deadly bootlegged vodka, college football bowl fun and a study confirms the obvious

- Tainted, deadly vodka can certainly put a damper on those New Year's Eve festivities. More than 30 people learned that lesson the hard way in the Mongolian city of Ulan Bator, where the tainted alcohol killed 11 people and led to at least 21 being hospitalized. A government official confirmed the deaths and hospitalizations, but did not give specifics as to where the bootleg booze came from. See, this is why if you're looking for bootlegged liquor and spirits, you always want to go American. We've been moonshining, at least those among us from West Virginia, for decades. We know how to make our illegal, homemade hooch and to make it in a way that won't kill you. Sure, bootlegged Mongolian vodka might sound exotic, but is it really worth dying or being hospitalized? Moonshine from Appalachia may seem lowbrow, but at least you know that when you drink it, you won't die as a result. Clean up your act, makers of illegal Mongolian vodka, and either come over to West Virginia to take a class from some real live moonshiners or just cease and desist..... - Maybe it's just me, but it's been an great college football bowl season so far. Even though some of the games that usually are great bowls to watch have been sub-par, there have been a lot of competitive games and much in the way of memorable moments. Things got off to a good start with the Poinsettia Bowl in beautiful San Diego between Utah and Navy, a game Utah held on to win 35-32 after Navy rallied late, recovered an onside kick and promptly threw a fatal interception. There was also a great game at the Motor City Bowl, where Purdue won an absolute shootout over Central Michigan, 51-48, on a last-second field goal. Also tallying a final-play field goal for a win was East Carolina, which stunned heavily favored Boise State in the Hawaii Bowl. But games that usually scintillate, like the Holiday Bowl, fizzled this year. Texas whipped Arizona State 51-32 in that game, a fate also befell South Florida in the Sun Bowl, where the Bulls were routed 56-21 by an Oregon team playing with its third-string quarterback. I always love the Sun Bowl, as it's played in El Paso, Texas, right on the Mexican border, surrounded by beautiful desert hill country. Other exciting finishes have happened in the Las Vegas Bowl, where BYU blocked a last-second field goal attempt by UCLA to preserve a 17-16 win, and Texas Tech trailing Virginia all game long in the Gator Bowl but scoring 17 points in the final 3:31 to win, 31-28. There was also a sad farewell in the PapaJohns.com Bowl, where Cincinnati beat Southern Mississippi in Southern Miss coach Jeff Bower's final game coaching his alma mater after 17 years as the head man there. On the flip side, Michigan sent its coach, Lloyd Carr, off with a 41-35 win over Florida in the Capital One Bowl, Carr's last game as UM coach, although unlike Bower, he isn't being forced out.The Fiesta Bowl was thrilling in spite of the game not being all that close, with West Virginia, a decided underdog, stunning Oklahoma by 48-28 margin. There was a brilliant stretch in the third quarter where both teams exploded trading big play for big play and with West Virginia pulling away when it seemed like Oklahoma was poised to rally. Yes, it's been a great bowl season, with only a few games remaining, the Orange Bowl tonight, the International Bowl in Toronto Saturday, the GMAC Bowl in Mobile, Alabama Sunday night and of course, the BCS national championship game pitting Ohio State against LSU Monday night. Hope these final few games are as good as the ones preceding them..... - TV's late-night funnymen have returned to the airwaves this week in spite of the ongoing writers' strike that is slowly but surely crippling the television season. Craig Ferguson and David Letterman are the only two of the five returning late-night shows with writers thanks to deals with the Writers' Guild of America that allow writers to work on the shows while the strike continues. Letterman came back last night sporting a butt-ugly beard and with his nightly top ten list delivered by striking writers with their contract demands in comedic, tongue-in-cheek form. Robin Williams was Letterman's main guest, although Sen. Hank Clinton did make a taped appearance from Iowa, where she was in the process of getting her a** kicked in the Iowa caucuses. The return of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno created a few problems for one other presidential candidate, former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee. Huckabee agreed to go on Leno's show for an appearance on its first night back on air, a decision Huckabee says was based on a belief that the Leno show was one of the shows that had a deal in place with the writers. Thus, he didn't think he would be crossing picket lines, but boy was he wrong. One striking writer outside the studio held a sign reading, "Huckabee is a scab," although that opposition didn't stop the Republican frontrunner from going through with his appearance. Sadly for those of us with a better sense of humor, Comedy Central's two flagship fake news shows, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and The Colbert Report with host Stephen Colbert, have not returned with new episodes. And if you're following this strike at all, you know that there haven't been any notable positive developments in the negotiation process, so the chances for a resolution to this mess aren't getting better at this point. - How do you know for sure when it's time to lose weight? Well, in lieu of that freak show Richard Simmons showing up at your door in his nutter shorts and glitter-laced tank top and vowing to help you get in shape, your underwear being big enough to use to put out a kitchen fire would be a great sign. That's what happened to Jenny Marsey, a British woman who clearly needs to lay off the tea and crumpets, if you catch my drift. John Marsey and his cousin Darren Lines were cooking in Jenny Marsey's kitchen when a fire broke out. Lines reacted quickly, looking to a nearby pile of laundry for something to use to suffocate the flames. He settled on a pair of his aunt's XL underwear, running them under the faucet to get them wet and then throwing them on the fire. The strategy worked, which is good in the sense that the fire didn't spread and do much damage but disturbing in the fact that there are people out there fat enough to need underwear that can be used to put out fires. A spokesman for the fire brigade put it rather nicely, saying, "Clearly it depends on what size you are - but I don't want to go there." Neither do I, spokesman, neither do I. So in the interest of not talking about this unsavory topic further, let's just move on...... - I love nothing more in the world of science than researchers doing lengthy studies on blatantly obvious topics and releasing new "findings" that do nothing more than tell us things we already know (i.e. fatty foods are bad for you, stress negatively impacts your health, college kids tend to binge drink, etc.). In that spirit, I couldn't be happier with a group of researchers than I am with the group headed up by University of Utah professor David Strayer. This collection of geniuses sought out one of the most obvious facts known to man and they suckered someone into giving them a research grant to "study" the subject. That subject is none other than the impact of cell phones on driving, and shock of all shocks, people talking on cell phones drive slower than everyone else on the road and don't keep up with the flow of traffic. Strayer and his team of extortionists, er, researchers who suckered someone into giving them money for this study, found that one average, cell-phone users, even those with hands-free devices, travel at an average of 2 mph slower than other drivers. "That distracted driver tends to drive slower and have delayed reactions," Strayer said, stating the uber-obvious. No freaking way, Dave. Distracted drivers drive slower and don't react as quickly? What's next, you telling me that drivers with three times the legal blood-alcohol level also have slower reaction times and are more prone to accidents? Will you also be studying whether water is indeed wet, whether grass is green and whether the sky is blue? How about researching whether the North Pole is colder than the Bahamas? This just goes to prove that if you can get the good folks at Kinko's to work up a colorful enough, well-bound presentation for you, you can use that presentation to sucker someone, somewhere into giving you money to "research" just about anything.