Wednesday, January 16, 2008

I excoriate writers and producers, I assail corrupt governments and I rant about Pacman Jones

- Just when you think that the furor surrounding Rich-er Fraud-riguez's departure from the University of West Virginia has finally died down, something happens to revive the inferno. First it was Fraud-riguez leaving just one year after flirting with the University of Alabama about taking their vacant head football coaching position before returnign to WVU and professing his love for the school (even signing a contract extension). But after Fraud-riguez left for the Univeristy of Michigan, the uproar started about his trying to weasel otu of paying the $4 million buyout from his contract at West Virginia in order to go to Michigan. The school filed suit and the case is now headed to court, but that's not the end of this mess, oh no. Apparently Fraud-riguez is also a big fan of the boys at Enron, becuase just as those guys did when trying to cover up their shady business practices, Fraud-riguez now stands accused of destroying or stealing all records associated with the school's football program, a topic the agent for former coach Rich Rodriguez says will be addressed in court documents when the time is right. News came out Tuesday that files kept in Rodriguez's private office disappeared between Dec. 16 and Jan. 3, along with strength and conditioning records from the weight room. The reports claimed the missing documents included players' personal contact information, scholarship payments and class attendance records, as well as strength and conditioning records and photographs that tracked players' physical progress. Fraud-riguez's team of lackeys and spin doctors are trying to talk him out of this mess once again, saying that the copies their man stole, er, destroyed, er, just happened to go missing weren't the only copies and that other coaches had copies as well. Correct me if I'm wrong here, Fraud-riguez apologists, but I don't remember ever hearing another coach shredding, burning or otherwise destroying all of the player records upon leaving a school. It sounds suspicious, vindictive, shady, take your pick. All I know is that nothing about Fraud-riguez's departure from WVU has been handled the right way and he's made himself look like a ginormous, classless ass all along the way, Worst wishes to you at Michigan, Rich-er, because the bad karma wave is building momentum right behind you.

- Hope you are enjoying the new episodes of One Tree Hill, because it looks like very shortly it will be the only series airing new episodes, but more on that in a minute. Last night's episode of OTH found all of the gang now entrenched back in Tree Hill, beginning the uphill climb to reaching their life's dreams. For Lucas Scott, that meant dealing with a pathetic excuse for a Tree Hill varsity basketball team that he's supposed to coach back to prosperity and dealing with an insecure girlfriend at the same time, all while trying to start writing his second novel. Forcing his team to run for the entire practice each day if they couldn't make their free throws solved the first problem, but the last two wouldn't go away so easily. With editor/girlfriend Lindsey, or as she's been labeled on the show, "Lucas's Lindsey," worried that the arrival of hot ex-girlfriends Peyton and Brooke in town might tempt Lucas to go back with one of them, the claws came out. Peyton continued to insist she's not after Lucas but felt like Lindsey was sending a message that she needed to back off. Lucas found a good diversion by finally starting to write his next book, but something tells me this drama will rear its head throughout the season. Peyton had her own challenges anyhow, trying to get her new record label up and running. For some reason, the first band she tried to sign was fronted by a character played by Kevin Federline and we're supposed to believe that he's a legit musician on TV even though he's a total hack in real life...but for now, let's try to move past that. Peyton makes her pitch and initially gets shot down, but of course this is TV, so she makes a plucky, inspired rebuttal speech the next day and the band relents and agrees to sign with her. She still isn't happy about the "lucky bamboo" plant Lindsey gave her that came with an unspoken warning about staying away from Lucas, but signing her first band made her day. Brooke's day was made and then came crashing down, as she opened a store for her Clothes Over Bros fashion line in Tree Hill and bought a waterfront house, but constant nagging from her business manager turned into a nightmare when that business manager came to Tree Hill to demand that Brooke return to New York. It was then we learned that this uber-bitch is actually Brooke's mom....yikes. Elsewhere on the show, Marvin "Mouth" McFadden continued to be run ragged by his boss at the local TV station and turned to Antwan "Skills" Taylor for advice. Skills advised him to do what he himself did with a female professor who dogged him during his last semester of college; kiss her, because she's only dogging you because she's hot for you and needs a way to deal with the sexual tension. When Mouth puts that advice to use in a tense moment, initially it gets him a "You're fired!" but as he prepares to leave the office later on, his cougar of a boss returns his lip lock and they get busy right there in her office.....only on TV. Nathan has a hot newcomer of his own to deal with, a nanny who just happens to have a great body and remember his now-dead basketball stardom. She agrees to drive him on an errand - to go see his father, Dan, at the prison where he's serving his life sentence. Dan is glad to see him, but Nathan is there for a one-time visit to put Dan behind him. As he leaves, Nathan vows to never let his son play basketball because the game ruined his own life. Dan warns him otherwise, but it takes the new nanny showing him a mini-shrine that son Jamie has built in his closet to Nathan to convince him to allow Jamie to play ball. The new nanny also talks Nathan into shaving that ugly-ass beard, which was a good idea. Nathan's wife Hayley needs all the help she can get because her new job teaching English at Tree Hill HS is still kicking her butt. She can't get through to Quentin, the trouble-making student and basketball star who hasn't come to class since he got kicked off the basketball team. Let's hope this predictable, sappy storyline doesn't play out the way I think it will, because writing that predictable and obvious doesn't deserve air time on any network. Oh, and Karen, Lucas' mom, is still traveling Europe with her young daughter, born at the end of last season, but sooner or later that vacation has to end one way or another, right? If Moira Kelly has left the show, quit the pretense already. Anyhow, that's all the Tree Hill news for this week, back next week for another go-round....

- Pacman Jones is the dumbest guy who ever lived, the biggest piece of crap I've ever seen and he's also freaking crazy. I already knew those things before this week, given Jones' body of work. He's been part of multiple strip club melees, he's assaulted women while in college, he's been arrested or wanted for questioning by the police literally a dozen times and he's currently serving a one-year suspension from the NFL for the fallout from a strip club brawl in Las Vegas that left one bouncer permanently paralyzed from the waist down. During his time off, Jones has run afoul of the league and his team, the Tennessee Titans, by venturing into the world of pro wrestling and forcing the Titans to seek a court injunction to keep him from engaging in any physical contact while involved with wrasslin'. Also, on the eve of a visit with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to discuss his suspension, Jones decided that of the thousands of places to eat in New York City, he would go to....yup, a strip club. However, his latest incident proves beyond ten thousand degrees of reasonable doubt that Jones is 1) a moron, 2) a huge moron, 3) a ginormous moron, 4) crazy and 5) a misogynist. Yesterday, we learned that a woman has accused Jones, who was suspended for the entire 2007 season, of sucker-punching her at an Atlanta strip club on January 3. Wanda Jackson, an employee at the club, filed an application with the Fulton County Magistrate Court asking a judge to consider issuing a warrant against Jones. In her complaint, Jackson said Jones became angry after accusing the club's management of stealing money and a bracelet from him. She also claims he was pissed that management accused Jones' crew of having an unpaid tab and also because he believed that money was stolen from him. "I was sitting in the office and he lunged at me numerous times in an effort to do grave bodily harm," Jackson wrote in her complaint. "Veronica Jones, an owner, went into the hall to deal with a member of his entourage. I followed to gawk. He was in the hall, surprisingly reached over or around a security guard and sucker punched me in my left eye." The Titans declined to comment on the latest incident involving Jones, who was suspended by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell for an accumulation of off the field incidents. In November, Goodell denied Jones' appeal for an early return. "As we have said throughout his suspension, we will not comment on Adam Jones until he is reinstated by the commissioner," the Titans said in a statement. When Jones' appeal was turned down, an NFL spokesman said Goodell would revisit the situation after the Pro Bowl, which will be played February 10. Call me crazy, but at this point, the NFL just shouldn't bother. This guy is clearly a moron and he doesn't deserve to play in the league. He has more athletic ability than nearly anyone in the league, but dude is an idiot. It's not like he's being done in by something like a drug or alcohol addiction; dude is being taken down by a STRIP CLUB ADDICTION. He can't stay away from them even though every time he goes to one, something bad happens and people end up sucker-pucnhed, paralyzed and hospitalized. Adam, you may like women taking their clothes off, but you're telling me the only place you can get that is at a strip club? Get real, man. You need to learn that hitting women is not cool, and you also need to figure otu that you plus money plus a strip club equals trouble. But most importantly, you need to learn that lesson far away from the NFL on a permanent basis. You obviously value going to nudie bars more than making millions playing pro football, so you've made your choice, now live with it. Don't bother reconsidering that suspension, Commissioner Goodell, save yourself the time and make it a lifetime ban right now.

- The TV season is officially dead, damn you writers and producers both. The deadline for saving this season came and went at noon today and when no deal was reached or even close to being reached by then, this season on all of the major networks flat-lined. Furthermore, preparations for next season are now in danger, so this strike could wreck not one, but two seasons. Shows like 24 and Lost, which were to return mid-season, are now in major limbo, with Lost having eight episodes in the can but nothing else beyond midseason and 24 unsure of when it will return, which could end up being as many as two years after the last episode aired, depending on how long this interminable mess goes on. Writers are making their own preparations for a prolonged stoppage, with today being the deadline for proposals for Strike TV, a new online channel that striking members of the WGA are setting up. The site, which will live on the United Hollywood website, will feature original video shorts and shows created by "working professionals" in the TV and film biz, and is set to launch in February. Great, but I think I'll pass. What I want is the damn shows I like to watch with new episodes, not some lame YouTube rip-off where striking writers post video shorts and their own lame attempts at shows. Initially I was siding with the writers in this strike, being a writer myself, but that was under the premise that there was still a chance to save this season. Now that it's officially dead, the gloves come off. I'm pissed at the writers, I'm pissed at the producers and I'm pissed at anyone who has had anything at all to do with creating this mess or keeping it going. I'm making no distinction between the involved parties now; you are ALL the enemy. You've collaborated to ruin this season and possibly next season and you all officially suck. You're all greedy, you're all being idiots and you should have figured out a solution to this mess long before now. If you can't, why don't you all just get the hell out. Clear out your offices, take your knick-knacks, office plants and pictures of your family with you and allow people who aren't selfish, greedy, ignorant a-holes to take your jobs over. I don't care what breakdown you all want for the revenues from the digital sale of your shows and movies, just pick a freaking number and settle this. Either that or get your sorry asses out of the way, I quite frankly don't care.

- Alleging government corruption and election fraud is awesome. Always has been, always will be, So thousands of citizens calling for a recount in the Republic of Georgia, located in eastern Europe. Tens of thousands of Georgians took to the streets in the capital of Tbilisi to demonstrate against the election victory of U.S.-allied President Mihail Saakahvili on the grounds that the election was fixed. The protesters want a recount because they don't believe that Saakahvili wasn't elected legally and I support their claim. After all, he is backed by the W. administration, and if they show as little regard for their own constitution as they have so far, how little respect can they have for the laws of another country? The massive demonstration has raised serious concern about political instability in the former Soviet Bloc country. It's an especially ironic turn of events for Saakahvili, who rose to power in 2003 as the hero of the Rose Revolution protest against fraudulent elections. Since that time, he's faced allegations of being an oppressive, authoritarian ruler and he approval ratings have plummeted. The cynic might say that when they become unhappy with a leader, Georgians cry election fraud, but let's try to be positive here. You've got tens of thousands of protesters marching through the streets of Tbilisi, ignoring the freezing weather and carrying signs and banners demanding a recount of the country's Jan. 5 election. If the estimate of 100,000 protesters is true, then this is a major event and one that could cause waves for a long time in the country. The power of the people has been heard and seen, so let's hope it's a force that starts to reshape a country that has been struggling for quite a while now.

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