- Let me be a bit presumptuous here and say that whether University of Missouri basketball coach Mike Anderson wants to fess up or not, there’s no mystry behind why he’s suspended five of his players indefinitely. That the suspensions came a mere three days after a weekend brawl left his top scorer with a broken jaw seems more than coincidental, even for the most jaded conspiracy theorist. In a statement from the university, Anderson declined to indicate the reason for the discipline, calling the infractions a violation of team rules. However, the move comes as Columbia, Mo. police verified Tuesday that several teammates were with senior guard Stefhon Hannah the night he was involved in a brawl outside the downtown nightclub Athena early Sunday morning and sustained injuries that could cause him to miss the rest of the season.
Senior guard Jason Horton and forwards Marshall Brown, Darryl Butterfield and Leo Lyons. were suspended for Wednesday’s game against Nebraska. Hannah, who returned home to Chicago after surgery, also is suspended. "I am very disappointed in the actions of these young men," Anderson said. "We have defined team rules and when those rules aren't followed, our guys must be held accountable for their actions." Sgt. Ken Hammond, supervisor of the city's major crimes unit, didn't identify the players who accompanied Hannah, but noted that "there were numerous other players there." For a program that has had its share of legal troubles, this is a huge disappointment. A "zero-tolerance" policy was instituted after junior forward DeMarre Carroll -- Anderson’s nephew -- was shot in the ankle outside another Columbia nightclub over the summer. Also, three other Tiger players have been involved in off-court violence or misconduct since Anderson was hired less than two years ago. Sounds like you’re running a tight ship and bringing in only quality young men to your program, coach. But I’m sure this brawl is just an aberration for these five quality citizens, because…..what’s that? Darryl Butterfield was arrested on charges of third-degree domestic assault for allegedly punching an ex-girlfriend before the season began? He was suspended before the season started but was reinstated after missing one exhibition game and an intrasquad scrimmage? Oh. Well, maybe he’s the only one who…what? You mean to tell me that Kalen Grimes, the school's leading rebounder and starting center last season, was dismissed from the team after being arrested for hitting a man in the face with the butt of a shotgun in St. Louis in July? And last February, reserve guard Mike Anderson Jr., the coach's son, was suspended from the team after a drunken-driving arrest but was later reinstated? Damn. If I wasn’t such an optimist, I’d say Anderson is recruiting a lot of bad guys and doesn’t give a damn about character as long as you can ball. Apparently the team’s 11 p.m. weeknight curfew and a midnight curfew on weekends isn’t working. Missouri had a sketchy program before Anderson arrived, but he’s taken it from sketchy to downright felonious in two years flat, very impressive.
- I feel a bit gipped. I didn’t think I would feel that way about Lost returning to the air, but I do. Don’t get me wrong, the season premiere was great, drama-filled TV, but I’m referring to the whole “two night event” that it was supposed to be. First, last season’s finale was aired last night with alleged “new information” and “secrets revealed” placed in a text box on the bottom third of the screen. What a joke that turned out to be. There weren’t major revelations; there was a running stream of what seemed like someone’s would-be Lost¬¬-themed stand-up comedy routine. There was no shortage of lame one-liners and terrible jokes in captioning that did little more than state the obvious and give a few cliffs notes to people who had never seen the show before. Then, the two-hour premiere event tonight was a rip-off as well, with the first hour just a narrative by Ben, the leader of the group on the show known as The Others, telling you about each character and what’s gone on with them the first three seasons. Finally, after drudging through two hours of wasted air time over two nights, we got to the real deal: the premiere. It was a good episode, and unlike most season premieres, it literally picked up right where last season left off. Jack, just finished talking on the satellite phone brought to the island by purported rescuer Naomi, and Naomi’s crew promises to come find the survivors and rescue them. But back on the beach, Desmond’s arrival creates waves when he reveals that Charlie is dead and that Charlie’s last act was delivering a message that the people on the rescue boat aren’t who they claim to be. This causes tension among everyone, both those on the beach (Sayid, Hurley, Bernard, Jin, Desmond) and those Jack took to the radio tower in last season’s finale (the rest of the group). Some believe in Jack, some take the side of Locke, who traipses back into the mix when he finds a disoriented Hurley in the jungle in the middle of the night and helps him find his way back to the group. At this point, the entire group of survivors meet up in the jungle and an impromptu “town meeting” is held. Kate returns from tracking Naomi through the forest, reveals that Naomi has died after contacting her boat on the satellite phone. Jack spends a moment punching the stuffing out of Locke, but ultimately both of them present their side of how to deal with the alleged rescuers from Naomi’s boat. About half of the people decided to go with Locke back to the barracks that The Others abandoned at the end of last season, while the other half decide to return to the beach with Jack to wait for the rescuers. Ben, the leader of The Others, is along for the ride as a prisoner and elects to go with Locke. Danielle Rousseau, the crazy French chick who has lived as a refugee on the island for 17 years, does the same, as does Hurley. As Jack and Kate head back to the beach with their group, they see a helicopter fly overhead and a person parachute out of the copter. They come face to face with the man who jumped from the copter as the episode ends, and next week we’ll find out who this person really is. Also, in flash forwards interspersed throughout the episode (which are really starting to depress me and hurt the show from where I sit) we find out that Hurley is among those who get off the island, but once back home he is haunted by visions of his deceased friend Charlie, visions that drive him on a high-speed chase with police and send him to a mental institution, where Jack visits him and warns him not to tell anyone some big secret from the island that we don’t know about yet. Hurley also “talks” to Charlie in a vision and Charlie warns Hurley that he needs to “take care of them,” by which he seems to mean Claire and her son Aaron, Charlie’s girlfriend and quasi-son from the island. All in all, a good start to the season, but again, the flash forwards are killing me. It’s so depressing seeing that these people’s lives are such a wreck after leaving the island, I’d almost rather not know. But until next week, that’s all…..
- I’m wondering why the PGA’s new drug testing policy hasn’t been applied to Ian Poulter yet. Poulter, who is ranked 22nd in the world and has seven European Tour wins to his credit but no U.S. major wins, is dropping either LSD or peyote, because how else would the world’s 22nd ranked player get the mistaken impression that he and he alone is a good enough player to challenge the most dominant force in golf history, Tiger Woods? Poulter is a decent player, sure, but he failed to qualify for the 12-man team that beat United States in the 2006 Ryder Cup at the K Club in Ireland. You can’t even qualify as one of the top 12 players in Europe but you have the game to beat Tiger? Umm, ok. “The trouble is I don't rate anyone else,” the 32-year-old Briton was quoted as saying in the March issue of the United Kingdom version of Golf World magazine. “Don't get me wrong, I really respect every professional golfer, but I know I haven't played to my full potential and when that happens, it will be just me and Tiger.” When asked who will win the Masters in April, Poulter replied, “Put Tiger down for that one.” Good one, Ian. Nice attempt to backpedal and make a joke. Make no mistake about it, I. Even if you played your absolute best golf you could ever play and were juiced out of your mind on ‘roids, it still wouldn’t be “just you and Tiger.” It might be you, then a ginormous gap of about a million miles, then Tiger still a hundred times better than you, but that’s about it. Dude is in another stratosphere, and you need to stop smoking whatever illegal drugs you’ve managed to get your hands on and remember that you are in fact Ian Poulter.
- NBC is run by the dumbest people in the universe. I don’t know any other way to explain it. The same yahoos who inexplicably canceled one of the best shows of all time, Ed, a few years ago, are now single-handedly putting together the crappiest TV lineup in world history during the writers’ strike. First, we were told about a show that’s basically a high school home ec project on film, a show where teenagers get stuck with babies for a few weeks and try to learn about being parents. Now, NBC has come up with the most asinine, moronic, stupid, lame, pathetic, retarded, reject of a show: My Dad is Better Than Your Dad. Yes, NBC, when we were kids, we all said stupid stuff like our dads could beat up other people’s dads, etc. But we stopped saying that when we were, like, eight years old, mostly because it’s stupid, juvenile and idiotic. But now you’ve gone and created an entire reality game show out of it? Perfectly imbecilic, a-holes. The new show will fill a gap left in NBC’s schedule left by the strike, but I have a better suggestion for NBC, something that would be a better use of air time than My Dad is Better Than Your Dad: DEAD AIR. Don’t broadcast a damn thing for an hour and you’ll have better TV than this sorry excuse for a show. I seriously don’t know how you can run a TV network with your head stuck that far up your ass, but kudos to the suits at NBC for doing so, I guess…..
- Riot time! Today we travel to Beirut, Lebanon, where some of the worst riots in years between civilians and troops took place a couple days ago. Citizens angry about electricity rationing took to the streets and Lebanese troops were there to meet them. Seven people died in the riots, but no official word was available as to how the deaths occurred, although shooting from the troops seems to be the likely cause. What isn’t known is whether the shooting to kill was intentional…but let’s go ahead and assume it was. Soldiers don’t generally shoot to disable or shoot for the heck of it. Stop rationing your electricity, Lebanon, or else do it more fairly, because a lot of people are getting squeezed here. I’m glad they did the right thing and took their fight to the streets to riot. Regardless of the issue, if you have a problem and you’re not receiving a satisfactory response from those in power, riot first, riot hard, riot some more and then ask questions later.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Movie news, Russian riots and the FCC needs to relax
- So we’ve crowned a new Miss America, and I’d really like to care….but I don’t. Even though she’s a smoking hot 19-year-old blonde from Michigan, I just can’t bring myself to care about Kirsten Haglund and her title reign. I wish her best of luck in campaigning against eating disorders, which she promised to do during her pageant speech, but just don’t count on me paying attention to that campaign. Now if you want to booze it up and make out with Miss Teen USA in a Manhattan club, then count me in. Whenever your revealing, skanky pictures that just mysteriously pop up online from an anonymous source come out, maybe I’ll check them out. But other than that, beauty pageants are so out of touch and irrelevant that no one pays attention to them other than people who are, well, in the beauty pageant business. Even with the four-week reality series on TLC following pageant contestants trying to update the event’s outdated image, there’s just no saving this albatross. Enjoy the win, have fun traveling the world and staying in expensive hotels on Donald Trump’s dime, but just realize that you’re totally irrelevant.
- With TV shows on hiatus during the writers’ strike, we’re left with Butt-Gate. Yes, we’re actually seeing the Federal Communications Commission going all the way back to a 2003 episode of NYPD Blue and fining 50 ABC affiliates nationwide $27,500 for airing an episode of the popular crime drama in which viewers saw what the commission called “a full view of (a woman’s) buttocks.” The FCC claims it received numerous complaints about the episode, which is lame because there’s a certain percentage of people out there who b*tch and moan about anything and everything just for the sake of complaining. ABC’s contention is that the buttocks are not a “sexual organ,” and thus showing them doesn’t violate FCC rules. The episode wouldn’t have been a problem except for the fact that it aired between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m., which is a no-no for anything to prudes at the FCC deem to be sexually inappropriate material. The stations that ran the episode are in the Central and Mountain time zones, so if you’re on either coast you didn’t see the offending episode. See, this is what you get when you’re airing reruns and trying to fill air time during a strike. Just another wonderful side benefit of the strike we can enjoy. Thanks for that one, writers and networks, you all are just giving us one ginormous headache after another.
- Why is it that the worst musical acts of the 1990s are the ones who are now staging reunions. Well, other than the fact that these talentless loser hacks need money and are finding that as irrelevant and pathetic as they were during their careers, they’re even more so now. First, the Spice Skanks, er, Girls, get back together for a cash grab and put together an album with their old “hits’ (Spice Girls and hits in ther same sentence, the ultimate oxymoron) with a couple of new tracks and trying to sucker Victoria’s Secret patrons into buying it, but now it’s an even more musically inept group, the New Kids On the Block. Yes, the pieces of crap who were on every sleeping bag, lunch box and trapper keeper when you were in elementary school and tried to reform once before and conceal their real identity by going with the name N.K.O.T.B. (good one, idiots, no one was going to figure that out!) are allegedly attempting another comeback. Jordan and Jon Knight, Joey McIntyre, Donnie Wahlberg and Danny Wood are trying to revive something that was never alive to begin with, attempting to create buzz by a slow resurrection of their website, nkotb.com. Just when Mark Wahlberg was finally doing something to erase the shame that little bro Donnie did to the Wahlberg family name with the first incarnation of this poseur man-band act, Donnie is back with his fellow man-banders to undo it. There’s still time to prevent this travesty from happening, y’all. We need to organize and rally quickly, because if there’s one thing none of us needs right now, it’s another bunch of man banders parading around in matching outfits and knocking out synchronized dance moves with their frosted hair bobbing in unison.
- Tow straight days, two tales of protests, this one involving angry Russians clashing with police. While I’m sure that a healthy amount of vodka fueled the skirmish, I just don’t care, as long as there’s anti-authority violence going on. This particular violent outburst involved demonstrators angry with the leadership of Ingushetia, leading them to throw rocks and firebombs (firebombs? Awesome, Russians, just awesome!) at police. The impetus for the riot was the government’s starting of a major security operation in the troubled southern Russian region. The militant response from the citizens led police to fire live rounds into the air above the heads of more than 300 protestors who had gathered in the central square in the town of Nazran. Only 300 people, but still enough of an opposition movement to muster up some firebombs and hurl rocks at the police, that is sweet. Let that be a lesson to all of your aspiring social and political dissident out there: you don’t need massive numbers as long as you have firebombs. Props to you, Russian demonstrators, for not letting The Man hold you down!
- Glad to see your movie standards are still set nice and low, America. You proved as much by making a lame, hack-job of a sad-sack comedy like Meet the Spartans the top film at the box office this past weekend. Yes, the film’s modest take of $18.7 million isn’t going to be setting any records, but that’s beside the point. If that’s the movie most Americans prefer to go see, then I feel genuinely sad for this country. When Rambo, the latest incarnation of the retread action franchise starring Sly Stallone (seriously, can this guy do anything but churn out sequels of tired action film franchises that were dead in the ‘80s?) is the second highest-earning movie and it’s actually the better of the two choices at the top of the earnings list, that doesn’t say good things either. C’mon, America, it’s a new year and a chance to start fresh and stop patronizing sucky movies that shouldn’t have been made to begin with. We can do this, we can stamp out crap from our theaters, but we need to come together and take a stand…..
- With TV shows on hiatus during the writers’ strike, we’re left with Butt-Gate. Yes, we’re actually seeing the Federal Communications Commission going all the way back to a 2003 episode of NYPD Blue and fining 50 ABC affiliates nationwide $27,500 for airing an episode of the popular crime drama in which viewers saw what the commission called “a full view of (a woman’s) buttocks.” The FCC claims it received numerous complaints about the episode, which is lame because there’s a certain percentage of people out there who b*tch and moan about anything and everything just for the sake of complaining. ABC’s contention is that the buttocks are not a “sexual organ,” and thus showing them doesn’t violate FCC rules. The episode wouldn’t have been a problem except for the fact that it aired between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m., which is a no-no for anything to prudes at the FCC deem to be sexually inappropriate material. The stations that ran the episode are in the Central and Mountain time zones, so if you’re on either coast you didn’t see the offending episode. See, this is what you get when you’re airing reruns and trying to fill air time during a strike. Just another wonderful side benefit of the strike we can enjoy. Thanks for that one, writers and networks, you all are just giving us one ginormous headache after another.
- Why is it that the worst musical acts of the 1990s are the ones who are now staging reunions. Well, other than the fact that these talentless loser hacks need money and are finding that as irrelevant and pathetic as they were during their careers, they’re even more so now. First, the Spice Skanks, er, Girls, get back together for a cash grab and put together an album with their old “hits’ (Spice Girls and hits in ther same sentence, the ultimate oxymoron) with a couple of new tracks and trying to sucker Victoria’s Secret patrons into buying it, but now it’s an even more musically inept group, the New Kids On the Block. Yes, the pieces of crap who were on every sleeping bag, lunch box and trapper keeper when you were in elementary school and tried to reform once before and conceal their real identity by going with the name N.K.O.T.B. (good one, idiots, no one was going to figure that out!) are allegedly attempting another comeback. Jordan and Jon Knight, Joey McIntyre, Donnie Wahlberg and Danny Wood are trying to revive something that was never alive to begin with, attempting to create buzz by a slow resurrection of their website, nkotb.com. Just when Mark Wahlberg was finally doing something to erase the shame that little bro Donnie did to the Wahlberg family name with the first incarnation of this poseur man-band act, Donnie is back with his fellow man-banders to undo it. There’s still time to prevent this travesty from happening, y’all. We need to organize and rally quickly, because if there’s one thing none of us needs right now, it’s another bunch of man banders parading around in matching outfits and knocking out synchronized dance moves with their frosted hair bobbing in unison.
- Tow straight days, two tales of protests, this one involving angry Russians clashing with police. While I’m sure that a healthy amount of vodka fueled the skirmish, I just don’t care, as long as there’s anti-authority violence going on. This particular violent outburst involved demonstrators angry with the leadership of Ingushetia, leading them to throw rocks and firebombs (firebombs? Awesome, Russians, just awesome!) at police. The impetus for the riot was the government’s starting of a major security operation in the troubled southern Russian region. The militant response from the citizens led police to fire live rounds into the air above the heads of more than 300 protestors who had gathered in the central square in the town of Nazran. Only 300 people, but still enough of an opposition movement to muster up some firebombs and hurl rocks at the police, that is sweet. Let that be a lesson to all of your aspiring social and political dissident out there: you don’t need massive numbers as long as you have firebombs. Props to you, Russian demonstrators, for not letting The Man hold you down!
- Glad to see your movie standards are still set nice and low, America. You proved as much by making a lame, hack-job of a sad-sack comedy like Meet the Spartans the top film at the box office this past weekend. Yes, the film’s modest take of $18.7 million isn’t going to be setting any records, but that’s beside the point. If that’s the movie most Americans prefer to go see, then I feel genuinely sad for this country. When Rambo, the latest incarnation of the retread action franchise starring Sly Stallone (seriously, can this guy do anything but churn out sequels of tired action film franchises that were dead in the ‘80s?) is the second highest-earning movie and it’s actually the better of the two choices at the top of the earnings list, that doesn’t say good things either. C’mon, America, it’s a new year and a chance to start fresh and stop patronizing sucky movies that shouldn’t have been made to begin with. We can do this, we can stamp out crap from our theaters, but we need to come together and take a stand…..
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Bad news for stoners, hockey is still irrelevant and Amy Winehouse lives her music
- The NHL All-Star Game was played over the weekend. No, seriously, it was. You may not have known it and until stumbling across the box score from the game in my local paper yesterday, I may not have known it either, but apparently it did happen. I doubt it was televised on any channel of relevance and I’m assuming it received the crappy time slot it so richly deserves, so avoiding it, either intentionally or unintentionally was easy to do. From what I can gather, the game was held in Atlanta, always a hotbed of hockey activity. I mean, when you think hockey, who among us doesn’t think the ATL? The Eastern Conference defeated the Western Conference by an 8-7 score, meaning some mullet-wearing Euros and Canadians in one color of uniforms beat some mullet-wearing Euros and Canadians in different colored unis. I could track down the names of the participants, but I wouldn’t know who they are and neither would you, so why bother? I’m honestly not kidding when I say that I didn’t know the game was even being played this past weekend until after the fact when I happened to see the score. That’s how irrelevant the NHL has become in the United States, even big sports fans like myself don’t know or care about its showcase event. Thanks for nothing, hockey, now go back to irrelevance and indifference where you belong.
- Way to show some spine, Frenchies. Normally the French are only offensive when it comes to their B.O., but thousands of French workers went on a very different kind of offensive recently to demand higher salaries and to protest job cuts. Tens of thousands of civil servants all across the country took to the streets to make their voice heard, including teachers, hospital workers, firefighters and postal workers. Sanitation workers, no….mostly because as far as anyone knows, no one in France actually pays attention to sanitation. But anyhow, back to the protests…..the government dismissed it as a “labor ritual,” but they need to think again. This isn’t just one small, isolated protest here. This is tens of thousands of people marching en masse to let you know how they feel. Ordinarily I would rip the Frenchies for not mixing in looting, rioting, property destruction and arson, but since it is the French we’re talking about, it’s just nice to see them protest at all. Coming on the heels of the riots and anti-police violence from French teenagers last month following the deaths of two of their peers in a fiery motorcycle-police car crash, I’d say it looks like France is finally becoming a place where people know how to be social dissidents….
- God bless you, South Carolina. Although I’m still pissed at the Republicans in South Carolina for not getting the joke and banning fake news host/satirist Stephen Colbert’s tongue-in-cheek plan to run on the presidential ballot in his home state (grow a sense of humor, ass hats), I’m definitely down with the state’s Democrats, who dealt a crushing defeat to Sen. Hank Clinton in Monday’s Democratic primary. Barack Obama won the state, doubling up on Hank by a 55 percent to 27 percent margin. John Edwards, who should be dropping out of the race any day now, tallied a paltry 18 percent to come in third. But one more state goes the right direction and I am pumped! It’s going to take each and every one of us to prevent the absolute travesty that having a militant, femin-Nazi like Hank in the White House would be. I’m also getting increasingly tired of Hank’s husband Bubba Clinton out there trying to shill for her. Look, a-hole, we tolerated you in office for too long, but now that you’re not our leader, you’re nothing more than a punch line and a funny caricature of your former self, so beat it. Congrats on the victory, Barack, let’s keep this train a-rollin’…..
- The California Supreme Court is no friend of stoners. Why that is, I don’t have a clue. I just know that the justices on the court have dealt a major blow to the state’s status as a place where sick people can get fraudulent prescriptions allowing them to get high, er smoke weed to help alleviate their pain. In a ruling this past week, the court declared that employers can fire workers who use medical marijuana, even if their hippie lettuce was prescribed by a doctor. This particular case saw the court uphold the firing of a man whose employer found out that he used marijuana for alleged medicinal purposes. Gary Ross sustained a back injury while in the Air Force and his doctor wrote him a scrip for the tree, but apparently that’s not good enough. Right, because we want to make it harder for the people who actually do have a legitimate use for the drug, Cali Supreme Court. I know some people abuse that right, but that doesn’t mean those who use it the way the law intends should be punished too. Your state is a haven for stoners from north to south, east to west, so you’re fighting a losing battle anyhow. Just give it up, roll a fattie and pass the Cheetos, please…..
- Let’s hope all of Amy Winehouse’s songs don’t prove as autobiographical as her most popular single, Rehab. She b*tched about it for the better part of four minutes in one of the most indecipherable, incomprehensible, rambling and incoherent songs of this or any other decade, and now the British pop tart has headed off to experience rehab first hand. Worse yet, she’s checked in voluntarily. Way to go soft, Winehouse. I thought you were this tough, hardcore alkie wench, but no, you’ve sold out. Of course, you were about to ruin yoru life and career the way you were going, so maybe it wasn’t all bad. “Amy decided to enter the facility today after talks with her record label, management, family and doctors,” read a statement from Universal Music Group. “She has come to understand that she requires specialist treatment to continue her ongoing recovery from drug addiction.” Let me sum that up for you more concisely: She’s a lush who was about to ruin her career if she didn’t get sober. The only problem here is that now I don’t know what she’s going to write about or if she’ll even be able to write songs sober and straight. On the other hand, that would be a good thing for the rest of us, so please do sober up, Amy….
- Way to show some spine, Frenchies. Normally the French are only offensive when it comes to their B.O., but thousands of French workers went on a very different kind of offensive recently to demand higher salaries and to protest job cuts. Tens of thousands of civil servants all across the country took to the streets to make their voice heard, including teachers, hospital workers, firefighters and postal workers. Sanitation workers, no….mostly because as far as anyone knows, no one in France actually pays attention to sanitation. But anyhow, back to the protests…..the government dismissed it as a “labor ritual,” but they need to think again. This isn’t just one small, isolated protest here. This is tens of thousands of people marching en masse to let you know how they feel. Ordinarily I would rip the Frenchies for not mixing in looting, rioting, property destruction and arson, but since it is the French we’re talking about, it’s just nice to see them protest at all. Coming on the heels of the riots and anti-police violence from French teenagers last month following the deaths of two of their peers in a fiery motorcycle-police car crash, I’d say it looks like France is finally becoming a place where people know how to be social dissidents….
- God bless you, South Carolina. Although I’m still pissed at the Republicans in South Carolina for not getting the joke and banning fake news host/satirist Stephen Colbert’s tongue-in-cheek plan to run on the presidential ballot in his home state (grow a sense of humor, ass hats), I’m definitely down with the state’s Democrats, who dealt a crushing defeat to Sen. Hank Clinton in Monday’s Democratic primary. Barack Obama won the state, doubling up on Hank by a 55 percent to 27 percent margin. John Edwards, who should be dropping out of the race any day now, tallied a paltry 18 percent to come in third. But one more state goes the right direction and I am pumped! It’s going to take each and every one of us to prevent the absolute travesty that having a militant, femin-Nazi like Hank in the White House would be. I’m also getting increasingly tired of Hank’s husband Bubba Clinton out there trying to shill for her. Look, a-hole, we tolerated you in office for too long, but now that you’re not our leader, you’re nothing more than a punch line and a funny caricature of your former self, so beat it. Congrats on the victory, Barack, let’s keep this train a-rollin’…..
- The California Supreme Court is no friend of stoners. Why that is, I don’t have a clue. I just know that the justices on the court have dealt a major blow to the state’s status as a place where sick people can get fraudulent prescriptions allowing them to get high, er smoke weed to help alleviate their pain. In a ruling this past week, the court declared that employers can fire workers who use medical marijuana, even if their hippie lettuce was prescribed by a doctor. This particular case saw the court uphold the firing of a man whose employer found out that he used marijuana for alleged medicinal purposes. Gary Ross sustained a back injury while in the Air Force and his doctor wrote him a scrip for the tree, but apparently that’s not good enough. Right, because we want to make it harder for the people who actually do have a legitimate use for the drug, Cali Supreme Court. I know some people abuse that right, but that doesn’t mean those who use it the way the law intends should be punished too. Your state is a haven for stoners from north to south, east to west, so you’re fighting a losing battle anyhow. Just give it up, roll a fattie and pass the Cheetos, please…..
- Let’s hope all of Amy Winehouse’s songs don’t prove as autobiographical as her most popular single, Rehab. She b*tched about it for the better part of four minutes in one of the most indecipherable, incomprehensible, rambling and incoherent songs of this or any other decade, and now the British pop tart has headed off to experience rehab first hand. Worse yet, she’s checked in voluntarily. Way to go soft, Winehouse. I thought you were this tough, hardcore alkie wench, but no, you’ve sold out. Of course, you were about to ruin yoru life and career the way you were going, so maybe it wasn’t all bad. “Amy decided to enter the facility today after talks with her record label, management, family and doctors,” read a statement from Universal Music Group. “She has come to understand that she requires specialist treatment to continue her ongoing recovery from drug addiction.” Let me sum that up for you more concisely: She’s a lush who was about to ruin her career if she didn’t get sober. The only problem here is that now I don’t know what she’s going to write about or if she’ll even be able to write songs sober and straight. On the other hand, that would be a good thing for the rest of us, so please do sober up, Amy….
Monday, January 28, 2008
X-Games wrap, I rip W. again and the NFL too
- Last week I wondered about the reason for a break in the run of new Prison Break episodes, with this Monday providing an unwelcome interruption in a string of the five remaining new episodes. Well, now that I know the reason, some of you might think that I’m feeling a little bit foolish, given the fact that the State of the Union speech is the reason for this situation. After all, it’s the President of the United States addressing the nation, so that’s got to trump a new episode of Prison Break, right? Wrong. Now that I know the reason, I’m even more pissed than I was before. My favorite shows aren’t on because that ass hat W. is hogging every major network, going on for more than an hour, mangling the English language, spouting lies and half-truths and fumbling through a speech someone else wrote for him? I’m missing PB so I can hear a president on his way out talk about what a mess he’s made of our country? Thank God there’s college basketball and some pro wrestling on, because either of those is a far superior choice to W. The State of the Union address is compounded in its horr-a because the idiots there to hear the speech in person stand up and applaud every time the president says two words. If there was ever a time to be grateful for the advent of cable television, tomorrow night would be it. I may not have the show I really want to watch on, but I have lots of other alternatives that are better than W., including the Food Network, QVC, ESPN, ESPN2, ESPN Classic, ESPNEWS, Lifetime, TNT, TBS, CSTV, NFL Network, ABC Family, Fox Sports, Hallmark Channel, History Channel, MTV, MTV2…….
- Guess what should have happened yesterday? If you said the Super Bowl, you’re right? Someone, anyone, please explain to me why it’s a good idea for the NFL to wait two freaking weeks between the conference championship games and the Super Bowl. It sure can’t be because there’s enough to talk about during those two weeks to build interest for the big game, because Lord knows we ran out of pertinent points to discuss midway through last week when images of Tom Brady traipsing around the Upper East side were running nonstop on news outlets. It can’t be because the teams need two weeks to prepare, because NFL teams prepare for games all year, including the playoffs, with one week or less to get ready. It also can’t be because you need an extra week to build the buzz for the game, because it’s the f’ing Super Bowl. If people aren’t already interested with one week of prep time, I really don’t think you’re going to win them over with an extra week of speculation about whether or not Tom Brady is walking with a noticeable limp at s Super Bowl rally held in Boston to send off the Patriots with a boost to Glendale. I’m as big of a football fan as anyone, but I can say truthfully that having that extra week before the game kills a lot of the buzz and severely dampens my enthusiasm for the Bowl. By the time it finally gets here, I’m pissed and just ready for it to be done with already because we’ve been talking about the damn thing for two weeks.
- Boy, you know there are a lot of pissed off degenerate gamblers out there right now. Never mind that a fire hit the 32-floor Monte Carlo Casino and Resort in Las Vegas and may have done serious damage to the structure. Never mind that debris rained down from the building and forced the evacuation of many. You can be sure that there were more than a few losers who had the perfect hand when the fire hit and didn’t get to play that hand out because they were forced to evacuate. I would feel bad for the casino, but a) they have insurance, I’m sure, and b) they’re suckering degenerate gamblers out of millions of dollars a day. I’m glad to hear that no one was hurt, but as it turns out, your money may not be the only thing you’re gambling with when you make a trip to Vegas. Your health and safety may also be at risk depending on where you stay.
- Because I’m now an avowed X-Games junkie, here are the results from Winter X 12, held last week on Buttermilk Mountain in Aspen, Colo.
SNOWBOARD RESULTS
MEN'S SUPERPIPE
Medals: Gold: Shaun White | Silver: Ryoh Aono | Bronze: Kevin Pearce
How it went down: In the finale event of WXG12, 21-year-old Shaun White earned his record 12th Winter X medal with a gold in SuperPipe.
WOMEN'S SUPERPIPE
Medals: Gold: Gretchen Bleiler | Silver: Torah Bright | Bronze: Kelly Clark
How it went down: Hometown hero and ESPN The Magazine covergirl, Gretchen Bleiler, won on a night when new trick after new trick for women’s snowboarding was pulled out by competitors, and in the process she was able to add another gold to her collection.
MEN'S SLOPESTYLE
Medals: Gold: Andreas Wiig | Silver: Kevin Pearce | Bronze: Shaun White
How it went down: Shaun White broke his board, switched to a new stick and settled for bronze. Heikki Sorsa wowwed us by popping out of his binding mid-run (on purpose) and landing a jump, although it only got him fifth place. Long story short, Heavenly's Andreas Wiig quietly defended his slopestyle title.
WOMEN’S SLOPESTYLE
Medals: Gold: Jamie Anderson | Silver: Claudia Fliri | Bronze: Spencer O'Brien
How it went down: When the slope's veteran dominatrix Janna Meyen didn't qualify, the young gun, 16-year-old Jamie Anderson soared to her second gold medal in as many years.
MEN'S BIG AIR
Medals: Gold: Torstein Horgmo | Silver: Kevin Pearce
How it went down: It boiled down to Horgmo, the Trondheim, Norway native and Winter X newcomer, who landed a sick switch 1260 and outdid Pearce when it counted.
MEN'S SNOWBOARDER X
Medals: Gold: Nate Holland | Silver: Markus Schairer | Bronze: David Speiser
How it went down: Shaun Palmer faltered and allowed Nate Holland to grab his third consecutive gold with an excalamation point.
WOMEN'S SNOWBOARDER X
Medals: Gold: Lindsey Jacobellis | Silver: Tanja Fredien | Bronze: Sandra Frei
How it went down: Lindsey Jacobellis fended off Dominique Maltais and her finish line demons from the Olmypics and last year’s Winter X for her first X gold in three years.
SKI RESULTS
MEN'S SUPERPIPE
Medals: Gold: Tanner Hall | Silver: Simon Dumont | Bronze: Colby West
How it went down: In the latest Simon v. Tanner duel, Tanner Hall was a mere 1.3 points better, earning a pipe three-peat and his seventh gold medal -- the most for any athlete in Winter X history.
WOMEN'S SUPERPIPE
Medals: Gold: Sarah Burke | Silver: Mirjam Jaeger | Bronze: Jen Hudak
How it went down: Sarah Burke was never seriously challenged and earned one of the less-contested medals at this year’s games, her second consecutive SuperPipe gold.
MEN'S BIG AIR
Medals: Gold: Jon Olsson
How it went down: The return of Big Air to X Games was a huge success, by far one of the most exciting events of the week. Jon Olsson's Kangaroo Flip earned him his first X gold medal since 2001.
MEN'S SLOPESTYLE
Medals: Gold: Andreas Hatveit | Silver: Jossi Wells | Bronze: Jon Olsson How it went down: Norwegian Andreas Hatveit came through on his last run of the competition to beat out New Zealander Jossi Wells for the top prize.
MONO SKIER X
Medals: Gold: Kees-Jan van der Klooster | Silver: Tyler Walker | Bronze: Chris Devlin-Young
How it went down: K-J van der Klooster picked up his first X Games medal in dominating fashion. The next two spots on the podium went to familiar faces, but the night belonged to the Norwegian.
MEN'S SKIER X
Medals: Gold: Daron Rahlves | Silver: Stanley Hayer | Bronze: Casey Puckett
How it went down: The course ate up skier after skier, but veteran Daron Rahlves topped Canadian Stanley Hayer and defending X Games gold medalist Casey Puckett to take the gold in a wreck-filled day on the slopes.
WOMEN'S SKIER X
Medals: Gold: Ophelie David | Silver: Hedda Bernsten | Bronze: Magdalena Jonsson
How it went down: France's Ophelie David managed to repeated last year's golden performance with a solid, no-mistakes run.
SPEED & STYLE
Medals: Gold: Levi LaVallee | Silver: Sam Rogers | Bronze: Joe Parsons
How it went down: In the first appearance of this new snowmobile discipline at Winter X, rising star Levi LaVallee picked up the first gold medal in his quest for a sweep of all three sled events.
SNOCROSS
Medals: Gold: Tucker Hibbert | Silver: Brett Turcotte | Bronze: D.J. Eckstrom
How it went down: LaVallee’s quest for his second gold fell apart after he fell off his sled, but the race was dominated by Tucker Hibbert, who repeated as SnoCross champion finishing the 12-lap race well ahead of the field.
FREESTYLE
Medals: Gold: Levi LaVallee | Silver: Joe Parsons | Bronze: Heath Frisby
How it went down: Four medals, including three gold, have to make for a happy Levi LeValle, the most golden guy on a sled.
- Boy, I didn’t think the current administration in charge of this country gave a damn about the environment. Seriously, name one thing W. and his posse of tools have done to positively impact the environment….just as I thought, you can’t think of a single one. Thus, I’m flat-out stunned that a Reno, Nev. woman is being prosecuted by the government for allegedly cutting down three century-old trees on federally protected land near Lake Tahoe. The best part of this is the reason why she felled the tall timbers: they were blocking her view. Awesome. To hell with the environment, to hell with trees that are historic and federally protected, they’re blocking my view of the lake, dammit, and I’m rich enough to have them torn down. Good thinking, ace. Normally I’m all for giving a middle finger to the government, but in this case, your rich a** is out of line. Rich people feel so entitled and arrogant that most of the time, they’re just as loathsome as the government. Enjoy your hefty fine, lady, hope that was worth the trouble.
- Guess what should have happened yesterday? If you said the Super Bowl, you’re right? Someone, anyone, please explain to me why it’s a good idea for the NFL to wait two freaking weeks between the conference championship games and the Super Bowl. It sure can’t be because there’s enough to talk about during those two weeks to build interest for the big game, because Lord knows we ran out of pertinent points to discuss midway through last week when images of Tom Brady traipsing around the Upper East side were running nonstop on news outlets. It can’t be because the teams need two weeks to prepare, because NFL teams prepare for games all year, including the playoffs, with one week or less to get ready. It also can’t be because you need an extra week to build the buzz for the game, because it’s the f’ing Super Bowl. If people aren’t already interested with one week of prep time, I really don’t think you’re going to win them over with an extra week of speculation about whether or not Tom Brady is walking with a noticeable limp at s Super Bowl rally held in Boston to send off the Patriots with a boost to Glendale. I’m as big of a football fan as anyone, but I can say truthfully that having that extra week before the game kills a lot of the buzz and severely dampens my enthusiasm for the Bowl. By the time it finally gets here, I’m pissed and just ready for it to be done with already because we’ve been talking about the damn thing for two weeks.
- Boy, you know there are a lot of pissed off degenerate gamblers out there right now. Never mind that a fire hit the 32-floor Monte Carlo Casino and Resort in Las Vegas and may have done serious damage to the structure. Never mind that debris rained down from the building and forced the evacuation of many. You can be sure that there were more than a few losers who had the perfect hand when the fire hit and didn’t get to play that hand out because they were forced to evacuate. I would feel bad for the casino, but a) they have insurance, I’m sure, and b) they’re suckering degenerate gamblers out of millions of dollars a day. I’m glad to hear that no one was hurt, but as it turns out, your money may not be the only thing you’re gambling with when you make a trip to Vegas. Your health and safety may also be at risk depending on where you stay.
- Because I’m now an avowed X-Games junkie, here are the results from Winter X 12, held last week on Buttermilk Mountain in Aspen, Colo.
SNOWBOARD RESULTS
MEN'S SUPERPIPE
Medals: Gold: Shaun White | Silver: Ryoh Aono | Bronze: Kevin Pearce
How it went down: In the finale event of WXG12, 21-year-old Shaun White earned his record 12th Winter X medal with a gold in SuperPipe.
WOMEN'S SUPERPIPE
Medals: Gold: Gretchen Bleiler | Silver: Torah Bright | Bronze: Kelly Clark
How it went down: Hometown hero and ESPN The Magazine covergirl, Gretchen Bleiler, won on a night when new trick after new trick for women’s snowboarding was pulled out by competitors, and in the process she was able to add another gold to her collection.
MEN'S SLOPESTYLE
Medals: Gold: Andreas Wiig | Silver: Kevin Pearce | Bronze: Shaun White
How it went down: Shaun White broke his board, switched to a new stick and settled for bronze. Heikki Sorsa wowwed us by popping out of his binding mid-run (on purpose) and landing a jump, although it only got him fifth place. Long story short, Heavenly's Andreas Wiig quietly defended his slopestyle title.
WOMEN’S SLOPESTYLE
Medals: Gold: Jamie Anderson | Silver: Claudia Fliri | Bronze: Spencer O'Brien
How it went down: When the slope's veteran dominatrix Janna Meyen didn't qualify, the young gun, 16-year-old Jamie Anderson soared to her second gold medal in as many years.
MEN'S BIG AIR
Medals: Gold: Torstein Horgmo | Silver: Kevin Pearce
How it went down: It boiled down to Horgmo, the Trondheim, Norway native and Winter X newcomer, who landed a sick switch 1260 and outdid Pearce when it counted.
MEN'S SNOWBOARDER X
Medals: Gold: Nate Holland | Silver: Markus Schairer | Bronze: David Speiser
How it went down: Shaun Palmer faltered and allowed Nate Holland to grab his third consecutive gold with an excalamation point.
WOMEN'S SNOWBOARDER X
Medals: Gold: Lindsey Jacobellis | Silver: Tanja Fredien | Bronze: Sandra Frei
How it went down: Lindsey Jacobellis fended off Dominique Maltais and her finish line demons from the Olmypics and last year’s Winter X for her first X gold in three years.
SKI RESULTS
MEN'S SUPERPIPE
Medals: Gold: Tanner Hall | Silver: Simon Dumont | Bronze: Colby West
How it went down: In the latest Simon v. Tanner duel, Tanner Hall was a mere 1.3 points better, earning a pipe three-peat and his seventh gold medal -- the most for any athlete in Winter X history.
WOMEN'S SUPERPIPE
Medals: Gold: Sarah Burke | Silver: Mirjam Jaeger | Bronze: Jen Hudak
How it went down: Sarah Burke was never seriously challenged and earned one of the less-contested medals at this year’s games, her second consecutive SuperPipe gold.
MEN'S BIG AIR
Medals: Gold: Jon Olsson
How it went down: The return of Big Air to X Games was a huge success, by far one of the most exciting events of the week. Jon Olsson's Kangaroo Flip earned him his first X gold medal since 2001.
MEN'S SLOPESTYLE
Medals: Gold: Andreas Hatveit | Silver: Jossi Wells | Bronze: Jon Olsson How it went down: Norwegian Andreas Hatveit came through on his last run of the competition to beat out New Zealander Jossi Wells for the top prize.
MONO SKIER X
Medals: Gold: Kees-Jan van der Klooster | Silver: Tyler Walker | Bronze: Chris Devlin-Young
How it went down: K-J van der Klooster picked up his first X Games medal in dominating fashion. The next two spots on the podium went to familiar faces, but the night belonged to the Norwegian.
MEN'S SKIER X
Medals: Gold: Daron Rahlves | Silver: Stanley Hayer | Bronze: Casey Puckett
How it went down: The course ate up skier after skier, but veteran Daron Rahlves topped Canadian Stanley Hayer and defending X Games gold medalist Casey Puckett to take the gold in a wreck-filled day on the slopes.
WOMEN'S SKIER X
Medals: Gold: Ophelie David | Silver: Hedda Bernsten | Bronze: Magdalena Jonsson
How it went down: France's Ophelie David managed to repeated last year's golden performance with a solid, no-mistakes run.
SPEED & STYLE
Medals: Gold: Levi LaVallee | Silver: Sam Rogers | Bronze: Joe Parsons
How it went down: In the first appearance of this new snowmobile discipline at Winter X, rising star Levi LaVallee picked up the first gold medal in his quest for a sweep of all three sled events.
SNOCROSS
Medals: Gold: Tucker Hibbert | Silver: Brett Turcotte | Bronze: D.J. Eckstrom
How it went down: LaVallee’s quest for his second gold fell apart after he fell off his sled, but the race was dominated by Tucker Hibbert, who repeated as SnoCross champion finishing the 12-lap race well ahead of the field.
FREESTYLE
Medals: Gold: Levi LaVallee | Silver: Joe Parsons | Bronze: Heath Frisby
How it went down: Four medals, including three gold, have to make for a happy Levi LeValle, the most golden guy on a sled.
- Boy, I didn’t think the current administration in charge of this country gave a damn about the environment. Seriously, name one thing W. and his posse of tools have done to positively impact the environment….just as I thought, you can’t think of a single one. Thus, I’m flat-out stunned that a Reno, Nev. woman is being prosecuted by the government for allegedly cutting down three century-old trees on federally protected land near Lake Tahoe. The best part of this is the reason why she felled the tall timbers: they were blocking her view. Awesome. To hell with the environment, to hell with trees that are historic and federally protected, they’re blocking my view of the lake, dammit, and I’m rich enough to have them torn down. Good thinking, ace. Normally I’m all for giving a middle finger to the government, but in this case, your rich a** is out of line. Rich people feel so entitled and arrogant that most of the time, they’re just as loathsome as the government. Enjoy your hefty fine, lady, hope that was worth the trouble.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
High times for Lil Wayne, bad times for Rich Fraud-riguez and a barefoot basketball coach
- Rich Fraud-riguez is at it again. This guy keeps proving how much of a classless a-hole he is and refuses to stop. Now he’s concocting a new lie to try and wriggle his way out of honoring the buyout clause in his contract with West Virginia University. Just a couple of days ago, it came out that more than two weeks after he was sued over a $4 million buyout clause in his contract at West Virginia, Rich Rodriguez turned in a second resignation letter, claiming university president Mike Garrison reneged on a deal to reduce and possibly eliminate that clause. The school is denying that such a promise was made. The letter obtained by The Associated Press and bearing Rodriguez's name is an indication of the strategy his legal defense will take when he files a response to that lawsuit in U.S. District Court. The deadline is Feb. 4. Fraud-riguez resigned with a one-sentence letter on Dec. 18 to take the coaching job at Michigan, with his latest feeble lie, er, letter dated Jan. 10. “President Garrison made no agreement to reduce or eliminate the buyout clause,” the university’s legal counsel told the AP. “The agreement between Mr. Rodriguez and the university is that which is set forth in the contract, and the terms of the contact are clear and unambiguous. And it's important to note that Mr. Rodriguez had the benefit of counsel representing him as well as a financial agent throughout the negotiations leading up to the signing of the contract." In other words, Fraud-riguez lawyer-ed up and doesn’t have any excuse for not honoring the deal he made. Thus, he’s now going to outright lying. The disintegration of the relationship between Fraud-riguez and the WVU athletic department is documented in a series of e-mails written over a five-month period and released under the West Virginia Freedom of Information Act. They show Fraud-riguez's agent, Mike Brown, fighting to get his client more operational and marketing control over the football program, and over money Rodriguez helped raise through a booster organization he founded. They also show Brown threatening to take his client elsewhere as early as mid-November. Then Fraud-riguez stunningly leapt at the Michigan job and refused to honor the $4 million buyout clause in his WVU deal. Thus, WVU sued Rodriguez for breach of contract Dec. 27.
In his latest letter, sent to athletic director Ed Pastilong, Rodriguez restates his displeasure with how slowly WVU was responding to additional demands he made in December 2006, when he passed up a $12 million deal at Alabama. They included allowing him to have his own Web site, an issue that raised possible legal concerns for the university. Right, because what’s more important, coaching your kids, running a great program and molding young men or making sure you have your own website to promote your own interests. In spite of all concerns, though, Fraud-riguez ultimately signed the new contract with WVU on Aug. 24, 2007. The university has acknowledged it planned (key word PLANNED) to reduce his buyout clause to $2 million in 2008, the Jan. 10 letter claims that Garrison told Rodriguez "he did not believe in buyouts" and might eliminate it entirely. A likely story, I’m sure. It doesn’t matter what the university INTENDED to do, and although I believe 101 percent that the promise to abolish the clause entirely is a lie, even if it was made, oral agreements are only as good as the paper they’re written on, Fraud-riguez. A noted liar like you should know that. “He knew I did not want to sign it with the large buyout but assured me that as soon as he took office he would address it,” the letter says. “I told him the $4 million buyout was unfair and Garrison agreed but said the Board of Governors would not change it at the time due to publicity concerns.” E-mails from Garrison chief of staff Craig Walker show the university was still working on Rodriguez's demands as of Dec. 13, 2007, and the administration did not change its position after that date. Rodriguez's letter, however, claims that he was told on Dec. 15 in a private meeting with Garrison that the university had done all it could and would not honor his outstanding requests. TDB, Rich-er, TDB. Too Damn Bad. You’re a money-grubbing bastard, a disingenuous SOB and a bona-fide piece of crap. You’re now making up whatever lies you think will help your case and you look like garbage for doing it.
- We finally have an answer to the age-old question of whether or not you can drop out of something that you were never officially in to begin with. Fred Thompson has given us conclusive proof that indeed you can do so, thanks to his decision to pull out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination. Thompson announced his decision Wednesday, much to the surprise of no one who had even remotely followed the race up to this point. It’s not a surprise because much like the guy selling peanuts and $7.50 hot dogs in the concourse at a NASCAR race, Thompson was never actually part of the race itself on the track. No one took him seriously, mostly because he seemed to have little substance to his campaign other than a bizarrely overzealous hatred of illegal immigrants and a desire to ruin their lives. “Today, I have withdrawn my candidacy for president of the United States,” Thompson announced in a brief statement issued shortly after another a**-kicking for the former Law & Order star in the South Carolina primary. Thanks for that stunning news, Freddy. In that spirit, I’m also announcing that I am withdrawing my candidacy for emperor of the universe and also my quest to make the 2008 Summer Olympics in basketball, baseball, track and field and beach volleyball all at the same time. We don’t need an official withdrawal announcement from you, F. Thompson, what we need is an apology for wasting our time with your ridiculous and pathetic excuse for a campaign.
- After mentioning a classless piece of crap in the coaching ranks like Rich Fraud-riguez, it’s nice to present a polar opposite from the same profession, someone who has a bit of class and shows it through his words and actions. Ron Hunter, the head basketball coach at Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis, a.k.a. IUPUI, led his Jaguars against Oakland University in a Summit League game Thursday night minus a key piece of his coaching wardrobe - his shoes. But this wasn’t some quirky fashion statement; it was to raise awareness and support for a fantastic cause. Hunter and his team are in the middle of an admirable campaign to collect athletic shoes for children in need in Africa, something the coach started a month ago after meeting Samaritan's Feet founder Emmanuel “Manny” Ohonme. Hunter originally set a goal of collecting 30,000 pairs. After news of his efforts started to spread and shoes started coming in, he mentioned he might increase the goal to 40,000, in honor of the 40th anniversary of the death of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. By the time his team tipped off against Oakland, he had 110,000 pairs. “When we started this I thought 40,000 was going to be tough,” Hunter told the Indianapolis Star. “When they told me before the game we already had 100,000, honestly, I almost broke down in tears.” More than 1,000 fans attended the game at IUPUI Gymnasium -- and some of the students showed up barefoot, in support of Hunter, despite freezing temperatures outside. The school announced that the U.S. Department of Homeland Security had donated 10,000 pairs, with the possibility of more to come. Soles4Souls, a Nashville-based charity, donated 40,000 pairs. Wal-Mart gave 25,000; Nine West, a women's shoe company, offered another 5,200. Converse donated 15,000 during Hunter's appearance on ESPN Radio's “Mike & Mike in the Morning” on Thursday.
Most of the shoes are being shipped directly to Samaritan's Feet, based in Charlotte, N.C. The non-profit group was started four years ago by Ohonme, a Nigerian whose own goal is to get shoes to 10 million people in 10 years. Hunter, with a fresh pedicure, coached the Jaguars to an 82-69 victory. “My feet hurt so bad,” he stated after the game. “But imagine a child or a human going their whole lives without shoes.” Hunter, 43, said he has been deeply affected by Samaritan's Feet and the mission he's joined, and his players have been touched as well. Some of them are want to join Hunter this summer, when he flies to Africa to help distribute the shoes. Hunter has said he would like to go specifically to Cameroon, the homeland of Jaguars freshman guard Christian Siakam. An unidentified man with no ties to IUPUI has offered to charter a jet to fly the team and the shoes to Africa -- pending NCAA approval, of course. Let’s hope the NCAA doesn’t find a way to screw up a good thing like it usually does and that they allow as many players as are able to go on this life-changing trip. Props to Ron Hunter for using his position as a coach of a simple game like basketball that isn’t the be-all, end-all, and using it to change lives in a major way. Visit samaritansfeet.org for more information on supporting this great cause. Donations can still be made up until Hunter leaves this summer, so there’s time.
- Lil Wayne is apparently big on illegal drugs. The rapper, whose real name is Dwayne Michael Carter Jr. (very hip hop name, for sure), was arrested on threee felony drug charges after federal agents searched his tour bus at a checkpoint in southwestern Arizona and found illegala drugs, including cocaine. Lil Wayne faces charges of possession of dangerous drugs, narcotics and drug paraphernalia. The bus was stopped at about 11:30 p.m. Wednesday night and a Border Patrol dog sniffed out the drugs. Among the items found during the search were: marijuana, cocaine, drug paraphernalia and a .40-caliber pistol registed to Lil Wayne/Carter. Props on doing your beest Wille Nelson impersonation, Lil Wayne, rolling with a bus full of drugs. I can’t say as I’m surprised, though. I mean, a hip-hopper with drugs, no way. Other than the fact that most of these dudes rap about nothing but bling, women, drugs and cars, what tip offs were there? The true surprise would have been if Lil Wayne hadn’t had a bus filled with drugs. You can probably get a contact high just from driving down the highway a minute after his bus passes by. But you can be sure he’ll get a slap on the wrist and live to get high another day.
- Let’s go out on a limb and say that drug dealers are not generally well-liked people. They just aren’t, what with the breaking of laws, the lying, the selling of drugs that kill people, the guns, the violence, etc. However, that doesn’t make it ok for you to tie up and mug one of them at gunpoint. Drug dealers are people too, and they have rights, such as the right not to be mug and robbed at gunpoint. Two Texas A&M football players need to learn that lesson, because they stand accused of tying up and mugging a drug dealer at gunpoint have been indicted on felony robbery charges, the district attorney's office in College Station, Tex. said this week. Yemi Babalola, 21, and Brandon Joiner, 18, were indicted Thursday on two counts each of aggravated robbery. Joiner also was indicted on one felony count of manufacturing or delivering methamphetamine and two misdemeanor counts of possessing marijuana and hydrocodone, according to the district attorney's office. Babalola also faces a misdemeanor marijuana possession charge. Aggravated robbery is a first-degree felony punishable by 5 to 99 years or life in prison. Manufacturing or delivering a controlled substance is a second-degree felony punishable by 2 to 20 years in prison. Both players have been suspended pending the outcome of their cases, but let’s go ahead and assume they won’t be playing college football ever again. According to the police statement, one resident suffered minor injuries in the alleged Nov. 29 home invasion at the Callaway Villas Apartments. Police said two men entered the apartment, one carrying a semiautomatic pistol. The investigation led to searches of both suspects' homes, where drugs -- marijuana, ecstasy and hydrocodone -- and other evidence were found, according to the police statement.
Hmm, you’re accused of mugging a drug dealer and loads of drug paraphernalia is found in both of your homes….interesting. Some might even call that damning evidence, fellas. Here’s a good question, though. Most people go to college to figure out what career they want for themselves. Both of you apparently already have a career – as criminals and drug dealers. If you already had a life plan, why are you wasting your time in college? Now you can waste your time in prison, though, so your scholarships can be given to guys who will actually go to class, not commit felonies and not totally embarrass their football program and university.
In his latest letter, sent to athletic director Ed Pastilong, Rodriguez restates his displeasure with how slowly WVU was responding to additional demands he made in December 2006, when he passed up a $12 million deal at Alabama. They included allowing him to have his own Web site, an issue that raised possible legal concerns for the university. Right, because what’s more important, coaching your kids, running a great program and molding young men or making sure you have your own website to promote your own interests. In spite of all concerns, though, Fraud-riguez ultimately signed the new contract with WVU on Aug. 24, 2007. The university has acknowledged it planned (key word PLANNED) to reduce his buyout clause to $2 million in 2008, the Jan. 10 letter claims that Garrison told Rodriguez "he did not believe in buyouts" and might eliminate it entirely. A likely story, I’m sure. It doesn’t matter what the university INTENDED to do, and although I believe 101 percent that the promise to abolish the clause entirely is a lie, even if it was made, oral agreements are only as good as the paper they’re written on, Fraud-riguez. A noted liar like you should know that. “He knew I did not want to sign it with the large buyout but assured me that as soon as he took office he would address it,” the letter says. “I told him the $4 million buyout was unfair and Garrison agreed but said the Board of Governors would not change it at the time due to publicity concerns.” E-mails from Garrison chief of staff Craig Walker show the university was still working on Rodriguez's demands as of Dec. 13, 2007, and the administration did not change its position after that date. Rodriguez's letter, however, claims that he was told on Dec. 15 in a private meeting with Garrison that the university had done all it could and would not honor his outstanding requests. TDB, Rich-er, TDB. Too Damn Bad. You’re a money-grubbing bastard, a disingenuous SOB and a bona-fide piece of crap. You’re now making up whatever lies you think will help your case and you look like garbage for doing it.
- We finally have an answer to the age-old question of whether or not you can drop out of something that you were never officially in to begin with. Fred Thompson has given us conclusive proof that indeed you can do so, thanks to his decision to pull out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination. Thompson announced his decision Wednesday, much to the surprise of no one who had even remotely followed the race up to this point. It’s not a surprise because much like the guy selling peanuts and $7.50 hot dogs in the concourse at a NASCAR race, Thompson was never actually part of the race itself on the track. No one took him seriously, mostly because he seemed to have little substance to his campaign other than a bizarrely overzealous hatred of illegal immigrants and a desire to ruin their lives. “Today, I have withdrawn my candidacy for president of the United States,” Thompson announced in a brief statement issued shortly after another a**-kicking for the former Law & Order star in the South Carolina primary. Thanks for that stunning news, Freddy. In that spirit, I’m also announcing that I am withdrawing my candidacy for emperor of the universe and also my quest to make the 2008 Summer Olympics in basketball, baseball, track and field and beach volleyball all at the same time. We don’t need an official withdrawal announcement from you, F. Thompson, what we need is an apology for wasting our time with your ridiculous and pathetic excuse for a campaign.
- After mentioning a classless piece of crap in the coaching ranks like Rich Fraud-riguez, it’s nice to present a polar opposite from the same profession, someone who has a bit of class and shows it through his words and actions. Ron Hunter, the head basketball coach at Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis, a.k.a. IUPUI, led his Jaguars against Oakland University in a Summit League game Thursday night minus a key piece of his coaching wardrobe - his shoes. But this wasn’t some quirky fashion statement; it was to raise awareness and support for a fantastic cause. Hunter and his team are in the middle of an admirable campaign to collect athletic shoes for children in need in Africa, something the coach started a month ago after meeting Samaritan's Feet founder Emmanuel “Manny” Ohonme. Hunter originally set a goal of collecting 30,000 pairs. After news of his efforts started to spread and shoes started coming in, he mentioned he might increase the goal to 40,000, in honor of the 40th anniversary of the death of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. By the time his team tipped off against Oakland, he had 110,000 pairs. “When we started this I thought 40,000 was going to be tough,” Hunter told the Indianapolis Star. “When they told me before the game we already had 100,000, honestly, I almost broke down in tears.” More than 1,000 fans attended the game at IUPUI Gymnasium -- and some of the students showed up barefoot, in support of Hunter, despite freezing temperatures outside. The school announced that the U.S. Department of Homeland Security had donated 10,000 pairs, with the possibility of more to come. Soles4Souls, a Nashville-based charity, donated 40,000 pairs. Wal-Mart gave 25,000; Nine West, a women's shoe company, offered another 5,200. Converse donated 15,000 during Hunter's appearance on ESPN Radio's “Mike & Mike in the Morning” on Thursday.
Most of the shoes are being shipped directly to Samaritan's Feet, based in Charlotte, N.C. The non-profit group was started four years ago by Ohonme, a Nigerian whose own goal is to get shoes to 10 million people in 10 years. Hunter, with a fresh pedicure, coached the Jaguars to an 82-69 victory. “My feet hurt so bad,” he stated after the game. “But imagine a child or a human going their whole lives without shoes.” Hunter, 43, said he has been deeply affected by Samaritan's Feet and the mission he's joined, and his players have been touched as well. Some of them are want to join Hunter this summer, when he flies to Africa to help distribute the shoes. Hunter has said he would like to go specifically to Cameroon, the homeland of Jaguars freshman guard Christian Siakam. An unidentified man with no ties to IUPUI has offered to charter a jet to fly the team and the shoes to Africa -- pending NCAA approval, of course. Let’s hope the NCAA doesn’t find a way to screw up a good thing like it usually does and that they allow as many players as are able to go on this life-changing trip. Props to Ron Hunter for using his position as a coach of a simple game like basketball that isn’t the be-all, end-all, and using it to change lives in a major way. Visit samaritansfeet.org for more information on supporting this great cause. Donations can still be made up until Hunter leaves this summer, so there’s time.
- Lil Wayne is apparently big on illegal drugs. The rapper, whose real name is Dwayne Michael Carter Jr. (very hip hop name, for sure), was arrested on threee felony drug charges after federal agents searched his tour bus at a checkpoint in southwestern Arizona and found illegala drugs, including cocaine. Lil Wayne faces charges of possession of dangerous drugs, narcotics and drug paraphernalia. The bus was stopped at about 11:30 p.m. Wednesday night and a Border Patrol dog sniffed out the drugs. Among the items found during the search were: marijuana, cocaine, drug paraphernalia and a .40-caliber pistol registed to Lil Wayne/Carter. Props on doing your beest Wille Nelson impersonation, Lil Wayne, rolling with a bus full of drugs. I can’t say as I’m surprised, though. I mean, a hip-hopper with drugs, no way. Other than the fact that most of these dudes rap about nothing but bling, women, drugs and cars, what tip offs were there? The true surprise would have been if Lil Wayne hadn’t had a bus filled with drugs. You can probably get a contact high just from driving down the highway a minute after his bus passes by. But you can be sure he’ll get a slap on the wrist and live to get high another day.
- Let’s go out on a limb and say that drug dealers are not generally well-liked people. They just aren’t, what with the breaking of laws, the lying, the selling of drugs that kill people, the guns, the violence, etc. However, that doesn’t make it ok for you to tie up and mug one of them at gunpoint. Drug dealers are people too, and they have rights, such as the right not to be mug and robbed at gunpoint. Two Texas A&M football players need to learn that lesson, because they stand accused of tying up and mugging a drug dealer at gunpoint have been indicted on felony robbery charges, the district attorney's office in College Station, Tex. said this week. Yemi Babalola, 21, and Brandon Joiner, 18, were indicted Thursday on two counts each of aggravated robbery. Joiner also was indicted on one felony count of manufacturing or delivering methamphetamine and two misdemeanor counts of possessing marijuana and hydrocodone, according to the district attorney's office. Babalola also faces a misdemeanor marijuana possession charge. Aggravated robbery is a first-degree felony punishable by 5 to 99 years or life in prison. Manufacturing or delivering a controlled substance is a second-degree felony punishable by 2 to 20 years in prison. Both players have been suspended pending the outcome of their cases, but let’s go ahead and assume they won’t be playing college football ever again. According to the police statement, one resident suffered minor injuries in the alleged Nov. 29 home invasion at the Callaway Villas Apartments. Police said two men entered the apartment, one carrying a semiautomatic pistol. The investigation led to searches of both suspects' homes, where drugs -- marijuana, ecstasy and hydrocodone -- and other evidence were found, according to the police statement.
Hmm, you’re accused of mugging a drug dealer and loads of drug paraphernalia is found in both of your homes….interesting. Some might even call that damning evidence, fellas. Here’s a good question, though. Most people go to college to figure out what career they want for themselves. Both of you apparently already have a career – as criminals and drug dealers. If you already had a life plan, why are you wasting your time in college? Now you can waste your time in prison, though, so your scholarships can be given to guys who will actually go to class, not commit felonies and not totally embarrass their football program and university.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Down with MySpace, good days for women's tennis and the benefits of being hot
- There are going to be a lot of unhappy pedophiles out there when I talk about this next topic. One intrepid soul has suggested an idea so radical, so innovative that it might single-handedly reduce child molestation more than any one step other than shutting down Michael Jackson’s Neverland Child Molestation Center, er, Ranch, January 30 is International Delete Your MySpace Account Day, based on an idea was started by Bloggasm’s Simon Owens. Why no one thought of this long ago, I don’t know. Other than 12-year-old girls and the sexual predators looking to lure those same girls into statutory rape, no one really has much use for MySpace. That and bands looking to launch their careers on the cheap, of course. I support this idea 100 percent, and it’s not just because I’m looking to stamp out child molestation. MySpace has always been the loser friend of the online networking sites, the place losers go when they can’t hack in on places like Facebook. So I encourage any of you reading this who still have a MySpace account to delete in on Jan. 30, do yourself and the world a favor…..
- The best-looking Grand Slam final in women’s tennis in years took place last night/early this morning (depending on which time zone around the world you reside in). The winner, other than dudes worldwide who tuned in, was my girl Maria Sharapova, who trounced Ana Ivanovic in straight sets, 7-5, 6-3, to complete a waltz to the Australian Open title in which she didn’t lose a single set. Her play was even good enough that guys tuning in just to watch the leggy Russian beauty bounce all over the court had to take notice. She came into the tournament as the fifth seed and knocked top seed Justine Henin out in the quarterfinals before taking down the third-seeded Serbian in the final. It was a welcome break from the muscle-bound, mannish presence of Serena Williams in a tournament final, that’s for sure. Also, it was great to see Sharapova break her drought in Grand Slam events. She had two previous major titles, but none since 2004. Welcome back to the top, Maria, hope you stay there for a long time.
- Speaking of all things good-looking, it turns out that hot women can make $25-$50 per hour just for being their hot selves. That’s damn good money when your duties include drinking, looking hot and enjoying parties at the Super Bowl. That’s a task Jenny Stathos, an Arizona State student who’ll be working the Super Bowl party circuit, seems more than capable of completing. She’ll be attending the P. Diddy concert and a party featuring Nick Lachey, among other things, in Glendale in the days leading up to the game. What qualifies Stathos, you ask? She’s 20, very hot and wears a size 2. In other words, the girl who would never talk to you or I and wouldn’t spit on us if we were on fire. So what does she plan to do at these events? “I’ll just try to be myself; I won’t want to be cheesy,” she said about possibly meeting Justin Timberlake at the P.Diddy concert Thursday. Well, seeing as Stathos probably has a deeper, more masculine voice than the weasel-on-helium-sounding Timberlake, no problem there. However, if you want proof that even hot girls have their flaws, look no further than Stathos’ fandom for Timberlake. “I know everything about him. I’m kind of obsessed,” she laughed. There are a few rules the rent-a-hot-chicks must obey:
Don’t get drunk, don’t eat, don’t carry a cell phone, don’t do anything unethical, don’t leave the party until the time agreed upon. In other words, show up in something revealing, serve as eye candy, allow guys to buy you drinks, dance and don’t leave early. Man, hot chicks already have so many advantages, now they get high-paying gigs to do next to nothing…..
- Al Davis is a moron in a white jumpsuit. I’ve heard a lot of guys around the football world cite Davis’ knowledge of the game, but his personnel decision of recent years show he’s a senile bastard with no clue as to how to run a successful franchise in the modern NFL. Bungling the drafting and signing of draft picks like last year’s overall top selection, quarterback JaMarcus Russell, who sat out all of training camp and didn’t sign until the season was underway was merely on example of Davis’ bungling ways. Now he’s pushing for coach Lane Kiffin to resign and is considering Dennis Green as a potential replacement, sources close to Kiffin and the team have said. Davis has gone so far as to draft a letter of resignation for Kiffin to sign, but smartly, Kiffin has refused to do so and has made the balls play of daring Davis to fire him instead. Yes, it’s come to this for Al Davis. He’s signing coaches one year, giving them the most talent-depraved roster in the league and then attempting to force them to resign a year later. Kiffin was 4-12 in his first season as coach and has two years remaining on his contract at an estimated $2 million per year. He did a decent job coaching a piss-poor team, but the real problems have come since the season ended. According to a source close to Kiffin, Davis had promised Kiffin when he hired him that he would have more control over staff and personnel matters than recent Raiders coaches. Kiffin was allowed five offensive assistants and to name his own staff when he took the job after the 2006 season. However, Kiffin and Davis clashed near the conclusion of their postseason evaluation meetings when Kiffin wanted to fire defensive coordinator Rob Ryan. Ryan wanted out to join the New York Jets in a similar capacity, but the Raiders released a statement asking for speculation to cease about the defensive coordinator's future. That tension and Davis’ general refusal to release his iron grip on the franchise despite the fact that he’s senile and out of touch have made for a huge mess. Now Kiffin is busy in Mobile, Ala., where he and the Raiders staff are coaching the North team in the Under Armour Senior Bowl college all-star game. He’s scouting players who he probably won’t get the chance to coach for a team he isn’t like to be with next season. In the letter sent to Kiffin's legal representatives, Davis stated that only he would have control over his staff and full personnel decisions, sources said. That doesn’t bode well for Kiffin, and it’s not because he’s wrong to ask for what he’s asking for. Davis is pathetic and he’s delusional, and any coach he might get to replace Kiffin needs to know that he’s walking into the worst coaching job in the NFL.
- The U.S. Army is getting dumber. Yes, the guys we give the guns and grenades to and trust to protect our country are going the wrong way on the educational curve. And like most negative developments in this country the past few years, that decline can be blamed directly on the abortion that is W.’s on personal Vietnam, the war in Iraq. Because of the pressure to add new recruits to fuel the misguided, moronic invasion of a country that posed no direct threat to us, the army has needed more recruits in a hurry and thus has had to lower its standards, meaning a declining number of new recruits with a high school diploma. A research group studying federal data found that 29 percent of Army recruits for the 2007 budget year didn’t have their diploma or GED. While I still support our men and women in uniform and always, always hope for their safe return from wherever they are, a justified war or not, it doesn’t exactly inspire confidence when you think that we’re taking more and more high school dropouts, right? I mean, think about the guys who dropped out of your high school. Are those losers really the ones you want protecting your country? Again, this wouldn’t be a problem if not for W. and his warmongering ways. If he hadn’t started and sustained a war that never should have happened to begin with, we would not have nearly the troop shortage we now have and wouldn’t have to be accepting this many high school dropouts. Thanks, W., your legacy will haunt this country for years to come…..
- The best-looking Grand Slam final in women’s tennis in years took place last night/early this morning (depending on which time zone around the world you reside in). The winner, other than dudes worldwide who tuned in, was my girl Maria Sharapova, who trounced Ana Ivanovic in straight sets, 7-5, 6-3, to complete a waltz to the Australian Open title in which she didn’t lose a single set. Her play was even good enough that guys tuning in just to watch the leggy Russian beauty bounce all over the court had to take notice. She came into the tournament as the fifth seed and knocked top seed Justine Henin out in the quarterfinals before taking down the third-seeded Serbian in the final. It was a welcome break from the muscle-bound, mannish presence of Serena Williams in a tournament final, that’s for sure. Also, it was great to see Sharapova break her drought in Grand Slam events. She had two previous major titles, but none since 2004. Welcome back to the top, Maria, hope you stay there for a long time.
- Speaking of all things good-looking, it turns out that hot women can make $25-$50 per hour just for being their hot selves. That’s damn good money when your duties include drinking, looking hot and enjoying parties at the Super Bowl. That’s a task Jenny Stathos, an Arizona State student who’ll be working the Super Bowl party circuit, seems more than capable of completing. She’ll be attending the P. Diddy concert and a party featuring Nick Lachey, among other things, in Glendale in the days leading up to the game. What qualifies Stathos, you ask? She’s 20, very hot and wears a size 2. In other words, the girl who would never talk to you or I and wouldn’t spit on us if we were on fire. So what does she plan to do at these events? “I’ll just try to be myself; I won’t want to be cheesy,” she said about possibly meeting Justin Timberlake at the P.Diddy concert Thursday. Well, seeing as Stathos probably has a deeper, more masculine voice than the weasel-on-helium-sounding Timberlake, no problem there. However, if you want proof that even hot girls have their flaws, look no further than Stathos’ fandom for Timberlake. “I know everything about him. I’m kind of obsessed,” she laughed. There are a few rules the rent-a-hot-chicks must obey:
Don’t get drunk, don’t eat, don’t carry a cell phone, don’t do anything unethical, don’t leave the party until the time agreed upon. In other words, show up in something revealing, serve as eye candy, allow guys to buy you drinks, dance and don’t leave early. Man, hot chicks already have so many advantages, now they get high-paying gigs to do next to nothing…..
- Al Davis is a moron in a white jumpsuit. I’ve heard a lot of guys around the football world cite Davis’ knowledge of the game, but his personnel decision of recent years show he’s a senile bastard with no clue as to how to run a successful franchise in the modern NFL. Bungling the drafting and signing of draft picks like last year’s overall top selection, quarterback JaMarcus Russell, who sat out all of training camp and didn’t sign until the season was underway was merely on example of Davis’ bungling ways. Now he’s pushing for coach Lane Kiffin to resign and is considering Dennis Green as a potential replacement, sources close to Kiffin and the team have said. Davis has gone so far as to draft a letter of resignation for Kiffin to sign, but smartly, Kiffin has refused to do so and has made the balls play of daring Davis to fire him instead. Yes, it’s come to this for Al Davis. He’s signing coaches one year, giving them the most talent-depraved roster in the league and then attempting to force them to resign a year later. Kiffin was 4-12 in his first season as coach and has two years remaining on his contract at an estimated $2 million per year. He did a decent job coaching a piss-poor team, but the real problems have come since the season ended. According to a source close to Kiffin, Davis had promised Kiffin when he hired him that he would have more control over staff and personnel matters than recent Raiders coaches. Kiffin was allowed five offensive assistants and to name his own staff when he took the job after the 2006 season. However, Kiffin and Davis clashed near the conclusion of their postseason evaluation meetings when Kiffin wanted to fire defensive coordinator Rob Ryan. Ryan wanted out to join the New York Jets in a similar capacity, but the Raiders released a statement asking for speculation to cease about the defensive coordinator's future. That tension and Davis’ general refusal to release his iron grip on the franchise despite the fact that he’s senile and out of touch have made for a huge mess. Now Kiffin is busy in Mobile, Ala., where he and the Raiders staff are coaching the North team in the Under Armour Senior Bowl college all-star game. He’s scouting players who he probably won’t get the chance to coach for a team he isn’t like to be with next season. In the letter sent to Kiffin's legal representatives, Davis stated that only he would have control over his staff and full personnel decisions, sources said. That doesn’t bode well for Kiffin, and it’s not because he’s wrong to ask for what he’s asking for. Davis is pathetic and he’s delusional, and any coach he might get to replace Kiffin needs to know that he’s walking into the worst coaching job in the NFL.
- The U.S. Army is getting dumber. Yes, the guys we give the guns and grenades to and trust to protect our country are going the wrong way on the educational curve. And like most negative developments in this country the past few years, that decline can be blamed directly on the abortion that is W.’s on personal Vietnam, the war in Iraq. Because of the pressure to add new recruits to fuel the misguided, moronic invasion of a country that posed no direct threat to us, the army has needed more recruits in a hurry and thus has had to lower its standards, meaning a declining number of new recruits with a high school diploma. A research group studying federal data found that 29 percent of Army recruits for the 2007 budget year didn’t have their diploma or GED. While I still support our men and women in uniform and always, always hope for their safe return from wherever they are, a justified war or not, it doesn’t exactly inspire confidence when you think that we’re taking more and more high school dropouts, right? I mean, think about the guys who dropped out of your high school. Are those losers really the ones you want protecting your country? Again, this wouldn’t be a problem if not for W. and his warmongering ways. If he hadn’t started and sustained a war that never should have happened to begin with, we would not have nearly the troop shortage we now have and wouldn’t have to be accepting this many high school dropouts. Thanks, W., your legacy will haunt this country for years to come…..
Friday, January 25, 2008
X-Games, Pakistani oppression and Lost news
- Welcome back, independent television stations of Pakistan. This week saw the return to air of the country’s most prominent private television station, completing a successful return from suppression for all private TV stations in Pakistan that had been banned by dictator, er, President Pervez Musharraf as he and his ruling party seek to silence opposition voices, er, provide a “fair” playing field for the country’s upcoming presidential election. Actually, let’s just shoot straight on this one and all admit that Musharraf is doing his best Saddam Hussein and trying to shut up anyone in his country who disagrees with him. Unfortunately for my man P. Musharraf, the outcry was so overwhelming and his actions so reprehensible that he had almost no choice but to reverse field. Score one for free speech in Pakistan, and a win for free speech anywhere in the world is a win for us all.
- A few days ago, I ripped Americans for happily accepting the gift of a day off on Martin Luther King Day while not at all celebrating the holiday and honoring what King stood for. However, as anti-MLK Day as that stance might seem, let’s all be thankful that I’m nowhere near as nutty as those wacky white supremacists in Jena, La., the 50 a-holes who organized a sad, pathetic little march in this tiny town to protest that fact that there is a holiday to honor one of the great civil rights leaders in our nation’s history. It’s one thing to say people don’t actually recognize the holiday for its intended purpose, but it’s an entirely different thing to be so bigoted, small-minded and ignorant that you’re protesting the honoring of a great man like Dr. King simply because of his skin color. That has always been and will always remain one of the single most ignorant, idiotic beliefs in the world, that something like race or gender is any factor at all in a person’s worth as a human being. You suck, white supremacists, so please just go away.
- Good plan, low-IQ gas station clerk in South Charleston, W. Va. No one was ever going to catch on to the fact that you were selling gas to your family and friends at a mere tenth of a penny per gallon while the rest of us are paying upwards of $3 per gallon. I know being a West Virginia native is a strike against you IQ-wise (just messin’ with ya, West Virginians), but how the frak can you think this plan has a snowball-in-the-desert chance of success? Madeline Jordan, who has clearly used very few of her 25 years on this Earth to acquire any sort of intelligence and knowledge, tried to pull off this scheme and might have gotten away with stealing $50,000 worth of gas….if not for the fact that it’s the single most moronic plan I’ve ever heard of. “Hmm, we’re about $50,000 short on the revenues we should be getting from gas sales at one location in South Charleston. Know what, it’s probably just a mathematical error and it’s only $50,000, so just forget about it.” Yeah, I bet that’s how the conversation at the BP corporate accounting office went. Either that or they figured out that someone was stealing from them and it took them all of an hour to figure out who. Enjoy jail, Madeline, you deserve your time there for sheer stupidity alone.
- All you Lost¬-heads out there who just can’t get enough scrutinizing of your favorite show to the nth degree, this coming Wednesday is a night for you. On that night, at 9 pm/ET, 24 hours before Lost (at long last) launches its Season 4, ABC will present an enhanced rebroadcast of the Season 3 finale in which a flash-forward revealed that Jack, and Kate, both make it off the island. The special presentation of the "Through the Looking Glass" episode will feature text on the "lower third” offering up back story, clues and other assorted on-screen facts. So all of you who TiVo the show each week and analyze every frame, every object in the background and every single oddity of every episode, have at it. I’m not sure that I’ll watch, mostly because I find the most joy in watching each episode as it comes and digesting it at that point. Plus, I’m still bitter that the freaking CW has to moronically bring back another of my faves, Smallville, on the same night Lost comes back for two hours and thus forces me to choose between the two (which will mean taping Smallville to watch later). Next to no shows have new episodes, but you idiots manage to clash two of the best against one another, amazing…..
- I am a sucker for Winter X-Games action. Previously I haven’t been a big fan of Winter X (or Summer X for that matter), but I’ve caught some of the action so far this week on ESPN and the snowmobile and freestyle skiing events are flat-out awesome. Seeing these guys (and girls) do tricks twenty feet up in the air on snowmobiles and not kill themselves is great. Unfortunately, ESPN is limiting Winter X coverage to a couple of hours a day, not nearly enough. Here are the times it’s on for this week:
Thu. Jan. 24, 2008
9-11:00 p.m.
ESPN HD
Snowmobile Speed & Style Final, Ski SuperPipe Men's Final
Fri. Jan. 25, 2008
9:30-11:30 p.m.
Snowmobile SnoCross Round 1, Women's Snowboard SuperPipe Final, Ski Big Air Final
Sat. Jan. 26, 2008
3-6:00 p.m.
Snowboarder X Finals, Snowboard Slopestyle Finals, Snowmobile SnoCross Round 2
9-11:00 p.m.
Snowboard SuperPipe Men's Elimination, Snowmobile SnoCross Final, Snowboard Big Air Final
Sun. Jan. 27, 2008
2-6:00 p.m.
Skier X Finals, Snowmobile Freestyle Elimination, Ski Slopestyle Elimination & Final, Mono Skier X Final
9:00 -11:00 p.m.
Snowmobile Freestyle Final, Snowboard SuperPipe Men's Final
I know it’s not a ton of coverage, but seeing this athletes combine winter sports with the X-Games flair will rock if you give it a chance. Tune in and see what I’m talking about.
- A few days ago, I ripped Americans for happily accepting the gift of a day off on Martin Luther King Day while not at all celebrating the holiday and honoring what King stood for. However, as anti-MLK Day as that stance might seem, let’s all be thankful that I’m nowhere near as nutty as those wacky white supremacists in Jena, La., the 50 a-holes who organized a sad, pathetic little march in this tiny town to protest that fact that there is a holiday to honor one of the great civil rights leaders in our nation’s history. It’s one thing to say people don’t actually recognize the holiday for its intended purpose, but it’s an entirely different thing to be so bigoted, small-minded and ignorant that you’re protesting the honoring of a great man like Dr. King simply because of his skin color. That has always been and will always remain one of the single most ignorant, idiotic beliefs in the world, that something like race or gender is any factor at all in a person’s worth as a human being. You suck, white supremacists, so please just go away.
- Good plan, low-IQ gas station clerk in South Charleston, W. Va. No one was ever going to catch on to the fact that you were selling gas to your family and friends at a mere tenth of a penny per gallon while the rest of us are paying upwards of $3 per gallon. I know being a West Virginia native is a strike against you IQ-wise (just messin’ with ya, West Virginians), but how the frak can you think this plan has a snowball-in-the-desert chance of success? Madeline Jordan, who has clearly used very few of her 25 years on this Earth to acquire any sort of intelligence and knowledge, tried to pull off this scheme and might have gotten away with stealing $50,000 worth of gas….if not for the fact that it’s the single most moronic plan I’ve ever heard of. “Hmm, we’re about $50,000 short on the revenues we should be getting from gas sales at one location in South Charleston. Know what, it’s probably just a mathematical error and it’s only $50,000, so just forget about it.” Yeah, I bet that’s how the conversation at the BP corporate accounting office went. Either that or they figured out that someone was stealing from them and it took them all of an hour to figure out who. Enjoy jail, Madeline, you deserve your time there for sheer stupidity alone.
- All you Lost¬-heads out there who just can’t get enough scrutinizing of your favorite show to the nth degree, this coming Wednesday is a night for you. On that night, at 9 pm/ET, 24 hours before Lost (at long last) launches its Season 4, ABC will present an enhanced rebroadcast of the Season 3 finale in which a flash-forward revealed that Jack, and Kate, both make it off the island. The special presentation of the "Through the Looking Glass" episode will feature text on the "lower third” offering up back story, clues and other assorted on-screen facts. So all of you who TiVo the show each week and analyze every frame, every object in the background and every single oddity of every episode, have at it. I’m not sure that I’ll watch, mostly because I find the most joy in watching each episode as it comes and digesting it at that point. Plus, I’m still bitter that the freaking CW has to moronically bring back another of my faves, Smallville, on the same night Lost comes back for two hours and thus forces me to choose between the two (which will mean taping Smallville to watch later). Next to no shows have new episodes, but you idiots manage to clash two of the best against one another, amazing…..
- I am a sucker for Winter X-Games action. Previously I haven’t been a big fan of Winter X (or Summer X for that matter), but I’ve caught some of the action so far this week on ESPN and the snowmobile and freestyle skiing events are flat-out awesome. Seeing these guys (and girls) do tricks twenty feet up in the air on snowmobiles and not kill themselves is great. Unfortunately, ESPN is limiting Winter X coverage to a couple of hours a day, not nearly enough. Here are the times it’s on for this week:
Thu. Jan. 24, 2008
9-11:00 p.m.
ESPN HD
Snowmobile Speed & Style Final, Ski SuperPipe Men's Final
Fri. Jan. 25, 2008
9:30-11:30 p.m.
Snowmobile SnoCross Round 1, Women's Snowboard SuperPipe Final, Ski Big Air Final
Sat. Jan. 26, 2008
3-6:00 p.m.
Snowboarder X Finals, Snowboard Slopestyle Finals, Snowmobile SnoCross Round 2
9-11:00 p.m.
Snowboard SuperPipe Men's Elimination, Snowmobile SnoCross Final, Snowboard Big Air Final
Sun. Jan. 27, 2008
2-6:00 p.m.
Skier X Finals, Snowmobile Freestyle Elimination, Ski Slopestyle Elimination & Final, Mono Skier X Final
9:00 -11:00 p.m.
Snowmobile Freestyle Final, Snowboard SuperPipe Men's Final
I know it’s not a ton of coverage, but seeing this athletes combine winter sports with the X-Games flair will rock if you give it a chance. Tune in and see what I’m talking about.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
More Miami Dolphins problems, college basketball Xanadu and NBC reaches new lows with a new show
- You want the circus that is O.J. Mayo are your college or university, this is part of what you get. Southern California freshman standout Mayo might have violated an NCAA rule by accepting free tickets to Monday night's NBA game between Denver and the Los Angeles Lakers from Nuggets star Carmelo Anthony. Mayo revealed Tuesday that he had received the tickets, which were located behind courtside seats near mid-court at Staples Center and had a face value of $230 each. Hmm, and you didn’t think that might violate some sort of rule, champ? Or maybe the rules don’t apply to you….”We don't know the specifics of the situation and won't be able to comment,” NCAA spokesman Erik Christianson said Wednesday in an e-mail to The Associated Press. Decoding that….Mayo screwed up and will probably receive a slap on the wrist, something along the lines of a one or two-game suspension. NCAA bylaw 16.11.2.2.3 states that student-athletes may not receive “free or reduced-cost admission to professional athletics contests from professional sports organizations, unless such services also are available to the student body in general.” Admittedly I don’t have a degree in advanced mathematics from Harvard, but getting $230 tickets to an NBA game seems to violate both the letter and the spirit of that rule. Mayo’s only hope is that the NCAA could consider Anthony a friend who gave Mayo the tickets rather than a representative of the Nuggets, perhaps making the matter legal by NCAA standards. Mayo, USC’s leading scorer, said Anthony made the offer of tickets at a party he hosted Sunday night. "I was talking to him like, `Man, you're out pretty late. You've got a game tomorrow night against Kobe [Bryant],"' Mayo said. "He said, `Nah, it will be all right.' And then he asked, `You want to come to the game?’ And I was like, ‘Sure.’” Oh, and your lame attempt to fall on the grenade for your player doesn’t count as a viable option, USC coach Tim Floyd. You saying you gave Mayo the OK to accept the tickets is as lame and transparent a lie as I can ever remember hearing. First, how convenient that you told him it was OK once he let news of the transaction slip. Second, bad news for you, T. Floyd, but you giving him your blessing doesn’t make it ok for him to take the tickets, nor does it absolve Mayo of blame. But take heart, because after this year he can move on to the NBA and next year you won’t have to deal with these sorts of headaches.
- The longer the TV writers are on strike, the worse things get. The ideas the networks are coming up with to fill air time because they’re out of new episodes of their usual shows are becoming increasingly moronic. The latest example of a network having a collective brain fart is Baby Borrowers on NBC, a show that is nothing more than a glorified home ec project caught on film. The premise of this atrocious show is giving teenagers a baby to act as a parent for, then watch their travails. I don’t know if the message is to discourage kids from having sex and thus from becoming teen parents, if it’s to have a laugh as you watch the kids try to be parents, but regardless of the aim, whoever green-lighted this show is a moron. I mean, are you freaking kidding me? This sounds like some lame high school home ec project we all had to do in high school, not the premise for a good TV show. What’s next, are you going to make a show about kids getting paired up as imaginary married couples with made-up identities and having to create an imaginary budget for their theoretical family? I know it’s tough to do, but the networks keep coming up with ideas for strike replacement shows that are worse than the ideas preceding them. Good Lord, let this strike end soon because I don’t think anyone wants to see how low the quality of these shows can go.
- The best game of the college basketball season, when all is said and done, may have been played last night in College Station, Texas. Baylor, a program on the verge of absolute collapse five years ago, outlasted Texas A&M (No. 16 ESPN/USA Today, No. 18 AP) in a 116-110 five-overtime win over. The Bears (No. 25 AP) escaped with the W in the longest game in Big 12 conference history. Three free throws by Baylor stat Curtis Jerrells gave Baylor a 106-103 lead in the fifth overtime. Dominique Kirk got A&M (15-4, 1-3) within a point with a layup on the next possession. Jerrells pushed the lead back to 3 with his steal and layup with about a minute left. Aaron Bruce added a pair of free throws before a layup by Bryan Davis made it 110-107 with less than 30 seconds remaining. Jerrells added four more free throws and LaceDarius Dunn chipped in a pair to ensure the win. Davis, who led A&M with a career-high 30 points, made a layup with 9 seconds left in the fourth overtime to knot it at 99 and send it to the fifth OT. Three Aggies fouled out, compared to five for the Bears. Dunn scored five points in the first half of quadruple overtime to give Baylor a 97-94 lead with about three minutes to go. Davis made two free throws to get A&M within one before a layup by Tweety Carter made it 99-96 with about a minute left. Just as he had late in triple OT, Donald Sloan made just one of two free throws, this time making it 99-97. Jerrells scored six points in the last 1:01 of triple overtime, including the tying layup with 10 seconds left to leave it at 90-all and force the fourth overtime. "
Kevin Rogers' layup with 1:31 remaining in triple OT cut A&M's lead to 87-84 and he fouled out less than 30 seconds later, the fourth Bear to foul out. Both teams managed just four points apiece in the second overtime, with Davis scoring all the Aggies' points. A&M's Sloan had a chance for the win at the buzzer, but his layup was blocked by Rogers to take it to triple overtime. Kirk forced the second overtime when his tip-in at the buzzer made it 76-all. He missed a 3 on the play and a tip by Davis bounced off the rim before Kirk swooped in for the rebound and shot. Sloan, who had 18 points, got the inbound pass and streaked past Rogers and the rest of the Baylor defenders for the one-handed dunk to tie it a 64 and force overtime. All told, it was a game that left several participants so weary that they weren’t sure what had just happened. "I don't even know how many overtimes it was," Jerrells said, looking confused. Told it was five, he shook his head. "That just shows the ability, the dedication and the will of this team," he said. "If we put our minds to it, no matter what happens we're going to get it done." The game lasted so long that even one of the referees got confused. In the break before the start of the fourth overtime, a referee approached a member of the media and asked if triple overtime was about to begin. When told it was four, he shook his head and walked off. The win moves Baylor to 16-2, 4-0 in Big 12 play. Not bad for a program that five years ago had one player murder another player and then during the investigation, the now-former coach Dave Bliss lied about the player who did the killing, trying to paint him as a drug dealer, among other things. New coach Scott Drew has Baylor on a roll and ranked in the Top 25, which is great to see for all of those kids who still gave Baylor a chance when it would have been easier to go play somehwerhe else. They all deserve a lot of recognition and applause for their efforts, and this game was the type of win that makes college basketball the best sport around.
- Finally, the new season of 24 can get underway….or it could if not for the f’ing writers’ strike. The other big obstacle holding up production had been the fact that leading man, the diminutive Kiefer Sutherland, was serving a 48-day sentence in a Glendale, Ariz. jail for drunken driving. Sutherland was released earlier this week, slipping out a back door to avoid the cameras waiting on him. After spending his entire sentence on laundry duty, the man most of us know as Jack Bauer simply waited for his time to be up and was released. I was hoping he would pull a patented Jack Bauer escape, but alas none was forthcoming. Prison authorities cited Sutherland as a model prisoners and said he never once asked for preferential treatment. Best wishes foe a sober return to society, Kiefer, learn how to call a cab or hire a driver and you’ll be just fine. Well, you’ll be a lot better if the f’ing writers and networks can reach an f’ing agreement, but that goes for all of us…..
- You all may need to do without me for the next few days, as I think I’m heading down to South Florida to kick some Miami Dolphin ass. I already had a healthy amount of hatred and loathing for the ‘Fins because they pissed away my dream of an 0-16 NFL season by winning one and only one game, and doing so in Week 15 when the dream was within reach. But now these guys are forgetting that they are members of the worst team in the NFL and starting to act like they’re better than what they are. First, Miami defensive end Jason Taylor withdraws from the Pro Bowl because of an “injury.” I put the quotation marks around the word injury because every year, a dozen players from both conferences pull out of the Pro Bowl due to phony injuries and other lame excuses. They do it because the game is in February, a week after the Super Bowl, and for these guys, they don’t want to spend any of their beloved off-season playing football, especially not in a meaningless exhibition game where they could get hurt. I don’t especially object to that….except for Jason Taylor. You’re a member of the 1-15 Miami Dolphins, a team so bad it failed at failing, amigo. Other guys from real NFL teams can pull out of the Pro Bowl with injury concerns, but you can not. You don’t have that right. You should be thankful you were even considered for the game after the choke job your team pulled. So what you need to do is tell the league you made a mistake and that not only will you be happy to play in the Pro Bowl, you’ll pay your own travel expenses to get there and pay the travel expenses of all the other players in the game as well. Not to be outdone, Taylor’s teammate, linebacker Channing Crowder decided to follow the less-than-stellar example set by Chicago Bears linebacker Lance Briggs and many years ago, by boxer and psychopath mike Tyson, crashing his car on the highway and then walking away. Tyson crashed a Lamborghini and left it because, well, he was the baddest man on the planet at the time and probably had 25 more Lamborghini’s in the garage at home. Briggs was drunk, er, panicked when he crashed his $250,000 whip a few months ago and left the scene only to phone police, report his car as stolen and then finally fess up to crashing it. Now Crowder has done the same thing, running his souped-up Dodge pickup truck, painted candy-apple red with a gray sport stripe down the center, into a palm tree on a South Florida highway and leaving the scene in the car of a friend who was following him. Police found the wreck, checked the registration and tracked down Crowder. Bonus points for leaving your gun in the truck as well, C. Yes, I’m going to need a plane ticket to Miami so I can go down and remind these guys that they’re the FREAKING MIAMI DOLPHINS. Get your act together, guys, and stop acting like you’re not a total embarrassment to yourselves, your city and to me.
- The longer the TV writers are on strike, the worse things get. The ideas the networks are coming up with to fill air time because they’re out of new episodes of their usual shows are becoming increasingly moronic. The latest example of a network having a collective brain fart is Baby Borrowers on NBC, a show that is nothing more than a glorified home ec project caught on film. The premise of this atrocious show is giving teenagers a baby to act as a parent for, then watch their travails. I don’t know if the message is to discourage kids from having sex and thus from becoming teen parents, if it’s to have a laugh as you watch the kids try to be parents, but regardless of the aim, whoever green-lighted this show is a moron. I mean, are you freaking kidding me? This sounds like some lame high school home ec project we all had to do in high school, not the premise for a good TV show. What’s next, are you going to make a show about kids getting paired up as imaginary married couples with made-up identities and having to create an imaginary budget for their theoretical family? I know it’s tough to do, but the networks keep coming up with ideas for strike replacement shows that are worse than the ideas preceding them. Good Lord, let this strike end soon because I don’t think anyone wants to see how low the quality of these shows can go.
- The best game of the college basketball season, when all is said and done, may have been played last night in College Station, Texas. Baylor, a program on the verge of absolute collapse five years ago, outlasted Texas A&M (No. 16 ESPN/USA Today, No. 18 AP) in a 116-110 five-overtime win over. The Bears (No. 25 AP) escaped with the W in the longest game in Big 12 conference history. Three free throws by Baylor stat Curtis Jerrells gave Baylor a 106-103 lead in the fifth overtime. Dominique Kirk got A&M (15-4, 1-3) within a point with a layup on the next possession. Jerrells pushed the lead back to 3 with his steal and layup with about a minute left. Aaron Bruce added a pair of free throws before a layup by Bryan Davis made it 110-107 with less than 30 seconds remaining. Jerrells added four more free throws and LaceDarius Dunn chipped in a pair to ensure the win. Davis, who led A&M with a career-high 30 points, made a layup with 9 seconds left in the fourth overtime to knot it at 99 and send it to the fifth OT. Three Aggies fouled out, compared to five for the Bears. Dunn scored five points in the first half of quadruple overtime to give Baylor a 97-94 lead with about three minutes to go. Davis made two free throws to get A&M within one before a layup by Tweety Carter made it 99-96 with about a minute left. Just as he had late in triple OT, Donald Sloan made just one of two free throws, this time making it 99-97. Jerrells scored six points in the last 1:01 of triple overtime, including the tying layup with 10 seconds left to leave it at 90-all and force the fourth overtime. "
Kevin Rogers' layup with 1:31 remaining in triple OT cut A&M's lead to 87-84 and he fouled out less than 30 seconds later, the fourth Bear to foul out. Both teams managed just four points apiece in the second overtime, with Davis scoring all the Aggies' points. A&M's Sloan had a chance for the win at the buzzer, but his layup was blocked by Rogers to take it to triple overtime. Kirk forced the second overtime when his tip-in at the buzzer made it 76-all. He missed a 3 on the play and a tip by Davis bounced off the rim before Kirk swooped in for the rebound and shot. Sloan, who had 18 points, got the inbound pass and streaked past Rogers and the rest of the Baylor defenders for the one-handed dunk to tie it a 64 and force overtime. All told, it was a game that left several participants so weary that they weren’t sure what had just happened. "I don't even know how many overtimes it was," Jerrells said, looking confused. Told it was five, he shook his head. "That just shows the ability, the dedication and the will of this team," he said. "If we put our minds to it, no matter what happens we're going to get it done." The game lasted so long that even one of the referees got confused. In the break before the start of the fourth overtime, a referee approached a member of the media and asked if triple overtime was about to begin. When told it was four, he shook his head and walked off. The win moves Baylor to 16-2, 4-0 in Big 12 play. Not bad for a program that five years ago had one player murder another player and then during the investigation, the now-former coach Dave Bliss lied about the player who did the killing, trying to paint him as a drug dealer, among other things. New coach Scott Drew has Baylor on a roll and ranked in the Top 25, which is great to see for all of those kids who still gave Baylor a chance when it would have been easier to go play somehwerhe else. They all deserve a lot of recognition and applause for their efforts, and this game was the type of win that makes college basketball the best sport around.
- Finally, the new season of 24 can get underway….or it could if not for the f’ing writers’ strike. The other big obstacle holding up production had been the fact that leading man, the diminutive Kiefer Sutherland, was serving a 48-day sentence in a Glendale, Ariz. jail for drunken driving. Sutherland was released earlier this week, slipping out a back door to avoid the cameras waiting on him. After spending his entire sentence on laundry duty, the man most of us know as Jack Bauer simply waited for his time to be up and was released. I was hoping he would pull a patented Jack Bauer escape, but alas none was forthcoming. Prison authorities cited Sutherland as a model prisoners and said he never once asked for preferential treatment. Best wishes foe a sober return to society, Kiefer, learn how to call a cab or hire a driver and you’ll be just fine. Well, you’ll be a lot better if the f’ing writers and networks can reach an f’ing agreement, but that goes for all of us…..
- You all may need to do without me for the next few days, as I think I’m heading down to South Florida to kick some Miami Dolphin ass. I already had a healthy amount of hatred and loathing for the ‘Fins because they pissed away my dream of an 0-16 NFL season by winning one and only one game, and doing so in Week 15 when the dream was within reach. But now these guys are forgetting that they are members of the worst team in the NFL and starting to act like they’re better than what they are. First, Miami defensive end Jason Taylor withdraws from the Pro Bowl because of an “injury.” I put the quotation marks around the word injury because every year, a dozen players from both conferences pull out of the Pro Bowl due to phony injuries and other lame excuses. They do it because the game is in February, a week after the Super Bowl, and for these guys, they don’t want to spend any of their beloved off-season playing football, especially not in a meaningless exhibition game where they could get hurt. I don’t especially object to that….except for Jason Taylor. You’re a member of the 1-15 Miami Dolphins, a team so bad it failed at failing, amigo. Other guys from real NFL teams can pull out of the Pro Bowl with injury concerns, but you can not. You don’t have that right. You should be thankful you were even considered for the game after the choke job your team pulled. So what you need to do is tell the league you made a mistake and that not only will you be happy to play in the Pro Bowl, you’ll pay your own travel expenses to get there and pay the travel expenses of all the other players in the game as well. Not to be outdone, Taylor’s teammate, linebacker Channing Crowder decided to follow the less-than-stellar example set by Chicago Bears linebacker Lance Briggs and many years ago, by boxer and psychopath mike Tyson, crashing his car on the highway and then walking away. Tyson crashed a Lamborghini and left it because, well, he was the baddest man on the planet at the time and probably had 25 more Lamborghini’s in the garage at home. Briggs was drunk, er, panicked when he crashed his $250,000 whip a few months ago and left the scene only to phone police, report his car as stolen and then finally fess up to crashing it. Now Crowder has done the same thing, running his souped-up Dodge pickup truck, painted candy-apple red with a gray sport stripe down the center, into a palm tree on a South Florida highway and leaving the scene in the car of a friend who was following him. Police found the wreck, checked the registration and tracked down Crowder. Bonus points for leaving your gun in the truck as well, C. Yes, I’m going to need a plane ticket to Miami so I can go down and remind these guys that they’re the FREAKING MIAMI DOLPHINS. Get your act together, guys, and stop acting like you’re not a total embarrassment to yourselves, your city and to me.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Turkish oppression, One Tree Hill review and musical suggestions
- I may be one of the few non-stoners under the age of 50 who are still big Beatles fans and actively follow the careers of the remaining members of the Fab Four, but so be it. Fact is, the original Beatles albums are still better than 99.9 percent of the music coming out these days, what with the American Karaoke¬-ers, Black Eyed Peas, Fergie and Britney still making music. So I was happy to hear Ringo Starr’s new album, Liverpool 8. Ringo uses the chance to look back nostalgically on his past, channeling it through a message on the power and worth of love. If It’s Love That You Want carries that message quite clearly, accompanied by great instrumental skill and strong vocals from Starr. There is more of a mainstream, pop (I cringe even using that term) feel than I’d like and this album isn’t going to make anyone forget Abbey Road, but it’s a pleasant listen and in a day when hacks like Clay Aiken still have recording contracts, it’s far from the worst thing to come out musically in the past few months.
P.S. Another good album out this week: Audio Eagle Presents…A Compilation of Bands from Ohio. A 21-track collection from some awesome, lesser-known Ohio bands.
- Deion Sanders commenting on a football player’s toughness is like me commenting on the excitement of being the first man to walk on the moon. Actually, I’m a heck of a lot closer to being the first person to walk on the moon than Deion is to knowing the first thing about toughness on a football field. Neon Deion’s comments cracking on San Diego Chargers running back LaDanian Tomlinson for sitting out nearly all of the AFC Championship game against New England because of an injury are absolutely hilarious. If they were coming from Mike Singletary or Ronnie Lott, two legendary NFL tough guys, that would be one thing. But they’re coming from the softest, least-physical cornerback I’ve ever seen play. Deion himself said often during his career that tackling guys wasn’t his job; that task was for linebackers. He may have been one of the fastest and best cover corners in the NFL in his time, but tough he was not. So when he says "I have expectations, and when you don't meet my expectations, you open yourself for us to try to guess. Now what's the problem? You're a big-time player. And big-time players must play big-time games," about Tomlinson he needs to check himself. Sanders also said he thought Tomlinson's injury would need to warrant a surgery "for him to get a pass on this one." Yeah, Tomlinson wasn’t exactly up off the bench, jubilantly rooting on his team when he was unable (he says) to play due to his knee injury. Yes, he did practice during the week and wasn’t even listed on the injury report for the game, which means he should have been able to play more than three plays. But regardless of the degree or severity of his injury, Sanders calling LT or anyone else out for not being tough enough is nothing short of absurd. Stick to kissing the a**es of your favorite players like Terrell Owens and bringing little more than butt-ugly bright suits to whatever NFL show it is your appear on.
- Last night’s episode of One Tree Hill was great if for no other reason than it contained a character making the single smartest choice in the history of music or television: kicking Kevin Federline out of a band. That talentless hack doesn’t belong anywhere near a microphone or a studio, just as any past, present or future poseur hip-hopper doesn’t. The storyline in question had Peyton Sawyer working with K-Dirt’s band in the recording studio and him acting like a total dick, earning him a ticket out of the band. I didn’t know producers were in the practice of booting band members, but so be it. In keeping with the theme of temperamental talent, the egotistical Quentin, now-former star player for Lucas Scott’s Tree Hill HS basketball team, is still out of school after being kicked off the team. Hayley James-Scott, the teacher who started his downfall by threatening to fail him when he was continually disruptive in class and walked on on her class, feels guilty for things and asks husband Nathan to talk to Quentin. Shock of all shocks, the former Tree Hill basketball star, Nathan, tries to get through to Quentin and get him back on the team. Lucas allows him back on the team, but Quentin continues to not listen to his coach and do things his way. I’m sure a showdown is coming, just wait an episode or two. Lucas also bid adieu to girlfriend Lindsey, who headed back to New York for a few days and left Lucas in Tree Hill to attend the opening of Brooke’s new Clothes Over Bros store with former girlfriend Peyton. Brooke’s bitchy mom, Victoria, is still around as well. She’s pretending to be supportive of Brooke’s new store opening but uses the occasion to repeatedly insult the town and all of Brooke’s friends who pull an all-nighter helping her get the store ready for its opening. Once the opening comes and goes and the store doesn’t sell a single high-end piece, thus losing money, Victoria tells Brooke she knew it would fail and that the store was a mistake. Speaking of mistakes, Mouth McFadden finds himself thinking that sleeping with his boss Alice is the wrong choice when it becomes clear to him that he’s little more than an object of amusement to her. He’s about to tell her things are over when she informs him that he’s now under consideration for a position as a weekend sports reporter position. In other words, the theme ofr the epsidoe was dealing with bitchy, attitudinal people who have a lot of talent but also egos to match. The jump ahead four years in time from the end of last season to the start of this one was supposed to help improve OTH and to some extent, it has, but the show is still not all that great and if it wasn’t one of the only shows with new episodes as the strike rages on, it would look even less appealing….
- So did everyone have a good Martin Luther King Day? I’m sure all of you used the holiday devoted to the late civil rights leader to reflect on all King accomplished and what he stood for, right? Either that or you had a day off from work and used it to sleep in, go shopping, skiing, skating, to the beach or to catch up with shows you’d TiVo’d but not yet watched. Honestly, MLK Day is one of the biggest jokes for a holiday that we have, and it’s not at all because of anything to do with Dr. King. He was a great man and leader whose impact on our country was amazing and widespread. However, anyone who says this holiday honors him is myopic and misguided. Millions of people taking a day off from work and sitting around doing nothing or having a day out with friends doesn’t exactly honor King’s memory, now does it? Sure, there are a few small community events in every area of the country where people get together to honor the spirit of King and his legacy, but those people are in the very, very small minority. I would say that more people should get into the habit of taking time on MLK day to, well, honor MLK, but I know that isn’t happening. So in the future, maybe a better idea would be to stop shutting down banks, post offices, government offices and giving people a day off to “celebrate” a holiday that most of them could not care less about.
- Do they teach blocking YouTube in Oppressive Governing 101 or something? Also-ran countries, places where a bullying central government rules with an iron fist over an impoverished, non-world-power country, seem intent on blocking the popular Internet video site every time they find objectionable content there. Turkey is the latest nation to do so, with a Turkish court blocking access to YouTube after clips allegedly insulting the country’s founding father were posted. This is the second time the site has been banned in Turkey because of clips insulting Mustafa Kernal Ataturk. It is illegal to insult the former leader in any way, shape or form in Turkey even though he’s been dead for 70 years and had no idea about the Internet, video or YouTube during his time. Way to enforce those arcane, idiotic laws, Turkish courts. We wouldn’t want anyone insinuating that your country’s founder was anything less than perfect, would we? Better to enforce a repressive law restricting freedom of speech and block access to a website that shouldn’t be blocked. Good thinking, guys, way to govern…..
P.S. Another good album out this week: Audio Eagle Presents…A Compilation of Bands from Ohio. A 21-track collection from some awesome, lesser-known Ohio bands.
- Deion Sanders commenting on a football player’s toughness is like me commenting on the excitement of being the first man to walk on the moon. Actually, I’m a heck of a lot closer to being the first person to walk on the moon than Deion is to knowing the first thing about toughness on a football field. Neon Deion’s comments cracking on San Diego Chargers running back LaDanian Tomlinson for sitting out nearly all of the AFC Championship game against New England because of an injury are absolutely hilarious. If they were coming from Mike Singletary or Ronnie Lott, two legendary NFL tough guys, that would be one thing. But they’re coming from the softest, least-physical cornerback I’ve ever seen play. Deion himself said often during his career that tackling guys wasn’t his job; that task was for linebackers. He may have been one of the fastest and best cover corners in the NFL in his time, but tough he was not. So when he says "I have expectations, and when you don't meet my expectations, you open yourself for us to try to guess. Now what's the problem? You're a big-time player. And big-time players must play big-time games," about Tomlinson he needs to check himself. Sanders also said he thought Tomlinson's injury would need to warrant a surgery "for him to get a pass on this one." Yeah, Tomlinson wasn’t exactly up off the bench, jubilantly rooting on his team when he was unable (he says) to play due to his knee injury. Yes, he did practice during the week and wasn’t even listed on the injury report for the game, which means he should have been able to play more than three plays. But regardless of the degree or severity of his injury, Sanders calling LT or anyone else out for not being tough enough is nothing short of absurd. Stick to kissing the a**es of your favorite players like Terrell Owens and bringing little more than butt-ugly bright suits to whatever NFL show it is your appear on.
- Last night’s episode of One Tree Hill was great if for no other reason than it contained a character making the single smartest choice in the history of music or television: kicking Kevin Federline out of a band. That talentless hack doesn’t belong anywhere near a microphone or a studio, just as any past, present or future poseur hip-hopper doesn’t. The storyline in question had Peyton Sawyer working with K-Dirt’s band in the recording studio and him acting like a total dick, earning him a ticket out of the band. I didn’t know producers were in the practice of booting band members, but so be it. In keeping with the theme of temperamental talent, the egotistical Quentin, now-former star player for Lucas Scott’s Tree Hill HS basketball team, is still out of school after being kicked off the team. Hayley James-Scott, the teacher who started his downfall by threatening to fail him when he was continually disruptive in class and walked on on her class, feels guilty for things and asks husband Nathan to talk to Quentin. Shock of all shocks, the former Tree Hill basketball star, Nathan, tries to get through to Quentin and get him back on the team. Lucas allows him back on the team, but Quentin continues to not listen to his coach and do things his way. I’m sure a showdown is coming, just wait an episode or two. Lucas also bid adieu to girlfriend Lindsey, who headed back to New York for a few days and left Lucas in Tree Hill to attend the opening of Brooke’s new Clothes Over Bros store with former girlfriend Peyton. Brooke’s bitchy mom, Victoria, is still around as well. She’s pretending to be supportive of Brooke’s new store opening but uses the occasion to repeatedly insult the town and all of Brooke’s friends who pull an all-nighter helping her get the store ready for its opening. Once the opening comes and goes and the store doesn’t sell a single high-end piece, thus losing money, Victoria tells Brooke she knew it would fail and that the store was a mistake. Speaking of mistakes, Mouth McFadden finds himself thinking that sleeping with his boss Alice is the wrong choice when it becomes clear to him that he’s little more than an object of amusement to her. He’s about to tell her things are over when she informs him that he’s now under consideration for a position as a weekend sports reporter position. In other words, the theme ofr the epsidoe was dealing with bitchy, attitudinal people who have a lot of talent but also egos to match. The jump ahead four years in time from the end of last season to the start of this one was supposed to help improve OTH and to some extent, it has, but the show is still not all that great and if it wasn’t one of the only shows with new episodes as the strike rages on, it would look even less appealing….
- So did everyone have a good Martin Luther King Day? I’m sure all of you used the holiday devoted to the late civil rights leader to reflect on all King accomplished and what he stood for, right? Either that or you had a day off from work and used it to sleep in, go shopping, skiing, skating, to the beach or to catch up with shows you’d TiVo’d but not yet watched. Honestly, MLK Day is one of the biggest jokes for a holiday that we have, and it’s not at all because of anything to do with Dr. King. He was a great man and leader whose impact on our country was amazing and widespread. However, anyone who says this holiday honors him is myopic and misguided. Millions of people taking a day off from work and sitting around doing nothing or having a day out with friends doesn’t exactly honor King’s memory, now does it? Sure, there are a few small community events in every area of the country where people get together to honor the spirit of King and his legacy, but those people are in the very, very small minority. I would say that more people should get into the habit of taking time on MLK day to, well, honor MLK, but I know that isn’t happening. So in the future, maybe a better idea would be to stop shutting down banks, post offices, government offices and giving people a day off to “celebrate” a holiday that most of them could not care less about.
- Do they teach blocking YouTube in Oppressive Governing 101 or something? Also-ran countries, places where a bullying central government rules with an iron fist over an impoverished, non-world-power country, seem intent on blocking the popular Internet video site every time they find objectionable content there. Turkey is the latest nation to do so, with a Turkish court blocking access to YouTube after clips allegedly insulting the country’s founding father were posted. This is the second time the site has been banned in Turkey because of clips insulting Mustafa Kernal Ataturk. It is illegal to insult the former leader in any way, shape or form in Turkey even though he’s been dead for 70 years and had no idea about the Internet, video or YouTube during his time. Way to enforce those arcane, idiotic laws, Turkish courts. We wouldn’t want anyone insinuating that your country’s founder was anything less than perfect, would we? Better to enforce a repressive law restricting freedom of speech and block access to a website that shouldn’t be blocked. Good thinking, guys, way to govern…..
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Prison Break review, stupid stoners and bad news for Cubs fans
- If you needed any further proof that people in Minnesota are insane, here you go. Aside from the fact that they live in that frozen tundra of a state to begin with, the fact that 100 people showed up to run in the Frozen 5K in Spicer, Minn., and 75 people were dumb enough to jump enough to jump into northern Minnesota’s Lake Bemidiji on Saturday even though the air temperature was 15 degrees below zero. Polar Bear clubs have long existed, but I don’t know that even those guys make a habit of going into the water when the temp is 15 degrees on the wrong side of zero. Maybe if you live long enough in that awful climate, the cold freezes off a few of your brain cells, I don’t know. What I do know is that even being a diehard runner, I’m not running outside if the temperature is below 20 degrees, much less so when it’s below freezing. There’s a great new invention you people should hear about, it’s called a treadmill and it allows you to run inside when it’s North Pole-cold outside. Yup, Minnesotans are insane, no question about it. There’s a thin line between toughness and insanity, and you all have officially crossed it.
- Time for a review of last night’s episode of Prison Break, which as it turns out will be the last new one until Feb. 4, but more on that later. Things kicked off with Michael, Whistler, T-Bag and Mahone in tunnel with Lechero, resuming their escape plan now that Michael has returned from solitary confinement. The first thing the discover is that the hole they are digging through the top of the tunnel needs more bracing, so Lechero and T-Bag leave to get tools to build the braces, including a saw to cut the boards. Unfortunately, no sooner than Lechero sends T-Bag off the buy the supplies from another inmate, Lechero’s right-hand man Sammy comes into Lechero’s “office” and points a gun at his head, then declares that he is seizing control of SONA from Lechero. Sammy’s first act in power is to offers a case of rum to first man to bring him Scofield.
T-bag and Lechero decide that to save the escape plan, Sammy needs to be taken out. As always, T-bag has a plan and this time he gets Bellick to chicken foot Sammy, knowing that the same tactic of drugging his hand wraps that won Bellick his last fight could give him a win over Sammy as well. But of course Bellick can’t find acetone for his hand wraps this time around and gets his a** kicked by Sammy. However, just as Bellick is teetering on the brink of death, the fight stops when Sammy’s men see Scofield, Whistler and Mahone come out of the tunnel in a quest to find what’s taking T-Bag and Lechero so long to get the tools for the tunnel work. They hurry back inside the tunnel to escape, but Whistler is captured and beaten by Sammy and his men before he can make it to the tunnel. When beating Whistler doesn’t inspire Michael and Mahone to open the door, Lechero is then brought to punch in the code to the door lock. He’s threatened too, so Michael opens the door and pretends to be surrendering to Sammy and giving him the rights to the escape plan, but all along he’s been setting things up to trap Sammy by showing him the escape hole but rigging it to collapse on Sammy’s head, burying him in tons of dirt. Michael, Mahone and Lechero use the momentary surprise to take out Sammy’s men and in the end, Sammy and all of his men all die. Lechero reclaims control of SONA and the escape is back on, but Bellick is now in on the plan because of his willingness to chicken foot Sammy, as T-Bag offered in his deal. There is also a new worry for the would-be escapees; the possibility of a giant sink hole in middle of yard where the dirt collapsed into the tunnel, but there isn’t any sign of a sink hole…..yet. Meanwhile, on the outside, Michael’s brother Lincoln is tired of being a step behind Gretchen and the Company and taking orders from them, so he buys a bomb from one of Sucre’s contacts to get leverage on Gretchen. He also does some digging on who James Whistler, a.k.a. Gary Miller, is and finds that he’s actually from Scottsdale, Arizona. The plan to get to Gretchen backfires when she traces the money she gave Fernando Sucre for spying on Linc and figures out he’s lying to her and working with Linc, that Linc and Sucre staged their fight in the hotel lobby to trick her and that Sucre isn’t doing what she’s paying him to do. Gretchen also threatens to kill Sucre’s girl Maricruz if he doesn’t spy on Linc for real, then orders him out of her car. Sucre is forced to leave the bomb behind because he doesn’t have time to dig it out from the spot under the passenger’s seat where he dropped it before Gretchen revealed that she knew about his double-cross. The cell-phone triggered bomb remained in her car, but at this point will Linc have the balls to pull the trigger and will Sucre try to talk him out of it? At episode’s end, Linc visits Michael at SONA, where Michael tells his brother that he still has a plan and should be out within 48 hours. The previews for the next new episode reveal a two-week gap until next episode, why I don’t know. Also, the previews reveal that the escape plan apparently will include a power outage at SONA, and that Gretchen visits Michael at SONA to reinforce the fact that L.J. and Whistler’s girl Sofia will both be killed if the plan fails. So on Feb. 4 we’ll find out what all of this means, stay tuned…..
- Mark Cuban and other prospective owners waiting to save me and other destitute Chicago Cubs fans from a century of losing will have to wait a little longer. Apparently, the drawn-out process of Tribune Co. selling the Cubs may not end until midseason or later, the team's senior vice president said Sunday, in part because Wrigley Field must be sold off first. Crane Kenney (who the frak names their child Crane anyhow?) told attendees of the team's annual fan convention that new Tribune owner Sam Zell wants to put 94-year-old Wrigley into the hands of the Illinois Sports Facilities Authority -- the same state agency that funded stadiums for the Bears and White Sox -- before he accepts bids for the Cubs. Kenney said the maneuver would effectively "bind" the team's next owner to keeping the Cubs playing at Wrigley -- which also would receive maintenance and improvement funds. Not that I think that’s necessary, given the fact that the team has a thriving fan base and no reason to move from the nation’s second biggest city, but props on that one…I guess. "We'd like to find a new owner to play at Clark and Addison [streets] for the foreseeable future," Kenney said. He added that selling the team to the stadium authority "would put aside a substantial amount of money" for necessary changes at Wrigley, including renovations and other construction projects to provide amenities for fans and other needed upgrades to baseball’s most-famous old stadium. Zell, who also is invested in the crosstown Sox (conflict of interest, anyone?), bought the Tribune for $8.2 billion in April and the deal closed in December. Before that deal even became final, Zell made it clear he had no interest in owning or running the Cubs. “We want to get the stadium deal done by Opening Day,” Kenney said. "The sale of the team would follow. I've been asked when that will occur, and it's just really hard to predict. “If I had a guess, it's not until midyear, or until the end of the season.” Great, another reason for optimism for Cubs fans. We get to go through at least half a season with our team owned by a guy who doesn’t want them and is looking to unload them as soon as possible. I’m sure Zell will put tons of effort into improving the Cubs and making them a winner in 2008…..or not. Help, Mark Cuban, help!
- Don’t cave in so easily, Canadian foreign ministry. That agency has given in to American pressure and agreed to rewrite a torture manual listing the United States as a site of possible torture. In the manual, the detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba is cited as an example of why the U.S. should be included with nations such as Israel, China, Afghanistan, Egypt, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Mexico and Syria as places you can expect to be tortured if the situation, um, merits it. For some reason, our government wasn’t down with being lumped in with those other nations, but that reason most definitely is not because we don’t torture people. Make no mistake, we belong on that list, what with the fact that the administration currently in power in this country embraces waterboarding and other forms of torture at secret prisons in foreign countries. The new attorney general refused to admit that waterboarding is really a torture method, people. Our government may not like being recognized for its diligent torture efforts (don’t be humble, guys), but the fact is that, unsavory company or not, the United States is a country that tortures. Heck, these past seven years with W. in office have been torture for all of us, but that’s a whole ‘nother story…..
- Dude, I knew stoners were a little slow, but this is ridiculous. One especially dense pothead who somehow managed to gain admission Washington State University in Pullman, Wash., was arrested for smoking pot twice in the same night last Tuesday. Pullman police said the unidentified 20-year-old WSU student was arrested that night with two other men for smoking in a parking lot, police said. They were cited, fingerprinted and released shortly after midnight. Less than TWO HOURS LATER, an officer saw three men passing around a pipe in a pickup truck and arrested the student again, along with two others, for possessing marijuana. You may like to get baked and mellow out, but bro, even Ricky Williams thinks you made a bad choice. It is a vicious cycle, I suppose. After all, there you are, minding your own business, burning some tree, trying to relax, and boom, a cop spots you and takes you in. You’re cited and released, at which point you have to be badly rattled and in need of a way to calm down, so what to do? Burn tree, of course. But that leads to a second arrest, which had to present an even bigger problem. After all, if you get arrested twice in the same night, how frazzled must you be? You’d need to roll a pretty big fattie and smoke it for a long time to calm down. The real surprise is that this guy didn’t get picked up a third time for weed. Oh, and no props to Pullman Police Commander Chris Tennant for his lame attempt at being funny when commenting on the situation. Tennant said he hopes the student isn't kicked out of WSU because it seems he needs a bit more education. Ahhhh, great attempt at comedy, Commander. Leave the funny business to someone else, idiot.
Say what you will about stoners, but they’re a determined group, you’ve got to give them that much. They’re getting baked at any expense, be it an NFL career, their grocery money for the week or the chance that they’ll be arrested twice in the same night….
- Time for a review of last night’s episode of Prison Break, which as it turns out will be the last new one until Feb. 4, but more on that later. Things kicked off with Michael, Whistler, T-Bag and Mahone in tunnel with Lechero, resuming their escape plan now that Michael has returned from solitary confinement. The first thing the discover is that the hole they are digging through the top of the tunnel needs more bracing, so Lechero and T-Bag leave to get tools to build the braces, including a saw to cut the boards. Unfortunately, no sooner than Lechero sends T-Bag off the buy the supplies from another inmate, Lechero’s right-hand man Sammy comes into Lechero’s “office” and points a gun at his head, then declares that he is seizing control of SONA from Lechero. Sammy’s first act in power is to offers a case of rum to first man to bring him Scofield.
T-bag and Lechero decide that to save the escape plan, Sammy needs to be taken out. As always, T-bag has a plan and this time he gets Bellick to chicken foot Sammy, knowing that the same tactic of drugging his hand wraps that won Bellick his last fight could give him a win over Sammy as well. But of course Bellick can’t find acetone for his hand wraps this time around and gets his a** kicked by Sammy. However, just as Bellick is teetering on the brink of death, the fight stops when Sammy’s men see Scofield, Whistler and Mahone come out of the tunnel in a quest to find what’s taking T-Bag and Lechero so long to get the tools for the tunnel work. They hurry back inside the tunnel to escape, but Whistler is captured and beaten by Sammy and his men before he can make it to the tunnel. When beating Whistler doesn’t inspire Michael and Mahone to open the door, Lechero is then brought to punch in the code to the door lock. He’s threatened too, so Michael opens the door and pretends to be surrendering to Sammy and giving him the rights to the escape plan, but all along he’s been setting things up to trap Sammy by showing him the escape hole but rigging it to collapse on Sammy’s head, burying him in tons of dirt. Michael, Mahone and Lechero use the momentary surprise to take out Sammy’s men and in the end, Sammy and all of his men all die. Lechero reclaims control of SONA and the escape is back on, but Bellick is now in on the plan because of his willingness to chicken foot Sammy, as T-Bag offered in his deal. There is also a new worry for the would-be escapees; the possibility of a giant sink hole in middle of yard where the dirt collapsed into the tunnel, but there isn’t any sign of a sink hole…..yet. Meanwhile, on the outside, Michael’s brother Lincoln is tired of being a step behind Gretchen and the Company and taking orders from them, so he buys a bomb from one of Sucre’s contacts to get leverage on Gretchen. He also does some digging on who James Whistler, a.k.a. Gary Miller, is and finds that he’s actually from Scottsdale, Arizona. The plan to get to Gretchen backfires when she traces the money she gave Fernando Sucre for spying on Linc and figures out he’s lying to her and working with Linc, that Linc and Sucre staged their fight in the hotel lobby to trick her and that Sucre isn’t doing what she’s paying him to do. Gretchen also threatens to kill Sucre’s girl Maricruz if he doesn’t spy on Linc for real, then orders him out of her car. Sucre is forced to leave the bomb behind because he doesn’t have time to dig it out from the spot under the passenger’s seat where he dropped it before Gretchen revealed that she knew about his double-cross. The cell-phone triggered bomb remained in her car, but at this point will Linc have the balls to pull the trigger and will Sucre try to talk him out of it? At episode’s end, Linc visits Michael at SONA, where Michael tells his brother that he still has a plan and should be out within 48 hours. The previews for the next new episode reveal a two-week gap until next episode, why I don’t know. Also, the previews reveal that the escape plan apparently will include a power outage at SONA, and that Gretchen visits Michael at SONA to reinforce the fact that L.J. and Whistler’s girl Sofia will both be killed if the plan fails. So on Feb. 4 we’ll find out what all of this means, stay tuned…..
- Mark Cuban and other prospective owners waiting to save me and other destitute Chicago Cubs fans from a century of losing will have to wait a little longer. Apparently, the drawn-out process of Tribune Co. selling the Cubs may not end until midseason or later, the team's senior vice president said Sunday, in part because Wrigley Field must be sold off first. Crane Kenney (who the frak names their child Crane anyhow?) told attendees of the team's annual fan convention that new Tribune owner Sam Zell wants to put 94-year-old Wrigley into the hands of the Illinois Sports Facilities Authority -- the same state agency that funded stadiums for the Bears and White Sox -- before he accepts bids for the Cubs. Kenney said the maneuver would effectively "bind" the team's next owner to keeping the Cubs playing at Wrigley -- which also would receive maintenance and improvement funds. Not that I think that’s necessary, given the fact that the team has a thriving fan base and no reason to move from the nation’s second biggest city, but props on that one…I guess. "We'd like to find a new owner to play at Clark and Addison [streets] for the foreseeable future," Kenney said. He added that selling the team to the stadium authority "would put aside a substantial amount of money" for necessary changes at Wrigley, including renovations and other construction projects to provide amenities for fans and other needed upgrades to baseball’s most-famous old stadium. Zell, who also is invested in the crosstown Sox (conflict of interest, anyone?), bought the Tribune for $8.2 billion in April and the deal closed in December. Before that deal even became final, Zell made it clear he had no interest in owning or running the Cubs. “We want to get the stadium deal done by Opening Day,” Kenney said. "The sale of the team would follow. I've been asked when that will occur, and it's just really hard to predict. “If I had a guess, it's not until midyear, or until the end of the season.” Great, another reason for optimism for Cubs fans. We get to go through at least half a season with our team owned by a guy who doesn’t want them and is looking to unload them as soon as possible. I’m sure Zell will put tons of effort into improving the Cubs and making them a winner in 2008…..or not. Help, Mark Cuban, help!
- Don’t cave in so easily, Canadian foreign ministry. That agency has given in to American pressure and agreed to rewrite a torture manual listing the United States as a site of possible torture. In the manual, the detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba is cited as an example of why the U.S. should be included with nations such as Israel, China, Afghanistan, Egypt, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Mexico and Syria as places you can expect to be tortured if the situation, um, merits it. For some reason, our government wasn’t down with being lumped in with those other nations, but that reason most definitely is not because we don’t torture people. Make no mistake, we belong on that list, what with the fact that the administration currently in power in this country embraces waterboarding and other forms of torture at secret prisons in foreign countries. The new attorney general refused to admit that waterboarding is really a torture method, people. Our government may not like being recognized for its diligent torture efforts (don’t be humble, guys), but the fact is that, unsavory company or not, the United States is a country that tortures. Heck, these past seven years with W. in office have been torture for all of us, but that’s a whole ‘nother story…..
- Dude, I knew stoners were a little slow, but this is ridiculous. One especially dense pothead who somehow managed to gain admission Washington State University in Pullman, Wash., was arrested for smoking pot twice in the same night last Tuesday. Pullman police said the unidentified 20-year-old WSU student was arrested that night with two other men for smoking in a parking lot, police said. They were cited, fingerprinted and released shortly after midnight. Less than TWO HOURS LATER, an officer saw three men passing around a pipe in a pickup truck and arrested the student again, along with two others, for possessing marijuana. You may like to get baked and mellow out, but bro, even Ricky Williams thinks you made a bad choice. It is a vicious cycle, I suppose. After all, there you are, minding your own business, burning some tree, trying to relax, and boom, a cop spots you and takes you in. You’re cited and released, at which point you have to be badly rattled and in need of a way to calm down, so what to do? Burn tree, of course. But that leads to a second arrest, which had to present an even bigger problem. After all, if you get arrested twice in the same night, how frazzled must you be? You’d need to roll a pretty big fattie and smoke it for a long time to calm down. The real surprise is that this guy didn’t get picked up a third time for weed. Oh, and no props to Pullman Police Commander Chris Tennant for his lame attempt at being funny when commenting on the situation. Tennant said he hopes the student isn't kicked out of WSU because it seems he needs a bit more education. Ahhhh, great attempt at comedy, Commander. Leave the funny business to someone else, idiot.
Say what you will about stoners, but they’re a determined group, you’ve got to give them that much. They’re getting baked at any expense, be it an NFL career, their grocery money for the week or the chance that they’ll be arrested twice in the same night….
Monday, January 21, 2008
The Amazing Race wraps up, people still love midgets and weekend movie news
- I still hate you, New England Patriots. I now have two weeks to decide whether or not to torture myself by watching the Super Bowl, where the Cheat-riots will face the New York Giants in Glendale, Ariz. The Pats used three touchdowns to defeat four field goals from the San Diego Chargers Sunday in frigid Foxboro, 21-12. Do the math, San Diego, touchdowns beat field goals. Maybe if you all had taken the myriad opportunities you had an punched them into the end zone, you could have ended the Cheat-riots season and made my day. Instead, the Giants will have the last chance to do so and also to avenge their 38-35, Week 17 come-from-ahead-to-choke loss at home against New England. The Giants won their tenth freaking road game in a row by going into Green Bay, where the game-time temperature was -1 degree Fahrenheit. They won in spite of a putrid kicking performance from kicker Lawrence “Wide Left” Tynes, who hooked two straight field goals in the fourth quarter, including on as time expired in regulation, but booted a 47-yard try through the uprights in overtime following Brett Favre’s second interception of the game. At least I’ll be spared the double-whammy of disgustingly overdone “great stories” we would have had if New England’s quest for a perfect season would have met Favre’s hero’s quest for one more title in the Super Bowl. Still, as much as I’d love to see the Giants win, I don’t think I can take the agony of being forced to see the smarmy, disgustingly arrogant, “we’re-just-so-humble-it’s-amazing” Cheat-riots and their lying, thick-headed bore of a coach, Bill Beli-cheat, win the title, a chance I’d be taking by watching. There are two weeks to debate this (thanks for that, ass hats at the NFL office, why the hell are there two weeks before the conference championship weekend and the Super Bowl? We’ll run out of worthwhile topics to discuss midway through week one and end up with moronic stories about things like what Eli Manning’s favorite kind of fruit juice is from there on out), but right now I’m leaning toward avoiding the whole spectacle.
- It was one final exciting week for The Amazing Race, with the three final teams racing from Taipei, Taiwan to the finish line in Anchorage, Alaska this week. The three remaining teams, Ron and Cristina (father-daughter), TK and Rachel (dating) and Nicolas and Don (grandson-grandfather) took off from Taipei on the same flight on China Air. They landed in Anchorage and went straight to the Sixth Avenue Sporting Goods store. There, they got their next clue as well as a bag full of gear for their next task. Ron and Cristina remained in first, followed by TK and Rachel, then Nic and Don. Unfortunately for Nic and Don, they compounded their last-place problems by forgetting their gear the first time and having to return to the store to retrieve it. The challenge was a Detour, which in Amazing Race terms means choosing between two tasks to complete. In this challenge, teams chose between gutting a fish to find their next clue, hidden in a small metal cylinder inside one of several 50-lb. monsters and finding a crab marked with race colors in a water-filled bin aboard a fishing boat. Ron and Cristina chose to gut the fish, as did Nic and Don,.TK and Rachel chose crabs (no giggles, please) and almost gave up before TK found a marked one and allowed them to remain on Ron and Cristina’s tails. After returning to get their gear, Nic and Don fell further behind as the teams next took a cab to Twenty Mile River, followed by a speed boat to Twenty Mile glacier, where both team members climbed face of glacier, with their next clue at the top of the ice mass. From there, they took a helicopter to Merrill Airfield, then a cab to Goose Leg Park for their next challenge. It was a memory challenge, forcing one member of each team to take 10 items representing stops from the race out of 15 items on hand and arrange them on a stage. The items had to meet certain requirements (i.e. three animals or animal byproducts, two means of transportation with wheels, one item per stop on the race, etc.), and there was only one correct way out of dozens of possible combinations that would fulfill every requirement and cause the next clue to pop up from the clue box at the back of the stage. Ron and Cristina arrived first, but Cristina struggled and TK and Rachel arrived next, but Rachel struggled as well. Nic and Don finally arrived and Nic was soon frustrated by the puzzle as well. After several dramatic shots of the three of them deep in thought over the puzzle, Rachel finished first, then she and TK took off in taxi to find a statue of Aaron Cook in another area of the city. There they found their next clue, which directed them to the Salmon Hooker, a colorful statue of a fish in downtown Anchorage where they found their next clue. Ron and Cristina were right behind them, and both teams then headed to the finish line at a local airport. TK and Rachel finished first and won the $1 million prize, Ron and Cristina came in second, Nic and Don in third. Don is still the coolest 69-year-old around, that’s for sure. All the teams previously eliminated on the race were on hand, as is the show’s custom, to greet the final three at the finish line. It was a great finale, not in the least because as I mentioned previously, all of the truly detestable teams in the race (Team Cougar, the ever-bickering duo of Nate and Jen, lesbian ministers Kate and Pat, etc.) had already been booted from the race and the three remaining teams were all “good guys,” so to speak. It was awesome to see TK and Rachel win, though, because they genuinely seemed like the most chill, cool people on the race. Congrats to them on their big win, I’m already looking forward to next season.
- Good leadership. It’s the secret to any successful group or organization. Find a person with vision, charisma and integrity to lead your group and people will follow. Either that, or find a leader who is willing to get plastered and assault a police officer on the street in the early hours of the morning. Really, either choice will work just fine, it’s simply a matter of preference. Some people like a leader who sets an example of responsible, respectable behavior and some people like leaders such as University of South Carolina student body president Nick Payne, who was arrested and charged with public drunkenness, resisting arrest and interfering with a police officer outside of Red Hot Tomato’s in the Five Points of Columbia, S.C. during the early morning hours of Jan. 5. According to an incident report obtained from the Columbia police department, Payne, a fourth-year economics student, approached the reporting officer from behind while the officer was responding to a fight. Payne was then warned several times to back up and leave the scene. Not surprisingly, the police report says that Payne appeared to be intoxicated. When the officer attempted to arrest Payne, he pushed the officer to the ground. Good job, Mr. President. Nothing says stand-up leader like getting drunk off your a** and assaulting a police officer. I hope that many of your fellow students following your stellar leadership, because you obviously know what you’re doing. When asked about the incident, Payne offered one of the lamest apologies I’ve ever heard from anyone involved in a crime, elected official or otherwise. “The events that took place Saturday morning were unfortunate and a complete misunderstanding,” said Payne in a statement released late Thursday night. “I take pride in my role as Student Body President and know what my peers expect out of me. I was elected by the students of the University of South Carolina to represent their best interests, and I intend to continue to serve my peers for the remainder of my term. It was a matter of wrong place, wrong time.” What, did you misunderstand to officer when he told you to back off? Or did he misunderstand you shoving him, as you were just trying to give him a pat on the back for apprehending someone who had committed a crime. When people take pride in their role of any kind, the way they show that pride is usually not assaulting a cop who isn’t even dealing with them. Well done, Payne, I’m sure your constituents are all verrrry proud of you.
- For months, J.J. Abrams’ newest creation, Cloverfield, has been a mysterious enigma, a whirling dervish of secrecy, teasers and speculation that didn’t seem to make much sense. However, the movie finally hit theaters this weekend and whether it was the curiosity factor or the reality that it’s a good movie, the film starring Michael Stahl-David and Jessica Lucas capitalized on those months of Internet hype by topping the weekend box office with $41 million, besting Star Wars: Special Edition's 11-year-old record for a January debut. (Watch the Cloverfield trailer here.) Regardless of how it does from here on out, besting the figure brought in by George Lucas and his legions of dorks, er, losers, errrr, fans is something to be proud of. I guess we’ll find out in the next few weeks whether Cloverfield is a legitimately great movie or just a one-week wonder. Coming in second at the weekend box office was Katherine Heigl's 27 Dresses, bringing in $22.4 million. Rounding out the top five were The Bucket List ($15.2 mil), Juno ($10.3 mil) and National Treasure 2 ($8.1 mil). Shockingly, a terrible excuse for a film, Mad Money, starring a mismatched, mediocre cast of Katie Holmes (still married to a nutcase), Queen Latifah and Diane Keaton, bombed out, earning just $7.7 mil to land at No. 7 for the weekend. Nice to see a bad movie actually get the tepid response it deserves for once….
- People love midgets. It’s one of life’s tried and true rules. You can try to fight it, or you can just give in and embrace the face that people enjoy seeing little people do silly things. It may seem insulting to those little people to think of them this way, but don’t concern yourself with that. The brothers at the Delta Upsilon fraternity at Northwestern University understand this lesson well. Of course, for that very reason they’re now in trouble for hiring the Half Pint Brawlers to "entertain" at one of their parties. The Daily Northwestern, the school’s student newspaper, is shocked, SHOCKED to find little people wrestling on their campus. "There's no place for such vulgar events at Northwestern. Students at this university are known for their intelligence -- NU has some of the top students in the country -- and midget wrestling is not something with which this university should be associated,” bellows an editorial in the paper. Lighten up, guys. The little people aren’t being sold into slavery. They’re compensated for their time and effort, I’m sure. Who are you to deny them the right to ply their trade and earn a living? They’re not coming to your newspaper and demanding that you stop publishing idiotic, poorly-reason editorials, are they? Leave them alone and leave this fraternity alone, because they’re just trying to bring great entertainment to your campus, something The Daily Northwestern doesn’t seem to be having much success doing. If you want to see the midget-y goodness for yourself, check it out. This video is an advertisement for Half Print Brawlers, which advertises that "midgets bleed for your enjoyment." Enjoy…….
- It was one final exciting week for The Amazing Race, with the three final teams racing from Taipei, Taiwan to the finish line in Anchorage, Alaska this week. The three remaining teams, Ron and Cristina (father-daughter), TK and Rachel (dating) and Nicolas and Don (grandson-grandfather) took off from Taipei on the same flight on China Air. They landed in Anchorage and went straight to the Sixth Avenue Sporting Goods store. There, they got their next clue as well as a bag full of gear for their next task. Ron and Cristina remained in first, followed by TK and Rachel, then Nic and Don. Unfortunately for Nic and Don, they compounded their last-place problems by forgetting their gear the first time and having to return to the store to retrieve it. The challenge was a Detour, which in Amazing Race terms means choosing between two tasks to complete. In this challenge, teams chose between gutting a fish to find their next clue, hidden in a small metal cylinder inside one of several 50-lb. monsters and finding a crab marked with race colors in a water-filled bin aboard a fishing boat. Ron and Cristina chose to gut the fish, as did Nic and Don,.TK and Rachel chose crabs (no giggles, please) and almost gave up before TK found a marked one and allowed them to remain on Ron and Cristina’s tails. After returning to get their gear, Nic and Don fell further behind as the teams next took a cab to Twenty Mile River, followed by a speed boat to Twenty Mile glacier, where both team members climbed face of glacier, with their next clue at the top of the ice mass. From there, they took a helicopter to Merrill Airfield, then a cab to Goose Leg Park for their next challenge. It was a memory challenge, forcing one member of each team to take 10 items representing stops from the race out of 15 items on hand and arrange them on a stage. The items had to meet certain requirements (i.e. three animals or animal byproducts, two means of transportation with wheels, one item per stop on the race, etc.), and there was only one correct way out of dozens of possible combinations that would fulfill every requirement and cause the next clue to pop up from the clue box at the back of the stage. Ron and Cristina arrived first, but Cristina struggled and TK and Rachel arrived next, but Rachel struggled as well. Nic and Don finally arrived and Nic was soon frustrated by the puzzle as well. After several dramatic shots of the three of them deep in thought over the puzzle, Rachel finished first, then she and TK took off in taxi to find a statue of Aaron Cook in another area of the city. There they found their next clue, which directed them to the Salmon Hooker, a colorful statue of a fish in downtown Anchorage where they found their next clue. Ron and Cristina were right behind them, and both teams then headed to the finish line at a local airport. TK and Rachel finished first and won the $1 million prize, Ron and Cristina came in second, Nic and Don in third. Don is still the coolest 69-year-old around, that’s for sure. All the teams previously eliminated on the race were on hand, as is the show’s custom, to greet the final three at the finish line. It was a great finale, not in the least because as I mentioned previously, all of the truly detestable teams in the race (Team Cougar, the ever-bickering duo of Nate and Jen, lesbian ministers Kate and Pat, etc.) had already been booted from the race and the three remaining teams were all “good guys,” so to speak. It was awesome to see TK and Rachel win, though, because they genuinely seemed like the most chill, cool people on the race. Congrats to them on their big win, I’m already looking forward to next season.
- Good leadership. It’s the secret to any successful group or organization. Find a person with vision, charisma and integrity to lead your group and people will follow. Either that, or find a leader who is willing to get plastered and assault a police officer on the street in the early hours of the morning. Really, either choice will work just fine, it’s simply a matter of preference. Some people like a leader who sets an example of responsible, respectable behavior and some people like leaders such as University of South Carolina student body president Nick Payne, who was arrested and charged with public drunkenness, resisting arrest and interfering with a police officer outside of Red Hot Tomato’s in the Five Points of Columbia, S.C. during the early morning hours of Jan. 5. According to an incident report obtained from the Columbia police department, Payne, a fourth-year economics student, approached the reporting officer from behind while the officer was responding to a fight. Payne was then warned several times to back up and leave the scene. Not surprisingly, the police report says that Payne appeared to be intoxicated. When the officer attempted to arrest Payne, he pushed the officer to the ground. Good job, Mr. President. Nothing says stand-up leader like getting drunk off your a** and assaulting a police officer. I hope that many of your fellow students following your stellar leadership, because you obviously know what you’re doing. When asked about the incident, Payne offered one of the lamest apologies I’ve ever heard from anyone involved in a crime, elected official or otherwise. “The events that took place Saturday morning were unfortunate and a complete misunderstanding,” said Payne in a statement released late Thursday night. “I take pride in my role as Student Body President and know what my peers expect out of me. I was elected by the students of the University of South Carolina to represent their best interests, and I intend to continue to serve my peers for the remainder of my term. It was a matter of wrong place, wrong time.” What, did you misunderstand to officer when he told you to back off? Or did he misunderstand you shoving him, as you were just trying to give him a pat on the back for apprehending someone who had committed a crime. When people take pride in their role of any kind, the way they show that pride is usually not assaulting a cop who isn’t even dealing with them. Well done, Payne, I’m sure your constituents are all verrrry proud of you.
- For months, J.J. Abrams’ newest creation, Cloverfield, has been a mysterious enigma, a whirling dervish of secrecy, teasers and speculation that didn’t seem to make much sense. However, the movie finally hit theaters this weekend and whether it was the curiosity factor or the reality that it’s a good movie, the film starring Michael Stahl-David and Jessica Lucas capitalized on those months of Internet hype by topping the weekend box office with $41 million, besting Star Wars: Special Edition's 11-year-old record for a January debut. (Watch the Cloverfield trailer here.) Regardless of how it does from here on out, besting the figure brought in by George Lucas and his legions of dorks, er, losers, errrr, fans is something to be proud of. I guess we’ll find out in the next few weeks whether Cloverfield is a legitimately great movie or just a one-week wonder. Coming in second at the weekend box office was Katherine Heigl's 27 Dresses, bringing in $22.4 million. Rounding out the top five were The Bucket List ($15.2 mil), Juno ($10.3 mil) and National Treasure 2 ($8.1 mil). Shockingly, a terrible excuse for a film, Mad Money, starring a mismatched, mediocre cast of Katie Holmes (still married to a nutcase), Queen Latifah and Diane Keaton, bombed out, earning just $7.7 mil to land at No. 7 for the weekend. Nice to see a bad movie actually get the tepid response it deserves for once….
- People love midgets. It’s one of life’s tried and true rules. You can try to fight it, or you can just give in and embrace the face that people enjoy seeing little people do silly things. It may seem insulting to those little people to think of them this way, but don’t concern yourself with that. The brothers at the Delta Upsilon fraternity at Northwestern University understand this lesson well. Of course, for that very reason they’re now in trouble for hiring the Half Pint Brawlers to "entertain" at one of their parties. The Daily Northwestern, the school’s student newspaper, is shocked, SHOCKED to find little people wrestling on their campus. "There's no place for such vulgar events at Northwestern. Students at this university are known for their intelligence -- NU has some of the top students in the country -- and midget wrestling is not something with which this university should be associated,” bellows an editorial in the paper. Lighten up, guys. The little people aren’t being sold into slavery. They’re compensated for their time and effort, I’m sure. Who are you to deny them the right to ply their trade and earn a living? They’re not coming to your newspaper and demanding that you stop publishing idiotic, poorly-reason editorials, are they? Leave them alone and leave this fraternity alone, because they’re just trying to bring great entertainment to your campus, something The Daily Northwestern doesn’t seem to be having much success doing. If you want to see the midget-y goodness for yourself, check it out. This video is an advertisement for Half Print Brawlers, which advertises that "midgets bleed for your enjoyment." Enjoy…….
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