- Here’s another story falling under the heading of “Things You Should Have Expected.” A miffed Swedish music critic has drawn the ire of Rolling Stones’ guitarist Keith Richards for snorting the ashes of his deceased father and not asking Richards to do a line with him. No, just kidding…..Richards is actually upset with critic Markus Larsson because Larsson recently gave a poor review of a Stones concert at Ullevi Stadium in the city of Goteborg. Larson described Richards as possibly drunk and looking “a bit confused.” He gave the show a rating of two stars out of a possible five. Upon reading the translation of the poor review, an incensed Richards countered, “Never before have I risen to the bait of a bad review. But this time…..I have to stand up…..for our fans all over Sweden…..to say that you owe them, and us, an apology.” I have to agree with Richards on this point because after all, what do you expect from a Stones concert if not an intoxicated, drugged-up, dazed and confused show? Have you never heard of a little show called the Stones at Altamont? You have these great-but-aging rockers still ingesting copious amount of alcohol and illegal drugs, trying to keep up with a rigorous touring schedule, so yes, they may appear “a bit confused” from time to time. But what’s more rock n’ roll than musicians being so drunk, hung over and/or stoned that they can barely make it on stage? Get off your high horse, M. Larsson, and take a minute to learn what rock is really about.
- Well lookee here, Congress is actually going to take proactive steps toward addressing a real, pressing problem. Let’s all just stop for a moment and allow that startling reality to sink in………………..ok, now that we’ve all had time to process that news, let’s move on. It was announced today that the COMMITTEE NAME HERE will hold hearings next month on the issue of steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs in professional wrestling. Congress has already investigated Vince McMahon once on the steroid issue, but that was well over a decade ago and the problem has definitely gotten worse in recent years. More and more wrestlers are dying before their 45th birthday, highlighted by the grisly double murder/suicide tragedy involving WWE wrestler Chris Benoit and his family a couple months ago. I guess we finally have our answer of how many people have to die and how many others have to speak out about the rampant use of steroids in pro wrestling before someone will actually do something about it. I don’t know how much action Congress will take, but the mere public spectacle of McMahon and his cronies being dragged before a congressional committee to testify should help. It certainly had an impact on baseball players like Mark “I’m not here to talk about the past” McGwire, Sammy “I forget how to speak English” Sosa and Rafael “I have never taken steroids, period” Palmeiro, all of who had their reputations destroyed by their lying, double-talking performances in front of Congress when baseball’s lax steroid policy was called into question. Professional wrestling may not be a sport in the same way that baseball, basketball, football, etc. are sports, but hopefully these upcoming hearings will help clean up what has become a dangerously dirty business.
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! By now you know that where there’s a riot, I’m there at least in spirit and I’m going to be down with what’s going on 116.4%. My favorite kind of riot, of course, is when rioters get so unruly that the police break out the tear gas, water cannons and clubs to subdue the crowd. That’s exactly what happened yesterday in Santiago, Chile, where thousands of angry demonstrators took to the streets to protest unfair social and economic policies put in place by the government. The daylong protests resulted in 372 arrests and spread from the center of the capital city into several nearby working-class districts. I don’t yet have any confirmation of any looting plundering and overturning/burning of cars (if I find out about any such activities, I’ll let you know), but still a great effort by the Chileans. Any time you can force the police to break out the tear gas, water cannons and clubs, that’s a significant accomplishment. That’s what we in the riot business call the Riot Trifecta. I salute all of my Chilean riot pals especially the 372 of you who were arrested, that shows you are giving an extra level of effort and taking your social disobedience one step further than most.
- Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand. Sen. Larry Craig, D-Id., is under serious fire after his arrest and subsequent guilty plea on charges of lewd conduct in a restroom at the Minneapolis Airport. Following his George Michael act, Craig has “agreed to comply” with a request to step down as the top Republican on the Senate Veterans Affairs Committee, with a predictably bland, political-speak laden statement from the GOP accompanying the decision. “This is not a decision we take lightly, but we believe this is in the best interest of the Senate until this situation is resolved by the Ethics Committee,” the statement read. Additionally, some leading Republican senators are calling for Craig’s resignation from the Senate, including Sen. John McCain of Arizona. McCain believes that if a senator pleads guilty to a crime, he should resign. I have to disagree with my man J. McCain on this one, because if we get rid of all of the criminals in Congress, there won't be enough felons, er, congressmen, left to run the House or the Senate. I know Craig’s sexual freakery in a public restroom is sick, twisted and disgusting, but I don’t believe that he needs to resign because of it. Would I turn around and walk out of a restroom if I walked in and saw that perv Larry Craig there? Absolutely yes. However, I don’t think that him being a perverted freak makes him unfit to be a senator.
- Who doesn’t think that phoning in a bomb threat is amusing? Oh, that’s right, everyone over the age of 14 thinks it’s absolutely retarded. Well, everyone except the tool who’s been calling large grocery and department stores around the country and threatening to blow up shoppers and employees if they don’t wire large amounts of money to a foreign bank account. Frightened workers have actually wired this ass hat thousands of dollars – and in one case took off their clothes – to appease a mysterious caller who claimed to be watching them but may have actually been thousands of miles away. The FBI and local police are investigating a series of similar threats at more than 15 stores in at least 11 different states in the past week. A big middle-finger salute to this piece of crap, phoning in fake bomb threats to extort money from people. Hey loser, the operators of pyramid schemes think you’re a low life. “Hey, Winn Dixie’s, I’ve planted a bomb in your store and I’ll blow you up unless you take your clothes off and wire me $5,000!” Ah, hilarious, good one, tool. That’s the American entrepreneurial spirit at work. If you need money, just phone in a fake bomb threat to extort money from innocent people. Whoever this idiot is, he’s the one who needs to be blown up.
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