- Glad you could get around to this, Chinese government. The powers that be in China have finally released Xi Hailiang, one of the last protestors still in jail for opposing the 1989 military crackdown on pro-democracy protests in Beijing’s Tiananman Square. Of course, the communist government in China has never actually owned up to their brutal and indefensible actions in one of the most brutal and memorable assaults on citizens in history, but even if they refuse to own up to what they did in that tragic time, it’s nice to see them finally release an individual who has been jailed for nearly two decades simply for having the courage to oppose an oppressive, despotic government and stand up for the chance at democracy. Enjoy your freedom, Xi, even if it comes without an apology for all of your wrongful suffering and the many years of your life you’ve lost in prison.
- Breathe easier, out-of-shape, desperate middle-aged women with no lives, Sex and the City WILL be coming to the big screen after all. Chris Noth, a.k.a. Mr. Big, has finally signed a deal to appear in the film, which means all of the major players are in place. It’s nothing short of amazing that the four stars of the show – Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis and Cynthia Nixon – and their massive egos all got on board before Noth did, but now they’re all signed to deals and one of the most overrated TV shows of all time can now become one of the most overrated, over-hyped and ultimately disappointing movies of all time. Production on the movie is set to begin next month in New York, assuming that no massive deluges of water drown the city and send it into pandemonium again. Hopefully all of the “stars” of this movie will be spending significant time doing two things before filming starts: 1) Taking acting classes, because let’s face it, the level of acting displayed in the many seasons of the series was anything but stellar, and 2) Hitting the gym, because none of them were in great shape the first time around, and with several years having passed since the series went off the air, odds are that they haven’t gotten into any better physical condition.
- Niclas Fasth and Colin Montgomerie aren’t exactly helping to dispel the belief that golfers aren’t legitimate athletes. Both are playing in the PGA Championship this week in Tulsa, Okla., where temperatures are routinely pushing triple digits. Predictably, all of the golfers are struggling with the heat, as evidenced by the omnipresent sweat stains and frequent water drinking on the course. However, Fasth and Montgomerie are the only two players in this tournament soft enough to have their caddies walking around, holding up umbrellas over them to ward off the mean old sun. I thought only elderly people, those with illnesses caused and aggravated by the sun or weirdo stoner freaks who decorate their black umbrellas with dangly knick-knacks and use the umbrellas to preserve their pasty complexions carried umbrellas when it wasn’t raining. But clearly Monty doesn’t agree, what with his doughy frame and sour disposition, nor does Fasth, still in desperate search of that missing “o” to round out his first name. These two are apparently such wusses that they too need umbrellas to battle the sun on a hot summer day. Way to go, guys, your toughness and manliness are evident to all.
- Well my summer is ruined now, just ruined. I hope you’re happy, Kelly Clarkson, because you have broken my heart. I had THE big event of my summer and quite possibly of my young life ripped from me when the former American Karaoke-er canceled a summer arena tour across the U.S. Seriously, who else am I going to pay exorbitant ticket prices to go see sing sugary sweet, over-produced, crappy, slick pop songs while wearing midriff-bearing outfits and dancing like one of those giant mechanical puppets at Chuck-E-Cheese? Oh wait, you mean to tell me that that type of music totally sucks and that there are dozens of Britney Spears wannabes I could see doing the exact same thing? Reportedly, my girl K. Clarkson is restructuring her tour plans into a new tour at smaller, “more intimate” venues, which is code for not being able to sell out larger venues and wanting to avoid the embarrassment of playing to half-empty arenas while singing the garbage pop songs that someone else wrote for you. Good thinking, Kel, I wouldn’t want you doing anything to damage the sterling musical legacy you’ve built. Maybe in your free time, you can find time to make From Justin to Kelly 2, seeing as how the first installment of that vaunted movie franchise was so well received and won so many awards…..
- Who else misses the good old days of the rap wars, East Coast vs. West Coast, rappers brawling outside of clubs, killing each other for no viable reason, etc.? The battle has now gone corporate, with 50 Cent taking the “fight” to nemesis Kanye West because 50 is pissed about speculation that West’s new album Graduation will outsell 50’s new CD Curtis, with both of them due out on Sept. 11. 50 Cent, in real life known as Curtis Jackson, says that if those predictions come true and West outsells him on 9/11, he will retire from the music business for good. “Let’s raise the stakes,” Jackson told an industry website. “If Kanye West sells more records on Sept. 11 than 50 Cent, I’ll no longer write music. I’ll write music and work with my other artists, but I won't put out any more solo albums.” Double bonus points for referring to yourself AND directly contradicting yourself in a single brilliant eight-word linguistic burst. You will no longer write music and you’ll still write music? Which one is it, genius? Can none of you at least bust a cap in someone’s a** anymore, so we can avoid having to hear you Mensas speak and try to say something intelligent? I don’t think it’s too much to ask, really.
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