- Michael Vick defenders, you might want to just stop talking for a while, maybe sit this one out. Those still trying to argue that Vick is a) innocent, b) a victim of circumstance and/or prejudice, c) only pleading guilty b/c his co-defendants rolled on him and he was backed into a corner are both incredibly ignorant and incredibly myopic. That applies to everyone defending Vick, but it goes double for other professional athletes who have blatantly and repeatedly shoved their feet in their mouths trying to take up for Vick. Back before Vick was indicted, it was Washington Redskins running back Clinton Portis making the statement that people needed to get off Vick’s case because those were Mike Vick’s dogs and he could do whatever he wanted with them on his property. As bad of a take as that was, New York Knicks point guard Stephon Marbury’s views on Vick’s case this week were far, far worse. Marbury tried to make the case that Vick is a victim here, a victim of circumstance and someone who just “fell” into the dogfighting mess he is now in. “Marbury, on tour promoting his line of sports apparel, told Capital News 9: “We don’t say anything about people who shoot deer and shoot other animals, you know what I mean. From what I hear, dogfighting is a sport. It’s just behind closed doors. And I think it’s tough that we build Michael Vick up and then we break him down.” Marbury called Vick “a good human being” who “fell into a bad situation.” Wrong, Steph, just wrong. For one thing, the reason dogfighting takes place behind closed doors is because it’s illegal, not a sport. The more you try to make the case for Mike Vick, the worse you make the situation. Because there is no argument to be made for Vick’s actions in funding, founding and operating a dogfighting ring and the absolute lack of character he displayed in lying to Roger Goodell, Arthur Blank and anyone else who asked him if he was involved in dogfighting, those trying to make such an argument look very foolish. When someone admits to a crime and pleads guilty, you making the case that they are innocent doesn’t work. When no less than seven witnesses and multiple pieces of physical evidence place a person at a place where dogs were forced to fight, were tortured and murdered if they didn’t fight and where gambling on those fights took place, your argument that they just “fell” into it doesn’t work. And for the umpteenth freaking time, why can’t athletes refrain from butchering the English language? It doesn’t benefit Vick’s case much when you eloquently proclaim that him fighting dogs is the same thing as people hunting “deers.” It’s deer, you tool, no “s” on the end. The plural of deer is deer, Steph. Besides, what an awful analogy. Dogfighting is not the same as hunting; it’s not even the same as cockfighting. Hunting does not pit one deer against another in a barbaric deer octagon. Nor have I seen any seeing-eye chickens or deer, bomb-sniffing deer, avalanche-rescue chickens or deer visiting sick children in the hospital to brighten their day. Like it or not, in America dogs are a different animal (pun intended). They are domesticated animals and pets, and people get angry when you force them to fight to the death and murder them if they refuse to fight. Whether you all are defending Vick because of race or just to be contrarian, you’re just flat-out wrong and you need to shut your mouths.
- Some things just don’t mix well with beer. Extreme heights with steep ledges or rooftops, operating a vehicle, pills…….these are just a few examples. Another very good example of something that just does not mix well with beer is the bear cage at a zoo. For evidence of this, look no further than the recent Beer Fest at the Belgrade Zoo in Belgrade, Serbia. An unidentified 23-year-old Serbian man apparently had a beer or nine annd somehow found his way into the bear cage. The bear, clearly feeling a bit territorial and also very hungry, proceeded to kill this lush by eating him to death, with a zookeeper left to find the man’s half-eaten remains the next morning. I have to wonder whether the bear simply got full halfway through or just lost interest, because you’d think he’d finish his meal. Speaking of finishing a job, nice work on the security front, Belgrade Zoo. Did it not occur to you that holding a beer fest at your zoo might necessitate extra security personnel? After all, you know you’re going to have intoxicated people and deadly animals in the same place. It stands to reason that you’d want to have a few extra security guards around to make sure that drunk people don’t wander into the bear cage, the lion cage, etc. Oh, and how about making sure that you lock and guard the bear cage securely, that might help too. On the plus side, assuming this guy didn’t have children, at least we can all be thankful that he wont be around any longer to pollute the gene pool.
- Speaking of drunk people doing stupid things…..the Princeton Review has published its annual list of the top party schools in America and to the surprise of exactly no one, West Virginia University tops the list. Coming in second is the University of Mississippi, followed by the University of Texas, the University of Florida and the University of Georgia. I’m sure that all of these schools are very proud of their accomplishment, no matter how much their respective administrations deny it and insist that they run and orderly institution that in no way encourages any type of revelry. Equally happy with their place on a list buy much less clear on the details of what they did last night or last week are students at the colleges and universities that ranked at the top of the “reefer madness” list. Topping this listing of pot-loving schools is Warren Wilson College in North Carolina, followed by Bard College, the University of Vermont, the University of California-Santa Cruz and Lewis & Clark College in Oregon. Making the top 10 in both lists, showing nice versatility when it comes to partying, is the Ohio University. On the other end of the spectrum are “stone-cold sober” (i.e. boring) schools like Brigham Young, Wheaton (Ill.) College, Aquinas College and Grove City (Pa.). Kudos to the Princeton Review, by the way, for “discovering” that religious schools like Brigham Young and Grove City don’t rate well when it comes to partying, that’s groundbreaking research right there. Props to all of the schools that ranked high on the first two lists, and for those that didn’t, you need to burn a lot more couches (and blunts) and mix in more keg stands in the coming year. It’s interesting to note that almost all of the top party schools are located in the South. The western half of the country really needs to step up, because otherwise all of the cool kids are going to start transferring to southern schools. Well, the Pacific Northwest is still a great place for those who love smoking tree, so there’s always that……… - It’s time for the “What Team is Anne Heche Playing For” Watch, and judging from this latest development, it appears that right now, Ms. Heche is swinging from……the heterosexual side of the plate. Heche and her Men in Trees co-star James Tupper are now living together, with real life mirroring their TV lives. Both recently split from marriages to be together, with Heche going through a nasty split with ex-hubby Coley Laffoon. Tupper is taking the right approach for being with a sexual-preference switch-hitter like Heche, though. “Ask me in a year,” he replied when asked where the relationship is headed. Good answer, J., because in a year, you and Heche both might be in loving, healthy and committed relationships….with other women.
- Sucks to be you, Venezuelans. On Tuesday, the nation’s legislature approved a series of reforms that would allow the country’s despotic, dictatorial, bat-sh*t-crazy president, one Hugo Chavez, to govern for decades to come. Chavez had pressed for the reforms and the legislature, ruled by his political allies, quickly acceded to his demands. Well, if nothing else this should at least keep the political scene in the Western Hemisphere interesting for the foreseeable future, because there’s no telling what this crazy mo-fo will say and do. If we really want to spice things up, though, let’s give Chavez a few nukes to play around with, that will make life really interesting.
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