- Now things get interesting. W. has indeed vetoed the newly passed war-funding bill containing troop-withdrawal language, and today he met with the Democratic leaders of Congress to work toward an alternative solution. In vetoing the bill, W. stood firmly by his ill-reason, ignorant and oblivious thinking that has led him so far through this war. “It makes no sense to tell the enemy when you plan to start withdrawing,” W. said. “You would be setting a date for failure.” No, ass clown, that date has already been set and it’s the date you decided to wage this ill-fated atrocity of a war. We failed the second an American soldier set foot on Iraqi soil looking to find WMD’s that never existed, from the second the first American soldier was injured or killed in Iraq and from the second you decided that you would continue waging this war with no plan, no timetable and no valid reason for its continuation. We’ve already failed because there was no way to win to begin with. Your staunch refusal to admit this is placing everyone, from the soldiers fighting the war to the legislators bound to fund it, in a terrible position. As bad as you may think you would look for actually deciding to withdraw American troops from Iraq, you’re going to look a hundred times worse for prolonging a war that’s becoming an even more ginormous debacle than Vietnam was for Nixon. In fact, history is probably going to remember you even more critically than Nixon, because at least after all his foul ups, he resigned and left the White House in shame, whereas you, W., keep sticking your head in the sand and refusing to admit how wrong and incompetent you are.
- Ah, the pageantry of rich people in ridiculous outfits and funny hats, overpriced mint juleps and tiny men in brightly colored outfits flogging giant equines around an oversized oval, it’s why the Kentucky Derby (set for Saturday) is truly one of the great sporting events in the world. That is, of course, assuming that by calling it a great sporting event you mean it is neither great nor an actual sport, but rather an idiotic contest featuring tiny men atop big horses that far too many people wager far too much money on. You’ll have to excuse me for refusing to recognize something as a sport when the primary participants are animals without opposable thumbs and the only humans involved in the race itself are resigned to the role of beating the horse with a whip and looking like a slightly oversized lawn ornament. Just as auto racing fails to qualify as a real sport in large part due to its reliance on a piece of machinery as the real “competitor” and thus allows out-of-shape schlubs to excel with minimal physical exertion, horse racing doesn’t pass muster as a legit sport in my book. Something tells me there will be one or 4,015 better things to do this weekend than watch the horsies run around in a circle for a few minutes while wealthy ladies in funny hats sip expensive drinks and cheer them on from their private boxes at the racetrack.
- Ah, international slap fights, God love ‘em. In a near-perfect example of big versus small, the tiny Caribbean island of St. Lucia has stepped to China and thrown down the political gauntlet. St. Lucia has decided to sever its 10-year diplomatic ties to China and restore its ties to Taiwan, a country that is one of China’s biggest rivals. Both the Chinese and Taiwanese have sent diplomatic envoys to the tiny island nation in attempts to curry favor, but China has lost the battle and now its government is pissed. Of course, if I had built a stadium and a psychiatric hospital for a country and then they cut ties with me, I might be a smidge upset too. “We express indignation and opposition,” Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesman Liu Jian-chao said in an official statement. Not a lot to go on there, but I’ll hazard a guess and say that China isn't going to take St. Lucia up on its offer to still be friends despite the new alliance with Taiwan. You’ve got to admire a 240-square mile island with a population of 168,000 being willing to stick it to the world’s most populous nation and one with nuclear capacity nonetheless. Well done, St. Lucia, you’ve definitely got a lot of testicular fortitude.
- American Karaoke, ruining countries all over the world one debacle at a time. It just isn't enough for the creators and participants of this horrific train wreck that they continue to erode musical standards and quality in America and Great Britain; no, these losers are spreading their disease worldwide and now seven people in Tunisia have died as a result. At a concert in the southern city of Sfax featuring the “stars” of the Arab version of American Karaoke, a stampede in the crowd left seven individuals, all between the ages of 12 and 21, dead and 32 others seriously injured. No word on whether the stampeded ensued when the gawd-awful, ear-damaging musical crap-ola started and those in the crowd tried to flee, but this is just another example of this excruciatingly bad show bringing more pain and suffering on the world. Isn't it enough that we have an ever-growing crop of degenerates who think they can sing because they appeared on AK and now they insist on producing unlistenable albums and showing up on any and every TV and radio show they can beg their way onto in a desperate grab at fame? For the sake of the health, well being and sanity of people the world over, someone needs to step up and take the initiative to shut down any and all versions of American Karaoke around the world by whatever means necessary. It’s not good, it’s not really music and it’s not doing anything but dragging us down, so let’s end this charade, once and for all.
- With finals bearing down on students at colleges and universities across the country, there are a few guarantees: 1) hundreds of gallons of Red Bull and coffee will be consumed, 2) students will cram desperately in an attempt to learn in a few hours material they’ve ignored and put off learning for months and 3) cheating in a wide array of shapes, sizes and strategies will ensue. Students at the Air Force Academy and Duke have gotten an early start on the cheating angle, with fifteen Air Force cadets being booted from the school and 34 Dukies awaiting punishment after their roles in cheating scandals at their respective schools. At the Air Force Academy, the cadets in question either confessed or were found guilty by an honor board of sharing answers to a test of knowledge about the Air Force. At Duke, graduate students at the school’s Fuqua School of business face severe punishment, including nine who are staring down expulsion, after their own cheating scheme was discovered. It’s the largest cheating scandal in the school’s history and proves the adage that if you’re not cheating, you’re not trying, and it’s only cheating if you get caught. I just thought wicked smart kids like those attending Duke might be a little smarter when cheating and could avoid being caught.
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