A 4-H pageant scandal, a sickening reality show and Mischa Barton apparently doesn't know basic chemistry

- Rarely do I get to speak on behalf of the NFL commissioner, so let me say how much I value this opportunity to utter the following statement on behalf of the esteemed Roger Goodell: “NO.” That pretty much sums up what the response is going to be when Goodell gets around to making an official statement about the NFL Players Association’s request for him to shorten the one-year suspension of Tennessee Titans cornerback Pacman Jones, so I thought I would save Goodell the trouble. The Players Association’s contention is thus: “Your suspension of Jones without pay for the entire 2007 season is clearly excessive and much greater than discipline imposed upon other players for the same or similar incidents,” the NFLPA said in a letter to Goodell on May 23. No, NFLPA, what’s excessive is a freaking dozen run ins with the cops the past couple years, including two (soon to be three) incidents in which Jones was charged with crimes. Also, if this tool had shown any remorse, any contrition or taken responsibility for his actions, Goodell might have considered slightly lessening the suspension. Instead, Jones maintains that he’s some sort of victim, and that’s a load of crap that the commish isn't interested in hearing. Seriously, after seeing Goodell’s act and swiftness to bring the hammer of justice down, Jones and the NFLPA had better just shut up now before Goodell gets even more pissed and extends the suspension to two years.

- It’s about frakkin’ time. Finally, a university president is willing to actively advocate the implementation of a playoff system for college football. University of Florida president Bernie Machen has headed to the annual Southeastern Conference business meetings with a plan to push the idea of a playoff system among his SEC brethren. Machen has been trumpeting such a plan since December, when he worried that his school’s team wouldn’t make the national championship game, a fear that ultimately proved unfounded. Still, the other university leaders in the SEC appear ignorantly opposed to Machen’s idea, with people like Ole Miss chancellor Robert Khayat uttering the idiotic, prepackaged reply of, “We are opposed to extending the football season deep into January. We are aware of the wear and tear on football players over a four-month period.” Bull freaking sh*t, Mr. Khayat. Football isn’t a three-month sport and you know it. With spring practices, year-round conditioning and the like, football is an all-year sport, as are many other college sports. It’s not about academics, strain on the student athletes or any other B.S. the powers-that-be are selling as excuses. The reality of it is that those in charge are getting filthy rich off of the current system and thus have no motivation to change it, so even though a playoff would be 1) fair, 2) workable, 3) logical and 4) adored by every college football fan around, the good ‘ol boys in charge of college athletics are going to resist every effort to make such a system reality.

- So Mischa Barton hasn’t been too productive since leaving The O.C., and now I think I know why: she’s a ginormous lush. Barton was rushed to an L.A. hospital after mixing booze with antibiotics, which even a ditzy actress has to know isn't a good idea. Unless she was trying to recreate the dramatic scene from the first season of The O.C. where her character OD’d on booze and pills and nearly died, Barton just looks like one of the dumbest people in America for not knowing that pills + booze = disaster. Of course, I can't say as I’ve heard of one major success she’s had since her run on FOX’s former hit teen drama ended, so being rushed to the hospital after a bender might be the only was she’s going to get any attention, other than dating spoiled rich guys who use way too much product in their hair, of course.

- I’m all at once proud and sickened to report that the second most offensive and despicable concept for a reality TV show, right behind American Karaoke, is going to go forward. The Dutch network BNN has overcome objections, legally, ethically, morally and dignity-wise, and won the right to air a reality show called The Big Donor in which three contestants in need of a kidney transplant will fight for the needed organ to be given by a 37-year-old woman suffering from inoperable brain cancer. The woman will choose from the three contestants after they compete in various tests and also after hearing interviews with them and their families. BNN is trying to tell everyone that their goal is to promote awareness of the need for organ donors, but that lame story doesn’t lessen that nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach. Basically, you have three people trying to poach an organ from a terminally ill woman and openly rooting for her demise so they can get the kidney. BNN is no doubt seeking the attention and notoriety it is already getting from the show, and in the process human dignity and decency are the big losers.

- Beauty pageant scandals are becoming increasingly common, and quite a few pageant queens have been forced to cede their crowns because of misbehavior and misconduct, but I believe this is the first time I’ve ever heard of a girl being stripped of her title as a 4-H club queen. For those of you in metropolitan areas, 4-H is an agricultural and livestock club for kids where they raise animals and are involved in related activities. The queen in question is Kate Mills, 20, a student at Michigan State University who could lose her crown and has been suspended from 4-H after being charged with animal cruelty when authorities removed seven dead lambs, a dead horse and three malnourished dogs from her family’s farm. And oh yeah, Mills is a freakin’ preveterinary student at MSU, which makes her offenses all the more egregious. Her parents and brother are facing the same charges as Kate, but how ironic is it for a girl who’s a member of a club that promotes animal welfare and nurturing, a girl who is aspiring to someday be a veterinarian, to be a part of such blatant animal abuse? That’s not going to be good for business if Mills ever does become a vet, because “Bring your treasured family pet to the vet who once had a dozen dead animals on her family farm as was charged with animal cruelty” doesn’t exactly draw in the customers, nor does it fit all that well on a business card. Might be time to consider a new major, Kate, perhaps pre-law, as that might come in handy for you and your family.