- Diaper-clad, gun-rubber-mallet-and-garbage-bag toting astro-nut Lisa Nowak has dodged a bullet. Prosecutors have charged her with attempted kidnapping (and other lesser charges) in incident involving her and a romantic rival for the affections of another astronaut. Police recommended an attempted murder charge as well, but prosecutors decided against it. Intent to inflict bodily harm, burglary using a weapon and battery are also among the charges against Nowak, but stunningly she denies them all. I’m not sure how you can deny the charges when you’re found with a cache of weapons and wearing an adult diaper, but deny she has. Frankly, I’d have gone the not guilty by reason of insanity, because this is one case where it might actually be accurate and not just a last-ditch attempt to get out of a crime that the evidence clearly convicts you of. Not many sane people drive halfway across the country wearing a diaper with a gun, a lead pipe, trash bags and other weaponry to confront a supposed romantic rival. Insanity seems like the only sane defense the Nowak camp can apply to this one.
- I’m a solutions-oriented guy. I love helping people by figuring out logical answers to problems that are plaguing others, and so I feel very good about being able to help out two separate groups of people with one very simple solution. The two groups I’m going to help are the producers of reality shows American Karaoke and that other one with the really long name that’s looking for the next Pussycat Skank, er, Doll. My answer is two words: Antonella Barba. With mounting evidence that she’s little more than a shrill-voiced skank who enjoys taking her clothes off, I have the perfect solution for all involved. Clearly, no one thinks she belongs on AK (although since when does not having talent preclude you from staying on that abomination?), and her burgeoning sex kitten image could further embarrass a show that already embarrasses itself quite adequately simply by existing. Meanwhile, the producers of the show to find the next Pussycat Skank are about to waste a lot of time and money by producing and filming their show when the answer to their quest lies right before their eyes. I’ll even spell it out: remove Barba from American Karaoke and declare her the automatic winner of the Pussycat Skank reality debacle. She fits their criteria quite well; as already stated, she has little to no musical ability and no aversion to wearing little or no clothing. She’s a perfect fit for Cinnamon, Dakota, Destiny and whatever the other Pussycat Skanks are named. Also, AK could be rid of her and could focus on finding its next effeminate, makeup-loving, man-blouse wearing balladeer. It’s a win-win for everyone, and I feel very good about myself for coming up with it, and no thanks are necessary, it’s just how I roll, b’otch.
- The more I hear Tracy McGrady’s comments re: the 2008 NBA All-Star game in New Orleans, the more I think T-Mac sounds like an absolute nincompoop. The short version is that, in the wake of Katrina, with the Big Easy still recovering and rebuilding, McGrady says he wouldn’t feel safe attending All-Star weekend in the city. My most obvious beef is as follows; T-Mac’s concerns have a really easy solution. Fly into N.O., go straight to your hotel and only leave when going to the game or to All-Star Weekend festivities. When you do go out, hire a driver and a couple security guards so your only exposure to the street is walking out of the hotel to your waiting ride. You concerns, T-Mac, are about when you go out at night, go to clubs, whatever. Well, genius, no one is requiring you to do that. You’re only exposing yourself to as much danger as you choose to expose yourself to. A secondary beef of mine is that the game is still a year away, and New Orleans will be much better off in a year than it is now (I hope, as long as F.E.M.A. gets the hell out of the way so qualified, competent people can take charge). Also, way to kick the residents of New Orleans while they’re still hurting, T-Mac. Like the 400+ arrests, multiple shootings and brawls in Vegas were perfectly safe this year. Yet another piece of evidence that athletes should shut their mouths unless they’re commenting on the game itself, because most of these guys are too brain-dead to intelligently comment on societal issues in general.
- Call my nutty, but I would much, much rather watch the excitement of the so-called “mid-major” conference basketball tournaments than the more-publicized, more-hyped major conference tourneys the next week or so. The Big Ten, Pac-10, ACC, SEC, etc. will get most of the attention and TV time, but the intensity just isn't the same for the most part. Why? Well, in the major conf tournaments, usually half of the teams involved or more have NCAA tournament bids sewn up before the tourney begins. They know they’re going to the Big Dance regardless; thus, that extra level of intensity that can only come via desperation isn't there. But go to the Atlantic Sun or Southern Conference tournaments, for example, and you have 10 or 12 teams who know that their only shot at the NCAA’s is winning their conference tournament. You also have teams who’ve had amazing seasons, 28-4 type seasons, and yet if they don’t close it out by winning their own tournament, all those wins will go for naught. That pressure and desperation improves these tournaments exponentially, and it makes them far superior viewing to two Big Ten teams battling to see who can move up a seed or two in the NCAA tournament that they’re both assured of making.
No comments:
Post a Comment