I still hate Duke, I love Euro-anarchists and I'm gonna avoid raw oysters

- This next story is prefaced by the fact that I hate the Duke men’s basketball team. I absolutely abhor Coach Kryzewski and his merry band of upper class, snobbish suburban underachievers, most of whom won't be able to hack it in the NBA and will end up back at Duke as one of Coach K’s horde of assistant coaches. Even with my open hatred of Duke, though, my take on the incident involving Duke played Gerald Henderson flagrantly fouling North Carolina player Tyler Hansbrough and breaking Hansbrough’s nose wouldn’t be any different if I was totally indifferent to Duke or even if I liked them. Henderson’s violent elbow to Hansbrough came in the final minute of a game that Carolina clearly had in hand. Hansbrough went to the basket for a dunk and Henderson cocked an elbow and blasted him in the face, earning a flagrant foul, an ejection and a lot of Hansbrough’s blood on the floor. Duke apologists are already spinning it by saying that Carolina shouldn’t have had its starters in when the outcome of the game was no longer in doubt, or they’re saying that it was accidental. Both claims are futile, though, because the game was in the 12-14 point range, yeah, but it’s a rivalry game and why give Duke any hopes of even starting to make a comeback, and also, this was no accident. Watch the replays and you’ll see Henderson readying himself to deliver the blow, going right for the head. Coach K hinted at the fact that if the starters for UNC had been out, this wouldn’t have happened, but of course he lacked the testicular fortitude to own up to the fact that the foul was designed to send a message to Carolina. Henderson earns a one-game suspension for the flagrant foul and ejection, which should be good enough. Hansbrough might be the one with the broken nose here, but Duke is the one with a black eye from this incident, the last pock mark on a decidedly underwhelming, un-Duke-like season.

- Hopefully you, like me, are keeping a running tally of food products that are no longer safe to eat. Celery, green onions, mushrooms and peanut butter have already gone up on the list in the past few months, now they are joined by oysters. The Food and Drug Administration has warned consumers not to eat raw oysters harvested from San Antonio Bay in Texas after more than two dozen people in Maryland became ill last month after eating those very oysters. Honestly, you could’ve stopped after the part about not eating raw oysters and most of America would’ve been good with that, save the small population of competitive eating freaks who jam massive quantities of disgusting food down their gullets for no real reason. But the Rose Bay Oyster Co. Bayview Seafood have issued a recall on their oysters, so be on the lookout for them if you’re a seafood lover. Also, stay tuned because I’m sure within a few days, I’ll have another addition to the list of toxic foods that you’ll need to avoid.

- It must be nice to be so rich that you can have valuable, stolen artwork laying around and not even realize anyone is looking for it. Director Steven Spielberg had a thieved Norman Rockwell painting, Russian Schoolroom, in his collection, but didn’t know it was stolen until some of his employees spotted it on an FBI website and reported it. Not sure what these minions were doing browsing an FBI website (maybe research for an upcoming movie?), because when it comes to employees perusing the ‘Net at work, law enforcement sites are typically low on the list, behind ESPN.com, defamer.com, TMZ.com, weatherchannel.com and fark.com. But the important thing is that a valuable painting that Spielberg probably forgot he even had and never even looked at because it was at one of his four different homes around the world that he rarely stays at has been returned to its home in Clayton, Mo. I’ll speak for all of America and say that thank God that national nightmare is over, we can all sleep better tonight thanks to that burden being lifted from our shoulders.

- Slight pet peeve to hit on when it comes to sporting announcers, or even with announcers/hosts of TV or radio broadcasts in general……every time I hear one of these unfunny a-holes broadcasting from a warm climate (Florida usually, sometimes SoCal) and they try to bust out with a funny line about how it’s nice where they are or maybe it’s unusually “chilly” for, say Florida (like 60 degrees) but they shouldn’t complain because it’s friggin’ freezing any snowing in most of the country, I wanna wring their pretty little TV necks until their eyes pop right out of their heads. Hey, we get it, it’s a lot nicer where you are than where we are. We don’t like freezing our butts off, but it’s where we live at least for now. It’s not funny or fresh, and it’s about the most unoriginal joke you can make on a broadcast. You’re going to draw one of the following responses, and they’re all negative: 1) not funny, bad joke, 2) thanks for rubbing it in, jerk, or 3) you suck, please shut up. If you can't do any better than that when coming up with material for your on-air time, might be time to hang ‘em up and ride off into the sunset.

- Back to back days, back to back stories of riots in the Europe/Western Asia corner of the world. This tale comes by way of Denmark, where riots by a group of anarchists in the Danish capital of Copenhagen have led to more than 500 arrests since the protests began Thursday. It isn't just Danish anarchists, either; anti-establishment folk from all across Europe have flocked to Denmark to join in on the civil (and not-so-civil) disobedience. Late night clashes with police have led to the burning of cars, the vandalism of a school and damage to several other buildings. The Swedes, the Norwegians and the Germans have all lent a hand to the Danes in this anti-government activity, aimed at opposing proposed reforms by the center-right government that leftists claim will erode their country’s governing system. Denmark sports high taxes to finance a generous welfare system, with free education and health care that is heavily subsidized. Stodgy politico Anders Fredrik Mihle of the governing Liberal Party’s youth wing, sounding very much like the crusty old guy he is, said, “The spoiled kids in the youth house woke up to reality in Danish society where you have a job and pay rent.” Well said, you out of touch old bastard. The igniting spark for the riots came when squatters were evicted from an abandoned building that had become a center of sorts for young leftists and punks, but honestly, these people were looking for a reason to go, and the cops gave it to them. My position is that rioting and looting are only acceptable as a means of celebration when your team wins a championship, so I’m going to have to lightly admonish the Euro anarchists, but I still applaud their willingness to go toe-to-toe with those who enforce a system they deem unfair. And anyone who riots against the “realization that in _________ society you have to have a job and pay rent” is A-ok in my book.

- I just couldn’t let this one go. It’s my sworn policy to rip any and all mindles, inane music that is founded solely upon moronic lyrics whose entire point is, “I’m hot, look at me and want to get with me.” This applies mostly to musical abominations like Fergie and the Pussycat Skanks/Dolls, but this concept has been taken to a new, literal low point by an artist named Mims. Now I’ve never heard of Mims before now, I don’t know if it’s a dude or a chick (with the title of this song, hopefully a chick, because a dude singing this song would be wrong on so many levels), I don’t know if it’s a group or a solo act, and I’m not at all inclined to waste any of my time finding out, not when I could be doing other, more important things like organizing my sock drawer. But the title of Mims’ current single is This is Why I’m Hot, and it’s about the dumbest thing, musically, I can remember seeing in a long, long time. Unless you can come up with something less superficial, less idiotic, less mindless and more complex than that, your recording contract should be ripped from you. Heck, Mill Vanilli and Vanilla Ice think your song lacks creativity and depth, Mims. I’m offended just reading about it, to be honest.