Mark McGrath is desperate, protestors are desperate to end the Iraq debacle and W. is desperately stupid

- Isn't it about time that we set up some sort of shift schedule for the Iraq war protests in Washington? There seems to be a protest or two going on at all times, and God knows that there are enough pissed off people with enough valid reasons to march and demonstrate against this abomination, so can't we just divvy this thing up, maybe go on some sort of bi-weekly rotation or something? The latest protest took place Saturday, with an estimated 10,000 to 20,000 demonstrators marching to denounce the war on the fourth anniversary of our ill-fated invasion of a country we had no reason to invade. Also, it was the 40th anniversary of a massive protest against the Vietnam War, so those two dates dovetailed nicely. Ironically, the war in Iraq is pretty much W.’s version of what ‘Nam was for Nixon. You could even pull out old protest signs and materials from 1967, replace Vietnam with Iraq, replace Nixon with Bush and you’re good to go. The protest march passed by Arlington National Cemetery and ended at the Pentagon, even as near-freezing temperatures made for a miserable afternoon. Where was our brainless leader during all of this, you ask? Oh, W. was away for the weekend at Camp David, probably trying to work his way through the final few pages of the most recent Curious George book.

- Mark McGrath’s predictable downward spiral has hit its next low point. The former frontman of Sugar Ray, one of the most absurdly stupid acts in bubble gum pop music, has now landed a role of some sort on the reality debacle from the Pussycat Skanks, The Search for the Next Doll/Skank. When I read the news, I can't say as I was surprised, because McGrath has been on the way down every since he first appeared in the public eye. Sugar Ray was a sorry excuse for a pop band with no depth, no musical talent and little more than a ploy to appeal to teenage girls as the “rock” band for them. However, when you appear as a live musical act in a movie with Matthew Lillard and Freddie Prinze Jr. (Scooby Doo: The Movie), that’s a clear sign that any legitimacy you had as a musician is gone. Now, McGrath has leeched on at the lowest rung on the musical ladder, a group of dancing bimbos who couldn’t write lyrics better than those heard on your average Barney the Dinosaur sing-along video. I look forward to your appearance on The Surreal Life 14 with Britney Spears and Sammy Sosa, Marky.

- Yet another thing I saw coming: Michael Mankaymer, 35, jumped off of a cruise chip near Miami and was rescued by the Coast Guard abut eight hours later. Of course Mankaymer jumped off the Carnival Glory ship, he, like me, knew he was far safer in the open waters of the Atlantic than on a disease-ridden death trap that is your average cruise ship. In the ocean, he would be safe from Norovirus and all the other viruses and food poisoning illnesses that seem to best passengers on every single cruise ship that has ever set sail. I’m willing to beat that Mankaymer’s wife or girlfriend dragged him onto the cruise and he was merely taking his shot to escape before he became stricken with some sort of terrible illness. The true question here is why more cruise ship passengers don’t jump overboard. Even if there are sharks and you might be at the mercy of the tides and the hot, harmful rays of the sun with no cover to shield you, are your chances really that much worse than if you stay aboard the ship? Mankaymer’s first words once aboard the cruise ship were, I am told, “Whatever you do, just don’t take me back to that cruise ship. Lock me up, take me to a hospital, just don’t send me back to that breeding ground for viruses and food poisoning.”

- Like Mark McGrath and his former band, Sugar Ray, another group that has made its reputation by appealing mostly to girls ages 13-17 is a group hailing from my neck of the woods, Canton, Ohio, Relient K. The boys of Relient K, whose composition is ever changing (only two of the original four remain), are out with a new album, Five Score and Seven Years Ago. I can't say as there’s anything that bad about this album, but I also can't say that there’s anything especially good, either. One thing missing are the normally wacky, off-the-wall song titles and goofy subject matter you can always find at least once or twice on your average Relient album. Still, the free-and-easy punk rockin’ is there, without a lot of depth and with lyrics that don’t offer much in the way of subtlety. Come Right Out and Say It and Devastation and Reform are prototypical Relient K songs, and most of the album is radio-friendly. As with the five previous albums from the group, it’s good listening, but it doesn’t show any development or advancement of Relient K musically. It’s the same old same old, which will of course be just fine with the aforementioned teen chick demographic that the group garners most of its support from. To sum it up, it’s an album that you’d enjoy listening to if you had it and wouldn’t get tired of, but it’s also an album you’d have a hard time convincing yourself to spend the money to purchase.

- For the second time in as many days, I’m here to bring you news about a teacher-student sex scandal. Not so long ago, the Mary Kay Laternau scandal was a big deal in the country, but now sex scandals between teachers and their students are more common than stories of Britney Spears rehab stints and Pacman Jones run-ins with police. This story comes by way of Wilmington, Del., where a sixth-grade science teacher has been sentenced to 10 years in prison for getting after it with one of her 13-year-old students. Rachel L. Holt, 35, was convicted of second degree rape for having sex with the unidentified boy, who I’m sure won't have any long-term consequences, mentally and emotionally, from this. Sure, for the next few weeks he’ll be a hero with his fellow 13 and 14-year-old buddies, but I’m guessing that down the road, this whole affair (pun intended) will cause some serious issues for this kid. Maybe it’s just me, but if you’re desperate enough that even sex with a 13-year-old student of yours is acceptable, then you are no longer fit to be teaching anywhere or to be anywhere other than a psych ward or prison, which conveniently enough is where Ward is now headed.