Tuesday, November 22, 2016

The 'roiding Bears, a loser and his chip cans and Snoop bottoms out


- Once again, a group of embattled workers misses the point when they try to stage a game-changing work stoppage. This time, it’s a union representing pilots at German airline Lufthansa and they’re locked in a long-running dispute over pay, which is neither surprising nor a huge deal for the world at large. What is worth noting is that these morons have decided to use one of the average worker’s most powerful tools, a work stoppage, in all the wrong ways. See, the Cockpit Union announced beforehand that pilots of all short- and long-haul flights out of Germany would go on strike tomorrow, claiming that Lufthansa has been posting "very good numbers for years" but that its pilots haven't seen any consequent pay increases. Those facts are up for dispute, but what is not is that if the union really wanted to make an impact, it would give no warning of a strike and all of its pilots would simply not show up for work one day, leaving the airline totally f*cked and with a real-life disaster on its hands. That would drive Lufthansa to the bargaining table mighty quickly and if the union is really of the opinion that "an offer of 2.5 percent is no offer," then an unannounced strike is the way to go. If they went that way, the pilots just might get the 3.66 percent yearly raise for 5 1/2 years they’re seeking. Lufthansa called the union's position "absolutely incomprehensible,” which is corporate titan-speak for, we’ll up our offer by .5 percent if you come back to the bargaining table…….


- Who knew that the hip-hop cred of the D.O.-double-G could fall so far, so fast…and with such high ratings? Yes, the artist formerly known as rapper Snoop Dogg, the pimp-tastic, pot-smoking, rhyme-droppin’ G, is now the sidekick former inside trader and fallen domestic diva Martha Stewart and furthermore, the duo’s basic cable reality show has been renewed for a second season after a mere two episodes. “Martha & Snoop’s Potluck Dinner Party,” which doesn’t actually involve any on-screen pot usage despite its misleading name, is a cookery-based chat show teaming up the two unlikely allies. It debuted on Nov. 7 and the second episode aired a week later, after which VH1 ordered a second season of the show. “Martha and Snoop are the modern day ‘Odd Couple’ and the reigning King and Queen of pop culture. Wait until you see what happens in season two,” VH1 president Chris McCarthy said of the show. The first episode, which can still be viewed on the network’s website, featured guest stars Seth Rogen, Ice Cube and Wiz Khalifa, who were tasked with determining which of the show’s hosts made the best fried chicken. “I don’t know who’s going to be more fried by the end of the show,” Stewart said at the start of the episode, a not-so-subtle reference to Snoop’s love of cannabis. Apparently that sort of comedy is ratings gold, to the point that VH1 had to have itself a heaping second helping of what is actually the least-terrible reality show it has cranked out in quite some time……..


- Losers: They’re all around us. We’re reminded of that fact often at times such as right now, where we hear that a guy named Gregg Halverson has amassed a collection of over 1,000 old potato chip cans, proving he has neither friends nor self-respect because if he had either, someone would have stopped him after about five chip cans. Potato chips don’t really come in cans these days and if you ask Halvorson, that’s a damn shame. "Potato chips taste just as good, they may taste even better out of a chip can," he said. The good news - if there can be good news for a loser like this guy - is that Halvorson knows he has a problem. "It's more of an obsession than a collection," he said. "Each brand has a little different oil, a little bit different cut, a little different seasoning, a little bit different salt. He claims to have cans from virtually every company that has ever put dried potato slivers in a metal tube, including one from a company with a rather unfortunate name. "How would you like to be a manufacturer that when we were bombing the Japanese to be called Japps," Halvorson asked. "What the Japps did is they changed their brand, they went from Japps to Jays.” Part of Halvorson’s collection is displayed at Black Gold farms in Grand Forks, N.D., where he is the company president, while the rest of the canisters are in storage because there isn't enough shelf space to display all of them in one place. In spite of that fact - and the fact that he looks like a knob for compiling all of these useless items - is that Halvorson is still adding to his collection. "There's always room for one more," he added. All in all, a story that no one’s life is better off for knowing………


- It’s not what’s in the water in Chicago, but what’s in the bottle….or jar….or needle. Whatever members of the Chicago Bears are using to jam illegal substances into their bodies because that is happening at an alarming rate, as Bears linebacker Jerrell Freeman has been suspended without pay for four games for violating the NFL's policy on performance-enhancing substances, becoming the second high-profile Bears player to be suspended for PEDs in the past week. He joins Pro Bowl wide receiver Alshon Jeffery, who received a four-game suspension for violating the league's PED policy last Monday. Granted, the Bears are terrible at 2-8 on the season - the third-worst record in the NFL this season - and getting suspended for PED use is a convenient way to extricate yourself from a dumpster fire of a season that’s headed nowhere but a top-three pick in next spring’s NFL draft. Neither Freeman nor Jeffrey will ever own that they wanted out and that’s probably not why either took their respective PEDs, but it’s a nice side benefit in the midst of the mess.  "Much like with Alshon, I'm very disappointed," Bears coach John Fox said. "We don't accept it. I think we put a lot of time and money into governing it and watching over it. Like I said before, while they're in this building, unfortunately they don't live here.” Freeman may have decided to PED-up because he signed a three-year contract worth $6 million guaranteed in the offseason and wants to live up to that deal - and maybe it’s working because he’s one of the Bears' leading tacklers. His suspension begins immediately and he’s eligible to rejoin the team on Monday, Dec. 19 following the club's home game versus the Green Bay Packers, but in the meantime, Fox denies that the Bears have a PED problem. "I don't think this is unique to the Bears. It's an issue everywhere in the league," he said. Yes, but if players on other teams are doing it, their cheating is helping their team much more than it’s helping yours………

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