- So if you’re wondering what a bored, retired former
fastest man in the world does to fill his time now that he’s made it clear
he’ll no longer be roasting fools and smoking chumps on the track at the Summer
Olympics, you have one of your answers. Usain Bolt walked off the track in Rio
in August as a nine-time Olympic gold medalist, winning the 100 meters, 200
meters and 400-meter relay at the 2008, 2012 and 2016 Games, and soon, he’ll
walk onto the pitch with one of the top soccer clubs in Europe. Borussia
Dortmund CEO Hans-Joachim Watzke has confirmed that the Jamaican sprinter will
train with the club, although the particulars of that arrangement are still
being ironed out. "We've decided this some time ago," Watzke said.
"Puma CEO Bjorn Gulden, who is a member of our board, has told us that
Usain is highly interested in practicing with us. For us that's no problem. Our
coach Thomas Tuchel likes the idea as well. Of course he won't visit us in an
important week with Champions League matches, but maybe in the preseason. We
are delighted and take this as an honor." In other words, we’ll humor this
guy, as long as it doesn’t screw with our important matches, and allow him to
continue chasing his pipe dream of playing for Manchester United, by running
around on the field and trying a few corner kicks with us. Bolt will have to
find other things to fill his schedule beyond this limited-run engagement, but
it’s a nice start for him………
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Yemen is where it’s happenin’, as
long as “it” is hundreds of enraged citizens taking to the streets of Yemen's capital Sanaa and
the southern port city of Aden to protest a liquidity crunch that has prevented
authorities from paying salaries for the past three months. Folks tend to get
angry when they don’t get paid for a quarter of the year regardless of their
nationality or location on this wacky, spinning sphere of ours, but this
particular gather pitted angry workers against security forces loyal to the
anti-government Shiite Houthi rebels, with guards dispersing dozens of
protesters in Sanaa and staying on the streets in larger-than-normal numbers
throughout the capital in anticipation of renewed protests. Along with the wage
issues, lengthy power outages and fuel shortages have also added to the
suffering of many in Sanaa and Aden, so now is not a pleasant time to be a
Yemeni citizen. Oh, and toss in the fact that their country has been mired in a
civil war since September 2014, when the Houthi rebels captured Sanaa, forcing
President Abed Rabbo Mansour Hadi to eventually seek refuge in Saudi Arabia,
and competent leadership really hasn’t been on the agenda for the country since
then. Life became more chaotic in March 2015, when a Saudi-led coalition began
a military campaign against the Houthis, and now the daily life of the average
citizen is made more stressful and challenging by any number of factors, thus
all but guaranteeing more and angrier uprisings just like this……..
- Soon, another bloated, massive Hollywood sequel will be
rolling down the tracks toward post-production. In other news, the sun rose
this morning and water is still wet. In this case, the sequel is “Jurassic
World 2,” which will be directed by J.A. Bayona, use a script penned by Colin
Trevorrow and Derek Connolly and produced by Steven Spielberg and Frank
Marshall. Like its predecessor, it will star Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas
Howard alongside Toby Jones and Rafe Spall and according to Bayona, filming on
the sprawling, CGI-laden effort will begin in early 2017. “We’re working on it
already,” Bayona said. “[It] starts shooting in March. It’s (the writing
process) about sharing views and working together to bring the story to life.
But, at the same time, the way I face telling a story is to find something very
personal. I think there will be plenty of myself also in the film.” According
to Trevorrow, a quote from the original Jurassic Park movie inspired the idea
for a sequel, which is of course total bullsh*t because the inherent greed and
unoriginality of Hollywood is what inspires all sequels, but let’s humor him.
The quote was uttered by Sam Neil’s character, Alan Grant: “Dinosaurs and man,
two species separated by 65 million years of evolution have just been suddenly
thrown back into the mix together. How can we possibly have the slightest idea
what to expect?” Yes, other than a studio cranking out movie after movie in the
franchise rather than trying to go in a wholly new direction and explore some
new cinematic ground? Never change, film industry, never change………
- That’s certainly one way to attempt to boost your social
media profile. It’s also a great way to land yourself in jail without actually
doing much of anything, but let’s not be too harsh on two IQ-deprived ass hats
accused of live-streaming a threat to shoot up their Ohio neighborhood if their
Periscope feed racked up enough viewers. Yes, this pair of intellectually
stunted stooges have been sentenced to six months in a low-level correctional
facility after pleasing guilty to charges including inducing panic and
improperly handling a firearm, but who among us hasn’t crossed a line or two in
the quest to increase our follower count? Yusuf Suliman Conteh and Damon Andrew
Rosmon probably regret their actions now and according to a Franklin County
prosecutor, their troubles stem from an incident in which they claimed they'd
empty an AR-15 rifle clip in Columbus if the stream reached 100 viewers. Oh,
and they also handed the rifle they were brandishing to a toddler, which sounds
bad until you realize that the little one was clearly the smartest and most
responsible person within the vicinity of this boneheaded broadcast. Amazingly,
there was someone watching the Periscope feed that day and that concerned
viewer contacted police, who used the live stream to find the men. The fact
that these two are only going to a minimum-security facility for six months
when prosecutors and defense attorneys recommended four-year prison sentences
with possible early release after a year is a signal that a) American prisons are
insanely overcrowded and b) our legal system is totally f*cking broken beyond
repair, but when you’re dealing with two brilliant minds like Conteh and
Rosmon, maybe six months behind bars is all it will take to show them the error
of their ways………
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