Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Death Cab v. Trump, Tennessee pyro issues and an AWOL helmet for a winning QB


- Music is often a safe harbor for troubled, struggling or discouraged people in all walks of life at all times, but at least one band wants to be sure it’s doing its best to affirm and reassure right now. Death Cab for Cutie, veteran indie rockers and fans of Chuck Tayor All-Star-wearing, shoegazing, introspective dorks for two decades, want to make sure they’re standing in the gap against hate and intolerance in the wake of America electing its most xenophobic, bigoted, orange and blowharded presidential candidate ever. Yes, Death Cab is looking to make sure the world knows that their gigs will be a “safe place” in a world where Circus Peanut-Elect Donald Trump is in control. “To Our Fans, We feel that there has never been a more important time to reaffirm the following: Death Cab for Cutie shows will always be a safe place for people of all colors, all genders, all sexual orientations and all beliefs to come together to celebrate music, love and mutual respect,” the band wrote in a statement released on its Facebook and Twitter accounts. “That is who we are, that is what we stand for as individuals and as a band. There are a lot of unknowns on the horizon and many things out of our control, but we remain resolute in our commitment to creating music and maintaining a community around our band that embodies compassion, understanding, kindness and safety. Be kind to one another, stand up for one another and take care of one another. -Ben, Dave, Jason, Nick and Zac.” This comes a month after Death Cab released an anti-Trump track, “Million Dollar Loan,” and it’s clear that this issue remains one of great import for the band going forward……..


- Dear Tennesseans: Put down the matches, put a cover on that burner barrel and shelve your pyromaniac tendencies for the time being. Due to an ongoing drought and destructive wildfires in your state, declared a regional ban on multiple counties in middle and eastern Tennessee, meaning that effective immediately, residents in counties covered by the regional ban are banned from conducting any open-air burning. In a state with plenty of rural nooks and crannies and therefore a lot of people using to burning sh*t whenever and however often they want, a ban covering campfires and the burning of brush, vegetation, household waste and construction debris is noteworthy. The ban will remain in effect until Dec. 15 and to go with it, a code orange air quality alert has been issued for middle Tennessee because of wildfires along the plateau and the Great Smoky Mountains. The orange alert means that while the general public is not likely to be affected, people with heart and lung disease and older adults and children are at a greater risk because of the particles in the air. Such particles could possibly get into a person’s respiratory system and could also cause burning eyes, a runny nose and even bronchitis. The Tennessee Department of Environment and Conservation is advising anyone who is sensitive to the air quality to avoid any outdoor activities in places such as  Chattanooga, Knoxville and the Tri-Cities and according to the Tennessee Department of Agriculture, there were at least 74 fires burning across the state as the week began, covering more than 13,000 acres. It’s a messy, flammable situation at a time when winter could blow in at any time any put a literal chill on any fire-related issues in nature………


- Beware where you wear - or take off - your helmet, football players of America. You could end up like Iowa quarterback C.J. Beathard, missing your bucket in the wake of a big win and needing the help of local law enforcement to get it back. Beathard, like every other Iowa player on the sidelines last Saturday, went ape-sh*t after teammate Keith Duncan hit a 33-yard field goal to beat the third-ranked Michigan Wolverines, 14-13, at Kinnick Stadium. Beathard tossed his helmet into the air right around the time thousands of fans poured onto the field to celebrate the win and one kleptomaniacal fan decided to pick the discarded hard hat up and keep it as a souvenir. Beathard said several members of the team realized their helmets were missing when they returned to the locker room after the win and while student managers and members of the equipment staff helped corral much of the equipment, the quarterback’s helmet remained AWOL - until fate and stupidity intervened. Campus police spotted a fan wearing Beathard's helmet in town later in the weekend and while it’s hilarious to imagine some hung-over college bro stumbling down the street wearing a football helmet that didn’t fit, if this idiot had any smarts at all, he would have stashed that helmet away and tried to sell it at a pawn shop to make a few bucks for his next kegger. "Our equipment guy told me that one of the cops walking down the street saw a kid wearing it," Beathard said. In the end, the helmet made its way back onto the right head, another good-but-not-great season for Iowa football can roll on and some dopey kid has a great story to tell about his brush with athletic greatness……..


- Props on a relatively empty gesture to placate the wildly overrated leader/chief funny hat wearer of one of the world’s biggest faiths, Cuba. The island nation that has thrown its doors open to boatloads of khaki-short-clad tourists thanks to renewed diplomatic relations with the United States decided it was time to placate the pontiff this week, pardoning 787 common prisoners at the request of Pope Francis. It was a revelation made by the Council of State, headed by President Raul Castro, made in a statement published by state media. The council decreed that that the prisoners affected were selected according to the crimes committed, their behavior while serving time and the time remaining on their sentences. In other words, they were relatively anonymous non-factors the government could release without too much worry. According to the council, those pardoned did not include people convicted for homicide, rape, corruption of minors, drug trafficking or similar crimes. In a truly magnanimous gesture, it also claimed that women, youths and sick people received special consideration. Yet in decidedly cryptic Cuban fashion, authorities did not specify how many of those pardoned remain behind bars, or when they will be released if still incarcerated. But hell, if you can pacify a pissed-off pope with a largely symbolic, hollow gesture that doesn’t really change the way you run things at all, then you do it right away………

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