Tuesday, November 08, 2016

Idiots + Pumpkin Cannon, unsanitary rock and roll hair and Rio is broke


- No amount of letters from local kindergarteners are going to save Blair Walsh this time. The Minnesota Vikings kicker famously missed 27-yard field goal in the Vikings' NFC wild card loss to the Seattle Seahawks last season, after which students at a local elementary school penned poorly spelled, grammatically stunted letters of support to encourage him amidst all the hate coming his way from fans and pundits. Unfortunately for Walsh, those letters and an entire offseason to improve his game weren’t enough to fix what ails him and after his two misses helped cost the Vikings a game on Sunday, the team is firing up the tryout process to audition new kickers. Coach Mike Zimmer said the team plans to work out several kickers after Walsh's extra point hit the upright in the third quarter and his 46-yard field goal was blocked in the fourth quarter of the Vikings' 22-16 overtime loss to the Detroit Lions. The block was less his fault than the extra point, but the Vikings are on a three-game losing skid and at this point, firing the kicker is the easiest option. Sure, his extra point with 23 seconds left helped the Vikings take a 16-13 lead, but his misses were cast in an even uglier light when the Lions drove to set up Matt Prater's game-tying 58-yard field goal at the end of regulation. Ironically, Walsh hadn't missed a kick in three consecutive games before Sunday, but he leads the league with three missed extra points and his 75 percent field goal rate ties him for 26th in the league. "We've missed three extra points this year. We've missed several field goals. The way our games are being played, they probably come down to a lot of close game,” Zimmer said. “We have to look at all avenues as far as what gives us the best opportunity to win football games." In other words, book your tickets to Minneapolis now, free-agent kickers of America……..


- So this probably isn't a good sign for the home of the 2016 Summer Olympics. When your federal government is freezing the accounts of one of its states because said state isn’t paying its bills and has racked up an eight-figure debt, there could be a few issues. Such is life in Brazil, where the federal government has frozen the accounts of the state of Rio de Janeiro because of a large outstanding debt. This is merely the latest step in a long-standing financial crisis, including the state declaring a state of financial emergency ahead of the 2016 Olympic Games, hosted by Brazil's most famous city in August. Yes, spending tens of millions of dollars to host a major international sporting event that will never come close to recouping even half of the money that is spent to build and host it is apparently not a wise strategy for trying to get your financially struggling state out of its struggling financial state. Sure, that decision allowed the state to shift funds, but the truth remains that many public workers haven't been paid in months. In a statement, the country’s finance secretary says the state owes the federal government 170 million reals ($53 million) and threw down the gauntlet by declaring that the accounts will remain frozen until that debt is collected. Having the accounts frozen appears to have spurred state officials to action, as Gov. Luiz Fernando Pezao hurriedly declared that he would travel to the capital of Brasilia to negotiate with the federal government……..


- This is what the world gets when one of the biggest Britpop bands ever reunites after years apart? Blur got back together last year with a new album, “The Magic Whip,” and reissued their debut album “Leisure” for its 25th anniversary earlier this year. Having a great band back together is awesome and if that band actually puts out new music rather than lazily cycling through the old tracks and expecting people to pay for performances they’ve already seen dozens of times over the years, then so much the better. Having a great band get back together and its bassist reveal some of the worst personal hygiene habits in the music isn't really that much of a benefit for anyone involved. Enter Blur bassist Alex James, who revealed that he only recently bothered to wash his hair for the first time in a decade - and even then, only because of a development totally unrelated to actually giving a damn about how utterly filthy his mane was. “My hair isn’t really something I’ve ever particularly thought about or fussed over,” James said. “Other than this week when both my daughters were keen to give me a Halloween makeover and emptied a whole can of grey-colored hairspray into it and it set solid, I haven’t washed it for 10 years.” Bro, rock stars aren't renowned for having the best hygiene, but there’s a huge difference between not fussing over your hair and not bothering to wash it every other month or so. Here’s hoping that this revelation of shampoo plus water plus hair equaling a head that isn't utterly unsanitary and disgusting will change James’ entire outlook on life……..


- A bunch of IQ-deprived fools, an air cannon and projectile pumpkins? What could possibly go wrong? How about what happened in Bridgeville, Delaware, where Delaware State Police are investigating after two people were injured when an air cannon exploded at a Punkin Chunkin pumpkin launch event. A woman was critically injured and a man sustained non-life-threatening injuries and according to law enforcement officials, the trap door of the “Pumpkin Reaper” cannon separated during the launch of a pumpkin. They’re not sure why, which is fitting because there is really no good reason why something called the Pumpkin Reaper cannon exists at all, so maybe there should be no good explanation for what happened here. What we do know is that the door and other parts were blown away from the cannon and into the air before striking a woman in the head and face. She was treated immediately on the scene by Sussex County Paramedics and transported to Nanticoke Memorial Hospital, while a man was also injured and transported to the same hospital for non-life threatening injuries. An unbiased observer could argue that by being dumb enough to place themselves in the immediate vicinity of the Pumpkin Cannon and stooges dumb enough to think they could operate it without incident, these two victims aren’t really victims at all and may have actually gotten off easier than they deserved…….

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