Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Nelly v. the IRS = hot in herrrre, Swedish lawmakers v. Pokemon and swastikas in Pennsylvania


- So behind the times, Swedish lawmaker Monica Green. Sure, two months ago, everyone was wandering around like mindless androids with their noses buried in their iPhones and Androids, trying to capture imaginary characters in the search for fake, digital glory in Pokemon Go. But since then, most of those tools have moved on and found new, equally worthless apps on which they can heap their wasted time and data. But not Green, who not only was playing Pokeman go during the opening of Parliament, but didn’t try to hide or downplay her distracted audience of a speech by the prime minister. Green also tweeted a picture of the game's Psyduck character as she was seated behind the king's son-in- law, Prince Daniel, admitting what how we all feel about political speeches to captive audiences - namely, that we’d rather be doing just about anything else. The traditionally austere ceremony was officially opened by King Carl XVI Gustaf, but Green didn’t seem too enthused about any of it and her divided attention has prompted angry reaction from her constituents. "I can do two things at the same time," she said of the incident. "I listened very carefully to the prime minister's speech and I think it was great." Right….we all think we’re great multitaskers, but typically that comes when we’re checking out a friend’s Snapchat story while pretending to listen to Larry from accounting announcing the exciting acquisition of a new office coffee machine during the weekly staff meeting. Next time, pretend to give a damn about the speech or else, make up a lame excuse and just stay home to play your insipid game………


- We’ve all had that letdown at work, when we’re passed over for the big promotion for the umpteenth time and you just can't stomach the disappointment or disrespect one more time. Former New York Mets star player and now-former minor league manager Wally Backman knows this too well and it’s why he resigned as manager of the Mets' Triple-A affiliate - allegedly. Backman claims he quit due to a lack of respect and repeatedly getting passed over for the major league staff. "It didn't look like there was any future for me," Backman said. “I felt I earned more than I've been given." Although he wasn’t a favorite of general manager Sandy Alderson, Backman had managed in the Mets system since 2010 and led the Triple-A affiliate for the past five seasons. Both he and Alderson have labeled his departure from the Las Vegas 51s as a resignation, but there have been rumors that it was a “quit or be fired” scenario. In that storyline, Backman was insubordinate and disregarded instructions to bat Brandon Nimmo leadoff and to use Michael Conforto against left-handed pitching. He rejected those rumors, noting that Conforto started in 31 of 33 games while in the Pacific Coast League and pinch hit in the other two games, going 20-for-41 with three home runs against left-handed pitching. Oh, and Nimmo batted first or second in 84 of 90 games this season with Las Vegas. "Whoever put that out there, the source within the system, they lied," Backman said. Odds are, as usual, that the truth lies somewhere between the two extremes, but the bottom line is that he’s still gone…….


- At this point, it’s just sad that anyone is ignorant to still believe that painting a swastika on any surface is any sort of compelling or provocative statement. No one looks at these ass hats as anything other than ignoramuses with negative IQs and no self-awareness, yet they keep marking sh*t up with the emblem of the Third Reich as if they really understand what is stands for. It’s happening in Haverford Township, Pennsylvania, where a swastika has been drawn on a tennis court and the powers that be tried to keep it under wraps for more than a week. It’s still not being widely publicized, but a spokeswoman for the Haverford School District says they’re leaving the investigation up to police and don’t believe a Haverford student was involved. At least the moron who created the swastika on the court did so in chalk and made it easy to erase, so there was no unsightly mark created by cleaning up a mess someone made using a $2 can of spray paint from Dollar General. It’s the second time in as many weeks that the symbol has resurfaced in the Delaware County township, both involving a swastika. One was also painted last month on a homeowner’s trash can and that symbol of hate was later transformed into artwork in an effort to turn evil into a positive. The Philadelphia Anti-Defamation League has been in contact with school and township officials about the latest swastika drawing and at this point, it’s worth asking if the same fool is responsible for both or if this is just the case of one idiot imitating another……..


- Nelly needs your help. No, not in being a good rapper and writing decent rhymes, because that’s clearly never been a priority for him. This time, the St. Louis (c)rapper is facing a debt of $2,412,283 to the Internal Revenue Service and another $149,511 in taxes to the state of Missouri in a separate debt that dates back to 2013. That’s more than $2.5 million in taxes owed to The Man and word on the street is that Nelly may not be able to foot that bill right now. Enter the few remaining Nelly fans, who have an idea of how they can raise the necessary funds to help their talent-deficient favorite artist pay what he owes. Those fans are streaming his hit 'Hot In Herre' on loop and using the hashtag #HotInHerreStreamingParty on Twitter in an effort to spread the word. "pro tip: turn your phone to mute and put on "hot in herre" while you sleep tonight. 7 hours sleep = 110 plays," one fan tweeted. It’s a valiant, albeit misguided effort, by people who clearly need help of their own to recognize the terrible taste they have in music, but it’s also ill-fated. A conservative projection pegs the number of streams of the song Nelly needs to wipe out his debt at 280 million, given that Spotify typically awards artists less a hundredth of a cent per play. It seems unlikely that the song, which was produced by The Neptunes and released in 2002 before peaking at No. 1 on the pop charts, has accrued that many plays during its entire presence on music steaming services. But hey, everyone needs to believe in something, even if that something is a pile of hot, steaming musical garbage………

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