Sunday, September 04, 2016

MMA fan racism, meth + discounted video games and and rebooting a Spider Man reboot of a reboot


- It’s always nice to see an elected official, especially one tasked with leading an entire  developed nation, able to convince themselves of the value of a certain action even though everyone looking on with even the most remote shred of objectivity knows that the whole thing is pointless. In related news, Colombia. It’s where Colombian President Juan Manuel Santos has announced that he will sign a peace accord with the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia later this month in Cartagena, a peace deal that will purportedly end decades of bloody, violent battles between the government and rebels. Neither side has shown even an inkling of wanting or being able to honor any previous agreement they’ve made with one another and there is no reason to believe that either side has had an epiphany and will suddenly deign to adhere to this new accord. FARC wants to take over the country, the government wants to remain in power and no peace deal is going to change those realities. So it’s swell that Santos made this announcement in a speech in the historic Caribbean city, announcing that the signing ceremony will take place Sept. 26, but it’s a lot like watching the season finale of “The Bachelor.” You hear two parties proclaim their affection for one another and their commitment to staying united and working together, but you know that relationship is going to self-destruct within two weeks and both sides will soon be firing wholly unprovoked shots at one another as if no agreement ever existed at all………


- Just keep tossing big names into the mix, Marvel, and hope no one notices that you’re remaking the remake of a remade superhero franchise. The recycled content in question is “Spider Man: Homecoming,” a film that will re-cast the Spider Man role last held by Andrew Garfield, who replaced Tobey Maguire. The new Spider Man is British actor Tom Holland, who made his debut as the iconic webslinger in this year's “Captain America: Civil War.” Holland will be joined by Robert Downey Jr. and now, by “Iron Man” regular and writer/director Jon Favreau. Favreau has signed up to reprise his role as Tony Stark's driver Happy Hogan in the rebooted reboot of a reboot after directing the first two “Iron Man movies” and appearing as Happy Hogan in all three. The cast is still taking shape and the choice to follow in Kirsten Dunst’s shoes as Mary Jane Watson is Zendaya. Zendaya appeared at the film's panel at San Diego Comic-Con in July and gave what didn’t come across as a very rousing take on her role. "My character is super dry and awkward. It's great because it's who I am in real life, so I don't feel like I have to act too much,” she said. Footage from “Homecoming” was also shown during the film's panel at Comic-Con in San Diego and somehow, the footage hasn’t yet leaked online. Those who saw it said it was mainly set in high school and had a tone heavily steeped in the aura of classic John Hughes movies like “Weird Science and Pretty In Pink.” According to director John Watts, it’s “a straight up high school movie. It's about a 15-year-old kid.” Sound like the Spider Man we’ve seen before and also, before that. Thanks for the wholly unneeded re-do………


- Make a child’s day….by introducing them to the white trash drug of choice. Whoever you are and wherever you may be, meth addict in the greater Lake Charles, Louisiana area, here’s hoping you know that your gift of meth to a young child has not gone unnoticed. This 11-year-old purchased a game from GameStop on Nelson Road in Lake Charles this week, expecting only to pick up a discounted game to play with his friends and get sucked into the exciting digital world it contained. Instead, the boy opened the game up and found a plastic baggie inside, a baggie containing a small amount of meth. Sadly, the child didn’t get a chance to enjoy some quality amphetamine action because he mentioned the find to his father, who immediately snatched it away from his son and went to the store to return the game, along with calling Lake Charles police. The Calcasieu Parish Sheriff's Office confirmed that the substance was meth and launched an investigation. The store’s manager explained that if the game was shipped from another GameStop store, it was not checked before being sold. A company spokesman noted that all games that are returned or traded by customers are opened and checked for quality before being placed back on store shelves, suggesting that either the employee tasked with checking this particular game felt meth improved the quality of the game or that the employee themself was a meth head who left part of their stash inside the package by accident.  GameStop also tried to cover its own ass by telling police there was no way to track where the game came from. Well played, gamer dorks…………


- Mixed martial arts fans are not typically thought of as a sophisticated, socially forward lot. As a result, it should surprise no one that UFC welterweight champion Tyron Woodley has received something of a chilly reception from a certain segment of the MMA fan base. Sure, his first-round knockout of Robbie Lawler shocked the world, validating his decision to wait a year and a half for the title fight, but the haters who are sending ugliness his way couldn’t care less. Speaking about the title win and explaining why being champion hasn’t been all he expected it to be, Woodley called out an unsavory segment of society. “I can tell you from experience, as a champion, the last three weeks of my life have been completely the opposite of what you’d think it’d be,” Woodley said. “I’ve had so many people say, ‘You [expletive], you’re scared of this person’ and I’m like, I just fought an hour ago. I’ve had people call me [expletive] and monkey and all this racist stuff and I delete these people, then they’ll create another page and just go back out.” Yes, outright racism directed at a professional athlete because….#idiots. The hilarious part of this is that so many UFC fighters hail from a wide range of cultures and racial backgrounds, so it makes no sense that anyone would be a fan of the sport if they were that much of a bigot. There are white fighters, black fighters, Hispanic fighters, Brazilian fighters….so if you’re of the moronic opinion that one particular race is superior and all others are inferior, UFC is probably not the place for you. Nor is the NBA, NFL, NHL, the PGA Tour, NASCAR or any other sporting pursuit in America. As for who Woodley will fight next, he’s lobbied for a fight with Nick Diaz and Georges St-Pierre, but UFC president Dana White seems to want him to face Stephen “Wonderboy” Thompson in his first title defense………

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