Monday, May 16, 2016

Trump Brand heroin, PGA Tour water hazard infamy and Frank Ocean's disappearing album


- Frank Ocean has been cryptic about his long-awaited new album, dropping small hints here or there but often rescinding those hints shortly after putting them on various social media outlets. If Ocean isn’t going to talk about the follow-up to 2012's 'Channel Orange,” maybe his friend Chance The Rapper can shed some light on the subject. Chance has done just that, saying that Ocean is "making a masterpiece,” which is good news for fans who expected the album last July, but haven’t heard much since they and haven’t seen a shred or single from the album in the interim. Chance released his own 'Coloring Book' mixtape last week and was asked about his pal Ocean’s slowness to drop his new album. "I am good friends with Frank. His new album is amazing," Chance said. "No one is really able to find Frank when Frank goes away, literally no one, not just publications. I know he's away making a masterpiece. I think that Frank is very, very focused on his catalogue. Anything that you hear him on that's a feature was recorded a long time ago." Back in February, Ocean was reported to have debuted new music at a secret listening party, but samples of tracks he reportedly performed at the party were deleted shortly after being uploaded to Soundcloud. Last April, he posted a picture on his Tumblr, teasing what could have been a possible album release. "I got two versions. I got twoooo versions #ISSUE1 #ALBUM3 #JULY2015 #BOYSDONTCRY," he wrote with the image of him sitting with a stack of magazines titled “Boys Don't Cry” in the picture. Neither of those happenings amounted to much and so the mystery around this entire process continues to build……….


- Irony resides at a cemetery in Moscow. That’s where a day that should have been all about honoring someone who had just passed away instead ended with three people who arrived at the cemetery alive and breathing and ended up sharing far too much in common with the property’s permanent residents. Police aren't sure what caused a violent brawl involving about 200 people in an apparent turf war, but they know that the melee left three people dead and 23 others hospitalized. Rather than the peace and calm that typically prevail at such places, this cemetery was the scene of psychos firing guns and weaponizing shovel handles, steel bars and baseball bats against their opponents. Two of those who died did so after sustaining fatal injuries that occurred when they were struck by a car driven by someone trying to flee the scene, Moscow police spokeswoman Sofia Khotina said. The prevailing theory is that the brawl centered on who controls providing burial services at the sprawling Khovanskoye cemetery in southwest Moscow, but this is the sort of violence you’d expect to see when billions of dollars in drug money and territory are one the line, not when the topic is who will provide professional, compassionate service to the families of those who have passed away. According to police and emergency personnel, four of the 23 hospitalized were in serious condition. This being Russia, one has to wonder how much vodka was involved in fueling this total mess………


- Before this weekend, it’s doubtful anyone beyond the hardcore golf fans of the world knew who Russell Knox was. So even though Knox took a blowtorch to his chances to contend this past weekend at the Players Championship by putting his ball in the water three times at the infamous par-3 17th hole of the TPC Sawgrass Stadium course, at least people know his name. Knox actually lives in the Jacksonville area and has played the course many times, yet had never put his tee shot in the drink until the third round. The young Scot, Knox, who won the WGC-HSBC Champions in November for his first PGA Tour title, ended up making a 9 at the famed 17th, tying the fourth-highest score on the hole in tournament history. “You've got thousands of people laughing at you,'' Knox said. "It's a very uncomfortable feeling. That was an epic fail. Until you're in that position, you don't understand what it feels like.” Knox said he actually felt like his first shot was good, but when it went into the water hazard, the pressure and adrenaline began to mount and rather than go to the drop zone after the first shot, he tried twice more from the tee, which cost me four shots probably, but I've never shanked a pitching wedge off a tee before, so that was a first.'' His first shot came with a pitching wedge and fell just short on the right side of the green, followed by a second shot shanked well to the right. After his third shot fell well short, he finally went to the drop area and, hitting his seventh shot, found the green. With his score of nine on the hole, he fell from 8-under par and in the top 10 to 2 under. By the end of the day, he was in a tie for 40th and a part of every future failure montage during broadcasts of the Players Championship………


- Donald Trump has finally found a business where his asinine brand of whatever the hell it is he does makes sense. Much like two-time reigning NBA MVP Stephen Curry, the presumptive Republican presidential nominee (are we sure we can’t avoid that?) is now the hijacked face of a local brand of heroin. Curry’s name and face recently showed up on packets of smack in Philadelphia and while it’s pretty clear Curry didn’t give permission to dealers to use his likeness to promote their product, it’s clear the trend is catching on and taking root elsewhere, specifically Springfield, Massachusetts, where two drug dealers were arrested late last week as they were about to make a delivery of heroin stamped with the name of the oranged-up, blowhard GOP nominee. According to Springfield police Sgt. John Delaney, suspects Mark Hunter and Seneca Johnson, both of Springfield, were arrested following the surveillance operation outside Johnson’s Westford Circle home. Narcotics detectives obtained a search warrant for the house and were conducting surveillance when they saw Hunter and Jonson leaving. Both men were known drug dealers and when they came out of the house, they were arrested and police found a large amount of heroin stamped with the words “Donald Trump.” A search of the house turned up even more Trump-stamped heroin, with 193 bags in all being seized, as well as a large amount of packaged cocaine that, in the interest of fair and balanced drug dealing, should have been labeled with the names of Democratic candidates Bernie Sanders and Hilary Clinton. There was also plenty of drug paraphernalia, packaging materials and cash and at least one of those three things would have been very useful to the two suspects as they were arraigned in Springfield District Court and sent off to face the numerous criminal charges against them………..

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