Wednesday, May 04, 2016

Jesus v. Genius Bar, a Blues Brothers cartoon and mercy for an Italian hot dog thief


- Beef is a staple for many NFLers, who  crave massive amounts of protein to fuel their hulking frames and add muscle mass in their quest to be able to bench press a Buick. But as players go through their offseason and some do so knowing that their team will play a game in Mexico this coming season, the league is warning them about consuming meat produced in China and Mexico because that meat may contain clenbuterol, which is banned under the league's performance-enhancing substance policy. This really is a thing, as Texans left tackle Duane Brown tested positive for clenbuterol last season after a bye-week trip to Mexico during which he ate Mexican beef. As such, the drug-testing program's independent administrator sent a memo to players, warning them that "consuming large quantities of meat while visiting those particular countries may result in a positive test." Clenbuterol is popular among PED users because it is a muscle-building and weight-loss stimulant. "Players are warned to be aware of this issue when traveling to Mexico and China," the memo read. "Please take caution if you decide to consume meat, and understand that you do so at your own risk. Players are responsible for what is in their bodies." In other words, no tearful appeals in which you claim that you didn’t inject anything or take any pills containing anything illegal even though they tested positive. This warning is doubly relevant for the Oakland Raiders and Houston Texans, who play on Monday Night Football Nov. 21 in Mexico City as part of the league's international series…..


- Given the ingredients in most hot dogs, convicting anyone for theft after taking a package of them from a store without paying seems exceptionally harsh. Italy's top criminal court either agrees or is just exceptionally compassionate because its judges have ruled that a hungry homeless man who took a package of hot dogs from a supermarket committed no crime. The man was initially convicted of theft, and sentenced by a lower court in Genoa to six months in prison and a 100-eur ($115) fine, but he contested the decision and was able to find a court that realized a man so desperate that he would try to steal hot dogs and some cheese because he was hungry wasn’t a hardened criminal who needed to be locked up to understand the error of his ways. The homeless man was about to leave the store after paying for breadsticks but not for the hot dogs and some cheese he had in his pocket, but was stopped and arrested for his crime. He struggled to find a shred of mercy in the legal process until the Rome-based Cassation Court ruled that he was driven by necessity to take a small quantity of food. Supporters of the higher court’s decision celebrated it because they believe it shows that they live in a civilized country where no man can starve without being able to do something to put food in his stomach. Of course, in certain American cities, this hot dog thief probably would have been shot dead by an overzealous police officer but no names mentioned, eh Chicago………


- If anyone ever seemed further from the kid-first world of cartoons than the Blues Brothers, it’s hard to imagine them. The drug-and-booz-loving fictional musical duo were all about soulful blues music, good times and great parties, Yet 40 years after starting as a gimmick on “Saturday Night Live” in 1976, the Brothers are set to make a return to television as an animated series. The lone living original member of the duo, Dan Aykroyd, is heavily involved in the revival and is currently working with the team behind “Bob's Burgers.” Aykroyd and John Belushi were the original Blues Brothers and the cartoon version will be based around the world they created with 'Joliet' Jake, his brother Elwood and their blues band. In pitching the show to networks, Aykroyd and his collaborators are pitching the idea of using  Blues Brothers classics and other blues standards to give each episode a unique soundscape. Aykroyd will produce alongside Judith Jacklin and original SNL writer Anne Beatts. "It's so great to accelerate Jake and Elwood at digital speed into the 21st Century via the outstanding creative group at Bento Box," Aykroyd said. "The show will be the Blues Brothers living in America and utilizing all new technology to make and promote their own records, seek out and record new artists and avoid law enforcement - and all while fighting for truth, justice and a better breakfast sandwich." Ah, the irreverent humor that was prevalent as the Brothers produced a hit album, live tour and 1980 movie based on what began as a comedy show skit. Adult cartoons are picking up momentum these days, so the idea of this becoming a reality isn't ridiculous at all………


- Apple likes to operate as if it has a God complex, dictating technological issues from on high and asking lofty prices for its latest devices even though it just released its previous hot new thing a few months earlier. With that air of superiority, it’s no surprise that employees at an Apple store in downtown Philadelphia had a major issue with a man known around town as Philly Jesus. The messiah of the City of Brotherly love was arrested Monday night at the Apple Store at 1607 Walnut Street after the manager of the Center City store contacted police regarding the man. The manager claimed PJ would not leave the store when asked, ignoring the fact that the city-based savior may have been there to bless the store, or perhaps break and multiply its wares, giving Apple even more iPhones, iPads and iMacs to sell. According to police, officers showed up on the scene and found Philly Jesus still in the store, unwilling to leave. Again, the messiah should not be dictated to by the blue-shirted dorks at the Genius Bar or some lowly beat cop, but these people insisted on persecuting him. When officers persisted in pressing PJ to vacate the premises, he was arrested for defiant trespassing and disorderly conduct. One man’s refusal to leave and causing a disturbance is another man bringing the good news of the (possibly mentally unstable) good news to the masses, so next time, Apple store employees, stop trying to herd the Holy One out of your store and be thankful that this savior has darkened the doorstep of your business and brought his wisdom and miracles with him to a place where people come all day to bring their sick (machines and devices) for healing…….

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