- It’s
almost as if everyone is to blame in the case of disenfranchised spring
breakers and the city of Gulf Shores, Alabama. On the one hand, the city going
full-on wet blanket by banning alcohol in its many tasty forms from public
beaches in Gulf Shores during spring break, it’s almost as if local officials
are trying to piss off the Milwaukee’s Best-chugging bros and keg-standing,
bikini-clad senoritas who couldn’t score a spot at a top spring break
destination and ended up in Alabama instead. On the other hand, maybe if those
bros and chicks had planned ahead, not blown all of their money on an extra keg
for their last party or splurged on the dollar menu at Taco Bell the last five
times they were hung over, they could have afforded to go to a much cooler
destination that would have allowed them to get ker-slammered on the beach. So
it’s hard to feel bad for anyone over a ridiculous ordinance that will prohibit
the possession and consumption of alcohol on Gulf Shores beaches from now until
April 17. Maybe you can blame the city for waiting until the last minute to
announce this change, knowing that enacting it months ago would have resulted
in thousands of would-be beach binge drinkers going elsewhere. The ordinance
hinges on tired, clichéd complaints such as an uptick in crime, public
urination and disorderly conduct. Right, because those things aren't merely
going to happen somewhere else now that drinking on the beach is outlawed. Most
will find ways to skirt the ban if possible, flying in the face of a possible
$500 fine and six-month jail sentence they’ll never serve. Opponents of the ban
argue they drink responsibly and didn’t cause problems pounding Keystone Light
on the beach, with many saying they won't return next year if the ban
prohibiting alcohol on any portion of the beach south of the protected sand
dunes within the Gulf Shores city limits remains in place next year……..
- When
your movie featuring the Human Torch flames out, set fire to the script and
cast blame on those who penned it rather than shouldering responsibility as one
of the actors who staffed the train wreck of an unnecessary hero movie remake. Miles Teller, who played Mr. Fantastic in the regrettable
and forgettable “Fantastic Four” remake last year, has opened fire on those he
deems responsible for the film's poor reception - and stunningly, it’s not the
actors or director. He and Michael B. Jordan, Kate Mara and Jamie Bell didn’t exactly
deliver award-winning efforts, but Teller pointed the blame finger elsewhere.
"I think it was Clooney who said you can make a bad movie out of a good script,
you can't make a good movie out of a bad script, and that's very true,” Teller
lamented. “Because I know actors that have been in literally Oscar-winning
performances that told me the script was a struggle every day to get it to a
place that [they] wanted it, and [they] were always fighting for the best
version of it.” He went on to ramble about some nonsense about possible
sequels and actors having bigger parts in those sequels and rewrites and script
notes, but it all sounded like nonsensical scapegoating from an actor who isn't
exactly on the level of George Clooney, Rosemary Clooney or any other Clooney
to whom he may have been referring. Fact is, this dumpster fire of a film was
dead in the water the instant the studio green-lit it because A DAMN RECENT
VERSION OF THE SAME DAMN MOVIE WAS MADE LESS THAN A DECADE AGO. Not enough
changes in a decade to remake most any movie, so poor writing and bad acting
were merely the final nail in a coffin that was already glued, clamped shut and
hammered with 20 other nails………
- Prepare
to be shocked, world. There was an election held in an impoverished Asian
nation with strong ties to Russia and in the immediate aftermath of said
election, an international election observation
group says there were irregularities in the voting process. Exit polls show
President Nursultan Nazarvayev's political party Nur Otan won a sweeping victory
with around 80 percent of the popular vote, but in a stunning twist, the
Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe's special coordinator for
election observation in Kazakhstan, Geir Joergen Bekkevold, believes something
shady was going on. Bekkevold noted that international observers, who were
allowed unfettered access, observed ballot-box stuffing and other
irregularities and in an election where those in power were expected to do
exactly these sorts of dubious things, it’s almost impressive that those in
power did these things not giving a damn that international observers were
there. The elections affirmed the ruling party's grip on power and came amid a
collapse in Kazakhstan's economic fortunes caused by the falling price for oil,
its main export commodity. But maybe, just maybe, a party presiding over a
country whose inflation is around 15 percent and whose currency has lost 30
percent of its value is really doing a stellar job running the nation and
merely needs a little more time to turn things around. Perhaps the voters
recognized that truth and merely decided to enthusiastically - and unethically
- do everything possible to make sure Nazarvayev and his sycophants were
elected to keep kicking ass just as they have been these past few years……..
- Congratulations
to Indian Wells CEO Raymond Moore because at a time when college basketball,
the NBA and upcoming NFL draft are grabbing almost all of America’s sports
attention span, this out-of-touch, rich old white dude’s ignorance has brought
the spotlight to tennis for a fleeting moment. Moore, sounding very much like
your creepy, inappropriate grandpa who believes the world is stuck in 1950 with
all of its socially backwards cultural mores, went out of his way to blast
women’s tennis players for gravy-training off the success of their male
counterparts. "I think the WTA [Women's Tennis Association] ... You know,
in my next life, when I come back, I want to be someone in the WTA because they
ride on the coattails of the men," Moore said. "They don't make any
decisions, and they are lucky. They are very, very lucky. If I was a lady
player, I'd go down every night on my knees and thank God that Roger Federer
and Rafa Nadal were born because they have carried this sport. They really
have." Suggesting that women genuflect before men is a very progressive
take, but him adding that being attractive is a big aspect of the next wave of
women’s stars taking the mantle of current No. 1 player Serena Williams was
several steps lower. Part of these ignorant remarks may stem from Moore’s macho
mindset as a former professional player from South Africa, but Williams handled
Moore’s idiocy as well as she could. "Obviously, I don't think any woman
should be down on their knees thanking anybody like that," she said. “I
think there is a lot of women out there who are more ... are very exciting to
watch. I think there are a lot of men out there who are exciting to watch. I
think it definitely goes both ways. Williams is right, while the only positive
fallout from Moore opening his mouth is tennis getting more attention for a
fleeting moment………
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