- What
does the creator of an extremely funny, very successful and now-defunct sitcom
do when his show ends and he needs something to fill his time? “Community”
creator Dan Harmon has a need to fill that void in his life and in perhaps the
epitome of the ridiculous, Hollywood vanity project, he is hard at work on an
animated film telling the story of Michael Jackson's pet chimpanzee, Bubbles.
Yes, the chimp of a wildly overrated pop star who died in 2009 and was accused
of being a pedophile is the subject of an actual stop-motion film based on
Isaac Adamson's script. The script appeared on the Black List, an industry list
of the best scripts of each year that haven't yet been made into movies, and
its synopsis is … well, it’s something. “A baby chimp is adopted by the pop
star Michael Jackson. Narrating his own story, Bubbles the Chimp details his
life within The King of Pop's inner circle through the scandals that later
rocked Jackson's life and eventually led to Bubbles' release,” the synopsis
explains. Jackson purchased Bubbles in the 1980s and the animal lived with the
singer at his fabled, financially troubled Neverland Ranch until 2003. In many
ways, Bubbles embodied the peculiarity and sheer weirdness that came to define
Jackson late in his life and career as he went from talented, strong-voiced
singer to high-profile weirdo with all manner of personal and legal troubles
topped with a healthy dose of paranoia. Thank God Bubbles can finally have his
story told for all to enjoy……….
- Don’t
get between Canadians and their round bacon for breakfast. Canucks have a
reputation for being polite to a fault as long as you don’t mess with the
things they hold dear, i.e. denim, mullets, the music of Bryan Adams and Rush,
hockey and 10-month winters, but stepping between them and something they love
is clearly a reason to go. As evidence, take the case of a man who hijacked
a city bus and demanded he be taken to Tim Hortons, a popular coffee and
doughnut chain stocked with calories and cholesterol. According to
investigators, the suspect boarded the bus just before midnight in York Region,
north of Toronto, and forced the driver at knifepoint to bypass several stops
before eventually demanding to be dropped off at a Tim Hortons. It’s unclear
whether the restaurant was his original destination, but given the time of day
and where this guy wanted to go, the odds of him being either drunk or high
seem fairly large. Were he American, he would have demanded to be dropped off
at a Waffle House or Taco Bell, but Tim Hortons was not his final destination
of the night. Officers arrested the man at the restaurant a short time later,
hauling him off to jail for the night and leaving behind a bus driver whom the Toronto
Transit Commission described as "shaken" by what it called a
"brazen crime." Give that driver a Molson, a freshly cut mullet and
repeat viewings of “Cuts Like a Knife” and he’ll be just fine……….
- So
why haven't the Chicago White Sox won their division in eight years or finished
higher than fourth place in the AL Central since 2012? Lots of reasons, likely,
but much of the causality can be found in the current drama surrounding the
team. For those paying all of their sports attention to the NCAA tournament,
the White Sox have a totally pointless scandal centering on the team limiting
first baseman Adam LaRoche’s 14-year-old
Drake LaRoche's access to the clubhouse, prompting his father to leave the team
and a contract that would have paid him $13 million this season. Yes, a grown
man left an eight-figure paycheck on the table because his team insisted his teenage
son not be in the workplace every day. There’s overbearing parenting and then
there’s being unwilling to separate from your kid for even a day. Maybe the kid
should, you know, hang out with his friends, go to the mall, play video games
or go to a school dance on occasion rather than hang out in a smelly locker
room with grown men. Yet LaRoche’s now-former teammates are acting like the
team had he and his son dropped on an ice floe and floated out to sea to meet
their inevitable demise, with White Sox ace Chris Sale hanging two Adam LaRoche
jerseys in his spring training locker, one signed by Drake LaRoche. Sale is
acting like someone died and he’s talking like he wants to fight someone,
claiming he and his teammates were lied to by executive vice president Kenny
Williams. "Somebody walked out of those doors the other day and it was the
wrong guy," Sale said, suggesting that Williams has contradicted himself
with differing stories about the decision to reduce Drake LaRoche’s clubhouse
access. Objecting to how the situation was handled is fine, but treating it
like a death in the family is not. Way to keep perspective, bro……..
- Ah,
politics. It’s a beautiful thing when Americans embrace the great traditions of
our political system and honor those who came before them in seeking elected
office. No one understands this better - allegedly 0 than two campaign workers for incumbent 4th District
Representative Cynthia Soto, currently seeking another term in the Illinois
state legislature. Soto is facing a stiff challenge from Bob Zwolinski and in
the true tradition of Chicago politics and all the violence and fisticuffs they
have featured over the years, it seems Rep. Soto decided to channel her inner
Tonya Harding and employ a goon squad to intimidate her opponent. According to
Zwolinski, two of Soto’s campaign workers jumped him, held him on the ground
and blasted him in the head with a beer bottle before finishing off their
assault with a staple gun shot to the forehead for good measure. According to
the challenger, he ended up with a broken nose and a cut that required six
stitches, not to mention bruises. There’s a familial slant to this one as well,
as one of the two campaign workers/hitmen against whom felony assault charges
were filed is Soto’s adult daughter. “You
expect these kinds of things out of Trump supporters but not a 16-year sitting
representative," Zwolinski said. His problems began when he confronted a
man and woman who were hanging campaign posters for Soto, a fellow Democrat,
outside his campaign office on March 6. One man challenging two people he
didn’t know was an unwise move and while Zwolinksi’s campaign has put up a
solid, grassroots effort with few resources, maybe it’s time to sign the candidate
up for a self-defense class with some of the campaign’s funds. He ordered the
two workers to take down the posters, but instead the male worker held him down
while both workers pummeled Zwolinski. Soto’s daughter went upside his head
with the bottle and ended the night with a well-placed staple to the
forehead………..
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