- New
York Mets spring training has pretty much been a string of “I’m Yoenis
Cespedes, dammit!” moments. Most of them have centered on the star outfielder
bringing a string of tricked-out luxury and sports cars to work and arriving in
as conspicuous a fashion as possible. But there are only so many three-wheeled
sports cars and high-end SUVs a man can drive and every rich guy out there has
nice rides he can show off. You need to do something to up the ante if you
really want to stand out and this week, Cespedes kicked things up a notch with
the purchase of a 270-pound grand-champion hog for $7,000 at a 4-H Club auction
at the St. Lucie County Fair. Buying a massive pig is simply a showoff move
because there really isn't much you can do with it other than a) have it
slaughtered and eat it or b) channel your inner George Clooney and keep it as a
bizarre pet for as long as it lives. In the former case, it’s much cheaper to
just go to the store and buy your own ham and bacon from the shelf, but that
doesn’t scream conspicuous consumption the way a $7,000 hog purchase does. So
when the Mets issued a statement confirming the fate of the hog, it was simply
another link in the chain of publicity stunts. "Can't believe I'm sending
an email out about a pig but we've gotten several questions about what's
happening to the pig so I just wanted to make sure everyone has the same info,”
a team spokesman wrote in the statement. “The animal can't be taken home as a
pet. There is some sort of state law here in Florida that a hog bought at
auction must be slaughtered. It’s just the rule. The pig is not a pet." Predictably,
the animal rights kooks at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals used the
occasion to grab some headlines for itself, offering to send Cespedes some
vegan bacon. Good to know everyone is getting the spotlight time they want out
of this………..
- It’s
awesome when police take down serious, hardened criminals who are making the
world a dangerous place. That has nothing to do with what happened this week in
Thailand, where police say they have seized almost 900,000 counterfeit
brand-name sunglasses at a warehouse where they also arrested two Chinese
nationals accused of making the products. Yes, international bootlegged sunglass
rings are a thing and if you think they don’t rival the Mexican drug cartels or
Italian mafia, then…..you’re pretty much right. Still, give a slow clap for Thailand's
Department of Special Investigation, which said in a statement that the 895,897
sunglasses were purported to be famous brands such as Ray-Ban, Oakley, Louis
Vuitton and Christian Dior. The bogus shades were discovered during a raid that
also uncovered fake stamps, stickers and labels that were part of the
counterfeiting operation. That makes total sense because if you’re trying to
shamelessly ripping off major name brands, you had better make sure you don’t skimp
on the finishing touches. All of this comes as a surprise to no one given
Thailand’s reputation as a major producer and market for counterfeit products.
While that leaves it vulnerable to trade sanctions from countries that make
legitimate products, the low-level criminals who run these counterfeiting operations
could not care less what foreign governments do to legit Thai business and
their products. What’s funny is that this seizure likely puts but a small dent
in the mountain of bogarted sunglasses that flood Thai markets and shops on a
daily basis………..
- So it
is possible to turn being an attention whore/ignorant asshole/loudmouth into a
productive television career? It truly is and Simon Brodkin, the comedian
behind BBC3 comedy character Lee Nelson, is living proof. This knob, who
channeled his Nelson character when he tried to out-Kanye Kanye West by
storming on stage as an uninvited guest during West's Glastonbury headline set
last year, has scored himself a BBC show and will star in “Serial Mischief” on Channel 4's
online strand All 4, with the show hinging on his over-the-top stunts and
pranks like the ones this week that saw him pose as a mechanic and invade a
presentation in Geneva by Volkswagen. The only one of his pranks that’s
actually been mildly funny was when he hurled wads of cash at disgraced FIFA
president Sepp Blatter at a press conference last year and that was funny
simply because Blatter is a smug, corrupt, dishonorable sack of crap who turned
soccer’s governing body into a cash-grabbing farce that awards the sport’s
premier event to Middle Eastern nations whose summertime temperatures soar past
120 degrees and who was actually talking about manufacturing artificial clouds
to combat the heat at venues that don’t even exist yet. The Volkswagen stunt
was designed to mock the auto maker’s emissions scandal of 2015, when it was
revealed that VW cars sold in America had been fitted with detect when they
were being tested and artificially improve results. Trying to be funny, Brodkin
looked under a car and told chief executive Matthias Müller that everything was
"okay as long as no-one finds out about it" in a German accent. All
in all, this has the makings of a man who is burning through his 15 minutes
quickly and needs to cash in before the sand in that hourglass runs out……….
- IHOP
is known for being a lot of things. An insanely unhealthy place to eat, an
eatery that is ridiculously packed with customers at all hours despite the middling
quality of its food, a joint that drops all manner of unholy toppings on
breakfast foods….but typically not alleged racism. Maybe a particular franchise
in Austin, Texas does business a bit differently because a couple who recently
dined at this fine-eating establishment left in a rage after seeing what they
say is a racist label on their receipt. Rolman Sparkman and his girlfriend
Arainia Brown ate their meal, paid their bill and only then did they notice
that their receipt had the words
"BLACK PPL" written at the top. Making the story even more
bizarre, the couple said that their waiter, Dwyane Williams, was also
black. “People being racist - and it's your own people being racist toward
you for no reason," Sparkman said. White people may be able to breathe a
sigh of relief on this one because they weren't the ones responsible for using
hurtful language against someone, but that doesn’t really do much for IHOP,
which released a statement on the situation. "This was a poor choice made
by our franchisee's team member, and is not in keeping with policies and
procedures. We recognize that it could be offensive and sincerely apologize,”
IHOP said in the statement. “Everyone is welcome in our restaurants and our
franchisee is using this as a teachable moment for the entire team so that it
will not reoccur." Williams also issued a personal Facebook apology and
said it was a mistake he made in trying to get orders out in a timely fashion.
How that makes any sense or makes the situation any better is unclear and
really, no credit for trying and failing miserably to apologize……….
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