Thursday, June 04, 2015

Gronk goes "Feud"-ing, a Teacher of the Year candidate and when "Arrested Development" will return


- One of the oldest and best-known daytime television game shows is about to go from cheesy exercise in family communication to a freaking party. How? By adding a heaping helping of Gronk, that’s how. That’s right, everyone’s favorite overgrown frat bro turned All-Pro tight end, New England Patriots star Rob Gronkowski, will be taking his  Summer of Gronk fun to “Family Feud,” a show known for asinine answers to easy questions and clueless family members whose relatives are forced to applaud their stupidity in the hopes of earning enough points to win and advance to the Big Money round. Gronkowski's older brother, Chris, confirmed earlier this week that the family's four oldest brothers will be filming an episode of Family Feud this weekend along with their father. Chris Gronkowski did not offer any insights into who the family will face, but it honestly doesn’t matter. Given how these bros roll, their answer to every prompt is going to involve alcohol, parties, hot women and working out, so it’s going to be an entertaining show. Last we saw Gronk, his Patriots were getting dinged $1 million and having their franchise quarterback banned for four games for deflating footballs to illegal levels en route to a Super Bowl win over Seattle. Over the summer, Gronk has shown up in  "Entourage" and will be featured in a cop role in another movie filmed recently -- "You Can't Have It," with Gronkowski brother Dan snagging a role as a police officer in the movie. Here’s hoping the producers of the “Feud” roll a couple of kegs on the stage and make shirts optional for this one………


- Teacher of the Year candidate or best teacher in the history of the world? Those are the only two options for Gaia Democratic School director Starri Hedges, a Minnesota sex education teacher who is getting a fair amount of heat for taking middle- and high-school students on a field trip to an adult novelty store. Some might argue that transporting about a dozen students to Smitten Kitten is a bad idea because, you know, they’re immature teenagers who can't really handle being flooded with a 360-degree scene of assless chaps, whips, edible underwear and vibrators. So what inspired this unlikely adventure? Hodges claimed she wanted to provide a safe environment for kids to learn about human sexual behavior and what better place to do that than a place where, if you shop regularly, you’re probably someone who has a definite safe word with your partner? "What I saw happening on our trip, I thought it was beautiful because kids could talk to these sex educators without any shame, without any fear," Hedges said. Sex educators? Is that what you call the tattooed freak with nipple rings and a tramp stamp under her mesh tank top and leather hot pants working behind the counter? Hey Starri, your name might imply that you’re a stripper masquerading as a teacher, but educating these kids is actually your job, not that of the minimum wage earners at Smitten Kitten. The store does offer videos and toys alongside educational workshops, which the students attended, but parents were probably not down with their kids being taken condom shopping, even while attending a small K-12 school promising  academic freedom, youth empowerment and democratic education. Best of all, this school of 25 students is housed in a Unitarian church and is seemingly run by a teacher who admitted she “unfortunately didn’t communicate well enough with parents ahead of time” about the trip. However, she did make sure that pornographic items were off limits to the children,  so there is that. Well done, you molder of young minds…….


- “Arrested Development” rides again. New episodes of the cult favorite comedy will launch on Netflix in spring 2016, according to the show's executive producer Brian Glazer. Glazer revealed in April that he and creator Mitch Hurwitz are planning to make "another 17 episodes" of the show and he proceeded to let that teaser dangle in mid-air in the faces of the comedy’s legions of devoted fans before revealing additional details this week. "Netflix is determined to do more episodes, so we're going to do more episodes," Glazer said. "We're going to do it [at] the turn of the year. January, February we're gonna start it." Glazer claimed that the episodes would launch on Netflix around "four months" later, meaning April or May of next year is how long the world will have to wait. Of course, Netflix has yet to make any kind of official announcement about a new season of the series, although it earned plenty of credibility points back in 2013 when it revived the show for a fourth season after a seven-year hiatus, launching 15 brand new episodes simultaneously. Proving either that this show still has tremendous pull or that it doesn’t do much for its stars after they move on, original cast members Jason Bateman, Portia de Rossi, Will Arnett and Michael Cera all reprised their roles as members of the eccentric and dysfunctional Bluth clan. However, critics and even some fans slammed the fourth season because they hated what Hurwitz described as the "anthology" format, wherein each episode revolved around a single Bluth family member. The original “Arrested Development” aired on  Fox for three seasons from 2003 to 2006 before being canceled and the fact that it’s still alive in any form 12 years after its debut is remarkable no matter how you evaluate it………


- Bust out the booze and unpack those party poppers, yo, because it’s time to set this mo’fo off. Oh, you didn’t know? The reason the party is on is because those lab-based badasses at the European Organization for Nuclear Research, or CERN, announced that they have successfully restarted the world's biggest particle collider after a two-year shutdown and upgrade and it's now producing almost double the collision energy of its first run. Scientists announced that the Large Hadron Collider will now run around the clock for the next three years and best of all, it won't get to put in for any overtime. This was always the plan as the collider underwent a $150 million upgrade after its first run, which produced results that helped confirm the existence of an elusive subatomic particle, the Higgs boson 0 the so-called “God particle.” CERN director Rolf Heuer and his team of  physicists hope the new run might lead to discoveries that could help "explain remaining mysteries such as dark matter." Unraveling the mysteries of the universe is a lofty goal, but the LHC has plenty of space in which to do its work. It is submerged in a 16.8-mile tunnel beneath the Swiss-French border. With its litany of impressive upgrades, this scientific behemoth is now smashing together protons at 13 trillion electronvolts. For the scientifically stupid, that number means that the LHC is smashing sh*t together hard….real hard. You know at least a few of the CERN scientists are hitting up the local bars and opening with that line on all the ladies they encounter………

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