- Sometimes, theft simply isn't worth it. For example, when
you live in Iowa – problem No. 1 – and you need a vehicle but don’t have access
to one or the cash to afford a set of wheels, you might be tempted to steal
one. Odds are that in Iowa, your choices are going to fall largely in the
pickup truck or farm equipment category, but if you need something to drive,
then you need something to drive. That being said, you’re not going to want to fall
short on your attempted vehicle jacking and end up with nothing more than a bag
of dog sh*t for your troubles. Such was the fate of a would-be truck thief who attempted
to jack a truck parked outside a Des Moines home and instead took home a bag of
canine feces as a consolation prize. The Des Moines Police Department responded
to a report of an attempted burglary around 4:45 p.m. and when they rolled up
on the residence, the homeowner told police someone broke into the driver's
side door of his truck. The ever-amusing police report stated that the person
who tried to steal the truck checked the bed of the vehicle and grabbed what
turned out to be "a bag of dog feces." Amazingly, there are no
suspects in the case, but should one emerge, he or she could face third-degree
burglary charges. The obvious question is what sort of value you place on dog
poop in a bag and there is an answer, namely $1. If nothing else, we’ve all
learned the value of doggy waste products……….
- File this one under quintessential hipster indie rock
coolness doing random artsy sh*t because we’re a quintessential hipster indie
rock band. The National have long been favorites on the indie scene and beloved
by the cooler-than-thou sect, so they’re the perfect band to release a box set
documenting their 2013 performance at New York's Museum Of Modern Art in which they
played the same three-minute song ('Sorrow') continuously for six hours. There
isn't a more pompous “artist moment” than doing a performance piece consisting
of 105 renditions of the same damn song and for anyone who didn’t feel like going
to the MOMA and listening to a song so many times that they literally hated it
with the core of their soul, the box set will bring it back to life. 'A Lot of
Sorrow' will document the band's entire night, including all 105 renditions of
the track and the one that saw drummer Bryan Devendorf sitting out to enjoy a
break while his band mates kept rolling on. The very existence of this box set
is offensive in and of itself, but when you consider that it will cost a
whopping $150, it kicks up to a whole new level. If you just want to listen to
‘Sorrow’ once, you can merely pop in the album – “High Violet” – on which it
appeared and give it a spin. The MOMA performance was a collaboration with
artist Ragnar Kjartansson and here’s hoping it never happens again.
Coincidentally, last week National released new single 'Sunshine On My Back' to
mark the worldwide VHX release of their documentary “Mistaken For Strangers.”
Named after another of their songs, about singer Matt Berninger’s brother Tom’s
attempts to succeed as a director by filming the band on tour. It’s all very artsy and too cool for school, which pretty much sums up
what The National have always been about……….
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Okay, so it’s more of a lame,
peaceful march in the name of ending a war that has spanned half a century and
claimed thousands of lives, but Colombia doesn’t really need more violence
these days. What it does need is the input of thousands of marchers who waved
white flags and paraded through cities across the country Thursday to support
peace talks between the government and guerrilla. The dual-purpose march also
paid tribute to victims of the nation's armed conflict and came as the
government extended a suspension of air attacks on the country's main rebel
movement amid a day of marches in support of peace. The Man even got involved
in the festivities as President Juan Manuel Santos led more than 8,000 people
through Bogota, marching alongside victims who suffered at the hands of rebels
and paramilitary groups. At the end of the march, Santos spoke at the
presidential palace and announced a one-month extension of the order he gave in
March that the military suspend air attacks on camps of the Revolutionary Armed
Forces of Colombia. Of course, this doesn’t mean that peace is imminent, not
when the two parties have been in negotiations in Havana since 2012 to end
Colombia's half-century-old conflict. Peace is likely still a long way off even
if most of the country is rooting for it and all but willing it to happen. A
Molotov cocktail or two hurled in rage is entertaining to watch, but 50 years
of civil war is enough to make even the most ardent riot lover amenable to some
peace and quiet……….
- First come the strongly worded letters, then come the
pocket-change fines and finally….nothing. That’s the pattern Major League
Baseball has started with its sending of written warnings to players who have
violated its new pace-of-game rules. MLB spokesman Mike Teevan said about 10
letters had been sent since the start of the season last weekend and for some reason,
the league seems to feel pretty good about toothless measures that players have
already said they won't follow regardless of what penalties they face. Simply
put, hitters are required to keep one foot in the batter's box, with exceptions
such as after foul balls. Boston Red Sox slugger David Ortiz was asked about
the new rules and called them bullsh*t, indicating that he’ll step out of the
box when and where he damn well feels like it. The $500 fines that will
accompany the violation starting May 1 are no deterrent to guys who will lose
that much money in the dugout betting a teammate he won't eat a sunflower seed
that was stuck to the bottom of their cleats. The new rules also require
pitchers to start innings before 30 seconds remain on the countdown clocks, so
hitters aren't being singled out. Look for zero changes when fines are levied,
other than professional athletes with one less pair of high-end designer shoes
in their travel bags and a chip on their shoulder because their sport is trying
to shorten games and make them more watchable by insisting that they not turn
every plate appearance into the baseball equivalent of a congressional
filibuster. Points for the effort, MLB, but you’re fighting a losing battle on
this one……..
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