- In case you were wondering, Major League Soccer is really
still Minor League Soccer. While American soccer fans – both of them – keep on
trying to pretend that soccer is about to become a legit major sport in this
country, the facts would suggest that MLS isn't on the verge of taking down La
Liga or the English Premier League any time soon as a viable destination for
legit international stars. Cue Barcelona midfielder Xavi Hernandez, who has agreed
to a three-year contract with Qatari club Al Sadd rather than take an offer
from MLS. Hernandez is set to receive a salary of approximately $15 million and
will study for his coaching licenses during his time in Qatar at the Aspire
Academy, joining his new team at the end of the season and replacing former
Real Madrid star Raul. Anyone who thought that a star, even an aged-out one
with maybe a viable season or two left in him, would sign with MLS was begging,
even though New York City FC coach Jason Kreis called Hernandez "one of
the best players in the world" during a news conference this week. Kreis
conceded that he was unsure how he would fit in with the club if they were to
make him an offer, but could have been trying to soften the blow because he
knew it wasn’t going to happen. "When you think about a player like Xavi
Hernandez, for me one of the best players in the world ever, a big, big fan of
his, you say to yourself on one side there's no doubt a player like that would
be great at New York City," Kreis said. "But when you look at it from
another point of view and you say you only get three [Designated Players] and
we've already got another one that plays in the midfield and you've got a third
one in David Villa whose all relative age are getting up there, you start to
think maybe not.” No worries, Jay. Your league is still an afterthought for the
world’s best………..
- While you might be able to blame Romania's former finance minister
for being a corrupt scoundrel, you have to at least give dude credit for having
impeccable taste in the bribes he accepts – allegedly. Darius Valcov is
suspected of accepting a Renoir painting, gold bars and cash as bribes and
while that might seem appalling to the average person, there is some comfort in
knowing that if you’re going to blatantly abuse your power and authority for
monetary gain, at least you’re not doing it for some knockoff art and a used
Subaru. The High Court for Cassation and Justice ruled that Valcov should be
placed under house arrest pending a probe into whether he received 2 million
euros ($2.1 million) of bribes during his apparently extremely lucrative stint
as mayor of a southern town. If you believe prosecutors, Valcov hid the
painting, 6.6 pounds of gold and stashes of cash worth $410,000 in a friend's
safe from 2011 and after leaving his post as mayor of Slatina in 2012 after
eight years in office, he ascended to his new position and tried to pretend
that the whole “give me gifts in exchange for favorable treatment” thing never
happened. Unfortunately for him, Romanian prosecutors have launched a series of
high-level corruption investigations in the past year and they aren't limiting
the scope of their work to the past year or two years. The only consolation
here for a man being placed under house arrest and who resigned as finance
minister on March 15 is that from the sounds of it, Valcov is going to be
kicking it in some very comfortable and stylish digs………
- Why the hell would anyone pay to see an iconic, hardcore
punk rock lead singer….talk? Former Black Flag
frontman Henry Rollins is hoping lots
of British folks will do exactly that when he launches an eight-city spoken
word tour beginning in January. The Charmingly Obstinate tour will take place in January 2016 and see
Rollins appear at eight venues throughout the United Kingdom, beginning with a
show at Bristol's St. George’s Hall on Jan. 10. Rollins, whose former
band was renowned for its politically minded and socially charged lyrics and
stances on issues and brought a relentless, rage-filled approach to the stage
and studio in carving out a definite niche for itself on the hardcore punk scene
over the years, will also make stops in Newcastle, Manchester, Birmingham and London before
finishing up at Glasgow Academy on Jan. 18. While a spoken word tour might seem
like a snooze fest for a guy who once had groupies throwing their undergarments
at him on stage, don’t rule out the possibility of some killer most pits on
this tour. When Rollins starts stringing together propositions, adjectives and
adverbs and mixing in some strongly worded rebukes, you know that elbows are
gonna be flying and bodies will be slamming into one another in the pit. Just
to be safe, maybe venue officials should cut off alcohol sales midway through
the night just to be sure things don’t get too far out of hand………
- Being a bank robber on a budget is a hard life. When you can't
afford the high-end tools and accessories of your more successful peers and you
don’t have access to a bitchin’ getaway car or even a friend with a 1994 Toyota
Camry that has less than 200,000 miles on it, you’re left with unpalatable
options when you want to pull off a heist of your neighborhood banking
establishment. That kind of pressure can drive a man to drink, perhaps a man
like 47-year-old
Florida resident Stanley Geddie. Geddie was a man with a plan this week,
but unfortunately hit plan sucked. First, he prepared for his attempt to rob the
Capital City Bank in Tallahassee, Florida by climbing as deep as possible into
a bottle of something strong. Once he was sufficiently soused, he then got to
work. His first step was to hail a taxi to take him to the bank, who seems like
a bad idea and probably should still seem bad even to someone who’s
blood-alcohol content is well north of the legal limit. Credit for not driving
drunk AND trying to rob a bank, but if you’re going to attempt it, then it’s
best to not leave your cabbie out front with an unpaid $25.50 fare to collect.
That cabbie is going nowhere and even if you think your drunken demands for
$100,000 from a bank manager are going to work out, there’s a good chance that
cabbie is going to call the cops on your ass. Inside the bank, Geddie demanded
his money and claimed he had a .357 handgun and C4 plastic explosives. The
arriving officers were alerted to the situation by the cabbie and found Geddie
in the bank manager's office, appearing "very intoxicated and spaced
out." He was arrested and charged with robbery, petty theft and resisting
an officer and amazingly, he also rang up two probation violations. Now THAT is
a hell of a hangover……...
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