Thursday, September 19, 2013

Gwar at the Super Bowl, jail cell apartments in NYC and Indonesians run scared


- Indonesians just aren’t as tough as they used to be. If they were, then these softies would not be meekly fleeing their homes and villages just because a minor series of eruptions was spewing rocks and red-hot ash around. But flee they are as the aforementioned rocks and hot ash fly from Mount Sinabung, a volcano in northern Sumatra. Three days of this mayhem was enough to send people a-scattering as the 8,530-foot volcano erupted day after day after day. Sunday’s eruption was the first after the volcano was dormant for three years and sent clouds of thick ash flying into the sky while bringing small rocks cascading down on nearby villages. Just a few small rocks falling from the sky and threatening to cave in their skulls and potentially destroy the structurally unsound places of residence was enough to scare the villagers into abandoning their homes and running for their lives, which may or may not have actually been on the line. Local authorities seemed perfectly content to fuel the chaos by preparing temporary shelters for evacuees as additional eruptions took place throughout the first few days of the new week. Thankfully, there were at least a few people who weren't going to run scared or stop living their normal lives just because a volcano chose to wake up and start chucking rocks and ash into the air. Who were these people? They would be the teachers and students at a nearby elementary school, where classes continued with pupils wearing masks to protect them from the ash. Now, if only the rest of the locals would take a clue from these bold, tiny people and gather some courage to ignore the falling rocks of doom and keep right on living their lives…….


- Who does embattled boxing judge C.J. Ross think she’s fooling? After inexplicably scoring Saturday night's Floyd Mayweather Jr.-Saul "Canelo" Alvarez junior middleweight championship fight a 114-114 draw when everyone with a pulse and more than four IQ points knew instantly that Mayweather had won the fight by a wide margin, Ross has been the target of well-deserved scorn, derision and mockery this week. Maybe that’s why Ross sent Nevada State Athletic Commission executive director Keith Kizer an email saying that she would step away from the sport she has judged for more than 20 years. Either that or she realizes no one is ever going to allow her to judge anything more than a street fight between two homeless people for the rest of her life, but one or the other. "I will be taking some time off from boxing but will keep in touch," Ross wrote in her email. In truth, there is no need for her to “keep in touch” because no one wants to her from her crazy, inept ass. The two other judges scored the fight for Mayweather 117-111 and 116-112 and the fact that Ross blew the judging so badly suggests she was either a) drunk, b) high or c) the victim of an unannounced lobotomy prior to the bout. Even Alvarez and his team did not dispute Mayweather's victory after the fight and Ross was the only one who felt differently. Kizer was nicer than he needed to be when asked about Ross’ decision, saying, "We respect her decision, and appreciate her love of the sport she has served for over 20 years.” Wrong, Keith. No one respects Ross for anything at this point, not after this fight and especially because it came just 15 months after Ross ass-hattedly awarded Timothy Bradley Jr. a split-decision victory and a welterweight world title, against Manny Pacquiao, drawing worldwide condemnation because many believed Pacquiao had won in a rout. It seems safe to say that Ross will not be missed……


- The Federal Trade Commission wants you to know it is doing its part in the broad crackdown on unwanted and deceptive text messages to consumers with allegedly bogus gift card offers that claimed to be from major retailers. Several such waves of this phenomenon have hit the United States of late and the FTC is swinging the heavy hammer in going after those responsible. In the latest case, the FTC reached a settlement that will require Florida marketing concern Rentbro Inc. and its two principals, Daniel Pessin and Jacob Engel, to turn over all their remaining assets. The settlement also imposes a partly suspended judgment of $377,321, the total received in connection with the activity in question. Pessin and Engel, both of Fort Lauderdale, Fla., were predictably in hiding and unavailable for comment after the decision. It’s precisely the way two grown men should react after they (allegedly) sent out more than 42.5 million unwanted and deceptive text messages to consumers, saying they were chosen to receive $1,000 gift cards from major retailers including Wal-Mart, Best Buy and Target. Unsuspecting consumers were asked for personal information and instructed to sign up for a number of risky trial offers, none of which were free, in order to receive the gift card they were promised. If they were naïve morons, they obliged. Following the campaign of lies, consumers in March filed eight separate complaints with charges against 29 defendants on accusations that they collectively sent more than 180 million bogus text messages to consumers. The resulting FTC complaints targeted defendants who sent the unwanted text messages, as well as those who operated the allegedly deceptive websites. However, the real culprit here is the sheer stupidity of the average person who truly should know better by this point in time……..


- Finding new ways to stretch the dwelling place dollar is the constant challenge of New York City. Taking a place with extremely limited real estate and continually finding new ways to jam more people onto an over-populated island that already holds 6 million people is getting mildly impossible, but money being pretty freaking valuable these days, landlords are still trying their damndest. That includes the owners of one building in Harlem who seem to have taken their inspiration for one of their properties from an unusual place. That place is an apartment building at 14 Convent Avenue and the inspiration seems to be any one of the many (overcrowded) correctional facilities around the great state of New York. This “apartment” building offers so-called apartments that are very literally smaller than jail cells. These roomy living spaces are just 100 square feet and barely eight feet wide. However, listings for open units note that they offer “large east-facing windows allowing for robust sunlight throughout the day.” Of course, in an apartment that small, one ray of sunshine for five seconds is enough to fill the space for a week, so factor that in when deciding whether these apartments are worth their asking price of $1,275 a month. They are precisely the type of apartment Mayor Michael Bloomberg has encouraged in recent months due to the high demand for housing in Manhattan………


- Hell freaking yeah. It is about effing time someone stepped up and told the NFL and its entertainment arm what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. For too long, the league has royally screwed up its halftime entertainment choices at its season kickoff concerts, Thanksgiving Day halftime shows, Pro Bowl halftime shows and yes, Super Bowl halftime shows. Picking disposable pop hacks who don’t even have enough material to fill a 12-minute halftime show has become an NFL specialty and has led to the league running a steady cycle of garbage acts such as Madonna, Prince and the Hack Eyed Peas onto the stage at its signature event. The latest choice for a Super Bowl performer falls right in line with that trend, as popster/faux R&B-er Bruno Mars was selected to perform at Super Bowl XLVIV in New Jersey. Mars, who is best known for “Locked Out of Heaven” – a.k.a. “The Song That Sounds Like Nothing Else on My Album And Is Basically A Shameless Ploy To Rope People Into Listening To Me Because They Think I’m Something I’m Not” – tweeted  "We're Going to the the Super Bowl!!!!!!! #PepsiSBHalftime” after the decision was announced. Many applauded the choice because they are mindless sheep and insipid morons, but one group out there isn't taking the decision lying down. Those people have launched a petition to have American metal veterans Gwar play at the Super Bowl in 2015 because they believe this year’s Super Bowl halftime show will be “boring.” So far, 18,000 people have so far pledged support to the campaign and Gwar is riding high on a wave of positive energy after releasing their 13th studio album, “Battle Maximus,” this week. "We don’t want another year of sitting around talking through a muted, boring NFL Super Bowl halftime show," campaign founder Jeff Cantrell explained. "We want something different. We want a real spectacle that only Gwar can provide. Doesn't the NFL want more viewers? Don’t advertisers want more people paying attention? This way everyone wins." Everyone does win when a band known for its elaborate science fiction and horror film inspired costumes, obscene lyrics and graphic stage performances, which feature humorous enactments of politically and morally taboo themes gets to spread its message to the masses……..

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