Sunday, September 08, 2013

Bullet-riddled squirrels, Chinese corruption and NASA's new toy


- Look the hell out, anyone with ears. The auditory menace that is Avril Lavigne is threatening the world by announcing that she will release her new, self-titled album on Nov. 5. “Avril Lavigne” is her fifth studio album and the follow-up to 2011's “Goodbye Lullaby,” which sadly failed to live up to its name by virtue of the fact that she is now releasing another project. This one could be her worst yet, considering it will feature guest appearances from Marilyn Manson and her husband, Nickelhack frontman Chad Kroeger. Lavigne will form an odd couple pairing with Manson on a song called “Bad Girl,” which Lavigne has described as one of the album's "heavier" songs. The true train wreck for the project and likely the entire calendar year – or decade – for the music world is “Let Me Go,” her duet with Kroeger. "The record's really diverse," Lavigne said. "We've got these pop-rock tunes, and then these piano ballads with orchestras. I have a heavier song that Marilyn Manson's on called 'Bad Girl,' and then I've got a song called 'Hello Kitty' that sounds like nothing I've done before." Yes, she actually does have a song called “Hello Kitty” and sadly, it’s not some sort of inside joke. In addition to the one track she and her husband will “sing” on together, “Avril Lavigne” also features “Here’s to Never Growing Up,” a song she co-wrote with Kroeger and described as "one of the rock tunes on [the album], but it's all over the place." All over the place is also a great way to describe Lavigne’s music in general, although it is only “all over” in the sense that it’s all over the crappy side of the musical ledger………


- NASA really isn't in a place to have projects misfire. Its budget is shrinking, the only way it can get astronauts to space is hitching rides with Russia and public opinion isn't exactly in favor of giving more money to the space agency. That makes the malfunction of NASA's newest robotic explorer on Friday disconcerting. The craft shot into space late Friday in an unprecedented moonshot from Virginia, but the LADEE spacecraft quickly ran into equipment trouble. NASA rushed to assure the world that the lunar probe was safe and on a perfect track for the moon, but officials conceded that the problem will need to be fixed in the next three weeks. S. Peter Worden, director of NASA's Ames Research Center in California, maintained that he's confident everything will be working properly in the next few days. The problem occurred when LADEE's reaction wheels were turned on to orient and stabilize the spacecraft after it began spinning too fast following its separation from the final rocket stage, Worden said. Its computer automatically shut the wheels down due to excess current, but Worden stressed there is no rush to "get these bugs ironed out." The LADEE’s mission is studying the lunar atmosphere and dust and that mission remains on track. Flight controllers exchanged nerdy high-fives after the launch and NASA tweeted, “We are headed to the moon!” The Virginia launch was a departure from the space agency’s normal Florida-based operations and sightings of the launch came in from New York City, Boston, Washington, D.C., Baltimore, New Jersey, Rhode Island and eastern Pennsylvania. LADEE, which is the size of a small car, will take a meandering path to the moon and is expected to reach its destination on Oct. 6. The total cost for the mission is $280 and it will last six months, ending in a ball of flame with a suicide plunge into the moon for the 844-pound LADEE…….


- Way to drop the hammer on corruption, Chinese government. Proving that it really is serious about rooting out corruption, the communist nation has announced that officials will be prohibited from using government money to purchase mooncakes – a popular dessert traditionally given as gifts during this month’s Mid-Autumn Festival. Chinese President Xi Jinping said via state media that the use of government funds on extravagances like gifts, meals and drinking must be stopped. "The Mid-Autumn Festival and the National Day are approaching, we must resolutely put an end to using public funds," Xi said. Now, banning officials from using their government cash to purchase holiday treats typically filled with egg yolk and lotus may seem like a hollow and empty gesture….and it is. Sure, holidays such as the Mid-Autumn Festival have become a chance businessmen to bribe officials for favorable treatment, but how much favor can a mooncake really buy? China’s ruling Communist Party has long known about the rampant corruption and generally didn’t care, but pressure from the public has spurred the pretend crusade against fraud. Many social media users noted that until the ban on mooncakes and similar items is extended to other holidays, they won't be sold on its significance. Others noted that few even give mooncakes as gifts anyhow and wondered if there weren't other items, such as gift cards or cash cards, that would be more appropriate targets for anti-bribery measures. Xi has been outspoken about corruption since being “elected” last year and vowed to bring down dirty officials whether they were “tigers or flies.” The results of his faux crusade thus far would suggest that there have been more flies than tigers, with the detention of Jiang Jiemin, the former director in charge of the State-Owned Assets Supervision and Administration Commission, the biggest bust so far……..


- Many Milwaukee Brewers fans would love to punch disgraced slugger Ryan Braun. For a few lucky members of the fan base, verbally excoriating the admitted PED user over the phone became a nice backup plan this week. Braun, currently serving the final games of a 65-game suspension resulting from Major League Baseball's investigation of the now-closed Biogenesis of America anti-aging clinic, spent part of this week personally calling fans and offering an apology for using performance-enhancing drugs. "It was his idea," said Rick Schlesinger, the Brewers' chief operating officer. "He came to us and said he wanted to call fans.” Braun’s phone buddies included season ticket holders, partial season-ticket holders and individual buyers. The team gave him a list of several dozen random names, Schlesinger said. "He said he wanted to call everybody on the list," Schlesinger added. Braun began calling fans on Thursday and the team has already heard back from some of the fans he called, according to Tyler Barnes, the Brewers' vice president of communications. "They were appreciative of the outreach. The vast majority were appreciative of it," Barnes said. "We think it's a nice gesture on Ryan's part. We realize some are going to be grateful and others are going to be a little more hesitant." There has been no word on whether any fans hung up on Braun, cursed him or told him how disappointed they were that he not only used PEDs, but repeatedly lied about it and blamed everyone else rather than admitting what he had done and accepting responsibility for his actions. Some fans were skeptical that it was really Braun on the other end of the line, while Schlesinger said the slugger realized others wouldn’t buy what he was selling. When he comes back and starts hitting home runs and helping the downtrodden Brewers win games, that will have more of an impact on their reaction……..


- A very small, furry and rodent-like martyr is on the mend in Covington, La. A squirrel in the city’s North Shore are is alive and scampering across power lines after someone inadvertently busted a cap into its rodent ass recently. “How is he alive? How did that bullet get there?” scenic and wildlife photographer Christine Regusa asked after discovering the bullet-riddled squirrel in her Covington backyard. Regusa took a photograph that shows what appears to be a .22-caliber bullet dangling from behind the squirrel’s tiny right arm and recalled snapping the shot without even realizing that something was amiss. Despite having a bullet partially lodged in its body, the squirrel’s prognosis is solid because the projectile does not appear to have penetrated deep enough to affect any of the animals bones, nerves of muscles. It also appears to be native to the area around Regusa’s home, as she has spotted it ambling around her back yard several times since taking the photograph. The squirrel appears to be moving normally and does not exhibit any outward signs of pain from being shot. “He jumps from the fence to the tree, then jumps from the tree top to the other tree top,” Regusa added. There is a chance that the bullet could eventually dislodge on its own, although if Bullet Squirrel really had any furry friends, one of them would help him out by finding a way to remove the ammo any speed him on the way back to full health. Then again, a dude in any species knows that walking around with a  bullet wound or with shrapnel in the body is a great way to up one’s street cred and score some major points with the ladies……..

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