- Part of the stoner aesthetic is constantly seeking ways to
beat drug tests. Regardless of the job (typically minimum wage and food
service-oriented) they hold at the time, every stoner needs a way to keep
getting baked while keeping their job. Suspended
Denver Broncos Pro Bowl linebacker Von Miller is no different, except his
attempt to cheat a drug test is costing him hundreds of thousands of dollars
and a huge chunk of his credibility. Miller, who was initially suspended for
the first four games of the NFL season for violating the NFL's substance-abuse
policy and then had that four-game suspension suddenly and mysteriously increased
to six games, (allegedly) attempted to corrupt the NFL's drug-testing program
with the help of a urine collector. Somehow, their stellar plot was foiled and
the case has already impacted how the NFL's collection testing procedures are
done. For trying to cheat the test, Miller could have had his suspension
increased to a full season. His initial diluted sample counted as a positive
test and led to notification of his four-week suspension under the NFL's
substance-abuse policy, but diluting the test results by drinking excessive
amount of water was just the start. Even as Miller's reps and the NFLPA were
preparing to fight the suspension, NFL source said, they found out that the
All-Pro linebacker and the collector plotted to avoid a failed test. The
collector, who worked in Miami, reportedly was a jock sniffer who was
enthralled with the idea of knowing and befriending a professional athletes.
Because of that fact, the collector was allegedly willing to substitute another
person's urine specimen for Miller's. In a twist straight out any “Scooby Doo”
episode, their plan might have worked if not for a meddlesome second collector
who discovered that Miller was not in the city where his collection was
supposed to have taken place. Because of these shenanigans, the NFL has already
met with representatives of the testing company to examine ways to strengthen
testing procedures and avoid similar occurrences in the future. Stay classy,
Von……..
- What does being a failed vice presidential candidate and a
member of the lowest-rated Congress in the history of congressional approval
ratings get a person? If you said a book deal, step forward a claim your
prize….which is a book that 2012 GOP vice presidential candidate and
possible 2016 presidential contender Paul Ryan will write at some point in the
future. The Wisconsin Republican has an agreement with publisher Twelve for a
book about the state of conservatism and while simply typing “bad” on a
computer screen and being done with it might suffice, Ryan will plow ahead
anyhow because he’s being paid a sh*t load of money to do so. His book will be
titled “Where Do We Go From Here?” and is scheduled for publication in August. Twelve
released a statement hyping a book that may amount to nothing more than Tea
Party kooks paying $25 to read 200 pages of advertising from the man who wants
to be their next presidential candidate. “’Where Do We Go from Here?’ will
delve into the state of the conservative movement in America today, how it
contrasts with liberal progressivism, and what needs to be done to save the
American Idea,” the statement read. “It will challenge conventional thinking,
renew the conservative vision for 2014 and beyond, and show how it is essential
for the well-being of our communities and the future of our nation.” Ryan
hasn’t announced whether he will run in 2016, but with an underwhelming field
of contenders that includes Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal, Kentucky Sen. Rand
Paul and Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, and a planned visit to New Hampshire next month
on the books, Ryan may as well join the fray. Every would-be president needs a
book to raise his or her profile and for the chairman of the House Budget
Committee, who already has one book about conservative leaders to his credit,
bloviating for another few hundred pages shouldn’t be too difficult………
- Ken Jeong has become annoying and
ubiquitous. He was funny in “The Hangover” and significantly less funny as the
franchise continued into multiple sequels, has become an irritating beer
pitchman and continued in an irksome role as Ben Chang on NBC’s successful
sitcom “Community.” All of that is apparently enough for the network to hand
Jeong his own show, unimaginatively titled “Dr. Ken.” The show’s eponymous name
is derived from the fact that, prior to his career as a comedic actor, Jeong completed a
medical degree and is actually a licensed physician in the state of California.
The show will draw heavily from his pre-acting life as a physician and for now,
the project is in its infancy with a planned pilot episode that will be penned
by “The Internship” scribe Jared Stern. If the pilot is successful – and with
America’s love for stupid, mindless shows and entertainment options, it should
be – Jeong would have a challenge on his hands attempting to balance his new
show with his continued presence as a member of the “Community” cast. He has
suggested previously that even if his new show is picked up, he will not
abandon “Community” and will find a way to balance the two. "I will never
leave Community. I will always
Chang the world,” Jeong wrote on his Facebook page shortly after posting a link
to a news story about “Dr. Ken.” The
fifth season of “Community” won't be joining the rest of the new shows
returning to the air in September and October and it won't air new episodes
until early 2014. Stars Joel McHale, Alison Brie and Danny Pudi will all
be back for the full season along with Jeong, although Donald Glover has
accepted a reduced role on the show and will appear in just five of the 13 new
episodes scheduled for the season……..
- Guns to save a critically endangered bird population? In certain
areas of Cape Cod, Massachusetts, the answer to that question is yes. A group
of researchers has deployed a trio of cannons into areas where populations of
the red knot, a robin-sized bird species, are roosting. These cannons won't help
anyone overtake a fort or seize a castle, but they will fire nets s to trap the birds in
order to collect feather samples and outfit them with geo-locator devices.
Tracking the birds will allow the researchers, from the Conserve Wildlife
Foundation, to gather clues that might help them save the species from what
some ornithologists say is an extremely likely extinction. The red knot is
believed to be one of a large number of shorebirds that are in trouble.
Approximately 70 percent of shorebird species are in decline, according to
Lawrence Niles, a participant and the chief biologist at the Conserve Wildlife
Foundation. Even amongst this group, the red knot is struggling to a higher
degree, with its population in many areas having declined as much as 75 percent
since the 1980s. Niles and his team point to the disappearance of “stopovers”—ample
populations of crabs, shellfish, and fish – that red knots and similar birds can
feed upon during their seasonal migrations. Flying cross-continent takes a lot
out of a bird and without sufficient food sources, birds won't have the
necessary juice to reach their destination. Sure, critics could argue that if
the red knot wasn’t an elitist species that can't find a suitable place to
winter in the United States and makes its home in South America after breeding
in the Arctic, but stopping over in North America apparently entitles them to
some help. A journey of 10,000 miles is their plight and making the longest
trip of any shorebird migration in the hemisphere is actually somewhat
impressive. New Jersey has placed the red knot on its state endangered-species
list, but so far the federal government has not followed suit………
- Did someone misplace a plane filled with one ton of
Colombian nose candy worth a quarter of a billion dollars and change? If so,
the French government has it and probably won't be too willing to give it back.
According to France’s
Interior Minister Manuel Valls, authorities seized 1.3 tons of cocaine from an
Air France cargo flight that arrived at Charles de Gaulle airport outside Paris
on Sept. 11. The confiscated coke was worth $270 million and had been carefully
stashed inside 30 suitcases. Valls showed the 30 now-empty suitcases that were
allegedly packed with $270 million worth of pure cocaine, representing what the
Interior Ministry said was the largest-ever drug bust in the Paris region.
Given the amount of rich, famous people who love to spend time in Paris and
hang out at fancy parties, plus the activities around Paris Fashion Week every
year, the need for copious amounts of the Bolivian marching powder is obvious.
The investigation to break this particular case had an international flavor,
with help from Spanish, British and Dutch police. Valls said the discovery underscored
the "importance of strengthening international cooperation in the fight
against traffickers.” Not surprisingly, the flight that brought the blow to
Paris originated in Caracas, the capital of Venezuela. However, authorities
have not linked the booger sugar to any of the passengers on the flight. “Several
members of a criminal organization" have been arrested, Valls added. With
the seizure, French authorities say they have now confiscated four tons of
cocaine within their borders since the start of 2013…….
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