- There are a lot of days I’m thankful not to live in Russia, but today might be the one day out of all of them that I am most thankful not to reside in the frigid, frozen tundra occupying most of north-central Asia. See, Russians have already been forced to watch as their country has slowly but surely crept back towards Communism under former President Vlad Putin. Life in Russia got much worse and much less pleasant under Putin, but at least Russians could take solace in the fact that Putin’s time in office came to an end earlier this year due to presidential term limits, right? Right? Wrong-O. On Monday, the upper house of Russia's parliament Monday approved an extension of the nation’s presidential term from four years to six. Why is this a bad sign for Russians, at least those not in favor of a total return to Communism and repression of individual, personal freedoms? Well, because the lengthening of the presidential term is a move many Russia-watchers believe is designed to bring good ol’ Vlad Putin back to office as president. He may have stepped down in May after two terms, but dude hasn’t gone too far from the throne because he is now prime minister. Worse still is the fact that his hand-picked successor, Dmitri Medvedev, who was essentially crammed down the public’s throats in a rigged election, was the one to propose that the head of state's term be lengthened, starting with the next president. And oddly enough, there has been widespread speculation that Medvedev would step down to make way for Putin's return when the law passes. Putin made the requisite denials, claiming that Medvedev would be leading Russia for the next four years. "The next election is in 2012," he said December 4 in a question-and-answer session that had, in the past, been reserved for the president and not the prime minister - until he became prime minister, of course. But the constitutional amendments to bring him back to power, er, provide political stability for Russia passed the upper house of Russia's parliament with the support of all of the country's 83 regions. That could be because they also contain a nice bonus for the lawmakers themselves, increasing the length of their terms from four years to five. Those amendments now go to the president for his rubber stamp, er, signature. Expect that to happen any day now, taking Russia one step closer to a total return to Communism……
- You never want to say that someone having an estimated $2 million worth of jewelry and other belongings stolen from their home is a good thing, but screw it, I’m going to say that Paris Hilton having an estimated $2 million worth of jewelry and other belongings stolen from her home in Sherman Oaks, Calif. is a good thing. When you stop and think of all that P. Hilton has brought into this world and all the damage she’s done, someone thieiving $2 million in jewelry from her goes a long way toward evening things out. For years, we’ve had to endure her being famous for no reason other than being a rich, spoiled and vapid skank whose family is filthy rich and making sex tapes. She wrote a book that was only slightly higher on the literary scale than Dr. Seuss and was all about her philosophy on life, which seems to be dressing as sluttily as possible, uttering moronic catch phrases, making sex tapes, appearing in bad movies and dating B-list Hollywood tools. She’s constantly on camera and in the spotlight for no good reason and has contributed virtually nothing of value to the world, so I say if someone wants to sack up, break into her house and steal a bunch of jewelry, good for them. Nice to know that someone is out there, working to take the rich and spoiled down a notch. So far, this thief is still at large and police are looking for him, although all police know so far is that the robber was a man in a hooded sweatshirt and gloves who ransacked her bedroom around 4 a.m. Friday morning. There are conflicting reports as to how this hero, er, thief, made his way into the house. Initial reports claimed the he forced entry through the front door, but sources inside the investigation say he may have entered the house by other means, possibly by offering to film a sex tape with Hilton and getting in line with the other 40 dudes waiting at the back door for the same purpose.
Unfortunately, this thief doesn’t appear to have a lot of smarts to go with his bravado, as he robbed Hilton’s home even though it is under extensive video surveillance (a nice benefit when your video equipment can double as your camera system for filming sex tapes, bonus!). "I expect we'll be able to apprehend the culprit here based on some of the information we have," said Deputy Charlie Beck, head of the LAPD's detective bureau. Sorry to hear that, Chuck, because I’m actively rooting for this guy and encourage all of you to do the same…..
- I’ll be the first to admit I have a soft spot for anyone battling a speech impediment. It’s just always been a quick trigger for me any time people make fun of someone just because they have trouble speaking without stuttering. Do it while I’m around and I’m not freaking kidding you, we will fight. So when I heard about someone like University of Nebraska offensive lineman Matt Slauson, I definitely have to give props to him for what he’s battled through. Slauson, who is on track to graduate in May, has become a successful player and student at a high-profile, high-pressure school in a state that follows its college football team religiously and he’s done so in spite of a speech impediment that has made life difficult even since he was going. "Kids will pick something out that'd be different so fast," Slauson recalls. Football was a means for him to gain acceptance and also to take out his frustrations and aggressions without being sent to the principal’s office for it. His father, a high school principal himself, remembers that there “were many tearful moments.” Now, the 320-pound lineman is a standout at Nebraska, a second-team All-Big 12 pick and not only that, he has confronted his fears about public speaking as well. At NU, he made more visible than almost any other player, appearing front and center during the Tuesday Husker press conferences. He faced tough questions from football-savvy media and although at times, his words often came out in parts and his sentences could at times be irregular and arrhythmic, he was able to find a way to get his point across in a thoughtful and meaningful manner. “I watch interviews and think, "Oh man. I'm just stuttering Stanley up there. It's something I have to deal with,” Slauson said. “I didn't see the sense in hiding." Awesome, just awesome. This is the kind of person anyone can get behind, sports fan or not. His story is about a lot more than football and it’s bigger than what Slauson was able to do on the field. And if anyone has a problem with how he talks, you come find me and I’ve got a beatdown with your name on it…..
- There are several things very, very wrong with this next story, and the fact that an alleged Orange County (Calif.) gang member has landed himself in jail is the least among them. Uriel Oliva is the man at the center of the controversy, a member of the Orange County Criminals gang who had previously been given a court order not to associate with members of his street gang, engage in gang activity or hang out at the Village Mall, a center of a lot of gang activity in the area. So why is Oliva headed back to jail? As you may have guessed, he violated his probation, but it’s the way he did it that is disturbing - very disturbing. Dude was busted for hanging out at the Village Mall after….well, after his probation officer spotted a photo on Oliva’s keychain of Oliva flashing gang signs while sitting on Santa's lap. Yes, an 18-year-old dude is sitting on Santa’s lap. That is freaking disturbing on so many levels. Look, I don’t know if this was some sort of dare with his boys or if Oliva just thought he was being funny, what I know is that no one over the age of eight should ever, ever be sitting on Santa’s lap. To be fair, even those under that age shouldn’t be doing so because slamming your kid on the lap of some minimum wage-earning perv with a phony beard, bad attitude and a flask of whiskey hidden inside his suit is an all-around bad idea for all of us. But no way in hell should a legal adult be sitting on Santa’s lap, period. Doing so suggests that you have something seriously wrong in your head. It doesn’t even matter that Oliva flashed those gang signs while on Santa’s lap; by virtue of sitting down there, he earned a return ticket to the slammer. Worse yet, two of his boys were also in the picture, flashing gang signs as well. Throw ‘em in jail, all of them. Send them away for every one of the 18 months in jail that Oliva faces. They need to learn a lesson, a lesson that each of us should remember: stay out of the laps of mall or department store Santas, period - no questions asked…..
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! It’s a sure bet that if you check in anywhere in the Indian-administered Kashmir region on ten different days, there will be some sort of violence, unrest and dissidence going on nine of those days somewhere in the area - and only nine because the various warring factions have to stop and reload some time. So journey with me to Srinagar, in Indian-controlled Kashmir, where earlier this week separatist militants ambushed an Indian paramilitary patrol, killing two Central Reserve Police Force (CRPF) troopers. Ah, you wacky separatist militants, you crack me up. Staging an ambush in apple-rich Sopore, a town in north Kashmir about 54 kilometers (34 miles) Srinagar, hilarious. Sopore's busy apple trade was shut down as in the aftermath of the attack and the resulting chaos that gripped the town. Police began searching the town in a quest to find the attackers, which should be easy given the fact that they would be the ones with big freaking guns, but I’m no police officer, so never mind. Thus far, no one has claimed responsibility for the attack, which comes just prior to the crucial last phase of voting in state elections in Indian-administered Kashmir. There will be eight constituencies voting tomorrow Srinagar, which has a population of 1.2 million. In addition to this latest attack, violent anti-poll protests and clashes between the Indian security forces and protesters have marked the last two days, which I fully support. No way to get ready for a big election quite like some solid rioting, protesting and clashes with The Man. And if your actions are enough to spark a city-wide curfew like the one that was imposed in parts of the Srinagar’s old city yesterday, you’re doing something right. I strongly encourage everyone in the area to participate in the total boycott of the polls that the rioting separatists have called for on Wednesday. Rather than voting in a sham election, join the revolution and take part in the march to Lal Chowk, the main square in Srinagar, for a sit-in on that day. If you’re not protesting or rioting, you’re not trying and you don’t care about your country, so get to it, Indians…..
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