- So now the NFL can fine players for being mean to each other, for teasing the other team? Apparently so, because the league has hit Miami Dolphins linebacker Joey Porter with a $7,500 fine for unsportsmanlike conduct during Miami's 48-28 loss to New England last Sunday. According to NFL spokesman Corry Rush, Porter was fined for verbally abusing the opponent after the play was over. Aww, did Joey hurt the poor Patriots’ feelings? Did he? Aww, poor Patriots, is you ok? Do you need some ice cream and hot chocolate to make you feel all better? Did the big, bad bully make you cry? I mean, seriously, are you telling me that you need to bring the iron fist of the law down on a guy because he was talking too much junk after a play? Yes, I realize that if a guy goes too far, he could start a fight, but that didn’t happen here. There was a fight in the game and Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder was ejected, but Porter wasn’t involved. You’re trying to legislate and police emotion and passion out of the game the same way you did when enforcing idiotic rules about what players can and can't do during touchdown celebrations. What is this, the playground at recess at an elementary school or the freaking National Football League? The fine is ridiculous, as is the practice of going back and fining guys for things that the officials on the field didn’t deem worthy of a penalty. It caps off a tough week for Porter, who on Wednesday had to apologize for not leaving the field as coach Tony Sparano ordered in the game against New England and also incurred two penalties in the game, plus his team lost an important contest to a division rival. All of that is fine, it’s the fine by the stupid NFL office that I have a problem with……
- You just can’t hold a good pirate down. American forces, British forces and other law enforcement entities continue to try and shut down the operations of pirates operating off the coast of Somalia, but those efforts continue to fail. Shut down one pirate attack, five more spring up to take its place, like a multi-headed hydra of high seas terror. The latest incident occurred when pirates hijacked a chemical tanker off the coast of Somalia. British guards attempted to stop the heist, but they were forced to give up and jump overboard to avoid further danger. The guards were rescued from the water after battling in vain to prevent The Liberian-flagged Biscaglia from being captured after the craft came under "sustained and heavy attack" early Friday morning. The guards are employed by Anti-Piracy Maritime Security Solutions (APMSS), which if you ask me is a business based on the principle of fighting a losing battle. Now as a lover of all things pirate-y, I could be biased here, but I doubt it. Fact is, these three APMSS-employed security guards -- all former British servicemen -- tried to mount a counterattack to defeat the pirates using "sustained non-lethal resistance, but they were shut down. In the end, they ended up being the ones airlifted to safety by a German naval helicopter and flown to a French frigate. And who remained on the ship, standing tall? The pirates, that’s who. Actually, not only were they left standing, they were pissed at the three fleeing guards and continued to shoot at the three in the water. According to one official on the scene, they then used the hijacked vessel in an attempt to “run them down” in the water. So if you’re keeping score, the pirates maintain control of the Biscaglia, a shio managed by Singapore-based Ishima and owned by Winged Foot Shipping in the Marshall Islands. It was seized despite the fact that a multinational naval force including vessels from the U.S., NATO member states, Russia and India has been patrolling the Indian Ocean waters seas near the Gulf of Aden, to help combat pirate attacks. In spite of that, so far this year, pirates have attacked almost 100 vessels off the coast of Somalia coast and successfully hijacked nearly 40. A 40 percent success rate? Not ideal, but I’ll take that. That kind of percentage has me in the top 3 in my Worldwide Piracy Fantasy League, several spots ahead of the joker who thought that making the pirates off the coast of South America his top draft pick was such a smart move….but I digress. The fact is that coming into this year, I really had doubts about the future of piracy in this world. Pirates looked like a dying breed, on their way out…but the Somali pirates are staging a comeback all by themselves. Way to go, Somali pirates, for showing that the dream isn’t dead….ahoy, mateys!
- Ah, the heartwarming yuletide stories are still flowing in the aftermath of Black Friday, which in the future will be called that for an entirely different reason. Already, we knew of a Wal-Mart employee in Valley Stream, N.Y. who was trampled by idiot shoppers and suffered a heart attack as those idiots rushed to get into the store and also trampled a pregnant woman in the process. Now comes news that two men are dead after apparently shooting each other inside a crowded Toys "R" Us store in Palm Desert, Calif. when each came to the defense of his woman in a dispute over some shopping-related sleight. Alejandro Moreno, 39, of Desert Hot Springs and Juan Meza, 28, of Cathedral City, shot and killed each other around 11:30 a.m. So far, the best description of the confrontation has come from a Desert Hot Springs woman, who gave her name only as Joan, and said she was about 6 feet away from the shooting when it occurred. "The blonde lady came over and started pummeling the other, Hispanic lady," Joan stated in an interview. "That's when the guy took out the weapon," she said. According to other witnesses, the man accompanying the blonde was the first to pull a gun, and then the man with the other woman pulled out a gun as well. The source of the dispute wasn’t immediately known and police are holding off on doing so until families of the deceased are notified.
Some Toys "R" Us shoppers who fled the store sought following the shooting and took refuge in a gym across the street. Honestly, I don’t think we need to stretch out imaginations too far to figure out what happened here. Whether the dispute was over possession of an item on the shelves or some perceived disrespect or sleight between the two involved parties, this is another example of the type of crazy, moronic imbeciles who are out the day after Thanksgiving, storming their store of choice and going in with a take-no-prisoners mentality when it comes to getting their item of choice at the best price. Yet another reason to avoid anything remotely resembling a store on Black Friday……
- One of LeBron James most admirable traits has always been that despite being handed such wealth and celebrity as such an early age, he has handled himself with a class and maturity beyond his years. Well, until he went with the “stupid” blast on NBA legend and Hall of Famer Charles Barkley, that is. That mature, thoughtful comment came after Barkley said what nearly all of us are thinking, at least those of us outside Manhattan: that we’re f’ing sick and tired of hearing talk of where James might sign a contract and choose to play in 2010, when he becomes a free agent. The topic is all many ass-hatted NBA fans and observers want to talk about, ignoring the current season, looking right past next season and worrying about a day that none of us is guaranteed to see. Barkley had finally had enough and as is his custom, wasn’t afraid to speak out and say so. "If I was LeBron James, I would shut the hell up," Barkley said in a Wednesday interview. "I'm a big LeBron fan. He's a stud. You gotta give him his props. I'm getting so annoyed he's talking about what he's going to do in two years. I think it's disrespectful to the game. I think it's disrespectful to the Cavaliers." Agreed and agreed, Chuck-ster. LeBron is arrogant, he is full of himself and he looks like a total dick, toying with everyone when the topic of playing in New York, his alleged 2010 destination, comes up. We all know he loves the Apple, loves the idea of being the global icon that playing in New York would allow him to become, but enough already. He is still two years from having that option, so enough of it. But of course, being the arrogant a-hole he can be (not that he’s a bad guy, just an arrogant one), LeBron had to take a shot back at a respected legend. "He's stupid. That's all I've got to say about that," James said Friday night before the Cavaliers' game against Golden State. Well, verrrrry insightful and thoughtful, ‘Bron. Couldn’t you have been more expansive, maybe called Sir Charles a doo-doo head, said he’s a jerk and a moron? Fact is, Barkley is right. You shouldn’t be tacitly egging on those who speculate about your 2010 plans and you shouldn’t in any way encourage the talk. It’s bullsh*t and that’s coming from someone who doesn’t give a damn where you play or how much you make. Shut your mouth, play ball and try to actually win a championship, since that’s allegedly what you’re all about……
- This is by far one of the most bizarre crimes of the year. People steal vehicles all the time - cars, SUVs, motorcycles, sometimes even mopeds and bikes. But not until today had I heard of someone attempting to steal a front-end loader. Furthermore, I had definitely not heard of anyone stealing a front-end loader and taking it on a slow-speed chase in an attempt to elude police. I mean, front-end loaders are notoriously slow crafts, not exactly ideal for a getaway, which is probably why no one attempts to steal them and anyone who did and also possessed an IQ of higher than 35 would do so with the help of a flat-bed truck. Yet there was Aaron Christopher Saunders of Cherokee County, S.C., not only thieving a 10-ton front-end loader at about 2:30 a.m., but running over a patrol car and ramming two others before running down and killin” a 67-year-old man. “The officers tried to stop the individual,” said Cherokee County Sheriff Bill Blanton. "He wouldn't stop. He ran over one of our patrol cars.” To be fair, this wasn’t so much a getaway attempt as it was an angry rampage whose primary focus seemed to be inflicting pain and destruction and if it resulted in getting away in the end, okay. There’s just no other explanation for a rampage in which Saunders rammed two sheriff's patrol cars, tried running down a deputy that was on foot and plowed along for more than two miles as police tried to get Saunders to stop by shooting the vehicle's tires. He showed no regard for life, human or otherwise, tearing down trees and signs along the way. Near the end of his run, Saunders rolled into the yard of 973 Pleasant School Road, where James Ellie Brogden was house-sitting for his son-in-law. Apparently Brogden’s car was asking for it too, because Saunders tried to destroy it and when Brogden went outside to see what was going on, Saunders ran him over, deputies said. “He intentionally ran over this elderly gentleman,” Blanton said. “It wasn't an accident. He made a beeline for him.” Brogden died in the incident, as did Saunders after deputies fired on multiple times. He was airlifted to Spartanburg Regional Hospital, where he died. “We don't know what his motive was or what his thinking was, but to do that kind of damage and take an innocent person's life is just senseless and stupid,” Blanton said. The motive may never be known and to be fair, finding out the why is very much secondary for those who have lost their loved ones in such horrific fashion. It’s the holidays, folks, so let’s stop stealing massive construction equipment and using it as a weapon against innocent people…..
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