- Piece of Garbage Club, prepare to welcome a new member. I submit to you an unidentified Sheboygan, Wisconsin woman who should lock up a lifetime membership based on one stupid, thoughtless, heartless act. This tool left her dog outside in 6 degree weather, causing it to freeze to the sidewalk. Thankfully, a neighbor called police after the dog, named Jiffy, was stuck to the pavement for more than 12 hours. Jiffy’s owner, a 59-year-old woman, was arrested on suspicion of animal neglect, suspicion being a relative term as I think we have all the proof we need to blow right by suspicion to confirmation. Animal care providers had to use warm water to gently separate Jiffy free from the ice. The furry dog left behind chunks of his hair on the sidewalk in front of his house, but the 11-year-old border collie came out alive, which is what matters most. But don’t think that Jiffy’s owner always ignores him – just when it comes to getting the pooch out of the freezing cold. Other than that, this owner seems to have no problem paying attention to Jiffy, especially in the area of food. See, Jiffy is 50 pounds overweight, meaning that at this point he can crawl but is too heavy to walk. Hilariously, the owner told police she made frequents trips outside to check on the dog, which appears to be contradicted by….oh yeah, the fact that IT FREAKING FROZE TO THE FREAKING SIDEWALK! Workers at the Sheboygan County Humane Society suggest the dog was abused long before he froze to the sidewalk. "You can overfeed a dog, and when you do the dog becomes extremely overweight, it cannot move properly, it puts a strain on all of their organs,” said Carey Payne, who works at the shelter. “It's abuse. That’s plain and simple." Ironically, Jiffy didn’t seem too happy with everyone who tried to help him out of his plight. Todd Wagner, the neighbor that called police, tried to help the owner to free the dog but Jiffy bit him and he decided to let it go at that. There must be a few dog-loving souls out there who don’t mind a fat, crabby dog, because the Humane Society says it has received multiple calls from people who are interested in adopting Jiffy. Just as long as they don’t believe their duties begin and end with feeding the dog, it should be a major upgrade…..
- U.S. District Judge Paul Magnuson, you are my new hero. Not everyone grasps the gravity of the dream of an 0-16 NFL season, a dream the Detroit Lions are currently pursuing, but Judge Magnuson clearly does. And what does a U.S. District Court judge in Minnesota have to do with the Lions’ season? Everything, at least at this point. Before Magnuson this week is a case in which the NFL Players Association is fighting to block the suspensions of five players for violating the league's anti-doping policy. The players tested positive because of an ingredient in a weight-loss pill they took, an ingredient they say they weren’t aware of and the NFL knew of, but didn’t notify them about. Among the suspended (and now reinstated) players are All-Pro defensive tackles Kevin Williams and Pat Williams of the Minnesota Vikings, who just happen to be the anchors of a Viking defense that faces who else, the Detroit Lions, this Sunday. Magnuson’s reason for blocking the suspensions for the time being is that he needs more time to consider the case after hearing several hours of arguments from the league and the NFL Players Association. Whatever works for you, Judge M., whatever works. I don’t care about that, just as I don’t care about the three other players this decision benefits - Charles Grant, Deuce McAllister and Will Smith of the New Orleans Saints –
for the simple reason that they don’t play the Lions this week. What I do care about is Judge Magnuson supporting a Hennepin County judge’s decision to issue a restraining order blocking the Williamses' suspensions. Bottom line here is that the pursuit of an 0-16 season is bigger than any one man or case, and if you still want to suspend Pat and Kevin Williams after they play the Lions, so be it. You may not like this decision right now, NFL, but trust me when I say that after the Lions run the table in reverse, you’ll understand and accept it, if not celebrate it……
- Here’s irony for you. A top U.S. Customs and Border Protection official was arrested Friday on suspicion of encouraging one of her cleaning ladies -- an illegal immigrant -- to stay in the country. Hmm, wonder if Lorraine Henderson knew that what she was doing violated the law…..you’d think so, what with it being her job to make sure people don’t enter the country illegally, but maybe give her the benefit of the doubt here. Yes, she does hold a job as the Boston, Massachusetts-area port director for the agency included helping keep illegal immigrants out of the United States, but maybe she is one of those people who rise to high-ranking positions based not on what she knows, but rather who she knows. Maybe she’s an utter and total moron who has no idea what illegal immigration means. The government seems to be operating under the assumption that she does know, as Henderson has been charged in federal court with harboring an illegal alien. Guess not everyone is as understanding and willing to give people the benefit of the doubt as I am. As for the specifics of the case an affidavit alleges that the immigrant was one of three Brazilian women -- all in the United States illegally -- whom Henderson paid to clean her condominium in Salem, Massachusetts.
I guess that could be a problem, but it's not like a policy against having illegals do your housework was widely kno-….damn, you mean to tell me that customs employees had been advised in a memo not to employ illegal immigrants as domestic help? And that in spite of that memo, Henderson recommended one of the illegals to a fellow employee? Oh, and also you mean to tell me that t co-worker warned Henderson that she was violating the law by employing her? Okay, I can see where that might be an issue, especially
when Henderson kept the woman on. A word of advice to you, by the way, Lorraine, since we’re at this point: if you are breaking the very laws you are supposed to enforce working in a government agency, you’re going to want to keep your mouth shut and not chat with co-workers about how they should hire the same illegals you employ to clean your house. Nice of you to try and drum up some new business for your illegal immigrant housekeeper, but next time keep your mouth shut. Because you couldn’t and because your
Customs and Border Protection co-worker learned that her warning had been ignored and reported you to a supervisor, you could be fired and/or sent to jail. Not only did this co-worker rat Henderson out, she agreed to wear a wire for investigators and record conversations in which Henderson told her she would see what she could do about the legal status of the housekeeper. If convicted, Henderson could get 10 years in prison, three years of supervised release and a $250,000 fine. And to think, this is a woman who has been responsible for overseeing all of the international ports of entry in Massachusetts, Connecticut and Rhode Island, including Boston's Logan International Airport. Makes you feel great about the security of these here United States……
- Who new that those annoying a-hole who always post happy, positive messages on their Facebook status and never actually seem to be in a bad mood might be onto something? Yes, it’s true, in social networks like Facebook or the pedophile-laden MySpace, happiness and other emotions spread among people up to three degrees removed from one another. That according to new research which shows that in a social network,
when you feel happy, a friend of a friend of a friend has a slightly higher likelihood of feeling happy too.
And who is making these ridiculous claims? That would be a group of researchers led by James Fowler a professor of political science at the University of California in San Diego. He is co-author of the study and says that the lesson to be learned here is that taking control of your own happiness can positively affect others. “We get this chain reaction in happiness that I think increases the stakes in terms of us trying to shape our own moods to make sure we have a positive impact on people we know and love,” Fowler declares.
Of course, happiness isn’t the only emotion you can spread through your network of online pals.
Sadness also spreads in a network, but not as quickly, the researchers unfortunately found. According to their results, each happy friend increases your own chance of being happy by 9 percent, whereas each unhappy friend decreases it by 7 percent. Dammit, so you mean that not only am I miserable and bitter, but I am going to have a harder time spreading my bitterness to friends than others will have of spreading happiness? Honestly, that just pisses me off. The effect of happiness transference becomes more powerful the more direct your connection to the offending party is. The study found that you are 15 percent more likely to be happy if a direct connection is happy, 10 percent if the friend of a friend is happy, and 6 percent if it's a friend of a friend of a friend. This discouraging study has been published in the British Medical Journal and used data from the Framingham Heart Study to recreate a network of 4,739 individuals. Fowler and co-author Dr. Nicholas Christakis of Harvard Medical School charted friends, spouses and siblings in the network, and used their self-reported happiness ratings from 1983 to 2003. Personally, this is where I remind myself that every time a study comes out saying that X is bad, within a year or two, another study will be done saying just the opposite. So I’ll wait patiently for the study saying that those annoying tools who are always posting happy messages 24/7 are going to one day become miserable and I’m going to be the one to get them there……
- One of TV’s toughest stars has finally taken a serious hit and ironically enough, done so while on an expedition to raise money for an international charity. Adventurer and TV show host Bear Grylls of Discovery Channel’s Man vs. Wild, a show that features Grylls surviving off the land in all sorts of extreme,
harsh environments (glaciers, mountains, deserts, jungles, etc.) injured his shoulder in Antarctica this weekend, the Discovery Channel has announced. He was reportedly was injured Friday night after falling during the expedition, which is not part of his show and was a personal project. According to a statement released by the network, Grylls is returning to the UK to receive medical attention. “Once he sees a doctor, we will have a better sense of the level of seriousness of his shoulder injury and the recovery time needed to get him back to his full physical activity,” according to the statement. No joke here, I am rooting for a full and speedy recovery in this case; watching Grylls eat snakes and insects, making makeshift sewing needles and thread out of wild plants and build shelters out nearly every possible type of material in under an hour is a good watch any day. Also, how can you not be down with an expedition like the one he was on in Antarctica -- sponsored by Ethanol Venture – “to promote alternative energies and their potential.” Working to find alternative energy sources is a great cause, one Grylls has hoped to further by taking part in activities such as wind-powered kite-skiing, part bio-ethanol powered jetskis and inflatable boats, electric-powered paragliders, solar- and wind-powered base camps. Get well and get back to traveling to remote, interesting places and showing how to survive there, even if most of us aren’t nearly tough enough to do so, Bear….
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