Video games freaks strike again, China's new pollution plan and a dork-bate rages in London

- Did U.S. District Court judge John D. Bates not get the memo? Everyone else seems to know that all members of the W. administration can trample all over and totally disregard the Constitution at will. Bates appears unconvinced of that fact, as evidence by the 93-page opinion he issued Thursday declaring that Congress can indeed force senior White House aides to testify under subpoena. The focus of this particular case is former White House counsel Harriet Myers, whom the W. administration has argued is exempt from any congressional subpoena as the legislature looks to investigate W.’s illegal firings of nine U.S. attorneys in 2006. Judge Bates wrote in his opinion that this argument “is without any support in case law.” He added that there may still be ways for W. and his cronies to try and weasel out of having to fess up and explain their illegal, unethical actions, but this line of reasoning is not among them. The court rejected the concept that senior White House aides are exempt from subpoenas, so let’s all ready ourselves for the next round of excuses and “misremembering” as the administration looks to skate on some of its more deceitful, despicable maneuvering in a time in office overflowing with such efforts….

- Good thing Wisconsin residents have the Brett Favre hostage crisis to divert their sporting attention. If they couldn’t obsess about No. 4’s battle with the Green Bay Packers to return to the NFL, Wisconsin sports fans would have no choice but to focus on the fact that their team just got b*tch-slapped in a huge four-game series against the rival Chicago Cubs. Going into Sunday’s games, the two teams were tied for the lead in the National League Central Division. The Cubs beat Florida and Milwaukee lost their game, giving the Cubs a one-game leading as they came north to Milwaukee. With the Brewers leading off the series with their two ace pitchers, CC Sabathia and Ben Sheets, everyone figured it would be a hard-fought battle, maybe a split with both teams winning two games. Either that or the Cubs win all four and outscore the Brewers by a 31-11 margin, one or the other. Either the Cubs scratch and claw to leave with the same one-game division lead they entered with or they win by an average of five runs per game in the series and exit Cheese Land with a five-game lead over the Brewers, who have now slipped to third place behind St. Louis. The only game in the series that was close was the first one and that game featured Sabathia, Milwaukee’s top starter, against Ted Lilly, Chicago’s fifth starter. Thanks for showing that you’re still not ready for prime time, Brewers, see if you can pick yourselves up off the mat in time to make the playoffs….

- In case you missed it, a massive dork-bate has been raging in a London court the past few weeks. LucasFilm Inc., George Lucas’ company and the corporate giant in control of the “Star Wars” franchise, filed suit against British prop designer Andrew Ainsworth for selling replica Stormtrooper uniforms on his website. The uniforms are of course one of the most recognizable parts of the “Star Wars” movies, their bright, white fabric and trademark bucket-shaped helmets recognizable to “Star Wars” dorks worldwide and Ainsworth is the one who created the original helmets. LucasFilm sued Ainsworth because it believes that it has exclusive rights to sell and market the Stormtroopers unis. High Court judge Anthony Mann issued a split decision in the case, finding that Ainsworth did violate LucasFilm’s copyright by selling the uniforms on his site but refusing to enforce in Britain a $20 million judgment against Ainsworth in a California court in 2006. The estimated sales from the Stormtrooper uniforms on Ainsworth’s site are between $50,000 and $60,000, so it’s a relatively minor sum. There are still unresolved points in the case in terms of who has what rights in the case, so another hearing will be held later this month to determine the next steps for both sides. Can’t you all just get along, agree that you’re dorks and much richer than you should be and go on with your lives?

- Everyone, great news! The Chinese government has a fantastic new plan to magically solve all of their air and environmental problems in the one week left before the start of the Summer Olympics. Even though an eerily similar plan implemented just over a week ago failed miserably and actually ended up with more pollution in the air instead of less, the Chinese are confident that they have it right this time. Uh huh, sure. The “new” emergency pollution plan will result in 105 factory closings inside the Beijing city limits, 106 factory closings outside the city, a complete halt on all construction projects in the region and further reduction of the number of vehicles allowed on the roads at a given time. All of this will be based on whether forecasters see stagnant weather conditions 48 hours in advance. Confidence in the plan might be higher if not for that fact that just last week, the Chinese Environmental Ministry put similar measures in place, allowing drivers to be on the road on only even or odd-numbered days of the week based on their license plate number. That plan didn’t work and air quality was worse after it went into place, so let’s go ahead and assume that the air is going to remain toxic and dangerous for the duration of the Olympics. From here on out, let’s make it a policy that any city in which you need to wear a gas mask just to go out for dinner is not eligible to host the Games. Only a week until this debacle begins everyone, it should be a great show….

- With the craze of the Nintendo Wii, Xbox 260 and PS3 going mainstream the past couple of years, it’s become a matter of debate as to whether video game enthusiasts are still ginormous dorks. The answer to that question is in and it’s affirmative, video gamers are still huge, huge dorks. This situation all began innocently enough, with the makers of one of this year’s most-anticipated new games, “Spore,” releasing the “Creature Creator” program, which allowed players to develop their own character and control its evolution from a single-celled organism to a member of a complex cultural civilization. The program was supposed to build excitement for the game’s release, but what it ended up doing was showing what a bunch of twist, sick freaks that ivdeo game enthusiasts are. Within 24 hours of the release of “Creature Creator,” millions of new characters had been created and thrown into an online database and shown on a YouTube channel. There was a three-legged seahorse, a seven-eyed wildebeest, a half-motorcycle-half-pig creature….and those were the good ones. Alongside those creatures were the dancing, two-legged testicles, a “giant breast monster” and the ever-popular “phallic fornication machine.” The game’s creators, Electronic Arts and “Sims” mastermind Will Wright, were horrified. The disgusting, never-kissed-a-girl-and-live-in-my-parents’-basement creations ever have a term to describe them: “Sporn.” So hats off to you, losers worldwide whose only means of actually having anything to do with sex is making up a “giant breast monster” on a video game. I’m sure you’ll get loads of girls with that kind of creativity. Honestly, you’d expect this from a bunch of 11-year-old kids, but you just know the idiots designing these things are adults. Thankfully most of these a-holes are probably still suffering a Comi-Con hangover and won't be reading this, so I can avoid scores of angry emails….not that I care what these losers think anyhow…..