Sunday, August 17, 2008

A hoax of a museum expands, jock itch threatens a college football dynasty and a unique book club

- Been without that Netflix-ed No Country for Old Men DVD you ordered, movie fans? Well, you can either get into the habit of borrowing them and burning illegal copies find another source for your movie fix or prepare to wait a little longer. Seems that the folks at Netflix, the world’s favorite movie subscription service, are having technical difficulties which have all but killed their ability to send out DVDs for the past several days. According to an official statement from the company, a technical error has impacted not only its Los Gatos, California headquarters, but all 55 of its distribution centers. The result has been Netflix’s biggest disruption of distribution in the company’s nine years in existence. At present, approximately one-third of the company’s 8.4 million customers are waiting on DVDs that have been delayed in leaving the shipping center. The glitch has had no effect on the Netflix website, where users can stream videos directly to their computers. Previously, the biggest snafu with Netflix service had come during an 18-hour website crash in July 2007. But hey, I’m sure everyone will get a refund or some sort of great compensation for their inconvenience, because major corporations always make sure to give proper recompense to their customers when a problem like this occ-…..dammit. I almost made it through that last sentence with a straight face, but I just couldn’t do it. Sorry Netflix users, but something tells me you’re going to end up getting dicked over…..

- How many times can Major League Baseball dangle the instant replay carrot out in front of us and yank it away? Throughout the season, MLB has appeared to waffle on this issue of using instant replay during games, waffle on a start date for the practice once they’d decided to use it and waffle on everything involved in the whole saga. Now, commissioner Bud Selig says his “confidence is growing” in regards to the use of replay during games, but that when it is implemented, it will be “very limited.” In other words, replay will be used only to resolve disputed home run calls, which is a great idea. There have been far too many blown home run calls by umpires of late, whether it was the ball hitting a spot above and beyond the outfield wall, bouncing back and not being called a home run or being called incorrectly foul when a ball was fair. The replay system itself is moronically designed, with all games being watched on live feed from a centralized point at the MLB offices in New York City. Each play will be reviewed but the first and last word on all uses of replay will be with the umpires. It’s not an ideal setup because 1) the replay system should be self-contained at each stadium to minimize possible technical glitches, and 2) the egos of umpires could factor in, now wanting to be second-guessed. However, any means that can be used to get calls right without a major delay in games is good. Expanding replay to close calls at bases or balls and strikes, check swings, etc. would do just that, delay the game too much. Limit it to home runs and it will be a marked improvement in games immediately….

- We’ve finally found them. By “them,” I mean the mythical guys who actually do read Playboy for the articles. Meet the BWOG club at Columbia University, a group of Ivy Leaguers who have started their very own Playboy Book Club. The book club was started to discuss Denis Johnson’s serial novel Nobody Move, currently running in Playboy in serialized form. Nobody Move will be run in four installments starting last month and ending in October. The novel’s author actually holds a master’s degree from University of Iowa, has won a National Book Award and was even a Pulitzer Prize finalist. Yet here he is, delving into the literary endeavor of a novel published serially in Playboy? On its site, the group extends the following invitation:
The Bwog Book Club invites you to join our discussion of the first segment of Denis Johnson's serial noir, Nobody Move. If you missed July's issue of Playboy, feel free to read the plot summary provided here and join us next time for a discussion of second segment published in this month's magazine. The site also provides questions that the group is using to dissect the book, which include:

1. For starters, Nobody Move is, of course, published as a serial in a magazine. How much of Johnson's writing and narrative structure do you think is determined by this?

2. The plot and style fits a certain predictable noir prototype, but much of the story does not. How does Johnson deviate from the noir genre? What surprises you?

Personally, I like this. I like it a lot, and that’s from someone who doesn’t read, subscribe to or in any way patronize anything related to Playboy. If there is some way to infuse a bit of culture and intellectual growth into the degenerates who will pay several dollars a month just to have pictures of naked women to look at, sandwiched in between articles about sex and other assorted guy-centric topics, great. Who’s not better off if we can see some growth and cultural sophistication out of the lowly porn addicts of the world? One small step at a time, I say…..

- Some of the top teams in college football have been dealing with mini-epidemics threatening their rosters as the start of the season nears. The Florida Gators have had a whopping five players blow out their ACLs, devastating their roster as they look to contend for a national championship. Their SEC counterparts, the Georgia Bulldogs, have been plagued by an epidemic of players getting arrested because they insist on acting like morons. But the most curious of all might be at USC, where the Trojans are under assault by that old locker room nemesis that we all hate - jock itch. Yes, a jock itch epidemic has been sweeping through the USC team during training camp. Coaches are being politically correct and referring to it as “a skin irritation.” Coach Pete Carroll said he has never seen anything like the outbreak that caused several key players to miss practice Wednesday. The malady has affected about 25 percent of the team has been, kicker David Buehler estimates. A chief culprit seems to be The condition seems to new compression shorts, that the Trojans wear under their football pants. Among the inflicted are tailback Joe McKnight and receiver Travon Patterson who both were suffering enough to spend Wednesday's practice on the sideline. Patterson summed it up well, saying, “It burns.” Yeah, and that’s all the information I need, Travon. No further description needed, my man. At least two Trojans are able to find some humor in the situation, predictably two who were not hit by the jock-itch bug. “We've had to adjust to some new equipment that we're wearing that didn't work out right," Peter Carroll said. "It's funny how that happened." Talking about his afflicted teammates, running back Stafon Johnson seemed rather amused by their plight. “Sometimes they can't walk,” Johnson chuckled. “I don't know what it is, but I'm staying away from it.” Smart move, Stafon, I’d ditch the compression shorts and stock up on Gold Bond medicated powder, just to be safe….

- Not satisfied with just one museum where you can see Jimi Hendrix’s old lunch box or Paul McCartney’s amp from when he was a kid? Today is a good day for you, my friend, because the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame announced that it will be building a downtown Manhattan annex to supplement the original museum, located on the shores of Lake Erie in Cleveland, Ohio. Mayor and noted anti-smoking activist Michael Bloomberg announced this week that the annex will be going up as one of the first outposts designed to take the museum’s extensive memorabilia collection to a wider, more international audience. Joining the mayor at the announcement ceremony were Billy Joel and legendary record producer Clive Davis. The 25,000 annex will host items such as Bruce Springsteen’s 1957 Chevy. There will also be an exhibit titled New York Rocks, which will highlight NYC’s connections to rock, which are numerous and longstanding, including legendary Talking Heads front man David Byrne. It would have been a nice complement to legendary Manhattan rock club CBGB’s….if CBGB’s hadn’t been sadly forced to close at the end of 2006 in a rent dispute with the Bowery Residents Commission. The club played host to the launch of the careers of amazing artists such as the Ramones, Talking Heads, Television, Blondie, Sonic Youth and more, but it’s gone and now an annex of a museum lame enough to honor and induct hack pop stars like Madonna and Cher is all that’s left. Another annex is planned for America’s tackiest city, Las Vegas, so that should be a fitting location as well…..

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