Friday, August 29, 2008

Survivor fans get bad news, candidates for worst parents ever and a new airline ripoff

- Survivor junkies, you’re going to have to wait a little longer for your fix. The debut of this season, Survivor: Gabon — Earth's Last Eden is being delayed one week from its originally scheduled original premiere date of September 18, back to September 25. However, in a move that should diffuse some of that hostility from the legions of Survivor fans out there, CBS is following through on its promise to provide a two-hour season premiere, the first of its kind in Survivor history. So while you have to wait an extra week to meet the latest round of Starbucks baristas, attorneys, teachers, scout leaders, former pro athletes and despicable liars all willing to do anything and everything necessary to win the game, you do get a double dose of your favorite show right off the bat, always a positive. If you still find yourself jones-ing for Survivor during that week, you can always satiate your appetite by digging up some worms and bugs from your back yard and eating them along with your family, followed by getting yourself lost in the woods and having to build your own shelter to survive for the night, good times…….

- For all you dudes out there who love the idea of naughty nuns and seeing the hot sister at your local parish in something other than a billowy, oversized robe, may I introduce Rev. Anthony Rungi. The reverend will be starting a unique beauty pageant next month on a blog he runs. The contest will be a beauty pageant for nuns, the Italian priest and theologian announced this week. The online pageant is intended to give nuns more visibility within the church and to fight the stereotype that they are all old, bitter, ugly wenches who enjoy cracking school children across the knuckles with rulers. Search for “Miss Sister 2008” if you’re looking to track down the website and see for yourself what it’s all about. Personally, I think it’s pretty amusing and not at all what you’d expect from a man of the cloth. I also have a feeling it will piss off a lot of über-conservative people within the Catholic Church, and pissing off stodgy, overly conservative people is one of the great joys in life…..

- One thing you can say for airlines: they never stop thinking of ways to extract more money from passengers. Whether it’s making FAT people buy an extra seat to accommodate their disgusting, flabby physiques or jamming everyone for an extra $15 just for checking a single bag, airlines never stop thinking of ways to separate you from your cash. So hats off to Atlanta-based Delta Air Lines Inc., which announced Tuesday that it will offer broadband wireless Internet access on its entire domestic mainline fleet by the middle of next year. As you might expect, the Wi-Fi service will be offered for a fee to customers traveling throughout the continental United States. Partnering with Delta to rip you off for overpriced Wi-Fi will be
Aircell, an airborne communications provider. Together, they will install the network on Delta’s domestic fleet of more than 330 aircraft. The system will allow Delta customers traveling with Wi-Fi enabled devices - i.e. laptops, smartphones and PDA’s, iPods - to access the Internet while in flight. Interestingly enough, Delta also said it will not filter out porn from the system, meaning you could have to disctinct pleasure of some pervy loser scanning the ‘Net for pictures of hot Asian teens and busty nurses for a couple hours….good times. How much am I going to get ripped off if I use this system, you ask? Well, an amazingly exorbitant flat fee of $9.95 will be charged on flights of three hours or less, and $12.95 on flights of more than three hours. Yes, you will pay $10 for Internet access for a two-hour flight, which would extrapolate out to $2,388 a month if you paid that rate at home for Internet. Mix in a few $5 beers and $7.50 sandwiches and you could blow most of your travel budget before you even step off the plane, awesome!

- Moviegoers were clearly looking for laughs this past weekend. The box office tallies, although extremely modest in nature, show the Ben Stiller-led Tropic Thunder in first with a paltry $16.1 million, followed by the new Anna Ferris comedy The House Bunny at $15.1 million. Following up the theme of subpar flicks leading the way for the weekend, the blood-and-gore action flop Death Race was third at $12.3 million. Hanging tough in fourth place was The Dark Knight at $10.3 million, raising the film’s total gross earnings to $490 million and counting. Rounding out the top five was Star Wars: The Clone Wars with just $5.7 million, finishing off the leaderboard for a weekend where Americans clearly felt they had better things do do than go to their local theater. Looking at the movies at the top of this list (at least four of the five, anyhow), I can't say I disagree with them……

- Worst parents ever or just looking to get by? I’ll opt for the former with Sean Michael Block and girlfriend Jennifer Richards. For starters, Block is the married boyfriend of Richards, which is one strike against them. When you throw in the fact that the pair was attempting to trade sex with Richards’ 5-year-old daughter for an apartment and a car, it’s a slam dunk that these two are as bad a set of parents as you’ll find anywhere, any time. The charges against them include using interstate facilities to transmit information about a minor and distribution of child pornography. I know this goes without saying, but how does anyone - anyone - have the kahones and total lack of a soul to pimp out a 5-year-old. She should be going to kindergarten, not having her mom try to auction her off to some sick freak for sex in order to secure an apartment and a used car. I have a feeling Block and Richards won't have to worry about finding a car or an apartment now, what with their promising future in prison where they’ll each have a place to stay and won’t need a vehicle……

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