Bigfoot enthusiasts are tools, Harry Potter dorks get bad news and Harrold, Texas is packing heat

- So what did you during your summer hiatus? That question is probably one of the first ones actors ask one another when their TV shows start up production on a new season and typically the answers include a lot of talk about vacations, movie projects, etc. For Craig Phillip Robinson of NBC’s hit comedy “The Office,” the answer will be a smidge different. That’s bound to happen when you’re arrested and hit with felony drug charges over summer break. Robinson, who plays the beloved Darryl Philbin on the show, was arrested by Culver City, Ca. police on June 29 on suspicion of drug possession. Police found both ecstasy (also known as MDMA) and methamphetamines on his person, but after making bail Robinson left jail the same night. He was hit this week with two felony counts of drug possession and one count of being under the influence of illegal drugs. Personally, I think the cops were being a bunch of party poopers, to be honest. So dude had some meth and X with him, so what? He was looking to have a good time, rolling with some speed and X, kickin’ it on the weekend. You’re telling me you don’t like to have a good time? Besides, he has a good explanation for the drugs: the time-tested actor’s explanation for such situations, research for a movie role. See, Robinson was in “Pineapple Express,” one of this summer’s best comedies, and I’m sure he did plenty of hands-on research for the role. He got into the habit of hitting it with some booze, weed, X, whatever, and you just caught him when he was cycling off of that stuff. So I urge the judge at Robinson’s Aug. 21 court appearance to take a step back, look at the situation rationally and realize that this is much ado about nothing….

- With the New York Yankees moving into a new stadium next season, you had to figure the fans would get dicked over and sure enough, that’s exactly what’s happening. Sure, there will be a shiny, sparkling new ballpark to enjoy, but at what price? As it happens, the price is 240 percent. That’s the increase that one Yankees season ticket holder will see his seats increase next year as the team opens its new stadium. This unidentified individual paid $250 per ticket, per game this season for his ducats and for a similar seat next season, he’ll pay a whopping $850 per seat. The picture becomes even bleaker when you consider that back in 2001, the same seat cost only $45 per game. Nothing like a 1,788 percent increase over the course of eight years for the same damn product, eh? Look, I get that you need to pay for the cost of the new stadium and that the hundreds and hundreds of millions you make from the YES network, your very own cable network, can’t cover it all, but these increases are ridonkulous. There is no way a new stadium justifies a 240 percent increase from one year to the next. Why don’t you try putting a playoff team on the field before you jerk with fans like that? Whoops, is that a sore subject this season, Yankee honks? My bad….

- Welcome to Harrold, Texas, where they pack heat even in the classroom. In this tiny, sleepy town in the north central part of the state, the local school district has voted to allow teachers and staff members to carry concealed firearms because they believe it will deter and protect against school shootings. Score another one for gun-rights honks, who would probably marry their guns if they could. Right, because what’s better than injecting multiple firearms into a school setting? Nothing could go wrong there, eh? Don’t cut in the lunch line kids, the lunch lady might bust out her 9mm on you. Thinking of talking back in class? Think again. Seriously, though, this is a bad idea on so many levels. You’re going to guarantee that these guns will never go off accidentally or that no disgruntled student will ever be able to wrestle it away from a teacher? And if a student does enter the school with a gun, you think a shootout with teachers, principals and office workers is a good thing? Best of success with it, Harrold, Texas residents, but don’t be surprised if you end up regretting this decision…..

- Bad news for you, dorks/wizards. The release of the final Harry Potter movie has been delayed from this fall to next summer, Warner Bros. announced over the weekend. Initially, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince had been scheduled for a Nov. 21 release, but the studio has elected to push that date back to July 17, 2009. That was news to Entertainment Weekly, which led off its August 22-29 fall-preview issue with a six-page spread featuring Potter star Daniel Radcliffe. Ironically, the studio and the magazine are owned by the same parent company but as is often the case in big business, that doesn’t mean communication is good. This is a good news/bad news situation for Potter fans, because while they will have to wait eight months longer for the film, it is the last one so it at least prolongs the illusion that their favorite character and franchise still matter and are relevant to anyone who isn't pale, pasty, basement-dwelling, Dungeons-and-Dragons-playing and friend-less. Eight more months in the sun for you, dork/wizards, although given the fact that most of you haven’t actually had direct sunlight on your pasty white skin in a long time, that might not be a good thing….

- So you might be asking, are there even bigger losers out there than the tools who dress up in Harry Potter costumes and camp out for the new HP books and movies when they’re released. It’s a good question and while it’s tough to answer, I have some solid evidence that the answer may in fact be “yes.” Bigfoot enthusiasts would be the knobs I am looking directly at as the answer to the question, mostly because they’re such easy and obvious targets. Matthew Whitton and Rick Dye of northern Georgia, please stand up. These two ass hats claimed to have found a Bigfoot corpse in the woods, but when they submitted DNA samples for testing, the results weren’t in their favor. One sample was human and the other was 96 percent opossum, meaning that it’s more likely this was a promotional stunt by the two men to help trump up interest in the Bigfoot merchandise they sell. A photo they allegedly snapped of the Bigfoot corpse looks to be nothing more than “a hairy heap, bearing a close resemblance to a shaggy, full-body gorilla costume, stuffed into a container resembling a refrigerator,” according to one report. Nice try, fellas. I’m sure exactly no one outside of your legion of Bigfoot dorks ever believed you to begin with, but it’s always good to see knobs like you exposed for what they truly are.