- That cheering sound you hear is baseball fans worldwide celebrating that with the dust from the Johan Santana trade sweepstakes having settled, the best lefty in the game will be going to neither the Yankees nor the Red Sox. Instead, the New York Mets have agreed to a trade with the Minnesota Twins to acquire for four prospects. The Mets had a 72-hour window to work out a new contract with Santana and worked out a doozy, a 7-year, $150 million whopper that’s the biggest contract ever for a pitcher. Now, the Mets will send outfielder Carlos Gomez and pitchers Phil Humber, Deolis Guerra and Kevin Mulvey to the Twins. The Red Sox also made offers, while the Yankees appeared to be out of the Santana talks altogether before the Twins accepted the Mets' offer. Minnesota was really in a bind here, with Santana’s agent promising he would leave via free agency after this season and would not resign with the Twins. Trading away a future hall of famer under the age of 30 is unenviable, but when you either trade him prior to a season in which you have zero chance to win the World Series or see him walk away after the season and get nothing back, you choose the first option. Personally I would have been fine with Santana staying in Minnesota and I would have been fine with any of the 27 other teams in baseball trading for him, just as long as the two most despisable franchises in MLB, the Yanks and Red Sox, didn’t get him.
- I think we all know that video games can be addictive and that you can get way too wrapped up in them without much effort. That being said, let’s all agree that killing an infant because she inadvertently pulls down your Xbox console while you’re getting your game on is not an appropriate recourse. Tyrone Spellman, a clear favorite for worst father of the decade with two years still to go, has some rage issues that he will now get to work out in prison after being convicted this week for beating his 17-month-old daughter Alayiah to death back in September 2006 because the young girl got in the way of his eight, yes, eight hours of playing video games a day. When little Alayiah yanked on the game console and messed up her dad’s game, he began bludgeoning her, fracturing her skull multiple times and killing her. He’s been convicted of third-degree murder and child endangerment and faces between 23 and 47 years in prison. Actually, 47 years is probably too lenient for this piece of crap. Dude, it’s a freaking video game. A) You should not be playing for eight hours a day if you’re over the age of 14, and B) How are you so out of touch with reality that you think beating an infant to death is an acceptable response to them messing up your game of Madden ’06? C’mon, bro. Use the half century in the hole to think about where life went wrong for you, it sounds like you need all the time you can get.
- This is one of those tough spots for me. On the one hand, I loves me some riot action. Any kind of civil of social disobedience, especially protests and riots involving marches, banners, looting, burning of vehicles and buildings and clashes with police, I’m down. On the other hand, I enjoy living here in the United States; it’s a good place to be. So when I hear that hundreds of Pakistani students were protesting the U.S.-led war on terror and chanting “Death to America” this week, I’m torn. I admire the spirit of dissidence, but I’m going to have to go against the protestors on this one. Good attitude, right thought, but directed in the wrong direction. Find someone or something else to protest, angry Pakistani students, because while you could vehemently protest the war in Iraq, the war on terrorism isn’t something you should be disagreeing with. Terrorists kill innocent people and use violence as a means of achieving their selfish agenda. Say we should get out of Iraq, ok. Say we need to stop hunting and taking down terrorists, sorry to say it, but you’re wrong and your protest cries ring hollow. I actually am pissed at each of you for putting me in this position, because protests are normally awesome and you’ve taken something awesome and turned it into something I have to rip….
- I’ve found my new favorite invention of all time: pot vending machines. Yes, years of innovation, advances in technology and experimentation have led us to this pivotal moment in world history. We now have automated machines to dispense marijuana. The man we have to thank for this is Los Angeles medical-cannabis dispensary owner Vincent Mehdizadeh, who has brought the world his new Marijuana vending machine, one of which is installed at the Herbal Nutrition Center in Los Angeles. Now this isn’t a one-stop hop for stoners to roll up and get their daily stash of the hippie lettuce. The machines, at least in theory, are for patients suffering from chronic pain, loss of appetite and other ailments that marijuana is said to alleviate. These people can get their pot with a dose of convenience at the Herbal Nutrition Center, where a large machine will dole out the drug around the clock. “Convenient access, lower prices, safety, anonymity,” inventor and owner Vincent Mehdizadeh said. Not surprisingly, the prudes at the Drug Enforcement Agency are looking to ruin a good thing. “Somebody owns (it), it's on a property and somebody fills it,” said DEA Special Agent Jose Martinez. “Once we find out where it's at, we'll look into it and see if they're violating laws.” Tone it down, DEA. I’m sure no one will breaking any laws here. I’m also sure that at each of the Pot ATM dispensaries in the city, including two belonging to Mehdizadeh, only people with who carry cards authorizing marijuana use will make use of the installed vending machines to distribute the hippie lettuce.
Let’s not have Mehdizadeh’s seven months spent developing and patenting the Pot ATM go to waste.
The computerized machine requires fingerprint identification and a prepaid card with a magnetic stripe, and being the honorable group they are, stoners would in no way dream of trying to circumvent the rules to score some weed. Each purchase from the machine yields 1/8th or 2/8th of an ounce. Best of all, by eliminating a vendor behind the counter, the machine offers users lower drug prices. The 1/8th ounce packet would cost about $40 — $20 lower than the average price at other dispensaries. See, discount weed and without the cumbersome nature of having to have your coupons handy. Instead of looking for ways to persecute and the wonderful people who have brought us this great advance in technology, let’s salute them for the heroes that they truly are.
- Being a good teammate and having a sense of togetherness and harmony is vital for a successful team in any sport. When that fails, though, the logical next step has to be second-degree assault, right? That’s the lesson I’ve learned from Washington State University football player Xavier Hicks, a free safety from Fullerton, Calif., who was arrested for second-degree assault for allegedly putting rubbing alcohol in teammate and roommate Grady Maxwell's contact-lens case. Of course, this tiff started where all truly meaningful disagreements begin: a problem with their $80 cable bill. Maxwell paid half of the bill, about $40, before leaving for Christmas and Hicks apparently was supposed to pay rest of the bill. When Maxwell returned to campus after the holiday break, the cable service had been turned off because the bill wasn't paid. A dispute arose and Hicks went full-on knucklehead, electing to switch out his roomie’s contact lens fluid with rubbing alcohol. Good move, chief. When dealing with a problem over an unpaid cable bill, it’s best to do something that could cause serious damage to your buddy’s eyes. Among the possible results of the stunt were at corneal abrasion and irritation and a great deal of discomfort for two or three days. At the very worst, there could have been burning and scarring and a chance for decreased vision, but not blindness. Thankfully Maxwell noticed that his contact lenses had gotten larger than usual, pulled them out and sniffed them. When he smelled rubbing alcohol, he smartly chose not to put them in his eyes. Now the case has been sent to the prosecutor's office, but it's uncertain if charges will be filed. If nothing else, this should do loads to boost team chemistry for WSU, because the team that attempts to feloniously assault one another wins together, or something like that….
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