- I need to apologize to the Fox network. I’ve made a habit of ripping the network for having some of the worst reality shows and shows in general in television history these past few years and of making an absolute debacle of music and reality TV ever since the invention of American Karaoke. In light of a recent ruling handed down by the Federal Communications Commission. The FCC has decreed that 13 Fox affiliates around the country must pay $7,000 each for airing a 2003 episode of the reality series Married by America that contained graphic scenes from bachelor and bachelorette parties. You probably don’t remember this show because it bombed out so badly and was canceled so quickly that most people didn’t even know it was around. In light of this decision, I have to recant my previous comments about Fox, because saying they’ve been ruining TV and music ever since springing he plague that is American Karaoke on us, because clearly I was wrong. They were ruining TV long before that point and providing stunningly crap-tacular reality shows before AK ever existed. So I apologize to Fox for underrating its ability to drag TV into the toilet. Never again will I make that mistake. Fox is the king of crappy TV and has been for a long, long time now, longer than anyone (including myself) realizes.....
- This is why you need to see and hear things for yourself rather than rely solely on the opinions of critics and reviewers. See, sometimes reviewers are simply biased, sometimes they don’t have a clue what they’re talking about....and sometimes they lie and/or totally fabricate their reviews. Sounds like trashy tabloid journalism, right? But no, it’s Maxim, a publication that’s basically Playboy plus a few square centimeters of clothing. Maybe that’s what the mag should stick to unless and until it can find music critics who actually bother to listen to the albums they are allegedly reviewing. The critic who reviewed the new Black Crowes album Warpaint for the magazine wasn’t too impressed with the disc, giving it two and a half stars. Problem is, there were no advance copies of the album available and the mag’s review came out before the album was released. In his review, this tool called the album an underwhelming project that “hasn’t left Chris Robinson and that gang much room for growth.” I’d be fine with that opinion, even though it’s wrong, just as long as the reviewer had heard the album he was critiquing. Maxim isn’t helping its cause by refusing to confirm “whether the writer actually listened to the album.” Additionally, the publication sent the Black Crowes and email that the group posted on its website saying in part that “there are big albums that we don’t want to ignore that aren’t available to hear, which is what happened to the Crowes. It’s either an educated guess preview or no coverage at all.” That’s so incredibly asinine I don’t know where to begin. Only one single from the album, Daughters of the Revolution, had been released in time for the review. Basically you’re saying that you’re psychic and are guessing what an album will sound like? Are oyu freaking kidding me? Jason Blair and his fabricated stories for the New York Times think you’re a joke. Unless you have spies inside the studio or hear an advanced copy of an album, there is NO way to know what it will sound like. How do you know if the band went with a new sound for this album or not? If you don’t have the album in hand in time to listen to it, you freaking cannot just guess. Sorry Maxim, but hot, barely-clothed chicks in your magazine or not, you’re officially a garbage publication.
- Brace yourself, because I’m about to give you shocking news. A bidder on eBay who put in a bid in excess of $3 million for an item wasn’t legit. I’ll give you a moment to recover from the shock.....ok, that’s enough time. The bid of $3,001,250 came in on a collection of vinyl records being sold by Paul Mawhinney, but shortly after the auction closed, an eBay executive notified Mawhinney that the bid was not legitimate and that the bidder’s account has been suspended. What? Just because dude (or dudette) put in a fake $3 million bid, you suspend the account? And what do you mean, that someone one eBay doesn’t have the $3 million they claim to have? Isn’t eBay where all fo the rich people do their shopping for used sporting equipment, records and knick-knacks? Sotheby’s is second class compared to eBay, from what I hear. That’s what you get for trying to cheap out and get around paying for a proper auction, Mawhinney. Let this be a lesson to everyone out there: if you have something that exceeds, let’s say $100,000 in value, don’t try to sell it on eBay. Take it to an auction house and do it up right, lest you get a fake $3 million bid from some wanker that’s just wasting your time....
- Am I the only one enjoying watching the slow, protracted demise of Roid-ger Clemens? Clemens, a.k.a. The Pocket Rocket, is watching one witness after another come forward to contradict the testimony he gave at a recent congressional subcommittee hearing. Just last week, a young man who attended the now-famous 1998 pool party at Jose Canseco’s house where Clemens and Canseco allegedly first discussed using steroids came forward with pictures of Clemens at the event, the very event Clemens explicitly denied attending. Now, an anonymous former Major Leaguer has told the New York Daily News that when he played with Clemens, Pocket Rocket regularly joked about a conversation from the party where Canseco’s wife and Clemens’ own HGH-using wife Debbie compared the results of their boob jobs. If true, this is another claim pointing to 1) Clemens and his wife being low-class losers, and 2) Clemens being a huge freaking liar. It’s becoming increasingly clear that he was at this party, which means he’s arrogant enough and has a big enough pair to go before a congressional committee and lie to their faces under threat of perjury and jail time. As I said initially, it’s becoming more and more fun watching this unfold because Roid-ger has tied the noose, built the gallows and pretty soon he’s going to hang himself with the rope made of all the lies he’s told. Adios, Pocket Rocket, you deserve everything you get for this and then some.
- It never gets old, a show blatantly ripping off the theme of the classic John Hughes flick The Breakfast Club. Shows (especially teen dramas) have done it for years, with Dawson’s Creek being one that springs to mind, mostly because it actually named the episode after the movie. But tonight, One Tree Hill went Breakfast Club with a few tweaks, most notably that none of the characters locked in the school library were actually students in the school and two of them never went to Tree Hill High School at all. Plus all five individuals locked in the library were girls, so that was different as well. But tonight all of the action centered on Tree Hill HS, with Lucas, Nathan, Skillz and Mouth all in the gym for the big first game of the basketball season and the girls - Peyton, Brooke, Mia, Lindsey and Hayley - locked in the library because they were out on nostalgia trips and errands in the school and wandered into the library only to realize too late that the door handles on the inside were removed for the weekend for repairs. Predictably, five combustible elements being thrown together produced sparks, tears and hugs. Since astonishingly none of the five could get a signal on their cell phones - well, Brooke did, but then her battery died - the wonders of modern technology weren’t an option. Apparently the Tree Hill HS library exists in some weird kind of vortex/black hole where cell phone signals are blocked out. In the meantime, the girls engage in various games and arguments, included repeated Peyton-Lindsey clashes over the fact that they just don’t like each other. When Mia suggests they all say something positive about each person in the room, things go better for a moment until Peyton can’t think of anything positive to say about Lindsey other than she has good taste in men, an obvious dig at Lindsey because she’s engaged to the guy Peyton loves, Lucas. The group finally figures out a way out of the library when Mia gets online using one of the library’s computers, but for some reason, instead of emailing someone who could help get them out (duh) they decide to.....order a pizza and have it delivered so the delivery guy can let them out. Unfortunately, the delivery guy turns out to be Tim Smith, the slightly delusional, loser guy from the first four seasons of the show who has that special blend of obnoxiousness, overconfidence and zero actual game that drives the ladies wild. He delivers the pizza but at a time when no one is paying attention to the door, which closes behind him and locks him in as well. That leads to more together time and stupid “what if” games for them to play, i.e. if a person died, what part of them would you eat first if you had to do so to survive. It also leads to a teary showdown between Peyton and Lindsey, who make each other cry before finally clearing the air and realizing that they’ve both been acting like b*tches. Not long after, Tim declares he’s leaving and removes a metal divider from the ctner of the doorway that allows the doors to open even without the locks. The girls ask why he didn’t tell them about it before and he replies that he missed everyone and no one stays in touch. In the gym, the guys have their own hurdles to clear. Lucas, Nathan and Skillz have to prepare their underdog team to take on powerhouse LaSalle. Lucas is looking back to his late uncle Keith for inspiration and apparently finds what he needs, because at the end of the episode we find that his team got the win. There was one über-cheesy scene with Lucas and his team walking down the hall to the gym, coaches dressed in matching dark suits and players in their team warm-ups and unis, all walking in slow-mo with serious expressions on their faces and dramatic music playing in the background. Like Lucas, Mouth was also looking to his past and a loved one lost in the school shooting of Season Three for inspiration. As he took advantage of his first chance to be on the air as a TV reporter, Mouth called on the memory of his late friend and former broadcast buddy Jimmy Edwards. Mouth is looking for an angle for his story, something more than the run-of-the-mil game story about a high school basketball game. He finds it, telling a tale of how the game isn’t the real story, that it’s about the people in the game and their stories of growth, loss and overcoming adversity. Lucas and Nathan also get their own lesson in this area, looking up on the wall of the gym and seeing where the retired jersey of their imprisoned, murderer of a father, Dan Scott, had hung before being taken down after he became a convicted criminal. That’ll also be the central theme for next week, as somehow Dan has managed to get himself up for parole and Lucas and Nathan fight to stop him from getting out. So until then.....
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