Tuesday, February 12, 2008

One Tree Hill, the writers' strike ends and a Minnesota town that's highly delusional

- Thanks for nothing, writers and networks. You all may have finally decide to settle your three-month b*tch fight over who gets more money, but just because your shows will now be returning to air doesn’t mean that everything is cool. Yes, we can avoid crap like My Dad is Better Than Your Dad and Baby Swappers now that normal shows are returning to air. However, don’t think for a second that it’s cool that you basically ruined the season of all of our favorite shows and that we saw great shows like Heroes truncated to the nth degree with amputated, aborted season that ended up being half as long as they should have been, So I’m glad that the WGA strike is officially over and that members voted by 92.5 percent to lift the strike order that was enacted November 5, but the lingering resentment for all parties involved in the work stoppage will remain. Here are the facts of the settlement: Following WGA leadership's approval of a tentative deal on Sunday, the guild members on Tuesday voted to lift the strike order. Members on both coasts voted in person or by proxy, and the “polls” closed at 6 pm/PT. Writers will be revving up their typing fingers and plot points to get back to work tomorrow, not a day too soon. WGA rep Patric Verrone commented on the deal agreement, saying, "This is the best deal this guild has bargained for in 30 years." Good for you, P. Now give me back my freaking favorite shows. You all had better hope that the endings to the seasons of shows that are coming back with new post-strike episodes are knock-your-socks-off awesome, because after what you greedy bastards put us through, you owe us.

- I get that not everyone in America can live in Miami, Scottsdale, Malibu, etc. I understand that some of us most reside in interminable hell holes where winter takes up three-fourths of the year and enough snow falls in twelve months to stack up higher than our houses. Human nature propels us to make the best of those situations, but even that doesn’t justify what the people of International Falls, Minn. (population 15, which is triple the average temp. there during winter, I believe) are celebrating. that their town’s title as “Icebox of the Nation” has been made official. “Whether it’s 26 degrees or minus 6 degrees, everything continues,” proclaimed Mayor Shawn Mason. Well, everything except the ability to feel your fingers, toes and face, but I suppose that’s splitting hairs, eh Mr. Mayor? International Falls had been in a legal dispute with Fraser, Colo., which also calls itself “Icebox of the Nation,” but the U.S. Patent and Trademark office has decided to recognize International Falls’ claim. Personally I think both towns are losers for celebrating that they’re so freaking cold, but when you’ve been exposed to frigid temps for that long, it has to negatively impact your brain and capacity for intelligent thought, so I’ll let them slide this time.

- Getting an autograph from your favorite athlete, musician, actor or celebrity is great. However, securing that elusive signature can be an extremely difficult battle. Take it from someone who has had one of the world’s most famous people, I won’t name names, but let’s just say it rhymes with LaTron Dames and he may play professional basketball, but celebs and those around them can be incredibly rude even when all you want is for them to take the pen and paper you have handy and use two seconds of their time to scratch an autograph. Of course, sometimes making that request can get you bitten by a member of that famous person’s entourage. Don’t believe me? Just ask an unidentified 26-year-old female fan of Puerto Rican singer Hector “El Father” Delgado who was allegedly bitten by a member of Delgado’s entourage last week when she approached him for an autograph. The woman says that when she went up to Delgado for his John Hancock, a member of his crew grabbed her and then bit her. Someone in the group also fired off a gun several times during the incident. Look, Hector, I hate to break this to you, but you do know that you’re Hector Delgado, right? You’re not actually a famous superstar, you’re some regional singer with moderate skills. Instead of having your crew assault people who want your autograph, you should be thankful that anyone recognizes you at all. Now get your boys in check and stop having them go Mike Tyson on fans, amigo....

- Welcome to Pennsylvania, swim well or die. It might not be the state motto of Ohio’s eastern neighbor, but maybe it should be based on a a budget-cutting decision made by state officials this week. Starting this summer, the state of Pennsylvania will be ripping the lifeguards from nearly all of its state beaches, meaning that if you hit the water at one of these locales, you’d better hope that you’re an expert swimmer and that no accidents or emergencies happen. With the exception of the park at Presque Isle on Lake Erie, all Pa. state park beaches will be unmanned by lifeguards and the state says the move will save it $800,000 and will allow the beaches to stay open longer. Yeah, great, they can stay open longer and thus increase the possibility for danger, injures and deaths because there will be even more hours of lifeguard-less beach access. That’s definitely a Catch-22. But hey, what’s putting the lives of your citizens in danger if it can save you some money? After all, we wouldn’t be able to trim that same amount of money from the bloated salaries of the high-ranking state officials making the decision to eliminate the lifeguards, could we? Oh wait, yes we could......

- One word for you, One Tree Hill execs, producers and writers: diversify. In other words, every single character on the show doesn’t have to be experiencing the exact same type of problem in a given show. Different characters are allowed to have different problems and face different situations within an episode. This week’s theme was relationship trouble fueled by inappropriate behavior. At the forefront was Carrie, the naughty nanny hired by Nathan and Hayley to care for their son Jamie who now is obsessed with flirting with Nathan and getting him to cheat on Hayley with her. Aside from wearing a dress that most hookers would reject as too skanky to Tric this week to see The Honorary Title (great band, by the way) perform, Carrie spent the whole night flirting with Nathan and saying totally inappropriate things to him. She capped the night by having another skinny dipping session and encouraging Nathan to watch her. Joining her in the inappropriate behavior theme was Brooke’s mom, Victoria, who came to Tric and spent the entire night drinking and grinding on guys for the purpose of embarrassing her daughter and showing Brooke her disapproval of how Brooke is choosing to live. Brooke followed Carrie’s flirting example by hitting on Owen, the hunky bartender at Tric that she’s crushing on. Inappropriate behavior also came from Jason (the returning Kevin Federline), who heckled Mia, Peyton’s lone artist on her new record label, as Mia tried to perform a one-song opening set for The Honorary Title. Pause for a moment to appreciate the delicious irony of this moment and to marvel at the immense acting ability of the girl playing Mia, singer Kate Voegle. To have Kevin Federline, even in character, attack your musical skills and say you suck, and to take that with a straight face is amazing. Dude has less musical skills than my sock drawer, so even when playing a fictional character, it just seems wrong for him to belittle anyone else’s musical skills. But Mia shakes off the criticism and performs well Unfortunately the same can’t be said for Peyton, who spends the entire night exchanging verbal blasts and angry glares with Lucas’ girlfriend Lindsey, who believes (rightly) that Peyton wants Lucas back and that she moved back to Tree Hill for him. At night’s end, Peyton and Lucas kiss, which inspires Lucas to go home and.....propose to Lindsey, who says yes. The move floors Peyton, who finally admitted to Brooke that she came back to Tree Hill for Lucas. Another inappropriate action thread came from Quentin, the attitudinal star basketball player for Lucas’ Tree Hill HS team who had the testicular fortitude to be drinking alcohol in the same club as his coach despite being underage and then ended the night by punching out Kevin Federline’s character when he hassled Hayley. And finally, closing out an overly thematic night, Mouth McFadden’s hot older boss, Alice, decided to make her own trip to Tric to track down Mouth when he wouldn’t return her text messages inviting him over for some bedroom action. Mouth had spent the evening talking to Brooke’s assistant, Millie, who he likes, but Alice sent another text threatening to fire him if he kissed Millie. When an embarrassed Millie fled the club, Mouth decided that he’d had enough, marched up to Alice and told her they were done, that their relationship was over, consequences to his career be damned. Predictably, Alice fired him on the spot and Mouth accepted it, for some reason ignoring the fact that he could sue her for sexual harassment and discrimination for firing him because he wouldn’t continue sleeping with her. All in all, an ok episode, but again, mix it up a little. All of the characters don’t need to be going through the same thing at the same time. It’s not believable and it doesn’t make for good TV. So until next week, when apparently the theme will be everyone questioning and doubting Lucas’ decision to marry Lindsey, that’s all.....

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