Sunday, February 03, 2008

Beer pong with Bacon, in the courtroom with O.J. and more nightclub trouble for athletes

- I may not like Kevin Bacon’s film and his musical career maybe be the biggest joke this side of American Karaoke and Brit Spears, but at least Bacon is cool enough to mingle with the average Joe. Last Friday night, Kevin Bacon agreed to go up to Hanover to receive the Dartmouth Film Award following a tongue-in-cheek retrospective of his work. Even though the tribute was designed to poke fun at him, Bacon went along with it. According to The Dartmouth, Bacon took the whole thing in stride. “To make fun of yourself is a great honor,” he told the crowd at Spaulding Auditorium. The capper for the evening was even better, with Bacon returning to Alpha Delta, the frat he memorialized so many years ago in Animal House. He played beer pong, hung out and didn’t act like a Hollywood a-hole. All in all, a very cool evening and one the smart kids at Dartmouth will remember for a long time. Of course, without the writers’ strike, K. Bacon might have had better things to do with his time, but you take chances where they come.

- Well of course O.J. Simpson is going to try and get the charges against him dismissed just by asking, what did you expect? His aforementioned deal with the devil basically allows him to be the worst guy ever and get away with it, so he does what he wants (murders two people, writers how-to murder books, etc.) and gets away with it. Thus, you can’t be surprised that the Juice filed court papers seeking dismissal of half the charges against him, saying prosecutors in Nevada failed to meet legal standards to prosecute him for kidnapping, robbery and conspiracy, his lawyer said Friday. “We're challenging things that we think should never have been let go to the District Court,” said the Juice’s attorney, Gabriel Grasso. Grasso filed court papers Thursday claiming prosecutors didn't meet the evidentiary standards to prosecute six of the 12 charges against Orenthal. “They're charging O.J. with ... the specific intent to commit robbery,” Grasso said, citing Nevada law underlying the felony charge of robbery. “He wasn't stealing from somebody else. He was taking back something that was his.” Going into a hotel room and taking things at gunpoint doesn’t exactly sound like not robbing someone to me, Gabe. Can the Juice prove he only took things he knew for sure were his and that they were indeed stolen from him? Simpson, 60, is accused of leading five other men in the commando-style raid on two memorabilia dealers who were peddling collectibles associated with Simpson, including the suit he wore the day he was wrongfully acquitted of turning ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman into human Pez dispensers. Grasso also said Simpson would fight the other six charges against him at his trial, set to begin April 7. Those counts include burglary, coercion and assault with a deadly weapon. Ironically, if you listen to the audio recording of the incident, a voice sound suspiciously like the Juice’s can be heard taking part in all of those crimes, so getting acquitted should be impossible - or it would be if we weren’t talking about O.J. Simpson. Really, you couldn’t bet against this guy if there were multiple camera angles showing him holding a gun, taking gear that didn’t belong to him and four dozen eyewitnesses to the whole thing. The Juice may be the world’s most despicable human being, but he’s bulletproof when it comes to committing crimes and getting away with them….

- So I guess Ducati doesn’t require mental health exams before someone purchases one of its ultra-expensive motorcycles. Otherwise, there’s not a snowball in Death Valley’s chance that confirmed whack-a-doo Tom Cruise would be allowed to be first in line to get the company’s new superbike, the Desmosedici, for a hefty price tag of $72,500. Realize that the money is not the issue here; giving a possibly lethal instrument to someone whose mental state is about as stable as a vial of nitroglycerine in a centrifuge and you can see the real problem. This bike has titanium, magnesium and carbon fiber technology that can propel the bike at speeds of up to 200 mph. Of course, given that he once appeared in Mission: Impossible movies wherein a stunt double portrayed him riding high-speed motorcycles in dangerous situations, I’m sure Tom will be just fine. Well, as fine as a totally insane person with no concept of reality can be, of course. Who knows, maybe Tom will be so psyched about riding his new bike that he’ll forget tormenting the rest of us with that Scientology bullsh*t……..

- Exactly how many of these is it going to take for professional athletes to finally get the message? How many times do players have to be shot, stabbed, arrested or even killed in nightclub incidents for these guys to get the message that maybe clubs and strip joints aren’t the place they want to be spending their time? The most recent example of this trend occurred early this morning in Blakely, Ga., where New Orleans Saints defensive end
Charles Grant was stabbed in the neck and a pregnant woman was shot and killed in an altercation at a nightclub in this southwestern Georgia town. Grant was assaulted and had an injury to his neck as a result of the incident and was transported to Early Memorial Hospital, where he was treated and later released. Early County Sheriff's deputies responded to reports of a fight around 1 a.m. Sunday at a club in Blakely, 190 miles southwest of Atlanta. Also involved in the incident was 23-year-old Korynda Reed of Blakely who died at the hospital after being shot. “We believe the altercation began inside one of the nightclubs; it was taken outside. It kind of continued down the street,” a police spokesman said. “It appears Mr. Grant was assaulted, and shortly after several gunshots were fired.” Here’s the kicker in this situation: it doesn’t even matter if Grant did anything wrong. It doesn’t matter if any of these athletes do anything wrong when they’re involved in these nightclub incidents, because what matters is the end result. They’re getting hurt or killed and they are, like it or not, targets when they roll up on clubs in their expensive whips and decked out in their high-priced threads and ice. People are looking to hassle them and get under their skin. Is it really worth it to have a couple of hours of fun at a club for the even money chance that you’ll be shot, stabbed or end up in trouble with the law? Can’t you find your fun and get your freak on somewhere else? Ask Charles Grant, because I’m sure he’d tell you that the club isn’t the best place to hang.

- Music is not a fair business. No, I’m not referring to the fact that there are corrupt people, shady deals and overlooked artists around the industry, although all of that is true. What I am referring to is the fact that when Forbes.com finished compiling its list of the richest female artists in muisic, every single freaking artist at or near the top of the list absolutely blows. Madonna tops the list by making $72 million between June 2006 and June 2007, and you know how I feel about her crap-tacular, synthesized pop garbage she calls music. Second and third on the list are two of the most boring, lame, “only enjoy them if you’re a middle-aged gay man” artists around - Babs Streisand and Celine Dion. Next on the list are warbling, vocally talentless Colombian pop tart Shakira, Gwen Stefani and her weak mix of pop, bubble-gum hip hop and assorted other crappy musical influences, Christian Aguilera, Faith Hill (country music singer, ick, ‘nuff said), the Dixie Chunks and Mariah Carey. Those are the top earners, but clearly they’re not the ten best out there in terms of female musicians. I wouldn’t pay a penny to have every CD they’ve ever made combined and tickets to every one of their concerts for the rest of their respective careers. No, music is definitely not a business that rewards those who are most deserving.

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