- Attention
kooks, maniacs, thrill seekers and people whose need for cash outweighs their
fear of slowly being squeezed to death by one of nature’s deadliest predators:
Grab your machete, your waterproof gear and every ounce of courage you can
muster and head to the Sunshine State. Yes, it’s time for the 2016 Python
Challenge, a Florida-based event designed to combat the growing menace of the
Burmese python, one of the largest snakes in the world. The species is running
amok in Florida to the point that between now and mid-February, the Florida
Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission is holding a competition designed to
remove as many of the colossal constrictors from the Everglades as possible. With
more than 600 python-seeking maniacs on-board, the competition will be fierce -
and hopefully not deadly for the humans taking part - for the cash prize that goes
to the hunter who captures -- dead or alive -- the most Burmese pythons, as
well as one for the longest one. Burmese pythons have but two natural predators
and can be as large as 23 feet long and weigh up to 200 pounds, so they’re a
menace even though one of their two predators, the American alligator, has been
dubbed the "king of the Everglades" by the National Park Service. The
native Southeast Asian snake is "wreaking havoc on one of America's most
beautiful, treasured and naturally bountiful ecosystems," according to U.S.
Geological Survey Director Marcia McNutt. McNutt and the FFWCC believe “swift,
decisive and deliberate human action” is the only path to halt further python
invasion into new areas, so throwing the doors open to ever would-be Crocodile
Dundee or Steve Irwin and allowing these yahoos to romp through the swamp in
search of glory and possible untimely death is apparently the top option……….
- Time
for Big Bird to start dropping some F-bombs. After all, HBO has revealed that
it will be airing new episodes of “Sesame
Street” for the next five years, so it’s f*cking time to take the
shackles off the massive, awkward yellow avian and let him say all the sh*t he
could never say on PBS. Let’s face it; that curmudgeon Oscar the Grouch and
that self-control-lacking glutton Cookie Monster have it coming, so taking the
Street to premium cable and its world of freely dropped profanities and
unlimited sex and nudity is a great choice. After all, PBS and HBO actually
have a few things in common. Neither network has commercial breaks, a majority
of Americans don’t watch them - albeit for different reasons (indifference for
PBS, premium cable being too expensive on the HBO side) and both have a track
record of churning out solid children’s programming. So the obvious question is
what “Sesame Street” on HBO will look like and to that end, HBO has issued an
official statement about its newest show. The first change is a bad one but
definitely aimed at the ADHD-addled current generation of children’s television
viewers, as episodes will be 30 minutes long instead of one hour, in an effort
to focus children’s attention on the story. There will also be new sets, new
songs to open and close the show and even a new segment called "Smart
Cookies" — a police procedural/mystery that purportedly teaches
self-regulation. HBO has previously served up “Babar” and “Fraggle Rock” for
kids, so it does have some leeway in ripping 30 minutes of show given that the
last 20 minutes of “Sesame Street” are already devoted to the waste of time
that is Elmo's World. Mix in new cast
members and new homes for several characters - including relocating Oscar’s
trash can - and a set that some of likened to the Hipster Heaven that is the
Williamsburg neighborhood in Brooklyn and you have a totally new direction for
an iconic television show……….
- Every
year, the survey to determine the happiest nation in the world settles on
Denmark as the place where the population is the most pleased with its
existence. That could be a bit of a problem with migrants fleeing Africa and
the Middle East and looking for a new place to anchor their lives. Looking too
appealing could make Denmark a target for more asylum-seekers than it can or
wants to handle, so the question becomes how to make the small Scandinavian
nation less attractive to would-be border crashers. The country's government has
itself a plan and that plan has a decidedly oppressive slant to it. Denmark plans
to force asylum-seekers to hand over any valuables worth more than $1,500 to
help cover their housing and food costs while their cases are being processed
and while that’s not ripping someone’s personal possessions from them on the
level that the Nazis did when murdering millions of Jews, it’s still a bit of a
reach. Yet the center-right government's proposal is expected to be approved by
Parliament over cries of oppositions from human rights activists who say it's a
cruel and degrading way to treat people who have fled war and misery. Government
officials contend that such rules would be no different from those that apply
to Danes receiving welfare benefits, but admit that the goal is unquestionably
to persuade migrants to go somewhere else. "Denmark must become
significantly less attractive for asylum-seekers," Immigration Minister
Inger Stoejberg said, adding that fewer refugees would mean better
opportunities to integrate immigrants who are already in the country. A mere
20,000 people applied for asylum in Denmark last year, less than 2 percent of
the number who did so in neighboring Germany. While the proposal wouldn't apply
to dental fillings or valuables "with a sentimental value" or
smartphones, thousands of Syrians, Afghans, Iraqis and others have taken notice
of the Danish change in attitude and begun to view Denmark only as a transit
point to reach other Nordic countries…………
- Auto
racing still isn't a sport, but it is obvious why fans enjoy what it has to
offer nonetheless. For example, you might be hanging out at the Chili Bowl
indoor dirt track race in Tulsa, Oklahoma, just watching a bunch of men and
women drive motorized vehicles around and around a bumpy, muddy oval, making
only left turns without signaling while trying to avoid a massive wreck when
all of a sudden, one of the biggest names in your favorite non-sport comes off
the track and into the stands to get a piece of a fan who (allegedly) flipped
him the bird. That fan, it turns out, was confirmed
by the Tulsa County Sheriff's Office Cpl. Kyle Hess, contributing to the
stereotype that law enforcement officers are a) a bit too macho for their own
good, b) are assholes and c) are confrontation-happy. A video captured by a
nearby fan shows Stewart entering the stands as the crowd stupidly chants,
"Tony! Tony! Tony!" The three-time Sprint Cup Series champion entered
the stands with a smile on his face, but his expression quickly changed when
Hess attempted to push away his hands. Security then pushed Hess into his seat
and Stewart chose not to do the smart thing and walk away, but rather to move
closer to talk to the fan. The video referenced Hess allegedly giving Stewart
the finger and Stewart’s reaction is interesting because obscenities from fans aren't
exactly a rarity in auto racing. The good news here is that no punches were
thrown, no one was hauled off to jail and no charges had to be filed in the
case………..
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