Wednesday, January 20, 2016

F-bombing NBA coaches, Turkmenistan v. smoking and Leo DiCaprio hearts Vlad Putin


- Nothing pisses people off more than the irritating, loathsome sounds of happy, playful children. It’s simply infuriating to hear small children having a good time, laughing and shrieking in delight and no one knows that better than Plano, Texas residents Irving and Anita Ward. The Wards have filed a lawsuit against neighbor Kelly Counts, who recently installed a playhouse outside her backdoor for her four children to enjoy. “One of the big reasons we chose the house was because we would be able to move this playhouse,” Counts explained. Her new neighbors aren’t so happy with the arrangement because they claim that due to the fact that  the 10, 7, 4 and 2-year-old children are homeschooled, the noise never stops. Their response, it seems, has been to drown out those brats next door with music laced with profanity - that and a mighty angry lawsuit. “It’s unfathomable to me. I can’t imagine the sound of kids playing at any age or stage of my life and thinking that I needed to sue someone over it,” Counts said. Yet here she is, being sued for upsetting her neighbors’ “tranquil quality of life” and quote “creating noise issues as well as visibility issues for them and their pets,” according to minutes from an homeowners’ association meeting. Ah yes, the HOA is involved, always a good thing because these nitwits who fight for their right to tell you how short you can cut your grass and what the appropriate shade of red is for your front door always make life so much better. Counts has filed a countersuit over the explicit music but claims she has tried in vain to resolve the issue directly with the Wards. Both the city of Plano and her HOA approved the playhouse, so this one is headed to court where both sides are seeking damages and the unspoken ruination of common decency and sanity………


- It sounds like Oscar nominee Leonardo DiCaprio wants to spend some quality time on screen sans shirt. That’s the only possible explanation for saying that he would like to portray Russian president Vladimir Putin in a future movie. Armed with an Oscar nomination for “The Revenant,” Leo is on the record as saying  he would be interested in playing the longtime Russian despot. “Putin would be very, very, very interesting. I would like to play him,” DiCaprio said. If you’ve been nominated for six Oscars, you can definitely choose most any role you want, but there has to be more to this. As it turns out, there is. Back in 2010, DiCaprio met the dictator when the actor attended the International Forum on Tiger Conservation in St. Petersburg. “My fund has several projects aimed at financial support for protecting these wild cats [Siberia tigers],” DiCaprio said. “Putin and me spoke only about these magnificent animals, not about politics.” Oh, and DiCaprio also seems to have a fascination with despotic Russian rulers, as he’s also down with playing polarizing Russian leaders, as he has dreams of portraying 20th century revolutionary Vladimir Lenin. “I think there should be more films about Russian history because it has many stories worthy of Shakespeare. That is fascinating for an actor,” DiCaprio said. “Lenin also would be an interesting role. I would like also to star as Rasputin.” For now, his focus is on winning his first Oscar, having spent 23 years being nominated and now being up for Best Actor for his portrayal of desperate frontiersman Phillip Glass in Alejandro González Iñárritu's “The Revenant,” which is up for a total of 12 awards……….


- Try to eliminate the myriad hazards posed by one of the filthiest habits known to man by creating one massive instance of said hazard for all to see… well played, Turkmenistan, well played. With a healthy living-obsessed president - where can America get one of those? - leading the charge, authorities in Turkmenistan have publicly burned piles of cigarettes as they embark on a campaign to stamp out smoking. It’s a wonderful effort that is fitting in a place like Turkmenistan, where a poor populace that doesn’t seem to understand just how awful smoking is to one’s health is caught in the trap of cheap smokes and lack of knowledge. Sure, they also reside in a secretive and authoritarian Central Asian nation whose name almost makes it sound like a made-up country and that may be enough to drive a person to smoke at times, but nothing is worth shoving lung darts into your mouth and drastically upping your chances for lung cancer, emphysema and so many other wonderful ailments. Enter President Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov, whose name makes for a baller Scrabble score and who last week publicly lamented the wide availability of cigarettes. When a dictator speaks, his country tends to listen and shortly after his remarks, most shops pulled cancer sticks from their shelves. That helped, but cigarettes remained in some stores and those who kept selling them were able to jack their prices up to $14 from $6 for a single pack. Turkmenistan has taken anti-smoking steps before, banning it in all public places, including on the street, in 2000. It remains legal, but is strongly discouraged - apparently not strongly enough. Taking a blowtorch to piles of death sticks as village elders and diplomats look on could come across as a bit extreme, but when it comes to smoking, you get a little leeway in terms of how you bring the practice to an end……….


- Washington Wizards coach Randy Wittman has been accused of many negative things during his time leading various NBA teams, but this is a new one. Wittman isn't exactly known as one of the best coaches in the Association, but Boston Celtics forward Jae Crowder isn't bothered by Wittman’s lack of offensive savvy or his locker room presence. No, Crowder is bent because the veteran forward picked up a technical foul during the Celtics' victory over the Wizards and says the reason he received the T is because Wittman used profanity toward him. Crowder made a layup with 3.9 seconds remaining to help Boston to a 119-117 victory, but his winning shot came in the same minute of the game in which referee Tony Brothers whistled Crowder for a technical for arguing while standing in the blocks awaiting John Wall's free throws. According to Crowder, Wittman was on the other end of his remarks and instigated the exchange. "I feel like he was getting away with a lot of curse words and inappropriate words to me, and I retaliated and I got hit," Crowder said. "Tony said he didn't hear anything from Wittman. I'm not going to outburst on a coach and say something like that for no reason." Wittman didn’t address the situation after the game, but Wizards guard John Wall said he heard Crowder exchanging words in the direction of the Wizards bench. "He said something towards our bench, and somebody had said something back at him," Wall said. Like Wittman, the officiating crew left the building before it could comment and so it was simply Crowder, ranting at the world and trying to explain why he nearly cost his team the game before saving it for them………..

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