- U.S.A.! U.S.A.! Never has there been a moment to be more proud about being an American than right now. No, I’m not referring to the celebration of the many brave men and women who have given their lives over the years to defend freedom, although those are truly heroes. Actually, I’m talking about freaking Beard Team USA, which brought home the championship at the 2009 World Beard and Moustache Championships, held in Anchorage, Alaska over the weekend. Led by new world beard champion David Traver, the Americans administered a beard beatdown to the rest of the world. If you haven’t seen the pictures of these freaks yet, you’re missing out. Traver won the title by rocking a 20 ½-inch-long beard, cultivated over 2½ years. He was one of 300 competitors from around the globe who descended on Alaska to show off their hirsute countenances. Of course, he was the only weirdo who had a beard dyed several colors and woven into the shape of a snowshoe, which earned Traver a commemorative gold pan and a salmon fishing trip. Sadly, now that he’s reached the top of the beard mountain, Traver plans to shave off his face blanket. He says it’s because once you’ve reached the top of the facial hair world, there's nowhere to go but down. He'll shave for whoever writes the biggest check to Covenant House, a charity Traver is involved with. “I'm retired as of yesterday," he explained Sunday from Girdwood. "It's like my wife said, 'You can't go any higher.'” Yeah, I’m sure that’s why your wife was cool with you shaving off that thing you called a beard. Either that or she got tired of having to look at and be around that shaggy mass of ugly hanging from your face, bro. Overall, it turns out that Alaska is the best breeding ground for freaks looking to grow obscenely out-of-control facial hair/ A quarter of the international beard prizes went to Alaskans, with David Casswell of Kenai taking third in the shorter beard category, Douglas Renfro of Anchorage winning first in long beard and Norman Pendergraft from Eagle River taking second in the category. As for Traver, he doubled up by also taking first in the freestyle beard competition, the first such title for an American. Key in Traver’s success was his beard stylist - yes, beard stylist - Ledjha Carson. The two actually brainstormed on designs for the contest and considered - get ready for a laugh - eagle wings, moose antlers and a sled dog team. As you can see, beard and mustache competition is the next big sport in the United States, so I expect to see all of you out there wearing your David Traver jerseys…or whatever the frak those freaks wear when they parade up on stage with those wild animals they call beard on their faces……
- Drew Rosenhaus is easily the most hated agent in all of professional sports. Dude is well-spoken, interesting and colorful, but he’s also an incredibly arrogant, ruthless and disingenuous a-hole who squeezes teams for ridiculous amounts of money to sign his clients even though they’re not worth the dough. His clients are some of the top players in the NFL, most notably team-killer Terrell Owens. However, it’s another of Rosenhaus’ clients who is rapidly becoming my favorite NFLer. Pro Bowl receiver Anquan Boldin is in the midst of a showdown with his team, the Arizona Cardinals, because he wants to be traded. He’s not happy in Arizona and as such, he instructed his agent to get him out of the AZ. So far, those negotiations have failed and Boldin isn’t happy with Rosenhaus, which would explain why he’s firing the uber-agent. Boldin has informed Rosenhaus, the Arizona Cardinals and the NFL Players Association of his plans to fire Rosenhaus amid stalled attempts to force a trade or a new contract. I honestly couldn’t stop laughing and/or smiling when I heard the news, because Rosenhaus is that detestable. He can certainly afford to lose a client, as he still represents more NFL players than any other agent. “Regarding Anquan Boldin, let me say that I have great respect for him. I'm hopeful we can work this out and he can return to the Rosenhaus Sports family in the near future. We are proud to continue to represent his brother, D.J. Boldin," Rosenhaus said in a statement. The ass-kissing agent ‘til the bitter end, eh Drew? Don’t want to bash Anquan because a) you hope he might change his mind, return to your agency and make you some jack and b) it would make you look bad to potential clients. But what amuses the heck out of me is that you know Rosenhaus was pissed when he found out that Boldin had fired him, even if he can afford to lose a client. What I wouldn’t give to be in the room when Rosenhaus receives that notice from Boldin. Probably not so calm and professional then, eh Drew? As for Boldin, he’s arguably one of the NFL’s toughest players and a guy who is loved by fans and teammates. He returned to the field last season after literally having his face broken a few games prior, showing his toughness in case there were any doubts. He helped lead the Cardinals to the Super Bowl alongside fellow top-tier wideout Larry Fitzgerald. Of course, Fitzgerald is also a huge part of the reason why Boldin wants a new deal in the first place. After Fitzgerald signed a four-year, $40 million extension in 2008, Boldin began to look at his own contract and feel underpaid. In preparing for his breakup with Rosenhaus, Boldin has reached out to other agents in recent weeks, including Kennard McGuire, CAA agents Tom Condon and Ben Dogra, and two of Fitzgerald's agents, Eugene Parker and Paul Lawrence. However, any official decision on hiring a new agent will have to wait. Under NFLPA rules, a player must wait five days after firing his agent before hiring a new one. Really, it doesn’t even matter who Boldin chooses because he’s fired Drew Rosenhaus and that’s more than enough to make me happy……
- Some strange new faces could be making their way to Hardin, Montana in the months ahead. Hardin, population 3,400, sits in the southeast corner of Montana and it’s a small town with a big problem. Located in the state's poorest county, Hardin is being ravaged by a terrible economy that is choking the life out of the town. Making matters worse, Hardin borrowed $27 million through bonds to build the Two Rivers Regional Correctional Facility in hopes of creating new employment opportunities. The prison was up and running two years ago, but so far it hasn’t housed a single prisoner. The downtown area of Hardin is all but deserted at midday, the Hardin Mini Mall is already shut and residents are losing hope fast. With a new, empty prison sitting there as a reminder of their town’s financial woes, the city council last month voted 5-0 to back a proposal to bring Gitmo detainees to the facility. "It would bring jobs. Believe it or not, it would even bring hope and opportunity," said Greg Smith, Hardin's economic development director. So the town leaders approve of welcoming Gitmo prisoners, but the state's congressional leaders have lined up against the plan. “Housing potential terrorists in Montana is not good for our state," Max Baucus, the state's senior Democratic senator, wrote to Smith. “These people stop at nothing. Their primary goal in life, and death, is to destroy America.” In other words, when these people get a chance to blow up something American, we want it to be someone else’s state, not ours. Because let’s face it, if they aren’t housed in Montana, terrorists would never have a single reason to launch any sort of offensive targeting anything there. For what? So they can blow up some John Deere tractors and cows? Residents of Hardin are mixed when it comes to supporting the relocation of Gitmo prisoners to their town. While all of them want to see the 464-bed facility, state-of-the-art detention facility used, they also fear for their safety. All of the security equipment at the facility is in place, ready to be powered up. Bright orange prison jump suits emblazoned with the words "Two Rivers" are stacked in a storage room along with shoes, towels, blankets, even razors and underwear, for prisoners. The interior of the facility was designed using single, double, and dorm-style cells, but it could be modified to keep detainees separated from one another and despite being intended to be used as a medium-security prison, it meets maximum-security criteria. Those who oppose bringing in Gitmo detainees worry that the prison is only five blocks from city hall and thus puts the entire town in danger should any prisoners escape. Some Hardin residents have vowed to move away if any Gitmo prisoners are relocated to the Two Rivers facility. Personally I’m rooting for it to happen, partially so we can finally close down Gitmo and turn the page on that national nightmare and partially for the great mental picture of some small-town yokels caring for hundreds of angry, Middle Eastern terrorist suspects, good times……
- Was a real crime committed on the set of CSI? If you believe the lawsuit filed by a Southern California couple against CSI writer and producer Sarah Goldfinger, the answer is yes. However, there will be no need for DNA testing, fingerprinting or analyzing blood spatter patterns in this case. Real estate agents Melinda and Scott Tamkin contend that the crime in question was Goldfinger and her writers ripping off their names and likenesses for use in an episode of the show. The Tamkins’ claim that two characters on the show were modeled after them. They’re suing Goldfinger for defamation and invasion of privacy and seeking $6 million in damages, claiming that the episode hurt their business. In the episode in question, a Las Vegas real estate agent named Melinda dies mysteriously and her husband Scott is a suspect in her death. The CSI couple's last name was actually Tucker, but the Tamkins’ suit claims that their actual last name was originally in the script before a last-minute change. So where is the link between Goldfinger and these two? Apparently Goldfinger was shopping for a new home in 2005 and nearly bought a house from a client of the couple's. She eventually pulled out while the deal was in escrow, on amicable terms. It would seem that she did get something out of the deal, namely inspiration for a script. The question now is whether Scott and Melinda Tamkin can prove that Goldfinger intentionally used their names and likenesses and that the characters on the show were in fact based on them. CBS Corporation and Jerry Bruckheimer Television were also named as defendants in the suit, but of course neither party would comment on the case. Something tells me there will be a settlement on this one and that it will go quietly into the night, but Goldfinger should be more careful from here on out when appropriating names and life details from real people to characters in her scripts……
- Ah, North Korea, making up rules as it goes and giving a perpetual middle finger to the rest of the world in the process. As the rest of the “civilized world” fumes about the North’s recent actions in testing long-range missiles and allegedly firing up productions at nuclear facilities, North Korean leaders are taking an increasingly defiant stance. As concerns over its nuclear aspirations grow, the North is threatening military action and vowing that it is no longer bound by the 1953 armistice that ended the Korean War. "The Korean Peninsula is bound to immediately return to a state of war from a legal point of view, and so our revolutionary armed forces will go over to corresponding military actions," North Korea said through its news agency. That statement came after South Korea joined a U.S.-led effort to limit the trafficking of weapons of mass destruction, so you know that the North is angry now. Don’t get me wrong, South Korea was absolutely correct in joining the 6-year-old Proliferation Security Initiative because of "the grave threat [that weapons of mass destruction] and missile proliferation are posing to global peace," as Foreign Ministry spokesman Moon Tae-young said. Taking nuclear weapons out of play is a huge priority for every world power, as unleashing one of those bad boys could very easily touch off a chain reaction that spawns World War III. Still, I can’t help but feel that the North was simply waiting and watching for something - anything - that would give it an excuse to declare war on its southern neighbors. "Our revolutionary armed forces ... will regard" South Korea's participation” in the PSI as a declaration of war," the North's official news agency said. Funny, but the rest of the world seems to view most everything the North is doing these days as a declaration of war. In turn, ever since the April launch of a North Korean rocket, Pyongyang has considered almost any opposition a "declaration of war.” I can see where the North might feel like a target, what with the U.N. Security Council sanctions and growing participation in the Proliferation Security Initiative. However, the problem is that a) they continue to operate under a veil of secrecy and b) they have a history of aggressive and irresponsible action in these sorts of situations. If it’s me and I’m condemned by at group from the U.N., I just laugh it off, but not the North Koreans. There is no body in the world less respected or feared than the U.N., largely because it has no real teeth behind its declarations. But in the North’s view, the security council’s sanctions are a declaration of war and must be met as such. North Korea is even being opposed by one of its closest allies, China. Firing five short-range missiles this week -- two Monday and three Tuesday -- isn’t going to help matter. Political posturing is rapidly escalating around the globe and it’s only a matter of time before someone switches from verbal salvos to actual salvos. Just don’t expect North Korea to play by any of the normal rules of engagement because they definitely do not feel like those rules apply to them……..
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