- Big day for you Wednesday, Louisiana. It’s hard to believe that a state which calls that train wreck Britney Spears and her dysfunctional family its own could be embarrassed at all by anything that happens from here on out, but porn star Stormy Daniels could make that nightmare a reality. For some odd reason Daniels believes that the people of her state would like to have a porn skank who made her living taking it from total strangers on camera as one of their representatives in Congress. She began her two-day Listening Tour in Louisiana Wednesday as she considers a run for the U.S. Senate seat of David Vitter, who will be facing reelection in 2010. The listening tour visited The Roux House in Baton Rouge and Serio’s Po’ Boys & Deli in New Orleans. Yes, those are the two places I’d go to take the pulse of the great state of Louisiana. What’s the over/under on the number of dudes who will show up to have Daniels sign a copy of one of her porn DVDs and spend the next hour staring at her rack while she fields questions from the crowd? I’m going with 95 percent of whatever the crowd is at each stop. Daniels’ possible candidacy has drawn national attention, including "Tonight Show” host Jay Leno wondering if the move from porn to politics is actually a lateral move. Should Daniels find a way to skank her name onto the ballot, it would be quite a contrast to see her fact off with Vitter, a conservative Republican who was implicated in the investigation of "D.C. Madam" Deborah Jeane Palfrey last year. Kinda hard to play the family values, good husband/father card when you’re known to solicit high-priced hookers, but running against a porn star might trump even that. Vitter was elected to the Senate in 2004 and will be facing his first re-election bid next year, and if there is any comedic justice in this world, Daniels will be his opponent……..
- The Sword of Damocles had been hanging over the athletic department at the University of Toledo, but the sword finally fell Wednesday when six former players -- three each from Toledo's basketball and football programs, as well as two Detroit area businessmen -- were charged with conspiracy to commit sports bribery in an indictment filed in U.S. District Court in Detroit. Six former UT athletes - three football players and three basketball players - were named in the 20-count indictment. The indictment charges that between December 2004 and December 2006, Ghazi "Gary" Manni, 52, and Mitchell Karam, 76, paid money and other things of value to the athletes in order to influence, or attempt to influence, the final score of games.
The payments weren’t huge - at times as little as $500 - but that’s enough to make UT the first school to be involved in a major gambling case involving two sports. The indictment list 17 specific games in which participants in the scheme placed bets on Toledo basketball contests. Charged in the indictment, in addition to Manni and Karam, were Harvey "Scooter" McDougle Jr., 24, a former running back from Cleveland; Adam Cuomo, 31, a former running back from Hagersville, Ontario, Canada; Quinton Broussard, 25, a former running back from Carrollton, Texas; Keith Triplett, 29, a former basketball player from Toledo; Anton Currie, 25, a former basketball player from Okemos, Mich; and Kashif Payne, 24, a former basketball player from Chester, Pa. “Today's charges shine a light into the dark corner of illegal sports bookmaking and reveals the unfortunate consequences that the influence of money from betting can have on the integrity of both athletes and athletic contests,” said U.S. Attorney Terrence Berg in announcing the indictment. Just about the only good news for the University of Toledo in all of this is that the investigation found no involvement by any coaches or university employees. Of course, the fact that this was going on and the coaches had no idea doesn’t exactly scream for a glowing endorsement of the way they ran their programs. This story first became public in spring 2007 when McDougle Jr. was charged in connection with fixing games, though that charge was later dropped on a procedural matter. According to McDougle’s father, his son believed the matter was behind him and had no idea that this new indictment was forthcoming. The big break in the case came when Cuomo, a former reserve running back who rushed for 24 yards during his senior season of 2003, admitted to being a key figure in an alleged point-shaving scheme involving both the school's basketball and football teams. During a December 2006 meeting with FBI agents, "Cuomo stated that he was the University of Toledo player who started the point-shaving scheme with 'Gary.'" Cuomo is allegedly the player who provided the gamblers with the information about upcoming UT games and helped them place their bets. He is also the one who brought numerous teammates to meet with the gamblers and become part of the scheme. All told, Manni and Karam wagered approximately $407,500 on Toledo basketball and football games between November 2005 and December 2006. The point-shaving scheme itself took place between fall 2003 and winter 2006. “This case is an example of how organized crime can influence intercollegiate athletics,” FBI agent Andrew Arena, who oversaw the gambling probe, said. Overall, this is just a sad story. College athletics are becoming more a business every day, but that business isn’t supposed to be gambling. You have two sleazy gamblers who seek out these kids with little or no money, get their hooks in them and turn them into point-shaving scammers. It’s an indictment of everyone involved in the process, so go ahead and distribute the blame equally on this one…….
- Never accuse the producers of alcohol of not trying to come up with new, disgusting ways to slam bizarre things inside the bottle. We’ve all heard of the worm at the bottom of a bottle of tequila, but what customs officials in Miami found was a few notches higher on the Bizarr-O-Meter. United States Customs and Border Protection officers were conducting a routine inspection on Wednesday when they happened across a cobra and other poisonous snakes in a bottle believed to be "snake wine." Yes, I said snake wine. And where was the snake wine coming from? The place where all great snake wine comes from, of course: Thailand. The snakes were jammed inside a glass container and drowned in alcohol, all contained neatly inside an express mail package from Thailand. Jose Castellano, a spokesman for U.S. Customs and Border Protection, said the agency discovered the bizarre beverage during the course of what otherwise would have been an ordinary search. “We're not just at airports checking passports," said Castellano. "We check mail, boats and planes to make sure that anything that can be harmful or illegal does not enter the United States.” On this particular day, the snake wine was easily the most bizarre find, even with officers also confiscating cocaine hidden in a diaper. Let’s face it, everyone and their brother attempts to smuggle blow inside a diaper, so that’s not news. But if someone wants to cram some tiny snakes inside a bottle of the drinky-drinky, that’s something I have an interest in. Of course, so does the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, which is now handling the snake wine investigation. “It is wildlife that was not declared," said Eddie McKissick, a spokesman for the agency. "The issue is that this species of snake is protected by the convention on international trade in endangered species. It applies to live and dead animals.” The practice of dropping whole venomous snakes into an alcoholic beverage originated in Vietnam and is apparently all the rage in Southeast Asia at the moment. Sometimes, the snake is mixed into the booze along with insects or other animals such as turtles. Oddly enough, the alcohol dissolves the snake’s poison and can then be used for medicinal purposes, officials said. The package was headed for the southwestern United States, but whoever was expecting to receive it will be getting a not-so-friendly call from the government instead. The lesson here, as always, is to make sure you have the proper permits and approval when looking to drop a poisonous, deadly creature into a bottle of liquor and ship it halfway around the world to be used for medicinal purposes……
- I’m not really sure to feel about Los Angeles Dodgers left fielder Manny Ramirez being suspended for 50 games by Major League Baseball on Thursday after failing a drug test. ManRam becomes the latest high-profile player to be snagged by MLB’s more stringent testing policy, although ManRam insists that he did not take steroids and was prescribed medication by a doctor that contained a banned substance. Of course, that’s not the story that sources close to the situation are telling. Although MLB doesn’t publicly announce which drugs a player tests positive for, sources said that in addition to the artificial testosterone, Ramirez was identified as using the female fertility drug human chorionic gonadotropin, or hCG. Yes, dude was ingesting women’s fertility drugs. I can only draw one conclusion from this: ManRan is seeing his career wind down and he needs something to fill that void that baseball will leave when it’s no longer in his life. He wants to have a baby to have something to put in its place, that’s the only explanation. Sadly, that bizarre leap in logic would be the more palatable alternative at this point. But instead, we’re left with the reality that ManRam took hCG because athletes use it to restore the testosterone-producing ability of their testicles after ending a cycle of steroids. Steroids stunt testosterone production, so the hCG fixes that problem. It is also used sometimes on its own to boost testosterone production and thus gives users a boost in athletic performance. Ramirez was suspended for using hCG because baseball had documentation to prove his use of the drug and testing by Major League Baseball showed that Ramirez had testosterone in his body that was not natural and came from an artificial source. ManRam, in a statement issued by the players' union, said: "Recently, I saw a physician for a personal health issue. He gave me a medication, not a steroid, which he thought was OK to give me. Unfortunately, the medication was banned under our drug policy. Under the policy that mistake is now my responsibility. I have been advised not to say anything more for now. I do want to say one other thing; I've taken and passed about 15 drug tests over the past five seasons.” Of course, that statement came before the revelation that hCG was what Ramirez allegedly tested positive for. He was all set to fight the suspension and MLB officials were headed to L.A. to meet with ManRam, but he miraculously dropped his appeal and will now serve the 50-game ban without contention. Ramirez's popped up on MLB’s drug radar when a test in spring training revealed he had elevated levels of testosterone in his body. That led to a follow-up test that confirmed the testosterone had to come from an artificial source. As I said before, I’m not sure how to feel. I’m sure as hell not surprised, because at this point there is not a single player in baseball whose confirmation as a ‘roid user would surprise me. Over the years, I’ve loved ManRam’s antics - cutting off throws from the center fielder while playing left field, high-fiving fans in left field while a play was going on, disappearing into the Green Monster to take a leak during a pitching change, etc. - and those moments are still hilarious. However, the image of the fun-loving, free-and-easy hitting savant those moments created in the minds of baseball fans appears to be a fraud, which I suppose makes me sad more than anything…….
- In its penultimate episode, Prison Break once again delivered the sort of thrilling, intense episode that has made the show so great for its four seasons. With Michael and Linc trapped inside the Panda Bay Hotel in Miami and Linc once again framed for the murder of a prominent political figure, things certainly didn’t look good for the brothers. Cornered on an interior balcony overlooking the atrium and with security closing in on them, they appeared to have no way out. Linc, thinking quickly, uses the rifle left behind by the sniper who assassinated Naveen Banerjee, son of the Indian prime minister, to blow out the lock on the nearest door. The brothers then scamper down the stairs to the ground floor of the hotel and wind their way through a maze of hallways to the kitchen. There, they have several near-misses with police searching for them and find a remote corner of the kitchen to call Mahone and Self, who are stationed outside the hotel. Self tells Michael that if he can get to the southwest corner of the hotel, there is a loading dock with only one cop guarding it that could be the best spot for escape. The problem is that Michael and Linc are on the opposite side of the hotel and the police have the entire floor covered. However, Michael uses his engineer’s knowledge of hotels to deduce that hotels like the Panda Bay use laundry ventilation systems to keep their guests from having to smell the odor from the laundry room. If he and Linc can get to the roof, they can access the laundry vent and use it to get to the laundry room near the loading dock. Of course, getting to the roof is a huge obstacle. Even after Michael swipes an employee’s master key card that will give him access to any room, the challenge is still huge. He and Linc sprint to the sixteenth floor, but by that time hotel security has electronically locked down every room in the hotel, meaning no one goes in our out. As chaos continues to reign on the ground floor, Michael and Linc are trapped up on the top floor. A desperate Michael calls Self for help in finding out what the plan of attack is for the cops, which Self accomplishes by again brandishing his Homeland Security badge and posing as an active agent. Meanwhile, Mahone is off at Michael and Linc’s direction to the condo where Michael left Sarah in charge of watching Christina Scofield. Linc tells Mahone to do whatever it takes to get Linc’s own mother to talk and give up the location of Scylla. Of course, if Linc and Michael can’t escape the hotel, that won't matter. When Self learns the cops will be gassing each floor of the hotel to flush out Linc and Michael, he finds a back hallway in the hotel to call them and let them know. Michael then gets a spark of inspiration from a cleaning supply cart nearby and sees a way out of the situation. After electronically picking the lock on a hotel room door, he drags a mini-fridge out into the hall and begins filling it with rolls of toilet paper and spray from aerosol cans. When the guards are close to the sixteenth floor, Michael has Linc throw a lit match into the fridge and close it. The gas canister and gun shots from the guards who arrive on the floor help trigger the fridge’s explosion, rendering the two guards unconscious. From there, Michael and Linc change into the guards’ uniforms and dash right past the glut of security guards who come running up the stairs following the explosion. The plan almost works, but the lead guard catches a glimpse of Michael and Linc’s shoes and realizes that they aren’t the shoes a guard would be wearing. He turns and follows them all the way to the kitchen, where he draws his gun and orders them to take off their gas masks and surrender. Just when it appears to be over for the brothers, a gun shot rings out. From behind, one of General Jonathan Krantz’s men has shot the guard in the back. The shooter is there because the General has seen the news reports on TV about the incident at the hotel and sent the shooter to make sure that Michael and Linc aren’t captured, as they could give up information about his involvement in the situation. So Michael and Linc do make it out of the hotel without being captured by the police, but their fate isn’t much better. Meanwhile, Mahone goes to the condo to check on Sarah and Christina, only to find Sarah bound up and Christina having escaped. When Mahone urges Sarah to leave town for her safety, she refuses and says she’ll stay at the condo so she’s safe and Michael knows where she is. As for Michael, he and Linc arrive back at the condo where the General and his men have set up their base of operations and are reunited with Self and Mahone. The General berates all of them for failing to capture Scylla, then informs them that he intends to make good on his threat to go after their families if they failed in their mission. To illustrate how serious he is, Krantz puts their names on pieces of paper, drops them in a glass bowl and pulls out Self’s name. Krantz tells everyone that Self has a wife, a wife he turned into a vegetable by recklessly getting into a car accident. Because of her condition, Self attempted to steal Scylla for himself so he could sell it and afford better care for her. Krantz then calls up one of his operatives, orders him to “Move on subject four,” then holds the phone up so Self can hear the sound of gunshots and nurses at the facility where his wife is living scream for someone to get help. With his wife dead, Self is devastated and lunges at the General. When it becomes clear that the same fate could befall all of them if they don’t get Scylla, the rest of the group vows to finish their mission. Slef, on the other hand, is done. He sprints across the room and leaps from the balcony into the water below as a hail of bullets fly over his head. He plunges into the water and disappears from sight, but the rest of the team must go on without him. Around this time, Christina is busy hammering out her plan to sell Scylla and make a fortune in the process. She meets with Nadu Banerjee, prime minister of India, who is obviously crushed over the assassination of his son and looking for payback on those responsible. Christina anticipated that response and floats rumors about the Chinese being responsible for the killing. Banerjee demands that Christina sell him Scylla because among its many applications is the potential for some pretty bad-ass weapons. He wants to retaliate against the Chinese and offers Christina $750 million for Scylla. She accepts, but not five minutes after the prime minister leaves, she informs her right-hand man Downey to reach out to the Chinese to see if they want in on the bidding for Scylla. Downey advises against playing the two sides against one another, but Christina insists on it. She also makes a major mistake when she goes to the nearest federal reserve signatory bank to ensure that the funds from the Indian government for Scylla have been deposited into her overseas account. Back at the General’s condo/headquarters, Michael has been strong-armed into cooperating with the General’s search for Scylla and anticipates that if his mother is selling Scylla, she’ll want to verify the receipt of the funds immediately and that means going to a federal reserve signatory bank to withdraw a small amount of the funds. Mahone searches online and finds the nearest such bank, located about 20 minutes away. Together with Mahone and Linc, Michael goes to the bank and has Mahone snoop around the verify that Christina is in fact there. Once she’s spotted, the next step is deciding how to attack in order to steal Scylla without getting killed. Because Christina’s security will shoot them on sight, Mahone suggests a different approach: a fake bank robbery. Clad in ski masks, the three men storm the bank with guns drawn, fire off shots and demand that everyone hit the ground. However, the only thing they grab is Scylla and after that, it’s a mad dash for the door. Downey calls the members of Christina’s security stationed outside and within seconds there is a shootout in downtown Miami. General Krantz catches news of this on TV too, but he’s also been busy putting a plan of his own into motion. After T-Bag suggests that Michael won't turn over Scylla once he acquires it, Krantz warms to the idea of gaining leverage on Michael. The suggestion from T-Bag is getting their hands on Sarah, but they have no idea where she is - or do they? T-Bag managed to pull the last-searched address from the GPS system in Mahone’s car that could be Sarah’s location. The hunch proves accurate and by the time Michael and Mahone escape from the shootout at the bank and find a safe spot in a nearby alley, Krantz is holding Sarah prisoner. He calls Michael and issues a simple, yet scary threat: turn over Scylla or Sarah dies. The instant that call ends, Michael gets a second call, this one from his mother. She informs him that she’s captured Linc in the shootout and that unless he returns Scylla to her, Linc will die. To that end, she shoots Linc in the right side, just clipping to bottom of his right lung and wounding him in a way that will kill him within a few hours unless he gets to a hospital. Now, Michael has a seemingly impossible choice to make: save his brother or save the woman he loves? I’d say he can’t do both, but the promos for next week’s series finale suggest that Michael is going to attempt to do just that. Tune in next Friday to give PB the send-off that a great show like it deserves and see how this all ends…..
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