- Uh oh. Not that anyone is actually going to be hurt by the fallout from this, but the University of Memphis men’s basketball program is currently in the NCAA’s crosshairs because the biggest-name player to come to campus in a long time - albeit for just one season, in 2007-08 - is apparently a test-dodging, transcript-forging fraud. Chicago Bulls rookie Derrick Rose may have played only one season for the Tigers, but if what is being alleged of him is true, he shouldn’t have even played that long. According to a letter sent to the university by the NCAA, an unidentified player - by all accounts Rose - was eligible to play for Memphis only after a) his transcript was altered before being sent to the school and changed back a month after that submission and b) had someone else take his SAT for him. Memphis athletic director R.C. Johnson is circling the wagons and claiming that said the Tigers have no reason to believe a former player -- Rose -- took a fraudulent standardized test prior to enrolling at the university. "If we thought that we wouldn't have played him," Johnson said. Surrrrre. You just because you didn’t think Rose had ripped off a bad Saved by the Bell plot and found someone to take his SAT for him doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. I’d imagine you operate under the belief that anyone who submits an SAT result for admission attained their score legitimately. Thinking and acting otherwise would be impossibly costly and time-consuming: there just isn’t time to investigate every detail of the academic record of every recruit. However, when you give a guy (or girl) a uniform and put them on the field, court or track as part of your team, you tacitly accept any consequences that come if they became eligible fraudulently. The irony is that Rose is gone to the NBA, so the NCAA has no way to punish him. John Calipari has moved on from Memphis and is now coach at the University of Kentucky and by all accounts, the NCAA isn’t likely to charge him with any wrongdoing. The only “penalty” likely to come out of this is Memphis forfeiting its NCAA-record 38 wins from the 2007-08 season and having its participation in the Final Four that season wiped from the record books. At this point, nothing has been decided for certain. The NCAA sent Memphis a letter on Jan. 16, notifying the school of the investigation. The NCAA has asked Memphis to provide copies of the SAT and a Sept. 2, 2008, report by a forensic document examiner who studied the handwriting in the SAT. Yes, they’re going full-on CSI to break down the handwriting on the test. Why stop there? Dust that test for fingerprints or see if whoever took the test licked their fingers, touched the test booklet and left DNA on it. I’m not sure how the NCAA will go about proving that Rose’s academic record at Simeon High School was changed to improve his transcript and changed back a month later, but it can’t be all that hard. Just compare the transcript sent to Memphis with the final, official academic record from Simeon High and see if they match up. The hearing on this matter will take place before the committee on infractions in Indianapolis on June 6. Not that anything that happens to Memphis will hurt those currently in the program, but I’d have to imagine that this isn’t what new coach Josh Pastner hoped to be dealing with when he took the gig. Oh, and there’s also the alleged violation of allowing a person, according to sources Rose's brother, Reggie, to travel on the team plane at no cost on two different occasions. The value of the trips was $1,125. The same person was allowed to stay in the team hotel at no cost on five different occasions for a value of $1,135. Johnson’s counter was that fans are allowed to travel alongside the team all the time if they can afford to pay for it, but that’s not what the NCAA claims occurred here. What’s sad is that this appears to be a very blatant example of cheating and of a guy doing everything the wrong way, all to go to college for the mandatory one year before making the jump to the NBA, and no one is really going to be punished. Gotta love the dark side of college athletics, I guess…….
- Memo to everyone out there with enough of a disregard for their own health and well-being to eat at McDonald’s, ever: should the workers at your local McD’s get your order wrong, dialing 911 is not an appropriate response. You might remember that a few months back, a grmatically-stunted woman who wasn’t happy with her McDonald’s order called 911 because the restaurant wouldn’t give her a refund. When the dispathcer asked if there was a manager on hand to deal with the situation, the caller replied, “She say she are the manager.” Well done, and if that woman isn’t married or engaged, I think I may have found her soulmate: Raibin Osman of Hillsboro, Oregon. My man Raibin rolled through the drive-trough at McDonald’s with his younger brother and when they pulled away with their order, Osman reailized that the juice box that was supposed to be included with the order wasn’t there. So what did R. Osman do? You guessed it, he dialed 911. He said he called emergency dispatchers after the drive-through employee wouldn't come back to the window to give him the juice box. "We ordered some food and we went home and our order wasn't in there," Osman said in the 911 call. "And my little brother is crying for his orange juice and stuff.” No OJ in the fridge? Can’t make a run to the 7-11? Osman’s father, Raof, stepped to his son’s defense and claimed that the 911 call was an innocent mistake. Raof Osman claimed that things only escalated when the McDonald's employee laughed at his son’s poor English. He also said his son dialed 911 in hopes of having deputies help him get the food. Right, because that the job for the police to focus on, helping you get your McD’s juice box. I’m not that familiar with Hillsboro and maybe it’s a low-crime area where the police don’t have a lot of hardened criminals to battle, but even then I can’t imagine that busting local fast food joints who squeeze customers on their juice box orders is high on the priority list. What’s beautiful about this whole charade is that it actually netted not just one, but two 911 calls. The McDonald's employee who dealt with the irate Osman family also called 911 after feeling threatened by the men. When deputies finally showed up on the scene (and you just know they were thrilled to be there), Raibin Osman admitted it was not an emergency call but said he didn't know what number to use, according to the sheriff's office. "You need help from the police, you have to call the 911," Osman's father said. "I don't have any other number." Just a thought, but do you have a phone book? If so, the non-emergency police number is probably in there, Raof. Surprisingly, the Osman family has been going back to the same McDonald’s regularly since the incident. So say what you will about these tools, but at least they don’t hold a grudge. They also don’t seem to hold many collective IQ points in their heads, but I guess you can’t win ‘em all in life……
- File this under the heading of things that just don’t matter. Jay-Z is close to signing a deal that will bring his future recordings to Sony, but this deal is relevant only if you are involved in the business side of Jay-Z’s operation. For fans, his music is going to continue to be great and he will continue to be the top dog in the hip-hop game because of his great beats and even better lyrics and flow. As for that business side of things, the deal will link Jay-Z's Roc Nation releases with Sony's Epic Records for distribution and at this point, the agreement "is 95% complete" according to sources close to the negotiations. A formal announcement could come any time in the next few weeks, but the real angle on this story is Jay-Z’s departure from longtime label home Def Jam. The split cost Jay a reported $5 million (which is amount as big a deal as that whopping $750 fine Major League Baseball slapped White Sox pitcher Bobby Jenks with after admitting he intentionally threw behind a batter), but it does leave H.O.V.A. in control of his future master recordings. That’s a very big deal for a dude whose eleven solo records (including the live "Unplugged" album) and collaborations with Linkin Park and R. Kelly have sold more than 29 million units. The new record deal follows on the heels of last year’s pact between Jay-Z and Live Nation that included touring, publishing and albums. While the financial details of this new deal are still being hammered out, that contract with Live Nation totaled $150 million and includes a partnership in Roc Nation, as well as the rapper's own recordings and tours for the next 10 years. A key to the decision to sign with Columbia would seem to be Jay-Z’s close close relationship with Columbia co-chairman Rick Rubin. In the meantime, I guess Jay-Z can continue showing up courtside to watch his pal LeBron James try to save the Cleveland Cavaliers from a premature end to their season……..
- If you’ve spent the last few decades wondering if Archie Andrews would choose Betty or Veronica (and really, who among us hasn’t done that?), you finally have your answer. Comic book dorks, er, fans of graphic novels must be thrilled to finally know that Archie -- who spent decades in high school, flirting with girl-next-door Betty Cooper and heiress-next-door Veronica Lodge -- is getting married to Veronica. Archie Comic Publications, which produces the comic, announced this week that the August issue of the comic will be a marriage issue featuring the wedding between Archie and Veronica. Sadly, the publisher actually has blogs for each character in which some loser ghost writers actually pens words that are supposed to be from the characters. “I am so excited, I am getting Married to Archie. There is so much to do, so many plans to make. I wonder if Betty wants to be my Maid of Honor? I bet she is so happy for me!" “Veronica” writes on her blog. The marriage issue is due to arrive at comic stores in August and on newsstands in September, according to the publisher. “It's the milestone 600th issue and we're serving up the Archie story of the century as Archie marries Veronica!!!” the publisher says on its Web site. Props for the three exclamation points. You know something is exciting when there are three exclamation points at the end of a sentence. If there were only two, you wouldn’t be sure whether or not to be excited and four would just be overkill, but three lets you know you should be pumped. The issue in question will be 32 pages long and “take a look at Archie and his friends after they graduate college!” I know I can’t wait and will be sure that when the issue hits newsstands in September, I’m right there to….buy some other magazine and be glad I have better things to do in my life than be absorbed in a comic book romance…….
- Is it a problem when the leader of your city’s police union, and second-highest ranking member of the International Brotherhood of Police Officers, says he wants to beat your city’s mayor with a baseball bat? Some people might see that as a big concern, but I actually enjoy the concept. Atlanta Mayor Shirley Franklin walking around knowing that Sgt. Scott Kreher wants to cave her head in with Louisville Slugger adds a nice bit of intrigue to the political scene in the ATL. “I want to beat her [Mayor Shirley Franklin] in the head with a baseball bat sometimes when I think about it,” Sgt. Scott Kreher said earlier this month during a presentation he was giving to the city council. I thus find it very odd that within days of his hilarious remarks, the 17-year department veteran was suspended. Why? Because dude had the courage to speak his mind and be honest? Because he’s talking about exhibiting the very sort of violent, physical and abusive behavior that cops are commonly rapped for? He even explained what “it” was that made him want to treat the mayor like a Roy Halladay fastball: because police union contends the city is not honoring workers' compensation claims for cops whose careers ended when they were seriously injured on the job. That sounds like a good reason to go after someone with a potentially lethal weapon and bludgeon them into submission, no? Besides, Franklin admits to being badly rattled by Kreher’s words, which makes this even better. “Some people think I'll just shake it off," she said of the sergeant's threat. "I can't shake off an officer at City Hall -- not in his shower or in his front yard, but in official capacity -- threatening to hit me in the head with a bat. That is a severe act of violence. When you hit someone with a bat, you intend to kill them.” Again, the problem is? I realize that even if the claims by Atlanta police that NovaPro, a San Diego-based private insurance company, has refused or made it difficult for them to get the medication they need to alleviate pain and replace medical equipment are true, it doesn’t justify doing or saying whatever a person wants to say or making threats. It’s just that I don’t take issue with someone saying they’d like to go Ryan Howard on a political leader’s dome, that’s all. Mayor Franklin’s office has managed to ignore the pleas made by the officers thus far, so maybe someone needed to step up and say what Scott Kreher said. It’s a shame that Kreher was guilted into doubling back on his comments and apologizing to Franklin in a letter, which was published on the union Web site. Don’t worry about that, S. I know you were strong-armed into that apology by your superiors and that you didn’t really mean it when you called your words "inexcusable," explaining they were out of "frustration and anger.” As much as I despise law enforcement, I equally loathe The Man and in this case, I’m choosing to sit back and enjoy the beauty of those two squaring off……..
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