- Rarely do I feel sorry for scam victims. Fact is, nearly every scam is so bogus and so ridiculous that oyu have to be an IQ-deprived moron to fall for it. Those who get taken by these scams are so stupid and so clueless that it’s almost impossible to feel the least bit bad for them. Same goes for anyone who loses money in any sort of lottery, because the lottery is and will always be a tax on the stupid. Thus, you can imagine what my reaction would be to hearing that a lottery scam has cost people on Colorado's western slope more than $500,000. Yes, something that combines two of the biggest threats to the dumb and inept among us, rolled into one. The Garfield County Sheriff’s Office started investigating a report of a lottery scam on April 24 and investigators found the suspects were contacting individuals explaining that they have won a large sum of money in a lottery. Hmm, sounds suspicious, no? After all, what legitimate lottery contacts people telling THEM that they’ve won and need only to pay taxes and penalties on the winnings before collecting the proceeds? I’m no lotto expert, but I’m pretty certain that the real lottery has no such taxes and penalties assessed by the lottery operators itself. No, those taxes are levied by the Internal Revenue Service itself. Also, shouldn’t it have been a tip-off to these scam victims that they had supposedly won money in a lottery they hadn’t even entered? Yes, victims received multiple phone calls and documentation from alleged government agencies, but again: What government agency is out there calling up people and looking to get money from them in exchange for lottery winnings? Worse still, the suspects told the victims they were representatives of government agencies ranging from the United States to Costa Rica. Yes, some of these suckers sent money to people claiming to be from a government agency in freaking Costa Rica. Well done, idiots. I never want to be a guy who says that people deserve to be bilked out of their hard-earned money, but anyone who fell for this scam deserved to be bilked out of their money. No arrests have been made in the case so far, and with any luck, none will - at least not until the scammers have spent all of the money they made from this operation. No one taken in this ridiculous ploy deserve a cent of their cash back, period……
- I may have just found the ideal place for all you single guys out there to pick up chicks - assuming you don’t mind those chicks being desperate, pathetic, musically retarded chicks still crazy about the crappy boy band that kicked off the boy band phenomenon a decade and a half ago. That place is (or at least was) with man-banders New Kids on the Block as they hit the high seas this weekend on a luxury cruise departing out of Miami. These five poseurs boarded Carnival Cruise Lines "Imagination" Friday afternoon on a sold-out concert cruise with fans. Sadly, tickets for this farce sold out in just 24 hours and the zealots who were looking to waste a weekend with this crap actually crashed The New Kids on the Block website in the bum rush for ducats. Yes, all five New Men on the Block will be there: Joey McIntyre, Donnie Wahlberg, Danny Wood and Jonathan and Jordan Knight. I’m not sure what’s sadder, that none of these losers have moved on to anything better in their lives or that their legions of pathetic fans still have just as abysmally awful music tastes now that they are adults. Either way, both groups of tools can revel in special performances, meet and greets and other festive garbage during the three-night voyage from Miami to the Bahamas and back. Oh, and dork fans got the chance help celebrate Jordan Knight's birthday, which happened yesterday, May 17th. Why the NMOTB reunited after 14 years, I don’t know. Honestly, they released a new album a year ago and I didn’t know that either, so I’m really slipping on my rabid following of man bands. According to Vice President of Business Development for Carnival Cherie Weinstein, about 2,100 people, overwhelmingly women in their 20s and 30s, bought tickets to the cruise. So what to do if you didn’t score a ticket for this loser-fest on the high seas? Well, the NMOTB will kick off their "Full Service" summer tour on June 4th in Atlanta, so there’s still hope for you….assuming that there’s ever hope for someone who is a fan of a man band…….
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Okay, so this isn’t technically a riot, but it’s more succinct than Armed Militants Break 54 Inmates out of a Mexican Jail Watch. Either way, big ups to the group of armed men who freed 54 inmates from a prison in central Mexico. This group of badasses raided Cieneguillas prison in the state of Zacatecas on Saturday, releasing the prisoners and making a clean getaway. Mexican authorities - including army and police officials - are searching for them. At this point, details on the breakout are sketchy at best, but I’d have to imagine that plenty of guns and explosives were involved, maybe even some knives. And while I realize that Mexican prisons aren’t exactly renowned for their security and impregnable walls, you have to be bringing some heavy lumber to bust out 54 inmates in one fell swoop. Plus, getting all 54 prisoners out safely and not having any of your own men caught, that’s just well-run operation. It’s not exactly a Michael Scofield-like (still, damn you Prison Break writers and producers for the crap-tacular ending of the series finale!) escape, but every prison escape can be a well-crafted, covert plan. Sometimes you have to settle for a smash-and-grab job, so big ups for giving me a different slant to put on Riot Watch!, everyone’s favorite overview of social dissidence and resistance ‘round the globe……
- Allow me to say this to all of the horse racing honks, analysts and fans who are looking to hail the Preakness as some sort of monumental event because Rachel Alexandria, the only female horse in the field, ran against and defeated twelve of her male counterparts: get over it. Whether a female horse beats 12 male horses, a male horse beats 12 females or anything in between, the bottom line is this: THEY ARE JUST HORSES. This isn’t some huge gender equality moment or occasion for us to all be so proud of how one female horse showed she has what it takes to compete at the highest level. Horse racing is still not a true sport, just as no competition where human beings do not provide the overwhelming majority of the power and energy a sport. Just like auto racing and dog racing, horse racing is little more than an excuse for degenerate gamblers to get their wager on, rich idiots with too much money to blow it owning horses and wealthy socialites to put on ridiculous hats, go to the track and sing absurd horse racing anthems (yes, they do exist). I nearly gagged up my most recent meal every time I heard an expert or analyst rave about the competitive spirit, grace and excellence of Rachel Alexandria. She is NOT AN ATHLETE, SHE IS A HORSE. Until she wakes up in the morning, says she wants to run and talks to her jockey to ask him to take her out for a run, she’s not an athlete. One positive development from Rachel Alexandria winning the Preakness is that Kentucky Derby winner Mine That Bird’s run at the Triple Crown is over and we can go ahead and ignore the upcoming Belmont Stakes even more than normal…………
- Memo to athletes, actors and entertainers: You may be legendary, you may have spent 20 years making great music/movies/plays on the court, but the muggers of Atlanta don’t give a damn who you are or what you’ve accomplished. You give them a chance to shake you down, they’re taking it. Don’t believe me? Just as Pearl Jam bassist Jeff Ament, who was mugged outside a recording studio in the Atlanta area late last month. Ament, the longtime bass player for the Seattle, Washington-based grunge rock band, was mugged along with a band employee shortly before noon on April 27 when they arrived at Southern Tracks Recording. Ament and Mark Anthony Smith were attacked outside the studio, which is the home base of producer Brendan O'Brien, with whom the band has worked before. Pearl Jam is reportedly recording a new album with the producer. Wonder if the new album will include any lyrics praising the people and kindness of Atlanta…..but I digress. On April 27, three men reportedly emerged from a nearby wooded area wearing masks and brandishing knives. They smashed windows of Ament’s rented Jeep Commander, grabbed a BlackBerry phone and other belongings and demanded money. As rock stars tend not to roll with an empty wallet, the suspects allegedly got away with more than $7,300 in goods and cash. Ament leapt from the vehicle and attempted to flee, but he was chased by a suspect and knocked to the ground. According to the police report, Ament "suffered some lacerations" on the back of his head and was treated at the scene. "At this time detectives believe the victims were not specifically targeted," a police spokesperson said. "But they believe the suspects were familiar with the studio because of its isolated location." Unfortunately for Ament and Smith, even though surveillance cameras captured the incident, the masks worn by the attackers have made identifying suspects difficult. The only helpful information came from witnesses who reported seeing the suspects flee through the woods and hop into a waiting black Maxima. Go ahead and write off the stolen items as gone for good and allow this to serve as a warning to any other musicians coming to the ATL to record at Southern Tracks: come packing heat……..
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